by Alice Ward
From the look on his face, I knew he appreciated my presence. He smiled faintly while Paisley and I talked, but I could see sadness behind his eyes. He wanted to be in my position. He wanted to sit with her and look at her drawings. He wanted to hear her talk with such excitement about each one. I smiled at him, trying to convey everything I felt without words.
“These are amazing,” I told Paisley kindly. “I can’t believe you really drew all of this.”
“They’re okay.” Paisley shrugged. “My friend Amber is way better. She can draw anything.”
“Anything?” I asked with raised eyebrows. “Really?”
“Really,” Paisley said firmly. “She’s so good.”
“I bet you’re better,” I teased.
Paisley smiled and rolled her eyes. She continued to flip through her sketch book absentmindedly. I patted her on the back and stood up. I watched her as I walked over to where Sean stood against the back wall.
“Hey,” I said softly so Paisley wouldn’t hear me. “I’m sorry about this. I don’t mean to overstep or intrude or anything.”
“You’re not,” Sean said kindly. “She loves you.”
“I don’t know about that,” I laughed uncomfortably. “I think she just needs someone to talk to who isn’t…”
I trailed off, not wanting to finish my thought. I didn’t know what I was going to say until it was already halfway out of my mouth. Once I realized what I was about to say, I wished I could take it back. I grimaced apologetically and looked down at me feet.
“Someone who isn’t me?” Sean asked softly.
“I didn’t mean that,” I said quickly. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re right,” Sean nodded. “It’s not your fault. It’s hard for her. Being without her mom. Moving in with me. She probably just needs to talk to someone who’s removed from the situation, who she doesn’t have all this pressure to get to know.”
“I know it’s hard for you, too,” I said.
I looked into Sean’s blue eyes, and my heart ached from him. Just like at the museum, I was overcome with a desire to take his hand in mine. Only now, it was different. After the night we spent together, everything was different between us. I felt it, and I knew he felt it, too.
Before that day, I decided to pretend like it never happened. I convinced myself it was just a mistake, just a meaningless mistake. I spent all day Sunday regretting the previous night, but now that I was face to face with Sean, I couldn’t regret anything.
I felt more conflicted than ever as we stood there, side by side in the conference room. His eyes just as focused on mine as mine were on his. There were a thousand unspoken words being said between us in that moment, but I still wasn’t sure what they were. I didn’t know how Sean felt about me, and I certainly didn’t know how I felt about him.
My entire life had suddenly been thrown off course. One day, I was going full steam ahead. I focused on my career. I built a name and a life for myself. I was independent and goal oriented. I may have worked too hard and spent way too much time stressing about my job, but I was happy. I was content. I was comfortable. Then, Sean came into my life and flipped everything on its head.
Now, I didn’t know which way was up.
“We should get to work,” I said weakly, finally tearing my eyes away from Sean’s face.
“Yeah,” he said. He cleared his throat and glanced over at Paisley. “We should.”
Sean and I sat down at the conference room table and went over his schedule for the week. I went over the notes I took about his first meeting with the press, and he listened politely. He didn’t speak except to answer my questions, but I knew he was listening. He never once looked away from my face. I tried to stay professional, but I could feel myself blush every few seconds.
I finished going over everything on my list and stood up to stretch. Sean followed suit and Paisley closed her sketch book to look over at us.
“All done?” she asked.
“Yup,” I smiled. “You guys are free to go.”
“What about you?” Paisley asked quickly. “Are you done working today?”
“No,” I laughed, “I’m never done working.”
“Oh,” Paisley frowned. “Never?”
“Well, not never,” I corrected. “I’ll just be here really late.”
“Maybe you could come over after?” Paisley asked hopefully. “When you’re done?”
I looked at Sean for a second. He just stared at me, waiting to hear my response. When I didn’t give one, he stepped forward and cleared his throat.
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” he said. “Tara is really busy, Paisley. She has to work.”
