‘I am sorry. That is not enough for me. My answer is no.’
There was indecision in his face. Silently, she willed him on. Please. Find out you cannot bear to lose me. Persuade me we can be happy together. His indecision did not last. His brow lowered.
‘You can afford to support yourself, you say?’
‘I can. I have come into some money. I no longer need earn my living as a governess.’
That was all he needed to know. She would not tell him about the marriage stipulation—that was still a humiliation, in her opinion. All she could hope for now would be marriage to a decent man with whom she could be content, without any of the heartache of unrequited love. Neither would she tell him about her sisters or their link to the Tregowans—thank goodness Philippa had kept that titbit from Hinckley. Of course, if Dolph was aware she was the illegitimate daughter of Lord Tregowan, he might very well withdraw his offer anyway. So, no. She would tell him none of it. It was her business.
‘And you have known this how long?’ he growled. He began to pace the room. ‘No. Let me guess. You have known about it ever since your trip to Bristol. Ever since I came home. And yet you have left it until now to tell me, and you are prepared to leave me in the lurch by giving me no notice whatsoever?’ He halted before her, towering over her. ‘I thought better of you, Miss Thame.’
Leah stiffened and raised her chin. ‘That, my lord, is grossly unjust. I remained here to help the children settle after you reappeared without warning in their lives. But you no longer need me. Besides...’ she narrowed her eyes at him ‘... I did not say I was leaving immediately—I have not even proffered my resignation, even though that is my intention.’
His jaw squared. ‘I inferred as much from your previous comment.’
Clipped and dismissive. No hint of the man who had sounded so desperate to stop her leaving when he spoke to George. She moistened her lips and her hand rose of its own volition to touch Mama’s ring, concealed beneath her bodice, giving her courage.
Her chin lifted higher, pride driving her on. ‘Then I congratulate you on your perspicacity, sir...at least in certain matters. You are correct, and I therefore now tender my resignation, effective immediately. Miss Strong has agreed to teach the boys until you are able to appoint a new governess.’
A single flicker of the eyelid was his only reaction. ‘Might I ask why the haste?’
She searched his expression but saw no hint of dismay at the news her departure was imminent.
‘You and I both know it is for the best after what happened between us the other evening.’
‘Then marry me.’ He gathered her hands in his. ‘We would not have to deny ourselves. Think of the advantages.’
Yet another blow to her heart and yet another good reason why she was doing the right thing. Better to leave now than risk falling any deeper in love with him. And if she were to marry, better to find a man she liked and could respect. She might not experience the highs of love, but at least she’d be spared the lows.
Her voice chilled. ‘I have already told you I have no wish to be married simply for the sake of your children. Allow me to add neither do I harbour any ambition to be wed simply to provide a convenient bedfellow for my husband. I deserve better.’
His expression shuttered. He dropped her hands and turned away. Dismissing her. ‘I see. Well, I cannot deny my disappointment you fail to appreciate the benefits of my proposal. You have made your wishes crystal clear and it would be wrong of me to persist in any attempt to change your mind.’
His indifference was proof enough to Leah she had done the right thing, and it confirmed the glimpses of fire and longing she had seen in him were merely the frustration of a widower with no outlet for his physical needs. And that, to her, was probably a worse reason for marrying a man than to be a surrogate mother for his children.
There was nothing more to say.
‘I will tell the boys now.’ Her throat ached at the thought. How could she explain it to them? She resolutely consoled herself with thoughts of her new family. ‘I shall leave tomorrow, if I may beg the use of the carriage as far as Bristol.’
‘How will you get to London?’
He didn’t seem to notice she hadn’t told him her ultimate destination. That had come from George. But she had not the heart to challenge him on that fact. It was all too much.
‘I shall purchase a ticket on the London stagecoach, of course.’
‘No.’ He faced her, his features harsh. ‘You will not travel alone in a public conveyance. The carriage will take you all the way. I shall instruct Travers. And you will take a maid with you. You are a respectable woman, and your reputation must be protected.’
