by Alice Ward
“He was protecting his daughter,” Niki said softly.
I know,” I said again. “I know he was.”
“I still don’t understand why you were fired,” Niki said. “What does any of that have to do with you?”
“Zach was just looking for an excuse,” I said. “After his fight with Sean, he looked at me and told me to get out. I wanted to fight him on it, but I just couldn’t. Not then.”
“What did Ray say?” Niki asked.
“Nothing,” I said. “He kind of collapsed into a chair and put his head down. When Zach fired me, he didn’t say anything. I thought he was just in shock after what happened between his sons, but then an ambulance showed up and took him to the hospital.”
“What?!” Niki’s eyes widened, and she moved closer to me on the couch.
“I don’t know what happened,” I said, tears finally sliding down my face. “I thought he was just upset. I didn’t know something was actually wrong with him. If I’d known, I never would have left.”
“It’s not your fault,” Niki said quickly. “There’s no way you could have known.”
“I know,” I said.
“Do you know what’s wrong with him?” Niki asked. “Was it a heart attack or did he faint or something else?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. I found out what hospital they took him to, but I haven’t called.”
“Why not?” Niki asked.
“Because I can’t,” I said, defeated. “Zach fired me, and I just can’t. Not after everything that happened. I’m the one who brought Sean to work at the company. It’s my fault that any of this happened. Ray wouldn’t want to see me now.”
“You don’t know that,” Niki said. “Ray isn’t Zach. He’s always treated you well.”
“I know, but still,” I said. “After that fight, why would he want to see me?”
“Because he cares about you,” Niki said simply. “And you owe it to him and to yourself to go see him.”
“Niki…” I began.
“No,” Niki shook her head firmly. “I don’t tell you what to do very often, but when I do, it’s because I know I’m right. And I am right about this, Tara. You’ll hate yourself forever if you don’t go see him. You have to find out if he’s okay.”
I looked at Niki and knew she was right. Of course, she was right. I would never be able to live with myself if something happened to Ray and I didn’t even know about it. We’d been through a lot together with the company, and he’d always been an amazing boss. Despite his relationship with Zach, I looked up to Ray. I liked Ray. And I really did want to see him.
“Okay,” I said. “You’re right. I’ll go.”
“Good,” Niki said. She smiled and wrapped her arm around my shoulders. She leaned her head against mine and sat with me until I was ready to get up. When I did, I got dressed and let Niki walk me to my car.
“I’m nervous,” I admitted as I climbed behind the wheel.
“Do you want me to go with you?” Niki asked. I knew she would.
“No,” I said. “Thank you, but no. I can do this.”
Niki nodded and said goodbye.
***
“I’m looking for Ray Yates,” I said when I walked up to the nurse’s counter.
“And you are?” the nurse asked with narrowed eyes.
“I…” I began before realizing I didn’t know what to say. “We work together.”
“Okay,” she said. “Visiting hours end in twenty minutes, so you don’t have long.”
“That’s fine,” I said.
The nurse stood up and led me down a hallway. We were almost to the end when she pointed to a room on the left.
“He’s in there,” she said. She smiled and walked back to the nurse’s station.
I stepped inside the room and looked around. It was a typical hospital room with generic curtains and an antiseptic smell. I instantly felt dizzy, but I forced myself to walk further inside. When I did, I saw Ray lying on a bed in the center of the room. His eyes were closed, and he looked older than ever.
“Ray,” I said softly. I walked up to the bed and gently touched his arm. “Ray, are you awake? It’s me, Tara.”
Ray’s eyes flickered open and fell on my face. I felt nervous, but I forced myself to smile kindly.
“Hi,” I said. “How are you feeling?”
Ray smiled. “Tara, I’m glad you’re here.”
“I wasn’t sure you’d be happy to see me,” I admitted. I pulled up a chair and sat down beside him.
“Why not?” Ray asked. His voice was weak, but he seemed alert.
