“It’s okay.” I loved Ryder all the more in that moment. I’d always respected his stance with the Institute. He never pulled any punches, and was always straight with me, with everyone. It takes balls of steel to sacrifice it all for the right thing, and what he was doing here, with the SRT, protecting his family, that was the right thing.
“It really ain’t. There’s something else I gotta tell you. It’s been tearing me up. I hate what I did. Every time I saw you, I wanted to tell you. Every time, Muse. I had to push you away. I didn’t have a choice.” He held my gaze, his lips twisting, and then looked away. “You can’t do anything with this info. If Adam knows I’ve told you, he’ll… I don’t know what he’ll do to my kid, but I can’t risk her, Muse. Promise me.”
My heart fluttered. What the hell was he about to say? I didn’t have anything left to ruin, so why was he looking at me as though terrified of what I was going to do. “Of course. I know we’ve hit a rough patch, but you’re the best friend I’ve got. I would never put your family at risk. I promise you that.”
He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, and rubbed his hands together. “Shit…” Hesitating, he settled his gaze on me one last time, before straightening and breathing in, as though drawing strength. “The little half blood girl you fought so hard to save. She ain’t dead.”
I blinked, not sure I’d heard him right. “What do you mean?”
“I mean Dawn’s alive. I reckon they’re keeping her locked deep in the facility.”
“But…” Dawn was alive? How was that possible? “I saw you shoot her,” I mumbled. “I saw her die.” When I wasn’t dreaming of darkness, I dreamed of her death, over and over and in precise detail.
Ryder shook his head. “I grazed her with an anti-elemental round, just like Adam told me to. They wanted the world to believe she’d died. The enforcers took her away. She’s alive, Muse.”
I reached for the wall and stumbled. “Oh, my God.” The little girl I’d failed. Dawn, who nobody but me had tried to save. A pawn in Akil’s game to rattle the Institute. A weapon. I couldn’t process it. She was a killer, but she had deserved more from those around her, those who knew better.
“I wanted to tell you, but they threatened my kid. You can’t do anything, Muse. Please. If Adam suspects you know…”
She was alive and in the hands of the Institute, probably in the same place as the other half-bloods. I’d been so close to her. In the same building. “Is she okay? Have they hurt her?” My voice floated, distant and detached.
“I don’t know.” Ryder stood and jammed his hands into his pockets. “I’m so damn sorry, Muse.”
I nodded, not really hearing him. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”
“You won’t say anything?”
“No. I…” I offered him what I hoped to be a reassuring smile. “I won’t say anything.”
Ryder hesitated, clearly wanting to say more. The background city noises ebbed and flowed like the back and forth thoughts in my mind.
He sniffed and pushed off the wall. “I should get back.”
I bobbed my head. “Sure, just give me a minute, okay?” As he left me alone on the roof, I sunk to a sitting position on the wall and bowed my head. Dawn was alive. That was good, wasn’t it? I’d tried to save her, but after her death, I’d come to realize my actions had been misguided. Dawn was chaos all wrapped up in the body and mind of a nine-year-old girl. She’d killed enforcers and admitted she liked it. She’d pulled a Prince of Hell apart. Even Akil was afraid of her. And now the Institute had her. They’d try to mold her, shape her, like they did an early Stefan. Given how destructive she could be, the Institute had one hell of a weapon. Could they control her? And Akil was there… Oh. My thoughts exploded. Akil was there! He knew. The bastard knew. She had to be the reason he was there. Was he there to save her or kill her? He’d already admitted she frightened him. He’d ushered her toward her death once already. I had to go back. But how? Adam wasn’t going to let me back inside.
“Sister.”
I snapped my head up and froze. Pure, unfiltered terror locked my body down, muting my thoughts as I stared at the horrible beauty of my brother’s demon form. Shadows rippled across his pale body, like the marbled effect of a tiger moth’s wings. His long, moon-white hair trailed over his shoulders and licked at his smooth chest. He was naked, like all demons, apart from two sword belts hanging low on his slim hips. His deadly velvet-wings hung relaxed behind him. He made a devastatingly beautiful demon. How could I admire him and fear him at the same time?
