by Judith Pella
“But it must matter; otherwise he would not have proposed such a marriage to me.” She smiled. He did care about Victoria, if only a little. He cared enough to humble himself and join with a woman he would never love, all in order to meet Carolina’s demands of security and well-being.
It was the first time she had realized that Blake’s proposal had come solely out of his concerns for her reputation and future happiness. Now who was being selfish? she thought and felt a bit of shame for her earlier misgivings.
You only fear that if you marry Blake St. John, you will forever lose any chance of marriage to James Baldwin, she chided herself. But James Baldwin clearly doesn’t even know I exist. He has all but forgotten me by now, and the evidence is in his lack of communication. He could find me if he wanted to. He knows that Papa would tell him of my whereabouts. He surely knows that his own father is in touch with me via the monthly statements regarding the Potomac and Great Falls Railroad.
If James Baldwin loved me as I love him, Carolina thought with a heavy heart, he would long ago have sought me out and declared such a thing. Hugging her arms to her body, Carolina felt an unseasonable chill. It was said that time could heal all wounds and that the heart would forget its sorrow, but five years had done little to dull the ache or fill the void left by James.
Her mind went back in time to Granny’s words of knowing the truth within yourself. “The truth is, I love one man who will never love me, and I will marry another who feels exactly the same way.” She tried not to feel morose. It was still her choice, she reminded herself. She could walk away and forget Victoria. She could close her mind and heart to the entire matter, and no one would ever blame her if she did just that. But deep inside, the one truth she was sure of was that she would forever condemn herself if she walked away from Victoria.
“I am resolved to be happy,” she whispered, choking back tears. “I will marry Blake St. John and take Victoria as my own daughter, and I will be happy, even if it means I might never know the love of any man.”
She went to the desk once again and picked up her pen. She would write her father immediately and request that he come to Baltimore to stand with her as witness to her marriage. Carefully, she worded her message, then blotted the ink and hurriedly placed the letter into an envelope and sealed it before she could change her mind.
Next, she changed into a very becoming gown of mauve silk and mulberry lace. The color suited her and the style made her look very mature with its tight-fitted bodice and high collar. Next, she dressed her hair, parting it carefully in the middle to sweep both sides back into a fashionable bun. She wrapped a mulberry-colored ribbon around her head several times, artfully weaving it into her hair. The final touch of her toilette was to spray on a hint of lavender scent and attach an emerald broach to her bodice.
Standing back to take in her appearance, Carolina smiled stiffly. Whether Blake St. John appreciated her efforts or not, she felt worthy to accept his proposal and to take charge of his household.
Hearing the arrival of his coach, Carolina steadied her nerves and gave him enough time to settle into his office before making her way downstairs. With letter in hand, Carolina walked down the long narrow hallway, pausing at the top of the staircase to whisper a prayer.
“Father, I know there is much I cannot know about the future, but I am asking for Your guidance in this matter now, just as I’ve asked for it this entire week. It seems that often we must step out in faith, trusting You to be true to the Word You have given. I am afraid, but I trust You to lead me forward. I will agree to become Blake’s wife, but if this is not Your will, then I rely upon You to put the matter to rest and resolve the situation in another way.”
Gingerly she put forth first one foot and then the other. She walked slowly, almost ceremonially, down the stairs. Mrs. Graves appeared as she reached the bottom step and, with one look at Carolina, seemed to know what she was about to do.
“Are you certain, dear?” she asked, taking hold of Carolina’s arm.
Carolina had confided the entire matter with the housekeeper, and now she read the utmost of concern in Mrs. Graves’ eyes. Nodding, Carolina handed her the letter. “It must be for the sake of the child.” Then she smiled gently. “Who am I fooling? It must be this way for my sake as well, for without Victoria I would surely die of a broken heart.”
“You will have me as well,” Mrs. Graves offered with a tenderness that warmed Carolina’s heart.
“I will depend upon that.”
Mrs. Graves took the letter and departed, leaving Carolina to approach the door of Blake’s study alone. Pausing for only a moment, Carolina entered the room without knocking.
He gazed up as if to silently inquire as to the cause of this intrusion. His gaze traveled the length of her body from head to toe and back again to meet her eyes. He knew. She felt certain by the confident way in which he rose to greet her. The slightest bow was given, and even though words were unnecessary, he insisted on confirmation.
“You have come to give me your decision?”
Carolina nodded. “Yes. I will marry you.”
“On my terms?”
“On your terms,” she replied softly.
He smiled, then reached into his desk to pull out a portfolio of papers. “A wedding gift,” he said, sliding the parcel across the desk.
Carolina picked up the packet and pulled out the contents. Her breathing quickened as she carefully considered what she held. “But these are stock subscriptions to the Baltimore and Ohio Railroad.”
“Yes. A great many shares.”
“You did this for me?” She felt a sudden surge of unexplainable emotion. He had listened to her desires and taken note of her dreams, even though he seemed a heartless, inconsiderate employer.
“You have given me my freedom,” he said simply. “I hope this might give you yours.”