“Since Zach fired me, I just thought…” I trailed off awkwardly, not sure of how to finish my thought.
“Oh.” Ray chuckled. “That.”
“Yeah,” I said. I didn’t know why he found my dismissal humorous, but my stomach burned at his laughter.
“You aren’t fired, Tara,” Ray said simply. “Zach is.”
“What?” I leaned forward. I felt sure that I’d misheard him.
“I fired Zach yesterday,” Ray said. “As soon as I woke up here, I told him he was done. He’s been poisonous to the company for far too long. I kept him on all this time in hopes that he would figure himself out and grow up, but that hasn’t happened. After yesterday… enough was enough. He’s done.”
“Wow,” I said. I blinked and tried to work through my shock. After an entire day of adjusting to the fact that I longer had a job, I found I did. Zach was fired. He was done. And me? I was still employed.
“So,” Ray said. “That means there’s something important for us to discuss.”
“What’s that?” I asked.
“Your promotion,” Ray said simply.
“Promotion?”
“Yes,” Ray said. “I want you to take over Zach’s position. We both know you’ve been doing his job for years anyway. Now it’s time to make it official.”
“I…” I sputtered. “I don’t know what to say, Ray. Thank you. Thank you so much.”
“You’ve earned it,” Ray said with a smile.
“What do you need?” I said, leaning forward to hold his hand. “Work isn’t important right now. Why are you here? What happened? Was it a heart attack?”
“No.” Ray shook his head. “It wasn’t a heart attack.”
“Then what happened?” I asked. I didn’t want to pry, but I needed to know.
“I’ve been sick for a while,” Ray explained. “I have an inoperable brain tumor. I didn’t want to tell anyone because I’m not one for sympathy. You know that.”
“Oh my god,” I said. “Ray, I’m so sorry.”
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “Don’t feel sorry for me. That’s not what I want.”
“Is there anything I can do for you?” I asked.
“Just do your job like you always have,” Ray said kindly. “And take care of Sean. I can’t tell you how happy I am that you brought him on. Getting to see him again before I… before this tumor gets the better of me… It’s the best gift I could have asked for.”
“That wasn’t just me,” I said. “You were the one who convinced him to do it.”
“But it was your idea,” Ray reminded me. “You are the reason I’ve been able to see my son again. Truthfully, I never thought I would. After everything that happened between him and Zach, I thought that was it for our family. When Sean came to work at the company, I hoped it would be a second chance for us all. I see now that I was mistaken. Zach… Well, he isn’t the type to change.”
“No,” I agreed. “He’s not.”
“I tried,” Ray said earnestly. “I tried for years to talk sense into him, but it never worked. I just wish I’d spent half as much time trying to fix things with Sean. If I’d been a better father to him… If I’d tried more, done more… Maybe we would have had more time together.”
Ray’s breathing was becoming heavy, and his eyelids began to droop. I knew visiting hours were ending, and I didn’t want to exhaust him. I squeezed h
is hand gently and smiled at him.
“You did what you could,” I said. “You tried. That’s what matters.”
“I wish that were true,” Ray said sleepily.
“It is,” I assured him. I could tell he was about to fall asleep, and I wanted to make him feel better before he did. He’d been through so much in the last few days, he didn’t deserve all the guilt he was putting on himself.
“Take care of him,” Ray said, suddenly alert. “Promise me you will. Take care of Sean. He needs someone like you to be there for him.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but my throat felt tight. Ray’s words meant more to me than he would ever know. He didn’t know about my relationship with Sean, but there was something in his eyes that told me he suspected it. More than that, he was happy about the idea. He wanted me to be there for Sean. He couldn’t know how much I wanted that, too.
My eyes filled with tears and I still couldn’t speak, so I simply nodded. I nodded my silent promise and watched as he finally fell asleep.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Sean
Another day passed without much incident. I thought about Paisley and how to help her. Tara crossed my mind every few minutes and, much to my surprise, I wondered about the company. Would they still expect me to complete my contract? Or did my fight with Zach effectively end the deal altogether?