My parasite throbbed in my chest with a sudden ferocity. Viscous liquid bubbled up my insides. I heaved, my brother momentarily forgotten, as I fell to my knees. Thin black tendrils traced through the veins on the back of my hands. Damien’s presence spilled into muscle and flesh. Panic once again clawed at my mind. No, not yet. I wasn’t ready. Just a little longer. That’s all I needed, just a few more hours… Not here on this rooftop… I have to get back to Stefan. I have to help Coleman and find Dawn. Goddammit, Damien, not yet!
“An infusion, mmm… “ Val’s eloquent voice slid easily through the panic and urged the dark on. “It will hasten your transformation. Embrace it.”
“Screw… you…” I forced the words through clenched teeth and tried to call the fire. My element rippled, but my thoughts were too fragmented to organize, and the heat slipped beyond my reach.
Val’s soft chuckles stroked a perverse sensation of hunger. Hunger for the hunt. The kill. A lust for him.
“Do you believe you can drain my element before I flood your mind with lust, sweet sister-mine?”
Lust. Hell help me, no. Don’t let him do this. I slumped onto a forearm, shivering hot.
“You are still too weak. This is disappointing, although, not surprising. You’ve always disappointed. Not our father though. No, not him… He has only ever seen what you will be, not what you are.”
“Will you kill me now?” I silently wished he would. The dark clawed at my control, sinking phantom claws in, shredding my humanity. Kill me quick before I turn.
“No.” He spread his vast black wings and crouched down before me, encircling me in the swaths of dark velvet. Hungry lust chased the poison through me, threatening to sunder my sanity. My mortal body trembled, and my demon surged, trying to break free, but if she came in the midst of this assault, I would never regain control. I battled on all fronts, mentally, physically, demon, and human. My body heaved and trembled. It was all I could do to stay conscious.
Val tilted his head, studying my struggle like a bird of prey studies the nonsensical actions of its next kill. The molten silver of his eyes held me transfixed. I found myself leaning toward him, eager to drown in his embrace. The touch of his wings would end it all. I wanted that, wanted him. I licked my lips.
Val drew back. “Perhaps you will die here, now, fragile thing.” He reached out a hand and trailed his cool fingers down my cheek. His touch flushed desire through me and sparked painful pleasure. I gasped hard. “All humans are fragile things. I fear I have broken the enforcer. Not before she told me all I need to know. She’ll die with the taste of me upon her lips. Would you like to know that taste, dear sister?”
Jenna was dying? Might already be dead? I ground out a snarl, horrified that my friend lay hurting. Sudden and disgusting urges assaulted me. I did want to taste my brother. I craved him, his touch, his gaze. More. All of him. And still the dark drank me down. I had to let go and release my demon. I couldn’t survive this—survive him. As demon, I could stop him.
A cruel smile twisted on his lips. “You cannot deny fate, sister. The moment you gasped your first breath, I witnessed what you would become.”
I blinked, leaning into his touch, wishing he would trail his hand lower. My human body was not my own. Need pulsed hot and wet, flushing reason away. The stinking touch of Damien’s soul surged on.
“Our father has the ability to strip your human mind bare. You, dear Muse, read the past in metal. I
see the future in flesh. And yours has always led you here to me. I held you in my arms as a babe, wet with your mother’s birthing blood, and saw the destruction you are destined to rain upon this world.” His smug smile grew as horror blanched my face. “Why do you think I refused the Institute ownership of you? Why does our mighty father protect you? Why, sister-mine, did Mammon keep you close, a half-blood nothing? He knows you, as do I. You cannot fight the future. You are the Mother of Destruction. I see the world reduced to rubble beneath your feet, and as much as I despise you,” he turned his fingers on my face and sank his claws into my cheek, “you will be magnificent.” His eyes shone as my memory clawed at those words, words from my past, words from Akil’s lips when we’d first met, You, little half-blood, will be magnificent.
My demon blasted through me, chasing away all traces of humanity. I screamed, even as pleasure strummed my senses. Yes, freedom, at last. My entire existence, my mind, my past, my thoughts, all funneled into that one precise moment. The answer for what to do with my brother was simple: fuck him or kill him.