The relief was huge—she had quailed at the thought of how she would cope with such a lengthy journey, all alone. She had never in her life travelled so far from the West Country.
‘Thank you. I am grateful. I will, of course, reimburse all costs.’
‘You will not.’ His face softened. ‘Allow me to do this for you, Leah. Please.’
She forced her smile. ‘Thank you. I accept.’ She walked to the door, but paused before opening it. She looked back at him, her heart breaking but, still, that foolish hope flickering deep inside, fanned anew by his urge to protect her on that journey. She could not resist a final challenge. If she never saw him again, what would one more slice of humiliation matter?
‘If you should decide you want me for the right reasons, my lord, you know where I will be.’
Chapter Eighteen
Leah stepped down from Dolph’s carriage and peered up at the town house that would be her home for the next few months. Despite the anguish of leaving Dolphin Court—and the heart-wrenching memories of the tear-stained faces of Stevie and Nicky, and their sobbing pleas for her not to leave—she had worked hard not to dwell on what she was leaving behind during the carriage ride to London, instead setting her thoughts firmly on the future.
Her future. Her half-sisters. The new life that awaited her.
That was the only way to banish the memory of Dolph and his kisses, that awful proposal, and his utter lack of emotion as he bid her goodbye. She was grateful to him for the comfort of her journey, however, so she would not become bitter that a man she had fallen in love with did not feel the same way towards her. That thoughtfulness—to send her to London in his own carriage, with the maid, Sally, to lend her respectability—confirmed her basic instinct that Dolph was a good man. Sally’s presence had also stopped Leah brooding, helping her control her misery, and now they had arrived, she couldn’t deny the thrill of excitement that raced through her at what was to come.
The coachmen unloaded Leah’s trunk as the front door opened to reveal a nondescript man with mousy hair and a prominent nose, dressed in a black tailcoat. His sharp gaze took them all in, and then he bowed to Leah.
‘Miss Thame? We have been expecting you.’ Before leaving Dolphin Court, Leah had written to Aurelia to tell her she was on her way. ‘I am Vardy, your butler.’
Two footmen hurried out past him to collect Leah’s trunk and carry it inside.
‘I am pleased to meet you, Vardy.’
‘Will your people require accommodation?’ He eyed the carriage. ‘I’m afraid we cannot stable the horses—there’s only the two stalls in the mews.’
‘Don’t you worry about us, miss,’ Travers said. ‘His Lordship said we was to put up at his town house for the night. It’s closed up, but there’s a caretaker there and we’ll make do for one night, never fear.’
‘Thank you.’ Leah looked from one to the other, all faces grown familiar to her, and tears prickled behind her eyes. ‘I am grateful for all your help on the journey.’
She fumbled in her reticule and withdrew some coins to give to the three. ‘In appreciation. Thank you again. And goodbye.’
A parting less painful than that with the boy
s. Or, even worse, with Dolph—although the memory of his shuttered expression fired her determination to forget all about him as soon as she could. Her heart might have been torn into pieces, but he showed no remorse at losing her. Decent man or not, that proposal really had been all about her staying for the sake of the children. She welcomed the hot flare of anger inside—anger she would need to help her put the past behind her without too many backward glances.
The carriage rattled away, and she followed Vardy along the entrance hall and up the stairs.
‘Mrs Butterby and Miss Croome are in the drawing room.’ He opened a door off the landing. ‘Miss Thame has arrived, ma’am.’
He stood aside, and Leah—her insides a tangle of nerves—walked into a pleasant room with high windows and decorated in shades of gold and green. Her nerves soon disappeared as Aurelia crossed the room with her hands outstretched. She looked altogether different from the gaunt, dull-haired woman Leah had met in the solicitor’s office just under five weeks ago. Now her fair hair shone, her hollow cheeks had filled, her skin glowed and her high-necked morning dress with blue bodice and blue and white striped skirt accentuated her blue eyes. She looked every inch the Society lady and Leah felt dowdy in comparison.
‘Leah! I am so pleased you are come at last. Come and meet Mrs Butterby, our chaperone. I warn you, she takes her role very seriously,’ she added in a whisper, rolling her eyes.
