“Stop making excuses because you’re scared. Why don’t you let him decide the type of life he wants and who he wants in it?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’ve met a lot of people in my life and I don’t like any of them. I like you. I knew we were going to be friends, the second I saw you walk into chemo. You’re smart, funny, and hot. You don’t act like a girl and make a big deal when I cuss. Amanda, you can’t do anything about the past and people like us, don’t know if we have a future. The past doesn’t exist anymore. All we have is the present. The present’s perfect, young grasshopper, because we’re breathing, moving, laughing, crying, and are surprised when we finally meet someone we connect with. Stop living in the past and wasting your present. You need to tell Noah how you feel.”
“What if it’s too late and Brooke is the one who makes him happy.”
“It doesn’t matter. He deserves to know how he impacted your life. He gave you a gift. You know what it feels like to love someone. That doesn’t come along every day, at least not the real kind. You need to go thank him for that before you have to say goodbye. Everyone deserves a thank you and goodbye.”
The recognition I felt when he said those last few words ran like a shockwave through me. I wrote that exact same thing in my journal when Noah’s dad died.
Looking over at Dalton, there was something different between us, a deeper connection. I felt like something had changed or was about to change between us.
“Come Away With Me” by Nora Jones started flowing out of the speakers. Dalton stood, holding his hand out to me. “Let’s try out that new leg. Dance with me,” he said.
I slid my hand into his. He led me to the middle of the room. As I stepped into his chest, we wrapped our arms around each other. I laid my head on his shoulder as he lowered his and rested it between my neck and shoulder.
As the sultry voice of Nora Jones continued to swirl around the room, we began to sway. The movement was so slight, it was almost imperceptible. I closed my eyes and let the feel of the music and his body against mine take me over. Present perfect.
As the song started to end, Dalton whispered in my ear, “I’m so glad I was here long enough to meet you. Thank you for giving me someone to miss.”
We pulled apart slightly, but kept our arms wrapped around each other.
“I wouldn’t be able to get through this without you. The one good thing about all of this has been that you were brought into my life.” He leaned his forehead against mine and we stayed this way for several minutes after the song had ended.
Dalton lifted his head, kissed my forehead and whispered, “I better go.”
He walked toward the door. Before opening it, he turned and looked at me. “Always remember present perfect, grasshopper.” A beautiful smile appeared on his face before he turned away and left.
It had been a week since Dalton and I had danced together at the apartment. Something changed that night between us or maybe I just finally realized it that night. Dalton was my soul mate. I was supposed to meet him when I did. Dalton and cancer had forced me to think differently, see the world differently, and see myself differently.
No, I wasn’t perfect and never would be, but that’s fine. There are more important things in life than chasing after this myth of a worldwide perception of perfection. Perfect is in the eye of the beholder. I had wasted enough time trying to control things in my life and it was exhausting. The only thing I could control was myself. If I put myself out there and got hurt, then I got hurt. At least it shows I’m still here and not living with regret.
So, here I am standing in front of his door, ready to put myself out there. I wasn’t sure what I was going to say, hopefully something would come to me. I had just texted him, letting him know, I was standing at his door. I raised my hand and knocked. When he opened the door all the breath left my body. He stood there shirtless, in worn jeans, and his hair was tousled. We stared at each other. Even though I had texted him, he looked surprised, he had no idea why I was there. I took in a deep breath. The time had come, no regrets.
“I love you. I’ve loved you from the first moment we met. I love you deeper every time I see you. And, I know the timing is awful, but there’s never a perfect time. So, no matter what happens, I needed you to know how I feel.” I finally exhaled.
He looked completely stunned. My instinct was to get the hell out of there, but I stayed and waited for his response.
It felt like we stood there for hours before he whispered, “Tweet…”
No sooner had Noah said my name when I heard his name being yelled. I looked around him and saw Brooke wrapped in a sheet, stomping into the room.
