She stared at me intently actually seeming like she really was interested in what I had to say.
“I loved you Maria with all my heart. I would have done anything for you.”
“I know that Michael.” She interrupted.
“But, you really did play me like a fiddle. I hate your guts right now. You robbed me of a chance to be happy. I broke up with Maxine because I loved you and I ignored the fact that I loved her too.”
Just thinking of the last time I saw her made me angrier.
“Look Michael…”
I held up my hand.
“Let me finish. I love her and I was willing to sacrifice that for you because you are my wife and after all that we have been through, I owed you the world. It just kills me to think that after telling me you loved me, you can just walk away and not look back.”
She held her head down.
“It’s just easier this way. We are not happy together.”
I was angry and sympathetic at the same time. No matter what, I did not want to see her so upset. She is the mother of my children and nothing can take away 25 years of marriage, but I was so jealous that she found happiness and I just threw mine away.
Maxine will never forgive me.
I stood and turn towards the bedroom.
“Just get your things and leave Maria. I need you to go”
I walked into the bedroom and slammed the door.
Maxine
There was nothing else to think about in my little fucked up world. My mind focused solely on the two Salvatore men in my life. It’s been a couple of weeks since I last saw either of them.
I have been miserable.
In the dark of my bedroom, I think of Michael. I wonder what he is doing. Is he fucking his wife?
I doubted it.
Sigh.
I wished he was here fucking me.
I just knew this was a joke. He told me he loved me and I fell for it. I fell for him. He didn’t call which bothered me at first.
Right after he dumped me however, roses started to appear with cards from Michael saying, “he never wanted to hurt me”.
He apologized so many times.
I hated him!
My living room is covered in roses.
I hated him so much!
I’m in bed thinking about the last time we made love. I’ve never had a man touch me the way he did. My mind was swimming at the memory. His body against my body and the soft feel of his lips on mine.
Love is a crazy thing. It is a very crazy emotion. I loved Timothy and look where that got me.
Battered and bruised.
After him, I told myself I was done with relationships. I didn’t need a man other than to fuck me. I was never going to be committed to anyone.
Mikey helped me get through that difficult time. It was hard to think he may never be in my life again. The thought killed me inside. We have not spoken since our little pizza date. I thought I was sacrificing our friendship for love.
Boy was I wrong.
Now, I’m alone again and I have lost everyone I love and anyone left that loved me.
Julia found out what was going on and decided she wasn’t speaking to me. She didn’t come right out and say it; she has just stopped calling me or returning any of my calls.
I’m screwed up! My life is screwed up, but I can’t break this feeling. Break away from the emotions that grip me and threaten to drive me insane.
My heart hurts.
Through all of this I still thought about Michael.
I wanted to call him. I wanted to call him and tell him he should leave her. He should be here with me. I wanted him to take my mind, body and soul and have his way. I was begging, crying for release.
All of these thoughts made it difficult to sleep. I slid out of the bed and watched as my feet toke turns hitting the soft beige carpet.
I left my bedroom and made my way into the kitchen. I hit the switch and the bright light stings my eyes. I walked over to the refrigerator, grabbed a 2-liter of diet cola and poured myself a glass.
I didn’t think I was going to get any sleep as I made my way to the living room and plopped down on the khaki colored arm chair. I sat like that for a while, drinking my soda.
Before I knew it I was fast asleep.
I awake to the sound of loud banging. The knocking startled me. Dazed, it took me a while to realize that the loud bangs came from my front door. I gathered myself and followed the sound.
I looked into the peephole and saw Mikey. I grabbed the knob and yanked the door open.
He walked right by me, without speaking, into my tiny apartment.
“Well good morning to you too!” I said wiping the sleep out of my eyes and closing the door.
I was very surprised to see him. After our last conversation, I assumed he wanted nothing to do with me. I must say, however, I was very happy he came. I really needed a friend.
He looked at me. I could tell he saw my pain. I was a mess and my physical appearance showed it. My eyes were bloodshot and my hair and clothing were so unappealing. I gave the impression that I had not showered in days.
He continued to stare at me making me feel uneasy. I already felt exposed and helpless. His staring only made me feel worse.
