My body stiffened. The air completely pushed out of my lungs. “Both of you have been lying to me for a month?” I already knew the answer was yes. I just needed to hear her admit it.
“We never lied to you, Amanda.” She looked everywhere except at me.
“You kept it from me. I’ve been around the two of you and never noticed anything different.”
“I wanted to tell to you when it first started, but Noah said no.” Her eyes narrowed slightly as her lips pursed into a straight line.
With each piece of information that dribbled out of her mouth, I felt my body stiffen more. My voice had become robotic. It was as if my entire self was shutting down physically, mentally, and emotionally. But, I couldn’t seem to stop my mouth from asking questions that I knew the answers would destroy me.
“You want to know how I found out? Stacey and Kim told me. They gave me their sympathy and now want to be BFFs. Apparently everyone knew about this, except me.”
“They saw us at the movies a couple of days ago. I guess they figured something was up.” She still wouldn’t make eye contact with me as she went from twisting her ring to fidgeting with the strap on her purse.
“How would they figure that out?” I asked.
“Because I was holding Noah’s hand.”
I could feel the vibrations start to take over my body. I didn’t have much time left before I crumbled. I hadn’t processed the fact that Beth and Noah were together yet, let alone that they would have physical contact.
“There are a hundred guys at this school. You could have had any one of them. Why did it have to be Noah?”
“You know I’ve always liked him. He’s sweet, fun, popular...”
“AND MINE!” I yelled. That was the first crack in my already fragile foundation.
“You need to calm down,” she paused for a moment. Squaring her shoulders, she looked me directly in the eye now. “Look Amanda. I know you and Noah had this bond or whatever when you were kids, but...”
“Have,” I interrupted.
“What?”
“We have a bond. It’s not past tense,” I insisted.
“Yeah. Well, it was cute when we were kids, but we’re not kids anymore. I’ve never understood this thing between the two of you, anyway. But, did you really think he was going to be with you forever? Noah’s one of the hottest guys at this school. I don’t know a girl here that doesn’t want to hook up with him. I don’t mean to sound harsh. You’re my friend and I love you, but it’s time to grow up.”
I hated it, but I knew she was right. I had convinced myself that Noah would always be mine. I knew he had been on dates with a few girls. I didn’t like it, but I dealt with it as best I could. He never seriously dated anyone before. It never crossed my mind that he would.
“I know,” I whispered.
Inhaling and exhaling a deep breath, Beth said, “I think I’m in love with him, Amanda.”
That was crack number two in my foundation. I continued to stare in her direction. I wasn’t really looking at her. I wasn’t looking at anything. My mind was numb. I had information overload. I couldn’t listen to anymore. I saw her mouth moving and heard sound come out of it, but it was muffled. It felt like I was under water. She just kept moving her mouth, never waiting on any reply from me. She reached out and touched my arm breaking me from my daze.
“I might as well go ahead and tell you everything. You know, pull the band aid off quick. I’m staying over at his house tonight.” She saw the look of confusion on my face. “His parents are out of town for the weekend.”
“I know. They’re going with my parents. They take this trip every year together.”
She looked around nervously. Leaning closer to me, she whispered, “I’m going to have sex with him tonight.”
That was crack number three of my foundation. Beth was completely clueless how her words were affecting me. She kept rambling on as I stood there, immobile. This was the most surreal experience I had ever had. Beth. Noah. Sex. Love. It played on a continuous loop in my head.
“I’ve been dying to tell you. I thought you could help me out. I wanted to surprise him and cook dinner tonight.” I still had no idea why she kept talking. “I figured you’d know what his favorite foods are. Amanda, are you okay? Your eyes look weird.”
I had been hurt and jealous, but somewhere between her saying, “I’m going to have sex with him and tell me his favorite food”, I got pissed. Good ‘ol fashion pull your hair, spit in your face pissed. “I’m not going to help you have sex with Noah.”
“I’m just asking you to tell me his favorite foods.”
“You’ve dated for a month. You’ve never eaten together?” The sarcasm flowed from my mouth. I started to get the feeling back in my body as the adrenalin surged through me. I had been clutching the strap of my backpack the entire time so tight my knuckles were completely white. My heart was pounding so hard and fast, I thought it was going to break through my chest. I narrowed my eyes at Beth. She could tell there had been a shift in me.
“I know your pissed that we didn’t tell you, but don’t tell me you’re pissed off because Noah and I are together?” She looked away, huffed, and rolled her eyes. “You’re a piece of work, you know that. You don’t want him, but you don’t want anyone else to have him either. I’ve asked you more than once if you liked Noah, and you’ve always said, just as a friend. Well, I like him more than just a friend. I want him to be my first and he’s going to be. If you wanted him as your boyfriend you should have done something a long time ago. You blew it. You missed your chance with Noah and now he’s mine. We’re together, so deal with it.”
“I’m not even sure you are together. Noah tells me everything. He’s never mentioned you once.”
Heat started to course through me. I felt my chin start to quiver while the tears were building up at the edge of my eyes. My hands started to shake. I knew my time was up. I couldn’t stand there any longer and listen to Beth talk about Noah and her.