“Oh my god! I thought you were alone. I only saw your car out front.” I turned to leave when I felt his hand grab my arm.
“Tweet, don’t leave. Just give me some time. Brooke, let’s go in the other room.”
“YOU READ HER TEXT WHILE YOU WERE FUCKING ME!!!” Brooke screamed.
“My phone was on the bedside table. I just glanced over at it.”
“Then, you almost broke your fucking neck jumping off of me to get to the door.”
I couldn’t stand there any longer. I turned, ran to my car, and peeled out of the driveway. My head was spinning and the adrenalin was pumping rapidly through my body. That went worse than I could have ever imagined. By far, that was the most embarrassing and humiliating thing I’ve ever been a part of, and that includes being a part of Brad’s bag a virgin bet. The first time I open up and tell anyone I love them, it had to be while he was on top of his girlfriend.
Some days are worth a do over, in a good way.
Idiot! I should have known he was busy when he didn’t text me back. I went straight home, changed into my lounge pants and t-shirt, crawled into bed, and pulled the covers over my head.
I must have fallen asleep because I woke up to the sound of my phone blowing up. I reached over, grabbed it, and tried to focus on the screen. It was full of voicemails and texts from Noah. I needed some time before listening to and reading them. I fell back in the bed and tried to clear the sleep out of my head.
Finally, I got up, grabbed a diet soda, and tore into a bag of chocolate Sweet Sixteen doughnuts. I needed caffeine and sugar. As I sat there running the last few hours over in my head, it dawned on me that I wasn’t sorry for telling Noah I loved him. What I hated was seeing Brooke with a sheet wrapped around her, coming out of his room, a room that I had grown up in and had fallen in love with him in. I’m not stupid. I knew they had been having sex since the first month they started dating, but it’s one thing to know and an entirely different thing to see it right in front of you. As long as I didn’t see evidence of it, I could pretend it wasn’t happening. A loud rapid knock jolted me from my thoughts.
When I opened the door, he was leaning against the doorframe, wearing jeans and he had put on his soft gray t-shirt. It was simple, but there was something about Noah in jeans and that shirt that left me breathless.
“Hi,” he said. His expression wasn’t giving anything away, it stayed neutral.
“Hi,” I whispered. Blood was pulsating through my body so rapidly it made me lightheaded.
“Brooke broke up with me,” he said, bluntly.
“Oh god, Noah, I’m sorry. I should have waited until you texted me back before barging over there. What did you say to her?”
“Goodbye.” His eyes were smoldering and his lips had just the hint of a grin. He pushed off of the doorframe, revealing a plate with a huge piece of chocolate cake on it that he had been hiding.
Once inside, he kicked his leg back closing the door, never once breaking eye contact or his confidant stride towards me. I walked backwards as he continued his approach. “Where’s Emily?” he asked.
“She went to Hilton Head for a girl’s weekend.”
He backed me up against the counter that separated the living room from the kitchen. He sat the cake down and placed both hands on either side of me, as
he leaned in close. “Did you mean everything you said to me?”
“Every word of it,” I said breathlessly. My heart was pounding so hard and fast it caused my body to vibrate.
“I can’t believe it. You’re finally mine,” he said, astonishment in his voice.
“I was always yours.”
“I know, but now we can touch and do things to each other and you won’t stop… You won’t stop, right?”
“I’m done stopping. It’s full throttle from here on out. What kind of things were you thinking about doing?”
“The first thing involves you naked and that chocolate cake.” A wicked smile crept across his beautiful face. “What changed?” he asked.
“Do you really want to talk right now?”
“I figured I’d better get the talking out of the way first because once my lips are on your body, they aren’t leaving it for quite a while.”
“Oh my,” I signed, breathlessly.
We stared for a few moments, taking each other in. I don’t think either of us could believe what was about to happen.
“Fuck it. I don’t care why it changed,” he said.