Val danced back, wings and arms spread. A malicious grin distorted his face. He wanted this. An aura of white pulsed around him, but his wings were a consuming dark. I flung out my one ruined wing and summoned the heat, but it spluttered and waned. Something was wrong. Inside, I was wrong. Not yet complete. Not ready. Damien… Rabid thoughts emptied into my mind. Slaughter, blood, madness. Crimson insanity.
“Yes, sister-mine. It will not be long now. Embrace what you are. Come back to us.” The choking presence of my brother’s lust recoiled, and he vanished.
A hollow whine cut from me. I sank to my knees, throbbing with need, wretched with disgust, and riddled with fear. Yes, I wanted this. I was destruction. It was my purpose, my right. I’d lay waste to all in my wake.
Boots hammered nearby.
“What did you do to her?” Stefan. The tentative touch of ice pulled at my heat.
“She was fine when I left.” Ryder, distant, concerned.
Don’t let it win. Fight it. All of it. I doubled over, jaw clamped tight. My brother had hurt Jenna. She was hurt, dying. I had to get through this. To tell them. I had to get to Dawn. My time wasn’t over. Not yet. Not yet, dammit. Don’t let chaos win.
“Stay back.” Ryder ordered.
Stefan’s chill encircled me. He was close enough that I could taste the bite of winter on my lips. “Stefan…” I reached for him, demon fingers dripping flame. “Soul-lock.” I spat the words, trying to rid this hideous thing from inside me. Dragging my gaze up, I saw him on his knees beside me, concern pinching his features.
“Fight it.” He glanced at my hand, wanting to reach in, but wary of the heat.
I’m trying, I mouthed. A storm raged, tearing me apart. Human and demon. I clamped my hands to my head and bowed over. I was losing, slipping free. A gut-wrenching scream burst from me. It went on and on, tumbling over, echoing into forever. Stefan’s touch settled on my shoulder. Icy quivers shivered through my flesh and tingled deep inside. His element followed, rippling over me before sinking through my skin and flowing deeper. The shock and wicked relief silenced the insanity. Moments passed, and with every shuddering breath, the heat subsided and the madness dissipated. His hand slipped down my arm and drew me up. He was demon, his eyes like diamonds, iridescent skin marked by fractals. I searched his eyes for the spark of humor I loved, but found only hard, soulless ice. It was too much. I twisted, and tumbled against him, slipped my arms around his waist even as our opposing elements clashed. Fire vied with ice, tugging, waning, but I buried my head against his shoulder and shut it all out, all but the quieting effect of his ethereal touch as it wove through me, dousing my fire and quenching the madness.
A growl rumbled through him. I tensed but heard movement behind Stefan. Someone had ventured too close. I was safe. All was still. I was going to be okay. Not yet lost. But for how long? If I let him go, would it all flood back again?
“Val…” I whispered. The things my brother had said to me about fate and destiny and how he’d already seen my future. I read the past in metal. It made sense that my brother would see the future in flesh. He’d spoken as though he admired what I would become and said our father protected me because of it. It was why Akil kept me close. Akil knew. The bastard had always known I was going to turn into the stuff of nightmares. You will be magnificent, and you will be mine. He’d said it when we’d first met.
Stefan bowed his head, brushing his chin against my head. “Your brother was here?” he whispered, but the words held a heavy resonance, deep and rough.
“Jenna…” I clutched at Stefan’s arm, digging my claws in. He barely reacted, and when I lifted my head, he looked down at me, a smile as soft as snowflakes on his lips. “He’s hurt her. We need to go—”
“He came here to tell you that?”
Why had my brother come? To gloat, yes, but also to watch me suffer and push me further into the dark, to help ruin my humanity. I nodded. “Please. We need to help her.”
Stefan turned but didn’t release me. I clung to him like I might to a life raft. “Ryder, Jenna needs your help,” he growled. “Be careful. It could be a trap.”
I hadn’t thought of that. He was right. “I need to go too.”
