Dylan grinned, nearly gave in to the temptation to swell right up with male pride. He had the sense not to delude himself that this was entirely personal, though. “Darlin’, under the circumstances, what with all this adrenaline that’s been pumping today, any man could have made your head reel.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Trust me.”
“I do,” she said at once. “Just not about that.”
“We’ll try it again in a few days and see what you think.”
Still frowning, she drew in a deep breath and gave him a curt nod. “I’ll be looking forward to it,” she said in a prim, businesslike tone that made him want to ravish her right then and there.
“I’ve got to get out of here,” he muttered under his breath. This was dangerous turf, especially for two people who had a whole lot of thinking to do.
“Don’t go,” she pleaded. “Everyone will leave soon. Bobby will go to bed. I’m way too wired to sleep. I could use the company.”
He scanned her face looking for evidence of just what she wanted the company for.
As if she’d read his mind, she smiled. “Just to talk, Dylan.”
He nodded. “I can do that.”
But it was going to be a whole lot harder than she could possibly guess.
Kelsey knew that Dylan was struggling with himself, that he wanted her every bit as much as she wanted him. She also recognized the danger in wanting something so badly under the circumstances. She certainly wasn’t thinking clearly. Too much had happened in the last few days.
Still, she was reluctant to let him leave, even more reluctant to be alone with her thoughts. Her promise to do nothing more than talk had been made in haste, born of desperation. However, maybe by the time everyone else had gone home, after she’d tucked Bobby into his bed, she would have cooled down enough to stick to it.
“I’d better get in there and start saying goodbye. Maybe they’ll take the hint,” she said.
“You go. I’ll hang out in here for a bit,” Dylan said as he grabbed a beer from the refrigerator.
She walked back into the living room, scanning it for signs of Bobby. When she didn’t spot him at once, her heart slammed against her ribs. She moved through the living room, then ran up the stairs to check his bedroom. He wasn’t there, either. By the time she came back downstairs, her pulse was racing.
“Bobby! Where are you? Lizzy, Sharon Lynn, have either of you seen Bobby?”
Her shout brought Dylan from the kitchen.
“What is it?”
“I can’t find Bobby,” she said, nearing hysteria.
Lizzy rushed over, grabbed her in a tight hug. “Kelsey, it’s okay. He’s just outside with the other kids. They’re playing hide-and-seek in the backyard.”
“Are you sure?” she asked, her breathing not yet returning to normal.
“I’ll check,” Dylan said at once.
She was right on his heels. “I’ll go with you.”
He took her hand and she immediately felt calmer. But only when she spotted Bobby racing after Lizzy’s son did her heartbeat slow. She sank down onto the top step and put her hands over her face. “Dear God, will I ever get past this?”
“Of course you will,” Dylan said. “It’s only been a few hours, darlin’. Nobody gets over having their kid taken that fast. Stop beating yourself up over a perfectly normal reaction.”
She heard Bobby’s laughter as he and some of the others tackled Jamey and began tickling him till he pleaded for mercy.
“How can it be so easy for him?” she wondered. “It’s as if he hasn’t even been away.”
“All he knew was that he was away with his dad,” Dylan reminded her. “He didn’t know there was anything really wrong with that. Now he’s just falling back into his usual routine. Be grateful, Kelsey. You wouldn’t have wanted him to be traumatized by what happened.”
“Of course not.”
Bobby spotted her just then and ran across the yard. He flung his arms around her. “Mommy, I love you.”
Surprised by the impulsive and increasingly rare gesture, Kelsey squeezed him back, then forced herself to let go. Only after he was out of earshot did she whisper, “I love you, too, baby.”
She allowed her shoulder to brush Dylan’s as they sat on the back steps watching the kids play. He slid an arm around her waist, gave her a reassuring squeeze, then released her.
“They grow up so fast,” she observed eventually. “One minute they’re babies, the next they’re all but grown…or think they are. Bobby’s only three, but already I can feel the time flying by.”
