by Nancy Hopper
“I hope that doesn’t hurt your feelings.” he asked carefully.
She looked at him immediately. “No. Of course not. I know how it is.”
He chuckled, and caressed the nape of her neck. “Promise me you’ll wear that again some time, at home. After we’re married.”
She gave him a shocked and mortified look. “You don’t even think it’s decent to wear outside the house? Why?”
“Are you sure you want to know?” he asked warily.
“Absolutely.”
He was almost embarrassed. “When you came around the car, I saw the shirt. That’s all.” he said. He looked up into her eyes. “The jeans and camisole are remarkably close to your skin color. It looks great, but from a distance, it … well, it gives a man a bit of a shock.” he ended with a chuckle.
Comprehension dawned slowly, and Tasha’s eyes widened to accompany the horrified expression on her face. Her hand went to her throat, and her eyes slid closed. Tim watched with amusement.
“Oh, no.” she gasped in embarrassment.
“A gentleman recovers, love, but I’d really rather not have anyone else’s imagination going where mine went.”
Tasha went incredibly pale, and her hands began to shake. Tears appeared in her eyes and she covered her face with hands that shook uncontrollably. Tim decided that if she was acting, she deserved an Oscar.
“Hey.” he soothed, drawing her in with his arm and squeezing her shoulders. “Come on, now. There’s nothing indecent about it. It’s just the way it looks from afar. You had no way to know, did you?”
“I didn’t. Oh, Tim. What you must think of me.” she whispered. She still had her hands over her face.
He just laughed. “Cut it out.” he groused. “You know you make me crazy. And I know you didn’t mean it, this time. As if last night wasn’t enough to put your virtue in danger.” he teased. “Don’t beat yourself up about it.”
She looked up at him gratefully, and he saw the honesty and horror in her eyes. “I can’t believe how nice you are to me.” she mumbled.
He laughed and tickled her ear with a finger. “Marry me and we’ll forget it.” he challenged lightly.
She looked upset, and off balance. Tim took advantage of it, and moved in. He kissed her until he felt the limits of decency prevented more. Their booth was very private, hidden by large palms from the rest of the patrons.
He drank in her sweetness and knew that if he’d been deceived, it didn’t matter. He loved her. He wanted her. Nothing else mattered. Except, perhaps, getting her into something less provocative before the conference.
Tim went to the car for her, and returned with a lovely chiffon blouse in a deep, berry color that was softer than anything he had ever put his hand to. He suspected, correctly, that it would prove very difficult to keep his hands off Tasha while she was wearing it.
When she came out of the restroom in the restaurant wearing it, her cheeks were a color that assured him that she had not known the effect of her prior outfit. Perhaps, he considered, that had been the fashion designer and God’s little joke upon him.
It had been most effective, and he suspected that he had failed the test if he’d been expected to bridle his thoughts and reactions. His mind had gone rolling straight into the gutter, and he was a bit surprised at himself, even yet. He’d honestly thought he was beyond all that.
He’d been grateful that Tasha had worn her coat into the restroom and that she’d been so embarrassed by his confession. And, he was equally dismayed that he couldn’t seem to keep his hands off her soft shoulders, now that she was decently covered. The top was ruffled and covered her hips, and looked frankly smashing. She was so soft in the thing that his hands just seemed to want to linger on her.
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner, and Tim swallowed his pride enough to let Tasha buy dinner. He didn’t like it all that much, her paying, but it seemed to be important to her.
They talked about everything under the sun, except Gary Taylor. That subject somehow seemed to be taboo, though neither of them declared it so. Tasha just wasn’t ready to talk about him, and Tim didn’t need to be told.
Afterward, they went to the conference and managed to enter just as worship was beginning. There was a strong sense of curiosity about the couple in the air; Tim sensed it more than he had on any prior occasion. He tried to wear a poker face as they made their way to the front row, where their seats were reserved.