Ryder shook his head. “I got this. Stay here.” He tossed one last concerned glance at Stefan and nodded an understanding. Stefan inclined his head. As Ryder hurried away, I noticed others on the roof. Strangers. I eyed them warily. Stefan and I were demon; they were the enemy.
Stefan’s hand slid gently up my back. He eased me back into a cool embrace and closed his arms around me. The soft beat of his heart soothed my weary soul. “I think it would be best if we weren’t demon right now. Our trigger-happy audience is nervous.” His words whispered coolly against my cheek. I closed my eyes and breathed in his fresh, clean, winter morning scent. Inside, the inferno had died down to the barest flickers of heat. His element still held me close, almost as close as his arms. If I let him go, it would flare up again. I needed his cold to temper me.
“I can’t. I’m afraid.”
“Don’t be. I’ve got you.” He drew back and lifted my chin. The warmth had returned to his eyes, softening his features. “Apart, we’re fractured, missing a piece of ourselves, but together, we’re complete.” He gently drew me to him and laid a delicate fluttering kiss on my lips. Our elements sparked, invisible to others, but not to us. Something in me brightened as I returned the gentle touch of his lips with a fragile kiss of my own. He was still Stefan. I knew it. I could feel it. Somewhere, behind all that power, inside all that glacial hardened armor, Stefan lived. This maddeningly gentle kiss was all him. Hope surged, a blind, ridiculous hope that not all was lost. If nothing else, hope was the only thing strong enough to keep me sane. It always had been. Tasting winter on my lips, I slipped out of my demon and eased her back. Stefan did the same. His lips softened, and the power popping and fizzing between us dissipated until it was just me and him, human, ragged, worn out, but together.
I pulled away and placed my hand over his on my cheek. “I think you just saved me from losing my mind.”
He bumped his forehead against mine and closed his eyes. “I wish I could rid you of that thing inside, Muse. If I knew how, I’d do it. I can feel how he’s destroying you.”
He really did understand. “Val can see the future the way I read metal. He said he sees the future in flesh. He knows what I’ll become. He’s always known.” I gently rested my hand on his cheek, marveling at his warmth when moments ago, he’d been made of ice. “I’m not going to escape this time. The netherworld will have me. They’re coming, and I can’t fight any more.”
Slowly, he shook his head. “No, I won’t let it happen. Not you, Muse. After everything you’ve been through, you deserve to be free.”
A painful knot tightened my throat. For a moment, I couldn’t find my voice. I lowered my head, afraid he might see the tears swimming in my eyes. “I wish the world wor
ked like that.”
Raising his head, he brushed my forehead with his lips before trailing his delicate touch to my cheek. “Don’t lose hope. Not you.” His whispers tickled my ear. Another time, I might have responded to his touch with a different heat, but not then. That moment, there in his arms, was too exquisite, too real. We stayed like that, locked tightly in each other’s arms, listening to the sounds of Boston and the shared rhythm of our hearts. I knew it had to end. All things end. But I clung onto time and cherished every second I spent on the rooftop with Stefan. The netherworld was coming, and moments like that one would die forever.
A shockwave hit first. A blast of dry, superheated air slammed into us, followed by a deafening, explosive roar. Bathed in orange light, we turned toward the boiling fire-cloud several miles out, near the banks of the Mystic River. My element responded, leaping to life, like an eager pet. I winced, sensing the dark waking again, and Stefan placed a hand over my heart, easing his element through me, quenching the heat.
“It’s started,” he said quietly.
Coleman burst out onto the rooftop, rifle clutched in his hands, face white “Muse, we need you.”
Panic danced through my head. Stefan’s lips curled into a soft smile. He tucked my hair behind my ear. “It’ll be alright. I’ll stay close. I can keep it under control for a little while.”
Wobbly and uncertain, I let Stefan help me to my feet. He kept a hand on my arm, the contact just enough to keep his power alive in my veins.
“There are demons coming through all over the city,” Coleman explained as we followed him back inside. SRT’s base buzzed with organized chaos. “Adam Harper is missing. We’re listening in on Institute chatter. He never made it back after the skirmish in the street.”
Drowning In The Dark: #4 The Veil Series Page 12