“What?” I asked making my way passed him and heading for the couch.
I plopped down.
He looked so sorry for me.
I could see the pity in his eyes. I could tell he wanted to speak but was not sure what he should say. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat that had recently formed and dropped my head. I could not hold back the tears.
I just could not stop myself from falling in love with the wrong men. I hung my head and just let the tears flow down my face. I wasn’t sure what to do. I felt him sit down next to me. I looked into his eyes.
“Mikey, I am so sorry all this happened. It wasn’t supposed to.”
I couldn’t stop crying. This was all too much. I felt Mikey put his arm around me. He leaned over and I placed my head on his shoulder.
“I didn’t come here to upset you.” He said.
I leaned into him and he kissed me on my head.
“I came here to see if you were ok. I have missed you.”
“I thought I lost you.” I said wiping tears from my face
He smiled.
“No matter how angry I get, I do not think there is anything you could do to make me stop loving you.” He said caressing my arm.
“I tried Mikey, I really did. I wanted to end the affair, but I couldn’t stop myself from falling in love with him.”
My tears had started to subside and he wrapped his arms around my shoulder.
“I know, honey.”
He pushed me off his shoulder and gazed at me.
“I know you would never purposely hurt anyone. That is why I love you so much.”
Maybe it was the moment or maybe I was still tired. Whatever the cause may be, I could not shake these crying fits. He held me in his arms and let me cry. When I couldn’t cry anymore, I just sat there quietly thinking.
Mikey acted as the dependable friend and just let me cry.
“I am a mess Mikey. How does this always happen to me.” I cried wiping the tears and snot from my face with the back of my long sleeve pajama shirt.
He didn’t say anything. He knew better.
“I’m just so ashamed of myself. You were so right. I should have listened to you. Instead, I let my lust cloud my judgment…”
He sighed.
“Maxi you will be alright.”
“No, it’s not alright. I almost lost you as a friend and Julia won’t even talk to me anymore. I fucked up so bad.”
I could tell that Mikey was getting tired of my pity party and a little uncomfortable with my whining because he abruptly interrupted me.
“Hey, have you had breakfast yet?” He asked jumping up and heading for the kitchen.
I peeled myself off the couch and followed him. I sat at my table
in the small area next to the kitchen. I don’t know what to call it. It is way too small for a dining room.
I watched as he rummaged through my cabinets and refrigerator. He grabbed some eggs, bacon, pots and pans and began making breakfast. He worked fast and before I knew it, I had scrambled eggs and bacon in front of me.
“Bon Appétit?” He said biting off a piece of bacon.
“Wow, I have never known you to be so domestic.” I said putting a forkful of eggs in my mouth.
“Well, when you marry a woman that can’t cook you learn to do something quick!”
We both laughed.
“Well, I don’t know very much about her yet I am not shocked she can’t cook. She seems too prissy for you.”
“Ok, I get it. You two don’t like each other. Can we move on now?’
I shook my head.
“I thought you said she just thought I was ‘out there’. So, she doesn’t like me?”
He laughed. Then he looked at me intently.
“Okay, she doesn’t like you.”
“She doesn’t know me. How can she not like me? She never gave me a chance.”
“You never gave her as chance either. You treated her like she wasn’t good enough for me.”
He had me there. I always thought he could do better. So, I was guilty of judging her before I got to know her too.
“You’re right. I don’t think she is good enough for you. Don’t be mad.”
He laughed.
“I could never stay mad at you Maxi. Underneath your tough exterior, you are the sweetest and most sensitive person I know.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Too damn sensitive if you ask me.” I sarcastically retorted.
He slapped my arm playfully.
“Would you shut up and take a compliment?”
“Sorry,” I said giving him my full attention.
He scooted his chair over until he was sitting very close to me. He grabbed my hand and placed a soft kiss on my knuckles.
“I came today because over the past few weeks I have done nothing, but think about you. I hated having to be so mean to you, but I am sure you understand why.”
“I’m sorry,” I blurted.
I was so close to tears again. He was being so warm and affectionate. Needless to say I was very needy at this point.
I needed someone to hold me.
“Let me finish.”
