by Lily Ryan
Lucas doesn’t say a word as we walk down the steps away from the house. What could he say? I’m sorry sure as hell won’t cut it. He owes me. For leading me into that shark tank without even a heads up.
I use my hands to cover my face as I sit in the car. I work for his father, and he never bothered to mention it. It never occurred to him that’s an important fact?
Lucas needs to pay for this. I want to slice him open and watch him bleed a slow and painful death. Too bad jail is a major aversion for me. I’ll have to find some other way, but he will pay for this. I just have to figure out how.
Chapter 20
Lucas
Once in the car I come down hard on the steering wheel with my fist. Why can she still get to me? Five years passed since I last saw her and still seeing her tonight threw me for a loop. She not only unnerved me, but made me look like an idiot in front of Olivia.
No. I did that all on my own.
I thought I was over Stacy. I have to be over her. Thinking about her repulses me, but seeing her … It makes the pain raw inside me. Lost in my thoughts I press the power button and start the car.
“Dead, huh?”
“What?” The sound of Olivia’s voice snaps me back to the moment. I forgot she’s here, right beside me. Could this night get any worse?
“Dr. Stillwell certainly doesn’t look dead to me!” Olivia laces into me. “How am I supposed to show my face at work?”
“Olivia …”
“I’m mortified! I mean, what the hell were you thinking?”
Clearly I wasn’t. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry? That’s supposed to make it better? You’re sorry?” she huffs. “Yeah, sorry I found out.” She pauses. I don’t know if she’s waiting for me to respond, but really what could I say? “I thought I meant something to you, that we meant something to you.”
I take a deep breath, letting her get out everything she needs to say, before I say anything.
“You’re nothing more than a spoiled rich kid with the hots for his stepmother.”
That’s when she goes too far.
“You don’t know anything about it!” My voice booms inside the car.
Startled by my outburst, Olivia rescinds. She turns from me, choosing to look at the surrounding blackness of the trees on the county road.
“You don’t know anything about it.” I repeat, in a calm collected manner, wishing I could go back to the beginning and do this whole night over.
Olivia remains silent.
“I … I need a drink. What do you say?” I look at her while waiting for an answer.
Olivia shrugs. I expect her to tell me to take her home. She’s angry. No, she’s downright furious. I hurt her by keeping the truth hidden away. I humiliated her with the scene at my father’s. A drink is most definitely in order. At least then I can offer some semblance of an explanation.
“Let’s have a drink and I’ll tell you everything. I’ll tell you all about my dirty little secret,” I say, with a sarcastic snicker.
I stare at her, waiting for an answer, surprised at how relieved I feel when Olivia nods.
*
I hop on the highway and speed away. The further I get from my father’s house the easier I breathe. We drive in silence. I wonder what she’s thinking and assume the worst. Once again, Stacy broke me. This time she ruined the best thing that happened to me. I decide to go to the same sports bar we went to after the movie. It’s close to home in case Olivia wants to call a friend for a ride.
I pull into the parking lot and stare at her, wondering why I’m even bothering to try to get her to understand. I should’ve brought her home straight away, said our final goodbye and moved on.
I know after tonight, it’s best to go our separate ways. But even thinking about life without Olivia makes me feel empty inside. Instead I sit still, wondering how she bewitched me into stepping foot into that house.
After a few minutes of silence, I get out of the car and walk around to Olivia’s side. She makes no move to get out. Even when I open the door, she barely turns her head.
Seeing her hesitation I clear my throat and speak, “If you want me to take you home, I understand.”
She shakes her head. “You’re not getting off that easy. Even if I never see you again, which is exactly what I have in mind, you’re going to pay for embarrassing me,” she says, getting to her feet.
Chapter 21
Olivia
We are seated in a corner booth in the back, away from the cheerful holiday crowd. I watch Lucas fidget with the salt shaker. He pours a bit of salt on the table and stands the container on its edge in the pile.
I sit with my arms crossed over my chest, “You like living on the edge, don’t you?”
“I’d hardly call working with autistic children edgy,” he answers, never lifting his eyes off the salt shaker.
“No, but a kinky Oedipal relationship is.”
Lucas shakes his head and speaks in a matter of fact tone, “It’s not what you think.”
“I’m waiting for an explanation.”
A bubbly waitress flounces her way over to the table. Her blonde ponytail bounces and sways behind her. She smiles a big tooth-showing smile while introducing herself and pulling out her pad. I don’t miss how her eyes linger on Lucas. Slut.
She barely gets the words “soup of the day,” out of her mouth when he clears his throat and interrupts her.
“Vodka straight.”
The waitress looks deflated. After a small sigh she turns her attention to me, jots down the order and disappears in the vicinity of the bar.
“We dated in college,” Lucas begins.
It takes me a moment to understand he’s speaking about Stacy and not the waitress.
Lucas continues in a detached manner, narrowing his eyes on the salt crystals in the shaker. “We were engaged.”
