by Alice Ward
“Nothing would make us happier. We’re having a little going away dinner on Thursday night. If you and Asher aren’t busy, we’d love to see you there. Feel free to drop by any time after seven.”
“I’ll talk to Asher and get back with you,” I promised. Deacon must have heard the exhaustion in my voice.
“Are you okay, Lauren? No offense, but you sound a little…?”
“Tired?” I offered.
“No… overwhelmed. Is everything okay between you and Asher?”
“Everything’s fine,” I lied. “I’m about to give my first presentation. I’m a little nervous, that’s all.”
“Well, keep your head up and remember who you are,” he advised. “Those people are lucky to have you.”
“Thanks, Deacon. I’ll get back to you about Thursday.”
“Talk to you soon, Lauren.”
I ended the call and stared down at my phone. Deacon sounded so excited about his new adventure and I hadn’t wanted to bring him down with my drama. He also wasn’t the person I typically went to for relationship advice. I didn’t want to bring Kennedy down either, but I needed the kind of pep talk only she could give me. I hit her speed dial picture and held the phone to my ear.
“Hey, Lauren.”
“Kennedy, can you talk?”
“I’m on my way across town for a meeting. I can be yours for the next ten minutes.”
I glanced at my computer; I had exactly twelve minutes before the staff meeting started.
“Kennedy, I was wrong. I was so wrong, and you and Jackson were right.” The words fell out of my mouth with a bluntness that shocked both of us.
“Lauren, take a deep breath and tell me what happened.”
I told her how Rachel had sabotaged my presentation and my hunch that Asher had left home early that morning to confront her about it.
“I found them in her office together,” I explained. “Asher was yelling at Rachel, insisting that she didn’t need to test me. She argued back and called him Billy. Then he really lost it. He said something about being happy to see her when she tracked him down in his new life. He also said it doesn’t matter who they used be, only who they are now. That’s when I’d had enough and walked into the room.”
Kennedy let out a deep breath. “I’m so sorry, Lauren. I hoped I was wrong. How did Asher explain himself?”
“He didn’t have a chance to. I’m leading my first staff meeting in ten minutes and I refused to let him reschedule it.”
“That’s smart,” she assured me. “You need to protect your career above all else. The people working under you already resent that Asher gave you the job instead of promoting one of them. Rescheduling their day because of your personal life would just make things worse.”
“I know. But I have to stand up in front of them in a few minutes and act like I’m collected and in control. And right now, I feel anything but.”
“That’s completely understandable. How did you leave things with Asher?”
“He promised we’d go home after the meeting and he’d tell me everything.”
Kennedy dropped her voice. “Do you really love him?”
“Yes,” I said without hesitation, then added, “At least, I think I do. I love the person I’ve been with all of these weeks. I’m just not sure that person is real.”
“Lauren, there’s nothing I can say right now to make you feel better about this. You won’t feel anything but confused until you’ve had a chance to really talk to Asher. But if you want, I can give you a few tips on how to pull yourself together for the meeting.”
“I’m all ears.”
Kennedy took a deep breath and started slowly. “This is going to sound stupid. But you need to spend a few minutes imagining how pre-Asher Lauren would handle the meeting. You are brilliant, you are talented, and you’re more than qualified for your job. My Lauren would walk into the room and leave no doubt about that in anyone’s minds. You’ve got to turn your heart off for the next hour and let your brain have control. You’ll have plenty of time to figure everything else out after the meeting.”
“You’re right,” I agreed with a sigh. “I talked to Deacon before you and he basically said the same thing. I’m really proud of the work I’ve done. I need to focus on that and show these people I deserve their respect.”
“That’s my girl. Now, I’m going to let you go. Text as soon as the meeting’s over and let me know how it went.”
“I will,” I promised. “Thanks, Kennedy.”
“You’re welcome. You’ve got this.”
The line went dead and I sat my phone on my desk. I fought the urge to go through my presentation one last time before joining my colleagues in the conference room.
I know these graphics backwards and forwards. I don’t need to over think this. Deacon and Kennedy were right. I could have gotten this job without my connection to Asher. And if I pull off this meeting, everyone working under me will realize that. I need to walk into that room and make everyone believe work is the only thing on my mind.
I spent a few minutes thinking about the long road I’d taken to get where I was. Designing virtual reality games had never been my dream, but it gave me an opportunity to get my work in front of the eyes of millions of people. If I played things right, I could open doors for myself I’d never dreamed of. I couldn’t let those possibilities slip out of reach because Asher lied to me.
I can do this. I am a sophisticated, grown ass woman. And I refuse to let my emotions get in the way of my success.
I rose from my chair, smoothed my silk blouse, and set off for the conference room.
***
An hour and fifteen minutes later, I was back in my office, reveling in my success. The presentation had gone better than I’d ever expected, even before I overheard Asher and Rachel. I watched the body language and faces of the other artists soften as I showed slide after slide of my work and explained the techniques I used to create the surreal world I’d been assigned. I kept my back straight, my head high, and my voice even through the entire meeting. Asher sat toward the back of the room and I didn’t glance at him once.