It turned out to be an awesome service, with the prophetic flow being incredible and accurate. Tasha watched in amazement as Tim and his peers spoke vision and encouragement into the lives of countless people that evening.
God showed up, and she had no doubt about the integrity or accuracy of the prophets who were speaking. It was awesome.
She respected Tim in a deeper way than she ever had before, and she knew that she had to back away from this prophet, for his own good. She had nothing to offer a man like Tim Rain. He had an awesome ministry, and she couldn’t hope to be worthy of him. She didn’t fit. It was clear to her, watching him work in the hot prophetic flow that was greater tonight than anything she’d ever seen.
One of the other men who were speaking at the conference approached Tasha and looked at her respectfully. “May I have a word with you?” he asked hesitantly.
“Sure.” she agreed. She trusted this man. He was one of Tim's peers, and he'd spoken words of integrity and truth all week.
“I was seeing something for you, from the Lord. I think I’m supposed to share it with you. I felt, looking at you, that you have had something come to you that is scaring you half to death. You’ve been somehow challenged or alarmed recently. You don’t feel like you know how to handle whatever is happening to you.”
Tasha laughed shortly. “That’s true enough.” she agreed.
“I came to tell you that it’s going to be all right. You’re not to worry and fret, God has everything well in control. He has your best interest at heart, and He has no intention of allowing any further harm to come to you. He wants you to have peace about this thing, whatever it is. He knows you’ve been overwhelmed a bit. He will handle it for you, in His time. But … do know that … He brought this thing to you on purpose. I don’t really understand, but … He is in it. He wants you to know that it’s right, and good. It will be all right. Don’t try to fight it. Just let it happen.”
Tasha tipped her head. “Thank you.” she said thoughtfully.
“My pleasure.” he said respectfully.
“So, are you … a friend of Tim’s?” she asked curiously.
“Tim Rain? No; well yes, now I guess I am. But, I’d actually never met him before this week. Are you his wife?”
Tasha blushed. “No. No, nothing like that. Just close friends.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Well, my name is Mason Dawes.”
“Tasha Taylor. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“You, too. Forgive me for the mistake.” he said with embarrassment.
“No problem.” Tasha assured him with a smile.
She sighed thoughtfully. So, Tim hadn’t sent that man over. Food for thought.
When the service was over, Tim joined her with a tired grin and a request that they go for coffee. They decided on the coffee shop, and Tasha was embarrassed to find Tim joining her again on her side of the booth.
There were people from the conference watching them covertly, whispering. Some were openly ogling, making no pretense. Their constant fixture, Patty Danniels, was soon seated in a place that offered a nice view of Tim and Tasha's booth.
Tim was attentive, and yet he put no pressure on Tasha, sensing her withdrawal. By the time he’d had something to eat and they’d finished their drinks, the place had only a few remaining tables occupied.
“I saw Mason Dawes cut you out of the herd tonight.” he said lightly.
Tasha raised an eyebrow and gave him a baleful stare. “I feel a bit like a heifer when you talk that way.” she said dryly.
He laughed. �
��Hardly. What did he say?”
She shrugged. “He just had something he says was from God. I wasn’t sure it wasn’t from Tim, actually.”
Tim gave her a very pointed look. “I don’t do that kind of thing, and you know it.” he defended evenly.
She grinned. “Well; I just said I wasn’t sure.”
“You can be sure. So, he must have told you to marry me.” Tim hazarded with satisfaction.
“What in the world makes you say that?” she exclaimed.
“Because he told me I ought to marry you.” Tim answered lightly. He shot her a sidelong glance to see her reaction. She just rolled her eyes.
“It’s true. He said if I had half a brain, I’d marry you. He said we’re a perfect couple and that he’d mistaken you for my wife already. He said he thought that it was a match made in heaven.”
“Now, you’re pouring it on thick.” she accused.
He just shrugged.
“It seems that everyone is conspiring to that end.” she sighed.
Tim smiled and looked at her hopefully. “Any chance that you’ll get on a plane with me, tomorrow?”