Only after her comment was greeted with total silence did she realize the impact it must have had on Dylan. She touched his cheek. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s true. They do grow up way too fast. When I think of what I’ve missed with Shane, it makes me a little crazy. No more, though,” he said with quiet resolve. “I’m not going to miss the rest of it.”
She snuggled more tightly against his side, satisfied for the moment with no more contact between them than that. “Tell me what you remember most about him.”
“What a tough little guy he was,” he said at once. “There were some bigger kids in the neighborhood, but as soon as he could walk he wanted to play with them. He would fall down, get right back up and run even harder. He was the same way with his brothers.”
Kelsey stared at him in surprise. “You mean his stepbrothers?”
“Technically, yes, but that’s not how he thinks of them.”
“You’ve seen them together? I thought you hadn’t had any contact with him at all since you gave up custody?”
Dylan looked vaguely disconcerted that she had picked up on that. “I went by the house once, just to check on him,” he said defensively. “I needed to see for myself that he was okay.”
Somehow she found it reassuring that walking away hadn’t been easy for him. “Of course you did. Were you satisfied?”
His expression glum, he nodded. “He looked happy. They looked like a real family.”
“Was that the only time you saw him?”
“No,” he admitted. “There was one time at his preschool. Kit spotted me that day. She sent me a finger painting he had done of his family. I guess she wanted to be sure I got the message.”
“Or maybe she just wanted to reassure you that he was fine.”
“Maybe.”
“Dylan, can I ask you something?”
“Of course. After what we’ve been through the last few days, I think you’ve got a right to ask me just abut anything.”
“What was your relationship with Kit like?”
He regarded her with surprise. “Are you sure you want to hear about that?”
“Why not? You know all the gory details of my relationship with Paul.”
He nodded. “Fair enough. The truth is we never should have gotten married in the first place, even though we thought we were crazy in love with each other.”
“Why not?”
“We were complete opposites in every conceivable way. That’s probably why the attraction was so powerful, but in the end we couldn’t find a middle ground on anything. We argued over everything. She liked pasta. I liked steak. She wanted to sleep in. I liked to get up at the crack of dawn. She preferred one toothpaste. I refused to give up the one I liked. At least with two tubes, we didn’t have to fight over which way to squeeze the stuff out.”
“Sounds like the usual marital kinks that get worked out with time,” Kelsey said.
“Oh, that was the least of it. There were bigger issues, like my hours, the way I got caught up in a case and forgot about everything else. Before we had Shane, she was more tolerant of that. Afterward, she felt neglected and taken for granted and put upon. She was right. I didn’t hold up my end of the marriage. But when she divorced me, I didn’t like seeing all those faults listed on a court document, because I didn’t want to believe I was to blame for our marr
iage failing. I wanted to blame her, so I accused her of being selfish and unwilling to compromise. I even tossed in a few accusations about other men. It got ugly.”
“Was she seeing other men?”
He shrugged. “None I could prove, but I needed to believe that was the real reason she’d left me. I couldn’t deal with the idea that she just didn’t want me. When it didn’t take her all that long to find someone new and marry again, I was convinced I’d been right all along.”
She met his gaze evenly. “Is that really why you gave up custody of Shane? To punish yourself and her?”
“Of course not.”
“Are you sure?”
He sighed heavily. “I don’t know. Probably. I told myself it was the best thing for Shane and at the time, it probably was. Kit and I couldn’t have a civil conversation.”
“Maybe now you can,” Kelsey suggested.
“I hope so,” he said fervently.
“When will you go to see her?”
“Tomorrow. Justin took Jeb out to get my car, so I’ll be able to leave first thing in the morning.”
The thought of him leaving so soon was disconcerting. “Tomorrow?” she echoed, aware that she sounded dismayed.
He studied her intently. “Okay, Kelsey, what’s going on? Why do you sound so worried?”