She glared at me with a smug look. “Oh, I assure you, we are together. I’ve had the sore lips to prove it, so if you…”
Those were the last words before the final tremor shot through me, shaking my foundation, causing me to crumple completely. I turned on my heels cutting her off abruptly. I had to get away as fast as I could before the tears started to spill out and cover my cheeks.
I forcefully swung open the school door and headed straight to my car. The velocity from the time I left Beth to the time I got home and in my room was so hypersonic it was like one continuous motion. I didn’t stop moving until I flopped on to my bed.
Wiping the tears away with the back of my sleeve, I tried to steady my breathing. I hadn’t noticed how out of breath I was until I was still.
I should have kept moving, because once I stopped my mind went into overdrive.
I was losing Noah. Our friendship wasn’t enough for him anymore. I wasn’t enough for him anymore. I knew this would happen someday. I just didn’t think it would be today, and I sure as hell didn’t think it would be with Beth. I felt betrayed, angry, and tossed aside. I didn’t answer Beth when she asked if I was pissed because they lied or because they were together. Truth is I got over being lied to three seconds after I heard her say she loved him.
I didn’t want them to be together. I wasn’t ready. I knew I couldn’t have him, but I didn’t want anyone else to have him either, not yet. I know that’s irrational, but logical thinking was not part of my life right now. I can’t lose him. He’s the only thing that’s all mine.
Sex is a game changer, even when you’re not the one having it.
I bolted up and looked at the clock. It was only 5 pm. People don’t have sex at 5 o’clock in the evening. That’s dinner time. They wait until it’s good and dark. I knew that was stupid and not true, but it calmed me somewhat knowing I had time to shut down Beth’s sex dinner.
I hurried out of bed and ran to the bathroom. I washed my face free of the tear streaks, pu
t some mascara on, and a little lip gloss. I was out the back door in a flash. I walked to the fence that separated our backyard from the Stewart’s. I could see Noah through the window. He was pacing back and forth talking on his cellphone. There was a strange look on his face that I couldn’t read. He ran his free hand through his hair a couple of times as he looked out the window at nothing in particular. He didn’t notice me staring at him, he was too focused on his phone call.
I jumped the fence and ran up to the Stewart’s back door. It was unlocked as usual, so I let myself in as usual. Noah was standing in the family room, talking. “Alright. I will. I know.” He sounded irritated at whoever was on the other end of the phone. My guess was Beth. He looked at me, flashed a quick smile in my direction. “I need to go.” He ended the call without saying goodbye.
“Hey Tweet.” He tried to sound cheerful.
“Hey, hey, hey.” I tried to match his cheerful sound.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
“Yep.” I popped the p when I said it. I was waiting for him to bring up the subject.
I walked over to behind the sofa and leaned back on it. “What’cha want to do tonight? Since both our parents our gone for the weekend, the world is our oyster. We can hang out the whole time.” I took my cellphone out of my pocket and scrolled through my numbers. “Pepperoni with extra cheese good for you?”
“What?” It looked as if my question startled him.
“On our pizza. Pepperoni and extra cheese?”
“Yeah. That’s fine.”
I pressed the number and brought the phone to my ear.
Noah rubbed the back of his neck a few times before interrupting my call. “Um… Tweet… I kind of have plans tonight.”
“What kind of plans?” I asked innocently, as I put my phone away.
There was a pause that felt like it lasted a year and a half. Noah was standing a few feet away from me, arms crossed over his chest, looking down at a spot on the floor.
“I sort of have a date,” he said in a low voice.
“A date? With who?”
He looked at me through his long dark lashes. A smirk played across his face. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Play dumb. You’re no good at it. Besides, I just got off the phone with Beth.”
“Did ya now? Are you referring to your girlfriend, Beth?” I tried not to sound sarcastic, but I wasn’t very successful.
“I’m sorry. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about it,” he said, sheepishly.
“So talk.”
Noah motioned for me to sit on the sofa. I shook my head. I didn’t want to sit and relax. I wanted to stay standing in case running was in my near future. We both stayed in our spots.
“I don’t know where to start,” he said.
“How about where you lied to me.”
“I’ve never lied to you.”
“Lie of omission! That’s just as bad.”
He shook his head, “Look, I know you’re upset.”
“GENIUS!” I threw my arms up in the air.
“Would you please shut your mouth and listen for five seconds. It’s not a big deal.”
“What’s not a big deal?”
“This thing with Beth. It’s...,” he ran his hand up and down his face in frustration. “No matter what I say, I’m going to sound like the biggest dick in the world. I already know that, so keep your smartass comments to yourself,” he paused. “This thing with Beth is just convenient.”
My eyebrows and the pitch of my voice both shot up when I said, “Convenient?”
“Yeah. We’ve known each other for a long time. I knew she wanted something to happen between us.”
Just hearing those words coming out of his mouth made my stomach churn. “Why was I kept in the dark about this?”
“I didn’t want you to know.”
“Why?”
