by Nina Berry
Caleb said he loved me.
And what had I done? I’d gaped like the world’s biggest idiot. I hadn’t said it back.
My arm jolted with pain as London ripped the gauze across with her teeth then tied it off neatly.
“Thanks,” I said.
“I heard him too,” she said. “He really said it. But let’s get rid of this evil place now, okay?”
“Okay,” I said. We were still midbattle, and people needed me.
Outside, the chilly breeze and the moonlight felt like a benediction. Not far away, Siku had pawed a couple of the fuel barrels away from the others and was rolling them across the gravel of the parking lot.
And at the far edge of the lot, Caleb was running into the darkness. He had something in his right hand that I couldn’t see from this distance. Beyond him, racing toward the airstrip, was a large black sedan. Lazar had to be at the wheel, with Ximon alongside and Amaris his prisoner.
“No lightning around to set the fire without Caleb,” London said, unlocking the van with the keys I’d taken from the objurer earlier. Arnaldo had settled on top of it, shaking out his wings.
November was chittering by my feet, bouncing up and down on her tiny back legs.
“They’ll have something in the lab to light the Bunsen burners. I’ll go,” I said. November grabbed the hem of my jeans, tugging. “I’ll be right back. ’Ember, why don’t you shift so we don’t have to play charades.”
“No, she’s right,” said London. “You’re injured. I’ll go get one of those lighter thingies.” She jogged back toward the lab in her bare feet.
November scampered a few yards toward something dark lying on the ground. But I couldn’t help looking after Caleb again. He was still visible to me, running full tilt toward the black sedan, which was nearing the silhouette of the single engine plane on the small runway. So that was Lazar’s escape plan, to fly out.
A piping call from November called me back to her. She was running in circles on something square and black lying on the ground. A file folder. “My file!” In a second I was there, tugging it from under her. “Thanks!”
I could easily read the white label on the folder in the streaming light of the full moon. It said, “First Quarter Projections.”
“What?” I opened the folder up and found rows of figures, headings like “Shifters Captured,” “Objurers Recruited,” and “Revenue.” “This isn’t my file,” I said like an idiot, not quite sure what was going on. “Maybe Ximon had more than one file and he dropped this one?”
November shook her whiskers at me as London ran full tilt out of the lab, holding a long lighter used for fireplaces and barbecues. “All set, Siku,” she shouted. “Let it rip!”
Siku stabbed his claws into the top of the first barrel of fuel, piercing it. Then with all his enormous strength, he lifted it with his front paws, stood to his full height, and hurled it up onto the roof of the laboratory. Gas poured from the holes, spreading outward in a noxious puddle all over the building.
“Woooo!” London whooped in excitement, fired up the lighter, and lifted her arm, holding it aloft. Arnaldo swooped down from above and snatched it expertly from her hand, keeping the flaming end away from his feathers. He flew over the roof and dropped it.
Instantly the fuel ignited, licking along the spine of the roof and down to the eaves. Arnaldo beat his wings and sailed back over the parking lot, calling out in triumph. London threw her hands up in the air in elation. “You’ll never use these buildings to hurt anyone again, you bastards!”
Siku, grunting and huffing, grabbed the other barrel and hurled it at the office building adjacent to the lab. Dripping gas, it caught on fire as it passed through the flames. It landed on the office roof, and the entire barrel exploded at once.
London hooted again and twirled around, arms up in a joyful dance as Arnaldo spiraled around her and Siku bounced on his front paws. I stared at the flames, the pain in my arm throbbing with my pulse.
“Ximon never had your file,” November said, putting her hands on her naked hips. I hadn’t even noticed her shift.
“What?” I focused on her. The light from the growing fire danced over her smooth skin. “How do you know?”
“I heard him say it to Lazar just a minute ago. I ran out here and saw him and Ximon forcing Caleb’s sister into that car. He said, ‘Stupid girl thinks I carry her file around with me! She’s too trusting. We can use that to destroy her.’ Then he dropped that file on the ground and got in the car. It was the only file he was carrying.”