“But I mean after work,” Paisley insisted.
I smiled at her persistence. She reminded me of her dad more than ever. My head spun and my heart pounded. Everything between Sean and me was so confusing. I didn’t know what we were or weren’t. We hadn’t even talked about what that night meant, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to. I didn’t know anything except I couldn’t disappoint Paisley.
“Maybe this weekend?” I asked, glancing at Sean to make sure that was okay.
“Really?” Paisley asked, bouncing up and down with excitement.
“If it’s okay with your dad,” I said. I raised my eyebrows questioningly.
“Sure,” Sean said. He smiled at me slowly. “Sounds like a plan.”
“Great!” Paisley squealed. She ran over and threw her arms around my waist. I hugged her back tightly, not wanting to let go.
When she and Sean left the conference room, I watched them go, feeling more miserable by the second. I was no longer just struggling with my feelings for Sean, I was struggling with how much I’d grown to like Paisley. She was a bright, funny, talented little girl, and I loved getting to know her. Spending time with her was quickly becoming one of my favorite ways to pass the time. I didn’t want to give it up.
I sat down at the table and put my head in my hands. I breathed slowly, trying to clear my head. The day wasn’t over. I still had a lot more work to do, and now, I was more confused than ever.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Sean
On Wednesday morning, I woke to find Paisley already dressed and waiting for me at the kitchen table. She smiled when I walked in but didn’t speak. I grinned back at her and moved toward the coffee pot. I brewed myself a pot of coffee and poured Paisley a quick bowl of cereal. I set it down in front of her, but she didn’t touch it.
“Do you want something else?” I asked with a frown. I didn’t know everything about my daughter yet, but I did know how much she loved cereal.
“No,” Paisley shook her head. “This is good.”
Still, she didn’t touch her breakfast. She looked down at the bowl then back up at me with wide eyes. She clearly wanted to say something, but she hadn’t quite worked up the nerve. Instead of pressing the issue, I went about my morning routine. Grabbing a coffee mug from the top cabinet, I poured myself a full cup and sat down across from her. I sipped my coffee but didn’t speak, patiently waiting for her to say something.
“Um, Sean?” Paisley asked softly. I looked up quickly.
“Yes?” I asked.
“I get to go to work with you again today, right?” Paisley asked quickly. Her words came out in a rush, as if she was afraid she might lose her nerve if she spoke too slowly.
“Of course,” I said, chuckling. “Why wouldn’t you?”
Paisley shrugged and picked up her spoon. She shoveled cereal in her mouth, barely bothering to chew between bites. I’d seen her eat this way before, but it still unsettled me. I was terrified she would choke and that I wouldn’t know what to do.
When she finished, Paisley took her bowl to the sink and set it inside. She wasn’t quite tall enough to reach the faucet, but she struggled to turn on the water anyway. After rinsing her bowl as well as she could, she placed it in the opposite side of the sink and turned off the water. I watched her closely, slightly in shock.
>
In the weeks since Paisley came to live with me, she hadn’t done a single chore. I was afraid to ask her to do anything. I didn’t know what her mother made her do when she was still alive. The last thing I wanted was to disrupt Paisley’s routine any more than it had already been. It was a simple task: rinsing a cereal bowl, but it warmed me to see. Every day now, Paisley slowly settled into her life with me. My house was no longer just the place she slept, it was becoming her home.
“Are you ready?” I asked when Paisley finished at the sink.
She nodded enthusiastically. “Yes.”
“Do you want to get your sketchbook?” I asked. “You might have more downtime today. I don’t want you to be bored.”
Paisley shrugged and said, “It’s almost full. I don’t want to fill the last pages until I know for sure what I want to draw.”
“Okay,” I said with a smile. “But, we can get you a new one if you want.”
“A new sketchbook?” Paisley asked with wide eyes.
I shrugged. “Sure. Why not? We’ll pick one up after work today.”