Noah’s tongue plunged into my mouth. He grabbed my hips and held them securely while grinding into me. I was already wet and we still had several layers of clothes between us. My fingers twisted their way into his soft dark hair as our loud breaths and moans filled the room. Dipping down slightly, Noah’s hands slid up my thighs, over my hips, and then to my ass.
Against my lips, he said, “Wrap your legs around me, baby.” I opened my legs as he lifted me and wrapped them tightly around his waist. I needed him closer. Now.
We headed straight to my bedroom and over to my bed.
I slid down his body until my feet touched the floor. Our lips stayed connected the entire time. It amazed me how lost in him I could get in a matter of seconds. Leaving his hair, my hands traveled down his back. I grabbed the hem of his shirt and started pulling it up. Noah broke from my lips long enough to raise his arms and help me peel his shirt off. I could feel the shiver run through his body as my hands ran over his bare skin. It caused me to shudder. Noah looked at me and smiled at the way our bodies affected each other.
His tongue slipped between my lips and into my mouth, slowly and deeply before his lips started the journey across my jaw and down my neck. He ran his nose up and down my neck a few times whispering, “You’re beautiful. I love you more than anything else in this world.”
I was so overwhelmed with joy and desire at hearing his words I almost started crying. I couldn’t believe this incredible man was mine and he loved me. He smoothly moved down between my breasts and came to rest on my stomach. Lifting my shirt slightly, he nuzzled into me. His tongue started to circle my naval as he placed soft kisses over my stomach.
My fingers clenched his hair as I moaned, “Oh god, Noah.” I swear, I almost came right then and there. I could feel his lips smiling against me. His hands ran up and down my ass, lightly squeezing as his tongue continued swirling around. I looked down at him enjoying the taste of me. Heat and moisture spread between my legs with such intensity, I wasn’t sure how much more I could take before coming undone.
I felt his fingers slide under the waistband of my pants. Noah’s lips followed the path of my pants as they slid down my legs. He ran the tip of his tongue along the top of my thighs and then lightly kissed between my legs. My knees buckled and I landed sitting on the bed. My body felt like jelly. He slid my pants the rest of the way down and off, leaving me just in my t-shirt and panties.
His hands stroked up and down my legs slowly. I noticed him staring at my prosthesis. I took in a big gulp of air. He pushed the button on the side of the leg to release the pin that held it securely on to the liner and then began to peel the liner off of me.
Pulling back slightly, I said in a timid voice, “Noah, I should go in the bathroom and take care of the liner.”
“I can do it. I want to.” A few tears escaped and trickled down my face. “What’s wrong, baby? You look so scared. Breathe, Tweet. It’s me.”
My voice began to crack. “The liner is made of silicone and it gets hot wearing it. It makes me sweat.” I tried to swallow back my sobs as much as possible, but I was so embarrassed. No one wants sweaty body parts before making love, during, sure, but not before. “Please, let me go and take care of it.”
“What do you usually do?”
“I wash it with soap and warm water.”
He got up, bent down, kissed me, and then whispered, “I want to take care of you in every way.”
He walked into the bathroom and came back with a warm soapy washcloth and a towel. Noah peeled the liner off and sat it to one side. He took the warm washcloth and began wiping off my left leg. When done, he wrapped the fluffy towel around my leg, gently massaging as he dried it off. I kept my gaze down, not making eye contact with him. I felt completely vulnerable and exposed.
Noah took my chin between his fingers and tilted my gaze up to meet his. “We don’t have to do this if you’re not ready.”
“I’m nervous.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s you and I want to be sexy and beautiful for you.” He looked at me confused. “A prosthetic leg is not exactly hot, neither is an amputated leg.”
His eyes slowly scanned up and down my body, then back up to meet my eyes. He stared at me for several seconds, then said, “I’ve been waiting years for this moment, do you really think something like that’s going to stop me? You are and have always been the most beautiful and sexiest woman I’ve ever known. I love you. I love everything about you- not just your legs, or arms, or eyes, or heart, or humor, or intellect. I love all of it. I love all of you. That will never change.” Tears were trickling down my face. Then with a flirtatious grin, he said, “Besides, I’ve never been much of a leg man. I’m more of a breasts kind of guy and yours are phenomenal.” Laughter burst out of me while I wiped away my tears.