As her words hit my brain, I knew where my file was. I looked from November to the flames swirling over the roof of the office building. It was about to be turned into ash. My history, my biological family, everything the Tribunal knew about me was in there. My past was about to be cremated.
I began walking toward the office. The flames were spreading from the roof downward, about to take over the front wall. The roof would collapse any moment now, but if I was quick . . .
I bumped into November, still naked. She stood squarely in my path. “Don’t be a moron,” she said. “You’ve been shot, you’re weak, and you can’t shift. You’ll die if you go in there.”
“No . . .” I started to say, stepping to go around her.
“Dez.” She grabbed my wrist. “I’m worried about Caleb.”
That got my attention. “What?”
“When he saw Lazar and Ximon put his sister into that car and drive off, his face got this look on it I’d never seen before. Like he’d seen the end of the world. Then he grabbed that stupid stuffed elephant out of his duffle bag and he said ‘Better to be dead than in their hands.’ Then he turned to me and said, ‘Tell Dez I’m sorry.’ And he ran after them.”
Horror shot up my spine. So that’s why he’d looked so uncertain, why he’d felt the need to say those three words to me. I turned around and squinted into the darkness, trying to see him. My file was about to burn, and Caleb was on the verge of doing something very stupid. He’d said that stuffed elephant was a last resort, and now he was carrying it as he raced to stop his father and brother from taking his sister away forever. Whatever he was about to call forth might kill them all. He was too far away from me now for me to stop him. I had only my feeble human legs to run on, and a bleeding arm that weakened me further every minute.
“Arnaldo!” I called out, waving my good arm to his circling form slicing through the air.
He swooped down and landed on the roof of the van. “Stay near Caleb. He won’t risk his own life if it means risking yours.”
Arnaldo turned his head to stare out over the flat desert landscape at Caleb’s distant figure. He cawed, nodding once. The van bounced as he pushed off from it and flew toward the airstrip.
November began jogging toward the Beemer with the flat tire. “I’ll get our clothes and stuff out of the trunk, then maybe we can pick Caleb up in the van.” London ran to help her. Siku rumbled happily as he watched the flames rise higher.
I stood there, helpless and frozen. We’d saved Siku, but I was about to lose any chance of knowing who my family was, and even worse, possibly lose Caleb as well. I still had a bullet in my arm and was getting dizzier every second.
Stupid human body. It had failed me again, just as it had all those years ago when they’d diagnosed the scoliosis and put me in the brace. The feelings of humiliation and vulnerability I’d felt then crowded in on me now. I was smothered by my own weakness, suffocated in the shame of being that girl. I was the too-tall weirdo encased in plastic, the girl with only one friend who never got dates. I had brought danger to Mom and Richard that had cost them their home. Then, just when I thought I’d found a haven, I’d had to fight to keep the Shifter Council from having me killed. As of last night I was the shifter who couldn’t shift. Above and behind it all, I was the baby left to die in a ring of dead trees in Siberia. Unwanted, unloved. No connections, no past, no family.
I didn’t want to be that girl.
Th
e heat from the burning lab pressed against my skin. The fire leapt from the roof of the office to the warehouse next door. Soon the silver cage inside it would be blackened, perhaps melted down, never to be used again. I tried to feel happy about that, but I couldn’t.
A wave of pain from my bullet wound doubled me over. The hilt of the Shadow Blade at my belt jabbed into my side. Just like the brace.
I had buried my hatred for the brace so deep because I couldn’t bear to think of myself as a girl who wore one. It was too bizarre, too humiliating. Better to bury it, pretend it wasn’t there. Pretend I wasn’t there inside it.
But it was because of the brace I’d first turned into a tiger. I’d finally acknowledged not just my rage but that I was a girl who felt rage, and a whole lot of other things. I was that girl, like it or not.
Something sparked inside me. It was more than anger. It was greater than my shame and my fear of all the things I was.