“I guess I’ve just gotten used to you hanging around,” she said mildly.
Looking very pleased, he looped his arm around her shoulders and planted a kiss on her cheek. “Don’t worry, darlin’. I’ll be back. That’s a promise.”
The intensity of his gaze disconcerted her almost as badly as the thought of him leaving. She glanced away, instinctively searching among the children until she spotted Bobby. He looked worn-out, which motivated her to leave Dylan’s loose embrace.
“Okay, kids, that’s it. It’s time to call it a night.”
“Aw, Mommy, not yet,” Bobby protested.
“Yes. It’s way past your bedtime. Everyone else has day camp tomorrow, too.”
“I want to go to day camp.”
“You’re too little,” Jamey Robbins pointed out.
“Am not little,” Bobby retorted.
Dylan scooped him up before it could turn into a full-fledged battle. “Now you’re bigger than he is,” Dylan said as he settled Bobby on his shoulders.
“See,” Bobby crowed. “I’m the biggest.”
“You still can’t go to day camp,” Jamey told him and went indoors.
“Mommy,” Bobby cried plaintively.
“What?”
“What’s day camp?”
Kelsey bit back a grin. Typical kid. If someone he admired had something, he wanted it, too. It didn’t matter that he didn’t even know what it was.
“Day camp is a place kids go in the summer and learn stuff,” Dylan told him. “Sort of like school. If you ask me, you’re the lucky one. You get to stay home and play all day.”
“Yeah,” Bobby whooped. “I get to play!” He tugged on Dylan’s hair. “Down. Gotta go tell Jamey.”
As Bobby ran off, Kelsey chuckled. “Well, you’ve certainly given him the momentary edge. Thanks.”
Then with Dylan’s help she shooed the remaining pint-sized guests inside and matched them with their respective parents. Once the exodus started, it didn’t take long to clear the place.
“Up to bed,” she told Bobby.
He hesitated and she sensed suddenly that it wasn’t just his usual reluctance to see the day end.
“What’s up, pal? Want me to come up with you?”
He shook his head, then gazed shyly at Dylan. “Are you gonna be here in the morning?”
“Nope. I’m going away for a few days.”
“Oh,” Bobby said glumly.
Dylan hunkered down in front of him. “Why? Was there something you wanted to do tomorrow?”
“I was thinking maybe if you were here you could play with me. I got lots of neat stuff in the backyard.”
Kelsey exchanged a puzzled look with Dylan.
“Why did you want Dylan to play with you, sweetie?”
“So Daddy can’t make me go away again,” he said simply.
Tears welled up in Kelsey’s eyes. She had to turn away to keep Bobby from seeing. She was aware of Dylan quietly reassuring Bobby that his daddy wasn’t going to take him again, but all the while her heart was breaking.
She felt Dylan’s light touch on her arm and jerked her head toward him. “What?”
“I’m going to take Bobby up to bed and hang out for a minute, if it’s okay with you.”
Unable to speak around the lump in her throat, she simply nodded. Dylan squeezed her hand and mouthed, “He’s going to be fine.”
But Kelsey wasn’t so sure. Would any of them ever really be fine again?
Chapter Fourteen
Dylan spent nearly a half hour talking to Bobby, trying to ease his fears, then tucking him into bed and waiting until he drifted off to sleep. All the while, he kept thinking of all the nights he’d missed doing exactly the same thing with Shane, all the stories he could have read to his son, all the sleepy talks they could have shared. The experience reinforced his decision to see Kit as soon as possible the next day. He wanted his son back in his life. He needed to be a dad again. Even part-time would be better than nothing.
As he went back downstairs, though, his thoughts shifted back to the woman waiting for him. He had seen her shattered expression when Bobby had revealed his fear of being taken away again by his dad. The fact that she had allowed him to step in and reassure the boy, then put him to bed, told Dylan just how distraught she had been. She’d been afraid Bobby would detect her own fear.