“Okay!” Paisley smiled brightly and ran to get her sketchbook. When she returned, she headed straight for the front door. I laughed and hurried after her.
***
Paisley and I arrived at the office earlier than I expected. There was almost no traffic that morning, so it took no time at all to reach Yates’ Motorcycles. We went inside quickly. I struggled to keep up with Paisley’s enthusiastic pace. She was just excited to see Tara. I smiled at the thought. I was excited to see her again myself.
When we reached the conference room, Tara wasn’t there yet. I frowned and glanced back into the hallway. I looked to the left and then the right, but I didn’t see Tara anywhere.
“Hey,” I said to Paisley. “Hang out in here for a second. I’m going to Tara’s office to see if she’s—”
The rest of my sentence was drowned out by the sound of heavy footsteps coming toward us. I looked up to see my father heading down the hall. He smiled brightly as he approached. I tried to smile back, if only to remain professional, but I couldn’t quite manage it. I simply stared at him, waiting for him to speak.
“Good morning,” he said, glancing down at Paisley. “Why don’t you two come into my office?”
“Okay,” I said hesitantly. Paisley and I followed Ray down the hallway. We stepped into his office, and he motioned for us to sit down. I sat in the chair opposite his and patted the seat next to me. Paisley sat down, her eyes slowly moving around the room. She’d never been in such a big, grandiose office before. She took it all in.
“So,” Ray said, still smiling. “How are things going?”
I couldn’t tell if he meant with the company or with Paisley. The way Ray kept looking at Paisley made me think he was inquiring about more than just business, but I refused to give him the satisfaction of a proper answer. Paisley didn’t know this man was her grandfather, and I planned to keep it that way for as long as possible.
“Things are good,” I answered evasively. “Tara’s been great about helping me settle in.”
It wasn’t my intention, but I realized my answer could have been true for both the business and Paisley. I cleared my throat nervously, hoping my father didn’t notice my realization.
“That’s wonderful,” Ray nodded. “Tara’s a great asset to us here.”
“She’s nice,” Paisley said softly. She looked as if she wasn’t sure she was supposed to speak. Her cheeks flushed slightly when Ray’s eyes once again settled on her face.
“She is,” Ray agreed, smiling kindly. “Listen, I want to take you out to lunch today. Both of you.”
“Why?” I asked suspiciously.
“Just to talk about things,” Ray shrugged. “Nothing formal.”
“Okay,” I said slowly. It suddenly dawned on me that Tara still hadn’t arrived. “Where’s Tara? She wasn’t in the conference room. I was going to check her office, but you called me in here before I got the chance.”
“Tara took the day off,” Ray said simply. He looked at me with an impassive expression. I wanted to ask questions, but I hesitated, in case it somehow gave away mine and Tara’s relationship. The last thing I wanted to do was get her in trouble with her boss.
“Okay,” I said again.
“So,” Ray said. “Lunch. How ‘bout it?”
“Sounds good,” I said with an automatic nod.
“Great,” Ray smiled. “Tara left a few things for you to go over. I believe she set them up in the conference room. Why don’t you spend the morning in there, and I’ll come get you when it’s time to leave?”
“Okay,” I said. I felt like the word was becoming my mantra. I gestured for Paisley to follow me. She jumped up and hurried with me toward the door.
As we stepped into the hallway, I glanced back at my father, still wondering what his motives were. He wasn’t looking at me. His attention was focused on his computer. I shook my head and turned away.
***
My father took us to a pizza place for lunch. I was surprised when we pulled into the parking lot, but his reasoning became clear when we stepped inside. He immediately pulled a few coins from his pocket and handed them to Paisley.
“Here you go,” he said, winking at her. “Why don’t you go play some games while we order the pizza?”
Paisley shrugged. “Sure.” She took the coins and stuffed them into her pockets. She glanced at me and said, “I only like cheese.”
I smiled. “Got it.” She turned and ran toward the arcade without another word.