The dark, hot place inside me that led to shadow. I’d thought it was gone forever, but I felt it now, roiling at my core. The heat from the fire seemed to pour into it, to feed it. I tiptoed to the edge, looking down into the yawning void. For the first time, I felt no dread. That mysterious place, that maelstrom that drew forth the tiger, that was me. I’d been so afraid that I’d cut myself off from . . . myself. I’d had no idea what would happen if that girl was ever unleashed.
But I knew now. Being that girl wasn’t so bad, after all. Not with Mom and Caleb and the otherkin on my side. Not with the tiger and all her power lurking beneath my skin.
To find the great cat again, I didn’t have to be angry. I had to dive in and embrace.
I could feel myself smiling. Then I plunged over the edge.
White energy shot up through my spine and down every nerve of my body. I fell forward onto all fours, the thick pads on my paws immune to the bite of the gravel, my tail lashing, the pain in my arm gone as if it had never been. The bullet in my arm dropped to the ground, and I flexed the lean muscles of my shoulders and haunches. My whiskers fanned out to catch the currents of the air whipped by the flames before me. The fire lit up the whole front wall of the office, cracking the door, popping the glass out of the window, shooting a dozen feet into the air. In a blink my eyes adjusted to the flaring light, seeing exactly where the fire was and was not. The sizzling sound came still only from the external walls and the roof. I could hear that inside there was space enough, at least for the next few seconds.
I roared and ran straight at the window. Gathering the great muscles in my hind legs, I leapt, front feet out, back feet tucked, head down. I smashed through the remaining glass. The scent of burning fur singed my nose, and I felt a shaft of heat sting my side; then I splayed out my paws and landed inside.
Flame licked the ceiling above me and ran down the walls. An office chair was melting before my eyes. The heat pushed against my fur, but that extra layer between my skin and the flames made it bearable for a few seconds. I squinted and curled my whiskers back against my face. Smoke poured into the empty space around me like a liquid torrent. It seared the inside of my nose and coated my lungs.
Through the miasma I examined the filing cabinets. It wasn’t hard to find the one marked Shifters, A–K. I caught one claw under the handle and pulled. Locked. No time for finesse. My paw pads were getting raw and sparks flew down from the ceiling to singe my fur.
I shoved the entire cabinet against the wall with my shoulder, as easily as I could shut a door in human form. The cabinet crashed onto its side. I hooked two claws through the handle and yanked with all my strength.
The drawer shot out of the cabinet. I coughed, eyes smarting with every blink. A large wooden beam, black and wrapped in flame, plummeted from the ceiling and landed on my tail.
I yowled, wrenching it from under the blazing timber. Agony echoed down every vertebra in my spine. I kept my breath shallow and ignored the pain, as I’d ignored the brace. I’d worn that torture device twenty-three hours a day for almost three years. I could stand this.
I scanned the exposed folders and saw a few that began with G. Garcia, Enrique. Gardner, Jill. I had to trust that mine was in there somewhere. I took the entire section from G to K in my mouth, my incisors sinking into the cardboard folders at either end.
Several smaller shafts of wood showered down around me in a spark of orange fireworks. I couldn’t see the window; the smoke was too thick. Even the front wall, though it had to be fully ablaze, was obscured. I had to find the opening I’d made and leap back out soon or I’d be dead. Above me the ceiling cracked loudly and groaned. It’d be falling all around me any second.
I shut my eyes and let my whiskers expand, turning my ears to catch any change in the almost uniform roar of the flames. They sounded now almost like the sea.
The sea. How nice it would be to go for a swim. I stumbled and shook my head to clear it. The lack of oxygen was getting to me. I had to focus. But images of cool water and the crash of waves kept intruding. My head drooped under the weight of the files I carried. Why not just put them down and plunge into the ocean?
Caleb. He was still out there, about to take his revenge, possibly at the cost of his own life. I couldn’t let that happen. Forget the stupid ocean. If I didn’t get the hell out of here now I’d never see Caleb again. Caleb, who loved me.
The faintest shift in the air current struck my whiskers. At the same time I caught a tiny alteration in the sound of the flames. They weren’t as thick over there, where the air came from. I turned my nose in that direction and tried to see, but it was no use. I’d have to jump without knowing what I was jumping into. I’d have to trust myself.