I wasn’t sure which option I hoped for more. On the one hand, I never truly wanted to work at Yates’ Motorcycles anyway. It wasn’t my first choice. Or my second or third. Still, it was amazing money that I couldn’t pass up. It meant a whole new life for me and Paisley. And it also meant I got to see Tara.
We hadn’t spoken since that day. I left the office with only Paisley in mind. It didn’t even occur to me to stop and talk to Tara on the way out. When she called, I didn’t know what to say. I thought about picking up. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. After what I did and what she heard, I didn’t know what to expect from her.
I was also angry. I was angry at Zach and my father, but I was also angry with Tara. It was her idea to bring me on at the company. If she hadn’t pitched it to my father, it never would have happened. I would have spent the rest of my life working happily as a mechanic. I was certain my dad would never have reached out to me, and I wouldn’t have either. We would have continued our blissfully dysfunctional silence forever.
It wasn’t the best way to live my life. I knew that. Continuing to ignore my family wasn’t healthy, but it was comfortable. We were never the Brady Bunch, but there was a time when we were a family. My mother was still alive. Zach and I were brothers. And my dad, though flawed, was my dad. I hated him often, but only in the way a son is supposed to. He was never the best dad, but I could have forgiven that if he hadn’t taken Zach’s side over mine.
Now, I would never know if we could have gotten past our issues. Maybe if Tara hadn’t brought me on, we would have found our way back to each other naturally. Maybe, in time, my brother would have seen the error of his ways and apologized. Maybe, my dad would have, too.
Deep down, I knew these maybes weren’t enough to build a life on. Reality mattered, and fantasies didn’t. My reality was ugly and painful, but it was mine and I had to learn how to accept it.
As I sat beside Paisley, watching movies, I wondered about Tara again. She hadn’t tried to call in a while, and I found myself missing the sound of my ringing phone. I thought about calling her, but I still didn’t know what I would say. How could I explain myself?
While I pondered this question, there was a loud knock on the front door. I frowned and stood up, but Paisley was faster. She ran to the door and pulled it open. I could see her face light up from where I stood. I knew whose name she would say before she spoke.
“Tara!” Paisley squealed.
“Hi,” Tara said. “Can I come in?”
Paisley stood back and let Tara inside. My eyes found hers, and I took in her appearance. She was wearing jeans and a loose t-shirt. Her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail and her face was bare. Her eyes were red, like she’d been crying. I immediately knew something was wrong.
“Hi,” I said weakly. “What are you doing here?”
“Can we talk?” Tara asked. She glanced at Paisley meaningfully, and I knew she wanted privacy.
“Sure,” I said. “Let’s go out back.”
“Okay,” Tara said. She nodded and moved toward me.
“I’ll be right back,” I said to Paisley. “Stay inside, okay?”
“Okay,” Paisley said. She sat down on the couch and returned her attention to the movie.
Tara and I walked to the back of the house and let ourselves outside. I had a small table set up at the back of the yard with a few chairs. I led Tara over to them and gestured for her to sit down. She did, looking at me with a nervous expression. I knew my own face mirrored hers.
“Tara,” I began slowly. “I’m sorry for—”
“You don’t have to apologize,” Tara said quickly. “That’s not why I’m here.”
“Then why are you here?”
“For a couple reasons,” Tara said vaguely. “First, I wanted to ask you. What did Zach mean when he asked if Paisley was really your daughter?”
Her question was blunt and to the point. It took me by surprise, but I quickly recovered. Tara had always been straightforward. Ever since we met, she never beat around the bush. She knew what she wanted, and she asked for it.
I thought about my answer. There was so much that went into Zach’s accusation that I didn’t quite know where to begin. Taking a deep breath, I decided on the beginning.
“Remember when I told you that Claire cheated on me?” I asked softly.
“Yes,” Tara said.