When I finally wrapped up the meeting, a cluster of coworkers surrounded me and walked with me back to my office. I was thankful for both their interest in learning my techniques and the barrier they provided between Asher and me.
When the last coworker left my office, I fired off a quick text to Kennedy. She replied with two smiley faces, four exclamation points, and a promise to call me later for details. I slid my phone into my purse, suddenly nervous again.
The meeting was over.
It was time to face Asher.
I shut down my computer, stowed my tablet in my bag, and locked my office door behind me. I assumed Asher was waiting for me in Rachel’s office and I was surprised to find her alone in the room.
“You did a very good job at the meeting,” she offered as I stepped through the open door. I closed it behind me and sat down in a chair across from her.
“Thank you. I hope in the future; you won’t make it so hard for me. You owe me an apology, Rachel. I don’t care who you are or what kind of past you and Asher share. You deliberately destroyed my work. If it wasn’t for our extenuating circumstances, I’d file a complaint with human resources.”
Rachel stared back at me, her face surprisingly calm. “You’re about to learn that things aren’t quite what you believe them to be, Lauren. You’re right, Asher and I do share a past. And once you’re aware of the details, you’ll understand why I’m so protective of him. You can tell a lot about a person by the way they respond to different situations. Asher’s gotten very attached to you. I needed to see if you were the type of woman who bails the moment things get tough, or the type who puts her head down and takes care of business. If it’s any consolation, you passed the test.”
“Fuck you and your test,” I snapped. I was outraged that Rachel had the nerve to justify what she’d done to me. And truth be told, I was jealous she kn
ew things about Asher that I didn’t.
“I don’t know your story, Rachel… if that’s even really your name. But I know I have nothing to prove to you. If Asher wants to tell me the truth, I’m going to listen. And I will keep every secret he tells me. But it won’t be for you. I want to make that perfectly clear. And if you ever pull another stunt with my work, I’ll ruin your reputation so fast you’ll have to rename yourself again. Do you understand?”
I found it immensely irritating that Rachel wasn’t fazed by my words. She leaned back in her chair and smiled at me.
“It’s no wonder he’s fallen in love with you. I have to confess, I didn’t understand it at first. But it makes sense now. I’ll stay out of your way, Lauren. But just know if you hurt him, I’ll make sure you regret it. And as you’re about to learn, I come from a place where people follow through with their promises.”
I didn’t even blink. “I’ll keep that in mind. When Asher gets here, tell him I’ll meet him at home.”
I rose from the chair, slung my purse over my shoulder, and escaped the office.
***
When I left the building, I fully intended to drive straight to Asher’s house. But when I slowed to a stop at the intersection, I instinctively turned toward San Francisco. It had been days since I’d been at my own place and I felt the overwhelming need to recharge. I pulled into a gas station and sent Asher a text while my tank filled.
“Need some time to gather my thoughts. Will see you in a few hours.”
He replied within seconds.
“I understand. Take as much time as you need. I love you.”
As I drove toward the mission district, I let my mind wander. I lowered all of my windows and let the salty air blow through my car. The smell reminded me of the perfume Asher bought me on his last business trip and my heart softened a little more.
God, please let there be a reasonable explanation for all of this… something I can handle.
I pulled into the parking lot of my building, locked the car, and emptied my mailbox on the way to my loft. I dropped a stack of bills and catalogs on my coffee table, kicked off my shoes, and poured myself half a glass of wine. It was only eleven in the morning, so I threw a little orange juice on top of it to assuage my guilt over drinking in the morning.
I need a nice long bath and maybe a nap. That will make me feel better. When I wake up, I’ll be ready to face Asher.
I wanted to know the truth more than anything. But I also knew once Asher told me, there would be no turning back. One way or another, my life was about to change. And I liked my life just the way it was.
I sat my glass on the side of the tub, ran a hot bubble bath, and sank down into the water. I sipped my makeshift mimosa while the smells of lavender and vanilla filled the steamy air. There wasn’t enough alcohol in the drink to give me a buzz, but the taste of it relaxed me. I turned off the water, leaned back against my terry cloth bath pillow, and let my mind wander again.
I should have known something like this would happen when I couldn’t find anything about Asher online. He’s a good man. I know in my heart he is. But I should have seen that he was hiding something. The way he stays out of the public eye, the concrete wall around his house… oh shit. Shit, shit, shit! It’s so obvious. How did I miss it?
I jumped out of the water and reached for a towel, not bothering to pull the plug from the drain. I dried off quickly, pulled on the first set of clean clothes I found on top of my laundry pile, and stuffed my bare feet into sneakers. I didn’t slow down to check my reflection or wonder if my clothes matched. All that mattered was getting to Asher.
***
“Lauren, are you okay?” Asher looked up from the kitchen island, his face filled with alarm. I crossed the entryway and hurled myself into his arms. He was clearly caught off guard, but he held me close and stroked my back.
“What happened?” he whispered.
I breathed in his scent and cradled the back of his head in my hand. “I realized something. You’re in danger, aren’t you Asher?” I whispered back.
I felt his chest rise against mine as he took in a deep breath. He let it out slowly and kissed the top of my head.