Leah peered over her half-sister’s shoulder at the elegant grey-haired lady standing by the sofa. The name Butterby had conjured up a plump, motherly figure vastly different from this slender, unsmiling female.
She switched her gaze back to her sister, contentment spreading through her. ‘I am happy to meet you again, Aurelia. Thank you for the welcome.’
Daringly, she kissed Aurelia’s cheek, breathing in an exotic, spicy scent that conjured up images of faraway lands, colour and sunshine.
‘And, Mrs Butterby.’ She crossed the drawing room to the lady and, not knowing quite what would be expected, bobbed a curtsy. ‘Thank you for taking on the role of our chaperone.’
The lady’s smile was unexpectedly sweet, relieving the severity of her face as her eyes crinkled at the corners. Leah immediately felt more at ease.
‘I am happy to meet you, Miss Thame. And Aurelia is correct—’ a censorious look was levelled at Aurelia, who elevated one perfectly arched eyebrow in response ‘—I do take my role seriously. It is my ambition to see you all successfully wed by the end of the Season and, to that end, you will both do well to remember I have cultivated the hearing of a bat, the eyes of a hawk and a nose for trouble—essential attributes for a chaperone with three wealthy young ladies’ reputations to protect.’
Leah caught a second eye-roll from Aurelia and bit back a smile. Battle lines, it seemed, had already been drawn between them. She could hardly blame Aurelia for being put out when she, like Leah, had been earning her own way in life—she would understandably chafe at such restrictions. For her own part, Leah did not much care. She had no desire to go out there and flirt with various men. Mentally, she wafted away the black cloud that descended whenever her thoughts drifted in Dolph’s direction. Soon, she hoped, she would feel genuine enthusiasm for the Season ahead instead of the fake excitement she must project to the world to disguise her inner heartache.
‘And, speaking of reputations, I ought to forewarn you, Miss Thame—Lady Tregowan’s will, and the identity of the beneficiaries, has been the gossip du jour from the moment of Aurelia’s arrival. I counsel you to keep the details of your paternity a secret, however. An air of mystery will do none of you any harm and the truth that you are half-sisters might well blight your chances with some of the most eligible gentlemen.’
Leah disliked the idea of hiding her relationship to her half-sisters but, seeing Aurelia’s quick shake of the head, she said nothing. For the moment.
‘Have either of you heard from Beatrice?’ she said instead. ‘Do you know when she is likely to arrive in London?’
‘No.’ Mrs Butterby frowned. ‘I hope she will arrive soon—we have all manner of appointments with mantua-makers, milliners and dancing masters, and the later she arrives, the more of a rush it will be to prepare her for when the Season proper begins. As it is, she will miss out on the earlier entertainments. There are already a few families in Town, and I expect invitations to start to arrive as soon as word spreads about three heiresses on the hunt for a husband.’
On the hunt for a husband... What a dreadful phrase. What a dreadful prospect.
‘Shall I ring for refreshments? I dare say you are fatigued after your long journey, Miss Thame.’
‘Oh, please. Call me Leah. Every time I hear Miss Thame, I am transported straight back to the schoolroom, and I intend to leave all memory of my time as a governess in the past.’
Surreptitiously, she crossed her fingers, praying that if she told herself that enough times, it would be true.
‘Leah. Thank you. Although I shall stick to the formalities in public.’
‘Of course. Might I freshen up first? I feel decidedly grubby.’
‘I asked the kitchen to heat water ready for you. Come. I shall show you up to your bedchamber.’ Aurelia headed for the door. ‘Your maid will have unpacked your trunk by now, I dare say.’
‘My maid?’
‘Yes indeed.’ Mrs Butterby’s eyes twinkled. ‘If you are to take the ton by storm, you will, first and foremost, need to look the part. Unless you wish to spend hours coaxing your own hair into the latest fashionable style?’
‘Of course.’
Life would be easier if she agreed to everything until she worked out which aspects of this new life suited her and which did not. It would take time to become used to the fact she was a wealthy woman and, as such, in control of her own life. Until she married, that was. If she married. She had already decided she would not wed just any man for the sake of it because, if that was to be her fate, why would she not have accepted Dolph?