“I love you, Noah.”
“Say it again.” He moved closer to me.
“I love you, Noah.” I looked up at him through my eyelashes, smiling.
“One more time.” He moved in until there was no space between us.
“I love you, Noah.”
His lips crashed into mine and our tongues collided immediately. There was such force that it pushed me back slightly. I wrapped my legs and arms around him, pulling him against me. I ran my teeth along his jaw to just under his ear. Grabbing his earlobe between them, I bit down lightly, and whispered, “I need you inside of me.”
Standing, he toed off his shoes while I worked on his jeans. I slid both my hands down over his perfect jean covered ass, and then moved toward his zipper. His jeans hung just slightly below the top of where his V started. I nibbled and licked across his abs down to his V as my hands worked on his zipper.
I was so consumed in the moment, I was surprised when I felt him grab both my wrists and pulled them away, halting my progress. Bending down, he kissed me. “I’ve wanted to get my lips on you for years. Let’s take our time. I want to taste every inch of you, slowly.”
Noah knelt in front of me on the floor, sitting back on his heels, our eyes staying connected the entire time. He raised my left leg up slightly and began placing soft feather light kisses over it. His lips traveled slowly up, alternating between my inner and outer leg, until they reached the top of my thigh. Then he gave my right leg the same attention.
He started at the tip of my toes, traveling up my ankle, my calf, and over my knee until he reached my upper thigh, placing the same feather light kisses along the way. I was completely breathless as I leaned back on to my elbows and watched him continued his ascent. His lips moved slowly and methodically from hip to hip. He showed my body complete love and reverence. I had never experienced anything like this before. I felt beautiful, sexy, loved, and protected. I felt worshiped.
As he moved up my stomach, my shirt slid up and over my breasts exposing my pale yellow lace
bra. I felt vibrations emanating from his chest and then heard a low deep growl that made me shiver. My elbows slipped out to the side of me, causing me to land flat on my back. This was the second time I almost came undone and we still had a few items of clothing on. He really was taking this painstakingly slow and I loved it. I loved him. I raised my arms over my head as Noah slipped my shirt the rest of the way up and off.
Grabbing around my waist, he lifted me towards his chest, and placed me farther up on the bed. He hovered over me for several seconds, with a look of admiration, before leaning down to kiss the skin just above my breasts. He kissed his way over my shoulder as he slid my bra strap off, repeating the movement on the other side. I lifted up slightly so he could unclasp my bra. The feel of the material sliding across my hard nipples made me shudder. I laid there completely exposed except for my panties and didn’t feel at all embarrassed or awkward.
Noah lowered his head and wrapped his lips around one nipple sucking on it hard while his thumb circled the other. He released my nipple and then looked at me. His beautiful light blue eyes were beginning to glisten, causing mine to do the same. I had never felt this all-consuming love given to me before.
We stared at each other for several seconds before Noah whispered, “Thank you for finally letting me love you.”
We devoured each other’s mouths briefly then he worked his tongue back down my body. I felt his teeth skim over one hip, hooking my panties while on the other side his fingers did the work. As they slid down, Noah glanced up at me and said, “You won’t be needing those for a while.”
Sitting back on his heels, he grabbed my right leg, raising it up towards his lips. His hands moved smoothly up my outer legs as he kissed his way up to my inner thigh. I could feel my body tense up with anticipation. The throbbing between my legs was almost unbearable. He lowered my leg and positioned himself between them. My back arched up off the bed as my hands began fisting the sheets. Noah’s lips and tongue flicked and sucked me as my body writhed uncontrollably. The only verbal communication were moans of satisfaction. The more my body tossed back and forth, the faster his tongue moved until he plunged it deep inside of me.
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