43
Independence Day
The July twenty-fourth marriage of Blake St. John to Carolina Adams took scarcely more than ten minutes. At the conclusion, Blake calmly walked from the room, and Carolina turned to embrace her new daughter.
Victoria smothered her face in kisses and clung so tightly to Carolina that it was easy to forget Blake’s disinterest.
“Now you are my mama and not my nanny!” Victoria declared.
“Yes, but I’ve always felt I was that,” Carolina replied. “Are you happy, Miss Victoria?”
The little girl nodded enthusiastically and slid down from Carolina’s embrace. “Now we get to eat cake! Cook said it was the finest cake she’s ever made.”
“Then by all means, we must enjoy her efforts,” Joseph Adams assured. Victoria took herself off to arrange the matter, while Joseph turned to Carolina. “Are you quite all right?”
“Yes.” Her reply lacked a certain confidence that she knew was expected of her. “Thank you so much for being here.”
“I can’t say that I wholeheartedly approve of this match.” Joseph took hold of her hand. “I know why you’ve made this sacrifice, but I had hoped for a different outcome.”
“Such as?”
“A marriage of true love would have started things out nicely.”
“Ah yes.” She looked up at him and smiled. “True love.”
“I don’t pretend to understand everything that has happened, but I do trust your judgment in this matter. I know you have done this thing for Victoria, and that is to be admired.”
“Don’t give me overdue praise, Papa. I did this selfishly for myself. I can’t imagine life without her, and I chose this path with my own needs in mind as well as hers. Besides, there seemed little reason to concern myself with remaining unmarried. There were hardly any suitors beating down my door to seek an audience with me. Besides, perhaps this way I can continue to involve myself with the railroad. Mr. St. John gifted me with a good many stock subscriptions in the B&O. Perhaps I will one day own enough of these to be a major shareholder. Then even a board member. Imagine it, Papa.” She smiled
reassuringly and felt relieved when a twinkle sparkled in her father’s eyes once again.
“Knowing you, it could very well happen.”
Her wedding day would be long remembered, and so too the empty bed she went to that night. Nothing had changed except her signature on a piece of paper and her pledge to remain faithful to a man she might never see again.
Carolina doubted seriously that she’d had more than two hours of sleep before the first light of morning touched the horizon. She now faced living with the consequences of her actions. The possibilities that arose in her mind were frightening at worst and exhilarating at best.
Joseph had taken the evening train back to Washington, feeling it a strange imposition to remain in the house with the newly married couple. Then, too, he told Carolina several slaves had gone missing, and he feared Hampton’s retaliation against them once they were found.
Carolina had understood and silently wished she could bundle Victoria up and make for Oakbridge alongside her father. But to do so would only bring public humiliation upon the St. John household, for what bride left her husband on their wedding night? So she stayed for the sake of the family image.
Family. Her family.
She was no longer Carolina Adams, rebellious young woman longing for a university education and a place on the railroad board. She was Carolina St. John. Wealthy wife and mother. A woman with instant social responsibilities in a city that would never stand idly by and allow her any extended privacy.
No, once word got around the city of her marriage, there would be the ladies of the church to answer to, not to mention her neighbors. Throwing back the covers, Carolina tried to push all thoughts of the interrogations to come from her mind. She wondered instead what it would be like to have breakfast with her husband. Would he speak to her differently now that they were man and wife? Would he see that he had made a mistake and declare they should seek an immediate annulment?
Dressing in a simple morning gown, Carolina went downstairs, where Mrs. Graves met her with a sealed envelope.
“He left this,” she said and handed over the letter.
“He left it? You mean Mr. St. John is gone?”
The housekeeper nodded. “He left quite early this morning.”
“But I’ve been awake most of the night and I heard nothing.” She took the letter and opened it. The words were simple and to the point. She had maintained her part of the agreement, and he was now seeing to his. He asked her to understand and to explain the situation to the household staff in whatever manner she desired. He concluded by saying that he was taking his manservant with him and that his lawyer would arrive later that morning to go over the affairs of his estate with her. There was absolutely no mention of Victoria.
“Well, it holds no great surprise,” she murmured, folding the paper.
“Has he gone for good, then?” Mrs. Graves inquired cautiously.
“Yes, I suppose he has.” She still found it hard to believe.
“Cook will be relieved,” Mrs. Graves said, daring the slightest smile. “The master positively set her teeth on edge.”
Carolina smiled and nodded. “He did mine as well.”
This broke down any concern by Mrs. Graves that Carolina was going to assume some position of formality. “So, what is to be our first order of business, Mrs. St. John?”
“The first order of business would be that you not call me by that name. We are friends, you and I. I would have it no other way.”
“Of course we are friends, but now that you are married, society will deem it inappropriate for me to call you by your first name. I don’t mind, and you have never taken to calling me by anything other than Mrs. Graves.”
“I suppose you are right, but what if we agreed to formalities in public and resolved to remain less rigid in private? I might even be given to use your first name, if I knew what it was.”
The older woman smiled. “Isadora. My name is Isadora.”