Like he was reading my mind, he pulled me up from the small chair and led me into the living room. He sat on the couch first and opened his arms for me to fall into snugly.
He smelled so good. It made me think of his dad. I know it’s weird, but they smell the same. They both have this manly sweet and musky smell that just seemed to come naturally.
“My mom called me and told me she and my dad were getting back together. Just like I told you, I told her to leave him alone. After all that he has done to her, I can’t believe she is taking him back.”
There was some bitterness in his voice.
“I realized that my dad has a knack for manipulating women and getting them to fall for his lies. He only intended to use you.”
I moved releasing myself from his grip.
“Mikey, you really don’t have to make excuses for me. I fucked up and I just have to live with my mistake. I am just happy I get to do it with you in my life.”
I leaned over and kissed him softly on the cheek. I pulled back and looked into his eyes.
“There is another reason Stacey doesn’t like you.”
I was curious to know what other reason she could have to hate my guts. I mean, he didn’t say that she hated my guts, but I am assuming that it goes that far.
“Okay, why does she hate me?”
His dark brown eyes were clouded. I sensed something there.
“She knew that I was madly in love with you.”
I just stared at him. I was sure that I could not have heard what I thought I heard.
“What?”
He smiled.
“The moment I met you Maxi I thought you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.”
‘Mikey, I-”
He reached up putting his hand on my cheek.
“I wanted you so much, but you seemed like you were interested in a different type of man and were content to just have me as a friend. So I just stuck around hoping that you would change your mind.”
He paused and sighed.
“When you started to date other guys after Timothy I gave up on us ever being together. You don’t understand how hard it was to have you sleeping in my bed for a month and not join you and make love to you.”
“Mikey what does this all mean? Why are you telling me this now?”
“Because I almost lost you to my dad.”
He ran his fingers through his hair.
“I love you Maxi. Stacey hates you because she knows that I love you.”
I started to laugh. He looked confused.
“So what I just said was funny?” He asked looking so upset.
“No, it’s just that I kind of hate her because she has you.”
I moved closer to him until I was practically sitting in his lap.
“I care about you Mikey and I really wish that things were different. You mean the world to me and if this was another lifetime I would be yours.”
He smiled.
“Now that would be amazing.”
“But,” I said holding up a hand. “We are not in another lifetime. I love your father and you have a wife you love. We can’t be together.”
I was done with married men and I for damn sure didn’t want to ruin what I had with Mikey. I could not do to him what I did to his dad.
He reached for me and slowly moved his hand to the back of my neck gently bringing his lips to mine. The kiss was so sensual and soft. His tongue slipped into my mouth and I could taste bacon.
Bacon has never tasted so good.
I pulled away with much effort and stared at him.
“Mikey, really?” I asked not knowing what else to say.
If I hadn’t pulled away when I did…I’m not sure that I would have been able to stop myself.
As we have established I have no self control and even less so when it has been a while.
He was breathing heavily. He reached out pulling me close again.
“Mikey, we shouldn’t.”
I stood from the couch and started to pace.
I guess it was contagious.
“Maxine I have wanted to touch and taste you for so long. I can’t take it anymore.”
“Mikey we can’t. What about your wife?”
He sighed.
“I settled Maxi. You were the one I really wanted and I settled for Stacey. I regret not waiting for you to be ready.”
“Mikey you are sounding crazy.”
He stood from the couch and grabbed my arms.
“Maxi, I am crazy about you.”
He kissed me again and this time I didn’t pull away. I wrapped my arms around his neck and we kissed. I am not sure where it came from, I started to cry. I pulled back. There were just a few tears at first and then a full blown sob.
I just stood there and cried.
What was I doing?
He grabbed me again and we kissed.
He leaned down and began to lick the tears from my face.
It was so sensual and heartbreaking at the same time.
“Maxine just let me love you tonight. Stacey is gone with her parents for the weekend and all I can think about is pleasuring you.”
There was something in his face and in his voice that made me feel so loved, something I had not felt in the past few days.
Mikey could always make me feel so secure. I refused to ever put our relationship in so much danger again. I felt so sad I couldn’t hold back the tears.
Mikey was thrown off, but only for a second.
Prohibited: an erotic novel Page 23