No time like this instant. I jumped, using every last ounce of my failing strength, my muscles crying for oxygen. My right shoulder brushed something boiling hot, then I was out. I stumbled and rolled as I landed, but I kept hold of the folders in my mouth. I only dropped them when I’d made it to the center of the parking lot, a safe distance from the fire. Then I took in great lungfuls of sweet, cool air.
Something poked at my throbbing tail. I yowled and whirled to see Siku, a hulking brown mountain silhouetted against the flames, nosing my tail, concern creasing his furry brow. London and November stood on either side of him, clad in their spare clothing, tiny and frail next to his bulk.
“Holy shit, Dez,” said November. “You look like that beat-up cat Pepe LePew’s always chasing because he thinks she’s a skunk.”
I snorted and coughed, my version of a laugh.
“You okay?” London walked up and looked into my eyes. “You’ve inhaled a lot of smoke. Better shift.”
I shook my head and turned to look out over the desert, toward the airstrip. A lean figure in black flung something at a huge winged bird. The bird swooped away, and a blaze of lightning cracked upward from the earth, shaking the sky with thunder. So Caleb had tired of Arnaldo interfering with his plans.
A hundred yards beyond them, the black sedan had pulled up to the airplane. An eternity had seemed to pass while I was inside the burning building, but it must have been only seconds.
Arnaldo arced away from Caleb, unhurt, and clearly unwilling to get any closer now that he’d been threatened. I got to my feet. Caleb still had to get to the airplane. Tigers were built more for stealth and strength than speed. But I was faster than a human, and I was going to get to Caleb before he did anything dumb.
I looked back at Siku, London, and November. Siku lifted his nose in acknowledgment. London was going through the files at my feet, reading their labels in the light of the blaze. She jerked one out of the pile and waved it at me. “Yours, okay? Now go.”
Presiding overhead, the moon ran its rays like a cool, soothing hand down my burned flanks and singed whiskers. Maybe it was my imagination, but I felt a renewed strength. My mother would have said it was the moon goddess. The old me would’ve said it was strictly psychological. The new me just gloried in the feel of it.
Gathering every ounce of power inside me,
I sprang forward.
My strides ate up the ground. Caleb hadn’t looked back since Arnaldo winged away from him. So he didn’t know I was coming. Right now that was for the best.
I leapt over a low cactus without breaking stride, my claws helping me find purchase in the unstable desert sand. Every grain lay outlined before me in the moonlight. My paws made soft crunching noises as they hit the ground for a split second and then lifted away. A snake, asleep under a rock, slithered off with a sandpaper glide as I rocketed past. I’d catch up to Caleb in moments.
Up ahead, Lazar was removing the wooden blocks around the wheels of the small plane as Ximon shoved Amaris into its hunched doorway.
“Leave her!” Caleb’s voice cut through the stillness. “Leave her or you won’t live to regret it!” He was running flat out toward them, his right hand clutching the small stuffed elephant.
Lazar turned to look at his brother for a moment, his face creased with pain. Then he turned, climbed up into the plane, and shut the door. Caleb was only twenty yards away, and I only thirty more behind him. I heard a click from the plane, and the engine puttered to life. The propeller began to turn.
“No!” Caleb put on a burst of speed, but the plane slowly taxied away from him.
He extended his arm, desperately reaching for the door handle. Through the window in the airplane’s door I saw Ximon’s face, creased in a nasty, dazzling grin. Then it disappeared as two hands grabbed him from behind and shoved. Inside the plane, Amaris lunged toward the door and struggled to get it open. Ximon grabbed at her as the plane circled away from us, and I lost sight of them.
The door opened, and I slowed, uncertain what was happening. I could see a small feminine hand on the door, and a narrow girl’s foot in a white sneaker dangling. Inside, Ximon shouted “Faster!” But as the plane picked up speed, Amaris fell through the doorway, rolling awkwardly and crying out in pain.