“Funny how in all these years I didn’t know that,” Carolina mused. They walked together to the dining room, where Carolina noted a single place setting had been positioned for her breakfast. “The second order of business,” she said, turning to the housekeeper, “is that my daughter will share my meals from now on. Unless, of course, there is some formal gathering that makes such a matter uncomfortable.”
Mrs. Graves smiled and nodded. “I’ll see to it immediately.”
And so the first morning passed amicably with a delighted Victoria joining Carolina for breakfast in the main dining room rather than the nursery.
“I have a mommy now just like Abbey and Jeremy,” she said, referring to her only friends, the children next door.
“That is right,” Carolina assured her, “and we will be quite happy.”
“Will Papa be happy, too?” Victoria suddenly asked.
Carolina put down her fork. “I don’t know. I hope so. You do understand that he makes no plans to ever return to us?”
Victoria solemnly nodded. “I remember what you told me.”
Carolina’s heart went out to the child. “You remember then, too, that you are not to blame yourself for such affairs. Your father is not like most men, and I will not pretend to make excuses for him. I cannot abide that he would go away and leave you, and I will not tell you that most men act this way. Therefore, you must not believe for even a second that his actions have anything at all to do with you.”
Victoria nodded. “I will remember what you said, Mama.”
Carolina smiled and felt a tight warmth in her chest. In spite of all her earlier misgivings, Victoria set her heart to peace with that one simple word.
“Carolina,” Mrs. Graves said, appearing rather fitful. “Mr. St.
John’s lawyer, Mr. Swann, is here to see you. I chided him for making such an early appearance and put him in the front sitting room.”
Carolina laughed and got to her feet. “I don’t suppose this shall take all that long. The man will obviously be quite taken aback by this new arrangement and probably intends to continue handling all of our affairs. Once I tell him that I expect to have an educated part in the matter, he will probably leave in a huff.”
“May I come, too?” Victoria questioned eagerly.
Carolina shook her head. “No, not this time. You’ve plenty of years to learn the various matters of business. The nicest part is that I will never deny you the right to educate yourself and be a part of such things.” Victoria smiled as though she fully understood the implications of Carolina’s words. “Now, finish your breakfast and then go wash up.”
Carolina made her way to the front room. “Good morning,” she said, sweeping into the room as though early morning meetings were quite normal.
“I am Mr. Thomas Swann,” said the lawyer, standing and offering her a deep, respectful bow.
Curtsying, Carolina motioned him to retake his seat. “I am Mrs. St. John.”
He sat and immediately reached for a valise. “I apologize for the early hour, but Mr. St. John was quite adamant about my coming early. I have here the entire matter of Mr. St. John’s estate. There are many papers for which I need your signature.”
“I see, and what might these be?” she asked, truly ignorant of the matter.
“First of all there is the matter of the deed to this house.” He procured the papers in question and handed them over to Carolina. “You will see that I need your signature here and here,” he said, pointing out the appropriate lines.
“This house is to be put over into my name? What of Mr. St. John?”
“He relinquished all ownership. In essence this house is a gift to you.” Swann sat back and looked at her strangely. “I know all about this arrangement. Mr. St. John came to me some months ago and asked how such a circumstance should be handled, and we began immediately to set the matter into motion.”
“He came to you months ago?” Carolina asked in a tone of disbelief.
“Indeed.”
“I don’t understand. Thi
s matter has only come to my attention within the last few weeks.”
“Apparently Mr. St. John had it on his mind for a much longer time. He made it clear earlier this summer that he intended to go west before the summer was out. He wanted to have his affairs in order and the issue of his daughter resolved.”
Carolina was dumfounded. Blake St. John had actually planned for this day months in advance. What she thought had been his spontaneous reaction to her refusal had, in fact, been an option he’d considered all along. In that moment, she felt completely manipulated and horribly used.
I’d deliberated in misery over this, she thought, and he already had it mapped out. What arrogance!
Swann, apparently unaware of her feelings, continued with business. “He tells me that you will want to take an open hand with the business matters and that I should advise you on a weekly basis of the standings of your investments and dealings. I shall be happy to come here each and every Friday afternoon and do just that. Will that meet with your approval?”
Still stunned in the realization of St. John’s actions, Carolina stared at him dumbly. Here was yet another surprise. This man had fully accepted the fact that she would be in charge of the estate. Feeling such surprise that he would address her in such a respectful and accepting manner, Carolina nodded. “It would be quite agreeable.”
Mr. Swann ran through a variety of other issues before rising to leave. He departed, having received her signature on the deed to the house as well as a dozen other papers pertaining to the St. John holdings. Carolina was stunned to learn that she now owned properties in New York and Massachusetts, as well as Baltimore, and was the sole owner of several bank accounts and investments totaling into the millions.
Stunned, Carolina could only sink to the safety of a nearby chair after seeing Mr. Swann out.
“Are you quite all right?” Mrs. Graves asked, coming in with a look of worry.
“Isadora,” Carolina said, using the name for the first time, “you will not believe what I have just witnessed.”
“Was he vicious and cruel?” the woman asked, seeming to take instant offense for whatever wrong might have been done her young mistress.