Panic streaked across Tasha’s face before she could stifle it and put on a poker face. “You know that would be quite impossible.”
“Why?” he challenged. “I am madly in love with you, and you’re not averse to me. Can’t you at least consider coming for a visit?”
She gave him a sideways look and grimaced. “And allow you to batter all my defenses to nothing?”
He laughed. “Why not? They’re a confound nuisance and they’re in my way.”
Tasha sighed. This was going to be unpleasant and difficult, but she had no choice. She had to end this. She had fulfilled her promise, and it was time for Tim to move on.
“Timothy; will you please listen to me?” she asked with the strain obvious in her face.
“Okay.” he agreed tentatively. This did not sound at all promising.
“I have attended the conference, like you asked me to. I’ve really enjoyed your company; and I appreciate who you are. You’re an incredible man. But when I came with you that first night, it was with the promise that you were not in the market for a woman and that there would be no romantic overtures.”
"That’s not the way it came down. I’m not mad, but … I really can’t change anything. I don’t want to get married, and nothing else would be acceptable in your circles, I’m sure. So, please understand. When I say goodbye to you tonight, it’s really got to be goodbye. It wouldn’t be fair for me to continue giving you any hope that I’m going to change my mind. Tim, I won’t. Please just accept it and let’s be … friends. If you want.” She shrugged apologetically.
He just watched her with calm eyes, and no perceptible reaction. Tasha began to go slowly nuts as he just listened, and then took a sip of tea.
“Tim, could you, like … say something?” she asked tensely.
He sighed and gave her a look of mingled affection, amusement and chagrin. “Okay. What would the appropriate response be? Let’s see.” He put on a poker face. “I understand. And I appreciate your honesty. And it’s all right. And it’s probably for the best, after all.”
Tasha sighed in relief, and closed her eyes.
“But unfortunately, this ornery cowboy is not terribly likely to say any of those things.” he went on lightly. “You are much more likely to hear things like, ‘when Hell freezes over’. And ‘I’ll never give up’. And ‘you can run but you’ll never be able to hide’. And ‘I love you, Tasha. I’ll love you until the day I die’. So, please don’t tear my heart out. Please.”
She turned and looked at him in disbelief. He was just staring at her, his eyes burning with a deep intensity. Her heart was torn by what she saw.
“I know I gave you my word when we met that I wouldn’t make a pass at you. Tasha, I didn’t mean to fall in love with you. But I did, and I want nothing more than to take care of you and Gary’s beautiful babies for the rest of my life. I can give you time. In fact, as it turns out, I’ll be gone for a very long time.” He smiled.
“And I think,” he suggested softly, “that you are going to miss me a lot. And when I get back, your arms are going to wrap around me and I’m going to kiss some very hungry lips. And when I’m done kissing them hello, they’re going to smile up at me, and those big green eyes are going to look up at me and those pretty, sexy lips are going to say, ‘yes, Tim. Let’s get married’.”
The words and the look in his eyes caused a fluttering in the depths of her belly that she couldn’t seem to still, once it had started. She couldn’t continue to stare at him, so she looked at her hands and felt his hand caress her back and neck with gentle comfort.
“But right now, that’s the last thing you want to hear, much less say. So all I’m asking, is that you don’t cut out my heart until I get back to your neck of the woods. Can you come that far to meet me?” he asked teasingly. But, there was a steady purpose in his eyes that Tasha didn’t fail to notice.
To her amazement, she found herself nodding assent, and blushed as she realized what she’d done.
Tim nodded, and smiled big enough to show his dimples. Though it made no sense to let him think there was a chance, she couldn’t retract it. She wanted to, but she was powerless to do so.
“All right. That’ll hold this old cowboy, then.” he sighed. He put a few dollar bills on the table for the waitress, and stood up. He pulled a business card from his wallet and gave it to with her a chastising look. “Don’t throw this one away, please.” he commanded.
Tasha paled, then blushed furiously. How could he know she’d torn the previous one up and tossed it?