“Yes, I am,” he confessed. “Rachel and I both are. It’s a long story, Lauren. And it is past time that I tell you.”
“Are you sure?” I pressed. I pulled away and stared at him with honest eyes. “I listened to you and Rachel for a while this morning. It sounded like you were more against telling me the truth than she was. You told her you could make me happy as Asher Reynolds.”
“I know what I said,” he replied with a cringe. “But I was just delaying the inevitable. Explaining this will take a while. Let’s move to the terrace.”
Asher pulled two bottles of sparkling water from the fridge and led me out to the chaise lounges. Neither of us was in the mood to lay back and relax, but it was the only corner of the terrace that was shaded from the hot California sun. I held the cold glass bottle in my hand and we sat down, facing each other. I tried to keep my face patient while Asher gathered his thoughts.
“I’m not quite sure where to start,” he stammered. “But before I get into the details, I need to say something. Lauren, I need you to know that what I’m about to tell you has no bearing on the way I feel about you. This is my past. You, I hope, are my future.”
I reached over and took his hand. “Asher, I trust you. I was furious, at first, when I realized you were keeping something from me. But now, I’m just scared,” I confessed. “The walls around the property, the revolving security guards, the way you stay withdrawn from most people… it all makes sense. I know something serious is going on, something dangerous. And I know I’m in the middle of it, whether I know the details or not. I trust you. If you believe in your heart that I’m safer not knowing the truth, you don’t have to tell me.”
He was as shocked to hear my words as I was to say them. I’d never subscribed to the idea that ignorance was bliss, and I’d certainly never let a man decide what I did and didn’t need to know. But I’d never been in a situation like this before. I knew enough to know Asher and Rachel were both afraid for their lives. And in the moment, that was all I needed to know to let Asher decide what was best.
“In some ways you may be safer if you don’t know,” he told me. “But in some ways, you could be in more danger. To be honest, I want to tell you, Lauren. I want you to really know me, all of me. Not just who I am now, but where I came from… the things I’ve done… the things I’ve survived.”
“Start from the beginning,” I pressed softly. I moved to Asher’s chair, sat beside him, and took his hand again.
“I didn’t grow up in a middle class neighborhood in Seattle,” he confessed. “I was born in Los Angeles and until I was eighteen, my name was William Murphy. My mother was a cocktail waitress and my dad was a low level flunky for the Chavez family.”
My mouth dropped and I stared back at him in disbelief. “The Latin drug syndicate?” I gasped.
He nodded and looked down to the Spanish tile floor. “We weren’t family or anything. So when a deal my dad was working went south, he’s the one who took the fall. He’s serving a life sentence in Atwater for drug trafficking and murder.”
Knots formed in the pit of my stomach as I tried to wrap my head around Asher’s childhood.
“How old were you when he was sent away?”
“Five. I barely remember him,” he confessed. “He never tried to contact me and I’ve returned the favor. A few years later, my mom was killed at the bar she was working at. She was standing in the wrong place when a bar fight got out of control and was stabbed in the throat with a broken beer bottle. The guy who killed her was in the same prison as my dad until he was paroled a few years ago. He did send a letter once, which I ignored.”
I didn’t want to believe my ears and my heart broke more with each word Asher spoke. I still wasn’t sure how Rachel fit into the story so I braced myself for more horrific truths.
> “It isn’t fair you had to go through that,” I offered, my voice barely a whisper. “But it makes the life you’ve built for yourself even more admirable.”
“Thanks,” he replied, laughing back his tears. He ran his fingers through his hair, took a deep breath, and continued, “I’ve never told this story, Lauren. Please just bear with me while I stumble through the details.”
“Take as much time as you need. I’m not going anywhere,” I assured him.
“I didn’t have any grandparents or aunts and uncles to take me in, so after my mother died I ended up in the foster care system. The Chavez family started sending Mom money every month after my dad was sent away. When she died, they couldn’t exactly send their wads of cash to my foster parents. So they found other ways to take care of me. Luis Chavez became like an uncle to me. Cell phones weren’t common back then, but he made sure I had one so we could stay in contact while I was moved from home to home. He’d meet me at parks, have things delivered to my schools. As I got older, none of my foster parents seemed to care what I did, as long as I behaved myself and stayed out of their way. By the time I reached middle school, I was spending most afternoons at Luis’ house. He lived at the main family compound, and I learned a lot of things I shouldn’t. On my sixteenth birthday, the family threw me a party, bought me a car, and even rented a parking spot so my foster families and case worker wouldn’t know about it. Every day when I got out of school, I took a bus to the garage. In no time, I’d basically taken over my dad’s old job.”
“But… you were a child.”
“I didn’t feel like a child,” Asher replied bluntly. “I felt like a god, to be honest. For a while, I was the family’s golden boy. Luis had always recognized my intelligence. He paved the way with his family and I rose quickly in their ranks. I’m not proud of this, but I was actually responsible for expanding their business into one of the first incarnations of the deep web. As much as I hate what I did for them, I’m not sure I’d change it. Luis encouraged me to develop my talents. He insisted that I do well in school and gave me huge cash incentives to keep a four-point GPA. Without him and his family, I’d have been just another kid lost in the system.”