Except you already love him. And he still loves Rebecca. That is why.
Nevertheless, she would try to find a husband to suit her—a man she could respect and with whom she could be comfortable. Life might not reach the peaks of excitement with such a spouse, but she would at least be protected from the despair that would result from her loving too much and him too little.
She joined Aurelia and followed her upstairs to the second floor.
‘My bedchamber and one other overlook the street, so we put you in that one,’ Aurelia said. ‘Beatrice’s room and Prudence’s are at the back.’
The name Prudence conjured up a picture of Nicky and his pony, now renamed Swift. It felt as though a knife stabbed her through the heart, but Leah forced a laugh. ‘Prudence?’
Aurelia’s blue eyes narrowed. ‘What’s wrong?’
Leah shook her head. ‘Nothing. I—I used to know someone called Prudence, that’s all.’
‘And is Prudence the reason you crossed your fingers when you claimed you wished to leave all memories of your time as a governess in the past?’
I shall have to take care around Aurelia. She is altogether too perceptive.
‘I don’t know what you mean.’ Leah swallowed. ‘Is Prudence Mrs Butterby’s name?’
‘Clever diversionary tactic there, Leah. And yes, although she has not suggested I use it, so I don’t call her that to her face.’ An impish grin lit Aurelia’s face. ‘One has to take one’s pleasure where one may.’ She winked. ‘Here we are.’ She opened a door. ‘My bedchamber is next to yours.’
Leah stepped inside a room decorated with a trailing light pink and green floral-design wallpaper. Two tall windows were dressed with rose-coloured curtains that matched the drapes around the bed and the eiderdown. Matching walnut furniture, including a wardrobe, chest of drawers, washstand and dressing table, was placed around the walls, and a gently steaming jug and a b
asin stood on the washstand, ready for Leah to wash. Her trunk was already empty, and a dark-haired woman of around five-and-forty was placing Leah’s clothing in the drawers. She turned as they entered and curtsied.
‘Good afternoon, miss. I am Faith, your lady’s maid.’
Her gaze travelled over Leah from head to foot and back again, making Leah squirm as she imagined the thoughts running through Faith’s head. No doubt she would regret not having a rewarding subject like Aurelia to dress. She drew herself up to her full height.
‘I am pleased to meet you, Faith.’ Leah turned to Aurelia. ‘Thank you. If you will excuse me, I should like to wash and to change my gown. I’ll join you in the drawing room shortly.’
Aurelia smiled. ‘I am glad you’ve arrived, Leah. I’m looking forward to getting to know you.’
Faith helped Leah to remove her carriage gown. ‘Which gown shall I lay out, miss?’
‘The green muslin, please.’ Leah washed her hands and face, and then, enjoying the warm water on her skin, she stroked the washcloth over her bare arms and legs.
‘Have you only just started here, Faith, or did you work for Lady Tregowan before?’
‘Mrs Butterby appointed me a fortnight ago, miss. Me and Maria, who will be Miss Fothergill’s maid when she arrives. Bet started earlier—she is working for Miss Croome.’ Faith had found Leah’s muslin and laid it on the bed. ‘This colour must suit you very well, miss, if you don’t mind me saying? It will bring out your eyes—such a lovely colour, they are. And it’ll be a stunning contrast with your hair.’
She handed Leah a towel. Leah dried her face, then patted her limbs dry before handing it back, Faith’s words running through her head the entire time.
‘Red hair is unfashionable,’ she ventured.
Faith cocked her head to one side. ‘In my book, to be different is a good thing. All those young misses...they are like peas in a pod! You... Look at you, miss. I count myself lucky to have you rather than Miss Croome. Golden hair? Pah! You are tall. Slim. Elegant. Your hair is stunning, and your eyes are amazing. We will work to make the most of you, and you will end up the toast of the Season. You see if I am not right.’
The Rags-to-Riches Governess--A Cinderella Regency Romance Page 17