He chuckled at her, and put an arm around her shoulders as they went to the cash register. After paying, his arm was back around her, as they walked out to the garage where her car was parked. Tasha’s tension continued to mount as she anticipated another goodnight like the one she’d enjoyed the evening before.
But, when they arrived at her car, Tim gave her a boyish smile and tucked his hands in his pockets. “Wrong again.” he informed her quietly. “I tried to persuade you with passion, and that certainly failed. I should have known better. It just left me raw and hungry.”
He sighed. “I’d love to kiss you goodbye. But I’ll leave it up to you.”
Nothing else could have put such a deep pang of dismay, conviction and longing in Tasha’s heart. She groaned inwardly at the entreaty in his eyes and words. He looked so forlorn, and disappointed. And apparently, he had no idea how deeply his assault had struck her. It was better that way. And, just to say goodbye …
Tim wasn’t sure what to do with it when Tasha slipped her arms around his waist and snuggled into his arms. At the last moment, she lifted her eyes to his and smiled tentatively. She searched his eyes for a hint of what he was feeling, but there were no clues for the untrained eye.
She closed her eyes and went up on her toes. It felt incredibly good to feel his body against hers, again. Her lips curved into a satisfied smile as their lips touched and she softly kissed him.
It was exquisite. Wonderful. She pressed her lips against his, and then teased and tasted him, just a little bit.
Tim melted inside and rolled his eyes. What did she expect him to do with that? She was turning his bones to liquid fire!
His arms pulled her closer and he plundered her in a way that left them both weak in the knees, and in agony for more. Tasha’s back was against her car, and Tim’s body was pressed against hers.
When he stopped, he groaned and let his head fall against her shoulder. He did not let her go.
Tasha’s heart was hammering, and she could feel his doing the same. He was gasping for breath, and she could feel him searching for some way to regain control of the situation. She almost wished he wouldn’t.
It was so good. So good! So delicious to have a man take her that way. Love her that way. Want her so much! Tim’s desire was like a drug. He was in. He was in her heart, and he did
n’t even seem to know!
How could he not know that she’d never do such a thing; never allow such a thing to go so far, without taking him into her heart? Was the man blind? How could a prophet so insightful, so accurate, not discern her complete capitulation?
“Dear God.” he gasped.
Tasha waited breathlessly. “Ask me again, Tim. Ask me one more time.” her heart cried. “Idiot! He’s too busy trying to control his hormones. Tell him you’ll go.” her mind insisted.
“No! Are you crazy? I can’t do that! I’m not ready to do that. I’ll just wait. I’ll wait to hear from him. After a few months, I might change my mind.”
And so, Tasha argued with herself, while Tim tried to get some strength back in his knees, and a grip on his flesh. When he managed that much, he pulled Tasha close and held her in his arms.
“Sweet mother, what did you do to me?” he growled against her ear. “You know, there ought to be a law," he complained with a chuckle. He rolled his head back and closed his eyes as she wrapped her arms tightly around him and hugged him.
“Against loving you?” she asked breathlessly.
He laughed. “Don’t tease me, Tasha. I can’t take it right now.” he warned. “I want that far too much.”
Tasha shut her mouth, and looked up at him in amazement. He didn’t believe her. He thought she was teasing him?
Tim looked into her eyes, feeling her withdraw. His brow wrinkled a bit as her face went blank, and he stopped suddenly – and wondered what she'd just said.
“Tasha?” he asked hesitantly. He was on alert when she began to pull out of his arms. “Tasha, wait.”
She gave him a bitter smile, and unlocked her car door. “Goodbye, Tim.” she said evenly.
“Wait a minute!” he insisted, but she was almost frantic. She froze when he wouldn’t let go of her arm, and waited. But there was already a wall of ice around her.
“Tasha. Honey, wait.” he pleaded. “You took me by surprise. What exactly did you just say, honey? Please, for heaven’s sake. Just say it again! I’ll listen. I’m sorry.”