He chuckled and shook his head. “The same reason why I never want you to know when I go out with a girl. Because I feel like I’m cheating on you, which is fucking ridiculous because we’re not even together in the first place,” he said, as he let out a frustrated growl.
“Why her?”
“Because I didn’t have to work for it.”
“She thinks she’s in love with you, you know.”
Noah closed his eyes and tilted his head back towards the ceiling. As he straightened his neck, he looked at me. The pain and longing in his eyes made me ache.
“I’ll handle things with Beth,” he sighed heavily. “I don’t love her. You know that, right?” It sounded like he was pleading with me to believe him.
“What are you going to say to her?” I asked.
“I guess I’ll let her know I don’t feel the same way about her. That I never meant to lead her on. I’m not looking for anything permanent. If she’s okay with that, we can continue on.”
“What do you mean continue on?”
Noah let out another growl. He had one hand on the wall bracing himself while the other hand rested on his hip. “I have needs,” he said quietly.
“Needs? What kind of needs?”
“The kind a young man has.” Confusion plastered across my face. He looked over at me and waited a moment for it to register before becoming impatient. “I need to get laid.”
“You need to get laid?” My tone was condescending.
“I do.”
“You’re saying if she’s okay with your terms then you’ll fuck her?”
“Yes.” He was grinding his teeth as his jaw began to twitch. I could see the anger change the stance of his body.
At that moment I became a complete mute. I didn’t know what to say. A thousand words ran through my head, but only one made its way out of my mouth. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?” he asked.
“Don’t have sex with Beth. Don’t date Beth.”
We stood, facing each other, staring, neither one of us wanting to be the first to blink. It looked like a western standoff.
“I don’t even know why we’re having this conversation.” He was getting angrier. “What difference does it make to you? You made your choice. You and I are just friends.” He spit venom with his last sentence.
“Just friends? Don’t say it like that,” I whispered.
“We don’t have to ask each other’s permission on who we can date.” He sounded cold, emotionless.
My throat was beginning to burn from trying to hold my sobs in. I swallowed hard a couple of times, feeling the tears pooling in my eyes. He was slipping away from me a little more. Noah watched as my body reacted to his words. I don’t know why I kept goading him. I should have just left right then.
“You’re planning on doing more than having a date night with her,” I said.
He turned his back to me, ran both hands across his face, and through his hair. He dropped his hands to his side as they fisted. Suddenly he rammed one fist into the wall in front of him and yelled. “GOD DAMMIT!!!!”
I startled. His outburst jump started my tears. Turning back toward me, his eyes pierced mine. Speaking slowly in a low voice through gritted teeth, he said, “Yes, I plan to fuck her, screw her, bang her, be balls deep in…”
“SHUT UP!!” My sobs were coming at a rapid pace now. I could barely get my words out. “PLEASE DON’T DO IT, NOAH! PLEASE!”
“WHY NOT?!”
“BECAUSE YOU’RE MINE!” I screamed at him through my sobs.
My eyes were so blurry from my tears I didn’t see him cross the room toward me. The next thing I knew I felt the wall against my back. Noah’s mouth was at my ear.
“Then why don’t you fucking take me and stop this bullshit you keep putting us through? You’re going to tell me you’re okay with my hands running up and down her body? Touching her ass and tits. You’re okay with my tongue licking every inch of her? You’re okay knowing that while you’re over in your bed, I’ll be over here sliding into her, when we both know it should be you?”
My
body began to convulse. The pain from hearing him say those words overpowered me. Tiny piece by tiny piece I shattered until I was completely broken. He stepped back allowing me to drift down the wall to the floor. I don’t know how long I stayed that way. Noah had left the room, not saying another word to me, and never came back.
I pulled myself together enough to get up off the floor. My body was sore from the ordeal. My legs felt weak, but stable. My hand trembled slightly as I placed it on the doorknob. I hesitated for a moment, and thought about going to look for him, but there was nothing left to say.
They say the human body is made up of seventy percent water. Today I have expelled sixty-nine point nine percent through tears and snot. Sobbing uncontrollably is not a very pretty or
lady like thing to do.
The only thought I had in my head was, “What the fuck just happened?”
I had been lying in my bed for almost an hour and I still couldn’t wrap my head around what took place at Noah’s house. I had never seen him that angry or heartbroken. He had never talked to me that way before. I couldn’t blame him for being so angry with me. I knew I had no right telling him who he could date. I just couldn’t bear the thought of someone else having that part of him.
My thoughts began to drift, wondering what Noah and Beth were doing right now. Did he already tell her that he doesn’t love her? Did she take it well or did she slap him in the face and storm out? I wondered if she was over there cooking dinner for him. Was she standing at the stove, stirring some putrid concoction she made up while he watched her stir? Has he walked up behind her, placing his hands on her hips, then sliding them up and around to her stomach, wrapping his strong arms around her waist, pushing her back against him, so she could feel how excited he was to have her cooking for him? I had to stop torturing myself.
I reached over and grabbed my ear buds off the nightstand, crammed them into my ears, and connected them to my cellphone. The D-Bags blasted through my head. Kellan’s voice always soothed me. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on the lyrics.
Present Perfect Page 10