Ray ordered us a large pepperoni and personal size cheese pizza. We filled our drink cups and found an empty table. As we sat down, I glanced over to check on Paisley. She was enthralled with a pin ball machine and looked to be having a good time. I smiled, thinking how happy I was to have her around.
“So,” Ray said, pulling my attention back to him. “How are things really going? With your daughter, I mean.”
“It’s great,” I answered shortly. I didn’t trust my father enough to talk to him about anything real.
“Really?” Ray asked. “I imagine it would be a rough adjustment, especially for her.”
“She misses her mom,” I said. “It’s natural that she should. Claire just died.”
“I’m sorry about that, again,” Ray said. His face fell slightly like he might actually mean what he said.
“I’m sure you are,” I said. My eyes were narrowed while we spoke. I knew there was more to this lunch than he was letting on.
“Anyway,” Ray said. He cleared his throat. “I wanted to take you to lunch so I could thank you. I can’t tell you how happy I am that you decided to come work for the company.”
“Uh huh,” I nodded. “Well, the money really was too good to pass up. Now that I have Paisley to think about, I couldn’t say no.”
“Still,” Ray said. “Money aside. I’m glad to have both my sons working with me. It feels right. Like we’re becoming a real family again.”
“We aren’t,” I snapped. I glared at my father in disbelief. Did he really mean the crap he was spewing? Did he honestly think that, after everything, we could become one big, happy family over night?
“Listen,” Ray said. “I know things between you and your brother are strained.”
“Strained?” I scoffed. “Maybe you’ve forgotten, but they are much more than strained.”
“I know,” Ray said. He held up his hands defensively. “But, I think if you gave him a chance, you would see how much he’s changed. He really is a different person now, Sean.”
“Somehow, I find that hard to believe.”
“Then just give me a chance?” Ray pleaded. “Things could be great again if you just let us back in. Your brother isn’t the same person he was all those years ago.”
I stared at my father with disgust. It was obvious by the pleading look in his eyes that he meant what he said. Deep down, he truly wanted us to become a family again. He knew all the reaso
ns that was impossible, and he still insisted on insulting me with his free lunch and pathetic begging.
“If he’s changed so much,” I said. “Then why isn’t he here right now? Defending himself?”
Ray opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He shook his head. I could see the wheels turning as he tried to think of something to say, but I couldn’t bring myself to sit there any longer. If he only invited me to lunch so he could berate me about my relationship with Zach, then there was no reason for me to continue listening to him.
Just as I stood up, the pizza arrived at the table. I quickly packed up Paisley’s cheese pizza and grabbed a few napkins. I looked at my father with a mixture of anger and pity.
“Thanks for lunch,” I said, even though I hadn’t eaten a bite. “But we’re leaving.”
“Sean,” Ray began, but I cut him off with a look. I turned and hurried toward the arcade where I took Paisley’s hand and led her through the restaurant.
She looked behind her at Ray as we walked, but she didn’t ask any questions. For someone so young, she understood more than she should. I felt bad for dragging her away from the arcade, but I couldn’t stand the idea of sitting at that table for one more second.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Tara
When I arrived at work on Thursday morning, everything felt off kilter. I couldn’t remember the last time I took a day off, and it felt strange to be returning in the middle of the week. Still, I was excited to be there. Having an entire day to myself felt wrong, especially when it meant not seeing Sean for a full twenty-four hours. It surprised me just how much I missed him.
I stepped into the conference room, checking emails on my phone as I walked. I didn’t expect Sean to already be in the office, but when I looked up he was sitting at the table shaking his head at me.
“You know,” he said. “If you’re late like this, I may need to rethink our agreement.”
I chuckled and glared at him, feigning seriousness.
“Oh?” I asked. “You may want to check your contract, Mr. Yates. You’re locked in for the duration.”
“Well,” he teased. “If that’s the case, then maybe I need someone new to work with. Someone who can be on time to our meetings.”