Obviously, she had been wanting to believe, just as he had, that Bobby hadn’t been affected by the events of the last few days. Now they could no longer delude themselves. He’d been able to step in tonight, but what if Bobby needed more help than either he or Kelsey could give him?
Dylan walked into the living room to find Kelsey curled up at one end of the sofa. She hadn’t turned on the lights and the room was in shadows.
“Is he okay?” she asked, sounding lost and defeated.
“Sound asleep,” Dylan reassured her as he crossed the room, sat down beside her and drew her into his arms. She came willingly.
“Oh, Dylan, I wanted so badly for him to have come through this unscathed.”
“To tell you the truth, I think he was just worried about leaving you again. I don’t think it had anything to do with him being frightened of his father.”
“But he saw Paul shoot that gun in the air and tie you up. How could he not have been terrified? I must have been crazy to think he would forget all about it just like that.”
“We talked about that. I told him nothing really bad happened, that it was like a game between his dad and me to see who would get to bring him back to you fastest. He seemed to accept that.”
“In other words, you lied to him. Is that good?”
“It’s better than telling him his dad did a terrible thing that could have had tragic consequences. He’ll figure that out for himself when he’s older. For now, I think it’s better just to ease his mind. Maybe you should talk to a psychologist. See what he says.”
“Of course,” she said, sounding relieved to have something concrete she could do. “I don’t know why I didn’t think of that. It’s exactly what I’d recommend to the parent of any patient of mine who’d been through a traumatic experience. I’ll call a friend of mine in Miami first thing in the morning. I just wish I had some answers now.”
“Bobby’s sound asleep. The answers can wait until morning.” He gave her a knowing look. “But just in case you don’t see it that way, my guess is you have a few psych books left over from med school tucked away somewhere around here.”
She brightened at the suggestion. “In the attic.” She started to get up.
“Not just yet,” Dylan said, holding her a little more tightly. “Let’s talk about you for a minute. W
ill you be able to sleep tonight or are you going to spend the whole night running into Bobby’s room just to make sure he’s there?”
“I’ll try to limit it to once an hour,” she said candidly.
He debated asking his next question, then decided to make the offer anyway. “Would it help if I stayed here? On the sofa,” he elaborated before she could jump to the wrong conclusion.
Her hesitation suggested she badly wanted to resist the idea, that she was used to handling crises on her own and needed to start doing that again. Finally she released a soft sigh. “Would you mind?”
“I offered, didn’t I?”
Her gaze clashed with his. “Not on the sofa, though. Upstairs. With me.”
Dylan’s heart beat a little faster, but he shook his head. “Bad idea.”
“Why?”
“We won’t sleep, Kelsey, and you know it.”
“Would that be so terrible?”
Dylan struggled with himself, with his sense of honor. “I thought we’d decided not to rush into anything.”
“It’s just sex, Dylan, not a commitment.”
She uttered the words so damned bravely, but they both knew better. She didn’t have casual relationships, and though he’d had his share, he knew this wasn’t going to be one of them. She deserved better from him.
“You’re wrong,” he told her. “You don’t have casual flings and when it comes to someone like you, neither do I. I want to make something of what we have, Kelsey. I don’t want to mess it up by getting into something heavy at the wrong time, when you’re vulnerable. I don’t want you waking up in the morning with regrets.”
“I’m stronger than I seem, Dylan. You’ve seen me at my worst. Believe me, under normal circumstances, I’m perfectly capable of making a rational decision.”
He laughed. “Oh, I’m certain of that, darlin’, but you’re not thinking with your brain just now.”
She stared at him indignantly, then chuckled self-consciously. “Shouldn’t that be my line?”
“I’ll give you a rain check to use it on me,” he promised. “Now scoot before I change my mind and decide I can’t resist ravishing you, after all. You can hunt for that psychology book and read yourself to sleep with all that dull, dry material.”
Dylan and the Baby Doctor Page 16