“She left me,” I said. “And there were a lot of reasons for her decision, but the main one was the other man. She started spending more and more time with him, and eventually, she fell for him. I don’t know when exactly their relationship started, but I know it went on for a long time before I found out. And when I did… When I did find out, I was crushed.”
“That’s understandable,” Tara said kindly.
“Yeah,” I said. “But it was partly my fault. Our marriage was far from perfect, but still. I just never imagined she would cheat or that she would leave me for another man.”
“I’m sorry,” Tara said. I knew she meant what she said, but there was an impatient edge to her voice. She didn’t want a recap of what she already knew. She wanted answers.
“The man she cheated with,” I said. “Was Zach.”
Tara’s eyes widened, and her mouth fell open. She hadn’t been expecting that. Just saying it out loud made my heart ache and my throat go dry. For years, I pushed down the pain of Claire’s betrayal and pretended like it didn’t affect me, but it did. It always did.
“Sean,” Tara said, shaking her head in disbelief. “I had no idea. I never would have imagined.”
“Me neither,” I said with a dark laugh. “Who imagines their wife will sleep with their brother?”
“No one,” Tara answered.
“I was a mess,” I admitted softly. “It broke my heart, but I thought we could fix it, you know? I tried to work things out. I begged Claire to just try, but she said no. She was done. And she left.”
“With Paisley?” Tara asked.
“Yes,” I said. “Paisley was just a baby at the time. She was so little. When Claire left, I didn’t have the energy to fight her. She told me Paisley would be better off without me, and I believed her. After all, if I couldn’t make my wife happy, how was I supposed to make my daughter happy? How could I take care of Paisley when my entire world was crashing down around me?”
“Sean,” Tara said firmly. “Paisley isn’t her mother.”
“I know,” I said. “At the time, I didn’t. I just thought it would be better for everyone if I stepped out of the way and let Claire be happy with Zach.”
“But, they weren’t,” Tara said. “Were they?”
; “Not for long.” I shook my head. “I don’t know the details. I stopped talking to them both for obvious reasons. Claire and I only communicated when she needed money for Paisley. She and Zach split a long time ago. Paisley didn’t even remember him, so they obviously weren’t together for long. I always wanted to ask Claire about it, but I never did.”
“I’m so sorry,” Tara said. She reached forward and wrapped her hands around mine. “You didn’t deserve that.”
“In a way, I did,” I said. “I’ll never forgive Zach. He was supposed to be my brother, my family, but Claire… She tried for a long time, and I didn’t help. I didn’t make things easy for her.”
“She still shouldn’t have done that,” Tara said firmly.
“No.” I shook my head. “She shouldn’t have, but I always blamed Zach more.”
“I don’t blame you,” Tara said. She shook her head in disgust. “God… All these years, I hated Zach, but I had no idea just how much he deserved it.”
“I’m sorry,” I said suddenly. “You shouldn’t have had to see that the other day. What I did to Zach… It wasn’t right.”
“It’s okay,” Tara said with a smile. “I understand why you did it. I would have punched him if you didn’t, after what he did to Paisley.”
I nodded and held her hands tightly. It felt amazing to have her back with me. I didn’t realize just how much I missed her until I saw her again.
“Listen,” Tara said softly. “There’s something else I need to tell you.”
“What?” I asked.
“After the fight,” she began. “Your father… He collapsed and had to be taken to the hospital.”
I sat up straight and dropped her hands.
“He has a brain tumor,” Tara continued. “Apparently, he’s had it for a while now. He didn’t tell anyone, but after your fight with Zach, he just… His body couldn’t take it, I guess.”
“Is he—” I choked, fear flooding my body.
“He’s alive,” Tara said quickly. “He’s okay for now, but I think you should go see him. It would mean so much to him if you did.”
I leaned back in my chair and shook my head slowly. I knew Tara meant well, but she was wrong. If my fight with Zach caused my father to collapse, then I was the last person he wanted to see. Besides, I wasn’t the son he favored.