Oh shit! My heart twists in my chest. They were engaged. That sheds a very different light on the strange scene.
Lucas shakes his head in disbelief. “My father didn’t approve.”
“Of her or the engagement?”
“Neither.”
“So you broke up with her?”
“No.” He keeps his eyes down. “I loved her.” His voice is full of emotion. It’s hard for me to hear because I’m afraid he’s still in love with her. “Stacy was my world. I knew we were young, and the odds were against us, but none of that mattered.”
Lucas stops speaking as the waitress approaches with our drinks. He turns his gray eyes on her and orders a second round.
“What happened?”
He scoffs at the question, picks up his glass and takes a long sip. After a deep breath Lucas continues, “I was supposed to go to medical school.”
“Did you?”
“No. It was my father’s dream. Not mine.”
“I bet he didn’t take it well.”
“You could say that.” Lucas sucks down the rest of his drink. “Stacy took it worse. She hounded me constantly, telling me I was making a mistake I’d regret for the rest of my life.”
Lucas pauses as the waitress appears with the next round. “Another,” he orders before even taking a sip. Once the waitress leaves he picks up his glass, throws back his head and finishes it in one large gulp. Lucas wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and continues.
“Stacy and my father couldn’t stand each other. Yet they found a way to team up to pressure me into changing my mind.”
“Why didn’t she like him?”
“I know he comes across with a certain amount of charm,” resentment rings heavy in his voice. “But he’s an arrogant ass,” Lucas says, as he examines the empty glass. “At least ever since his mid-life crisis,” he holds up his hand signaling the waitress for more.
“I wouldn’t know.” I try to diffuse the anger and aggression I feel seeping out of Lucas, “I take my orders from Sandy, the office manager.”
“Office manager,” he sneers. “He had a simple famil
y practice seven years ago. Suddenly it wasn’t good enough. He needed to hire an office manager to double his profits.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
Lucas’s angry eyes meet mine. “He made a good living. We needed for nothing. We wanted for nothing. There was no need for more.”
“I still don’t understand how doing better is a bad thing.”
“Because he didn’t do better,” Lucas snaps. “A lot of his patients had been going to him for years. They depended on him. And when he changed the nature of his practice they couldn’t afford him.”
“I’m sure he wouldn’t just turn them away.”
“You’re right. He wouldn’t. That’s what Sandy is for. She acts as the buffer so his patients can’t appeal to his conscience.”
Once again the waitress places a drink before Lucas. He picks up his glass and takes another long gulp. “Two more,” he calls as she walks away.
“I think you’re exaggerating.”
“It doesn’t really matter. One afternoon my mother couldn’t reach Mr. Wonderful,” he sniggers. “She was staying at the shore house and found out he cancelled his appointments for the day. She tried him at home, on his cell. He didn’t answer. She called me worried sick. I promised I’d check up on him.” Lucas throws his head back and empties the glass.
Lucas’s grey eyes are dark and menacing. I can see the pain in his face as he relives whatever caused the rift between him and his father.
“I let myself in the house and called out for him. Nothing. No answer. I looked in the garage and saw his car was there, so I knew he was home.”
Getting a sense of where he’s heading, I want to give Lucas an out. I reach my hand across the table and place it over his. He looks down at our hands. I can’t tell if my touching him consoles or agitates him, so I pull away.
“You don’t have to do this.”
He ignores me and continues. “I heard noise coming from upstairs; nothing specific, just noise. So I went to check it out. The house alarm was off. Arrogant bastard didn’t think anyone would come looking.” Lucas leans across the table, his arms folded in front of him. “Or maybe he didn’t put it on because he didn’t want a warning, he wanted to get caught.”
“Lucas.”
He shakes his head, his pained eyes meet and hold mine. “No. I want to tell you, Olivia. I owe it to you, my sweet, beautiful, Olivia.” The vodka hit. It’s affecting him big time.
“I didn’t know what to think or expect. I mean who would right? He’s my father. The only one he’s supposed to screw is my mother. As I got closer to his bedroom I heard moaning.” He sniggers, “I thought it was him. I thought something happened.” He stops to toss down another glass. “I rushed toward his room. By the time I realized he was with someone it was too late. I saw her. That slut-bitch-whore was riding my father like a bull at the rodeo.”
Not knowing what to say or how to react, I do the only thing I can think of. The only thing that feels natural. I reach across the table and put my hand over his once again.
“I’m so sorry.”
His eyes drop back to our hands as Lucas falls silent. There’s nothing more to say. This time, he doesn’t let me pull away. He holds my hand tight. Like he’s afraid I’ll drift away.
“That’s why I went tonight. Why I couldn’t let you go without me. I’m not about to let my prick of a father get anywhere near you. Not tonight. Not ever.”
“I’m not interested in him. At all.”
“It doesn’t matter. You’re the first one I ever told.”
He looks up and meets my stare. He looks vulnerable. Scared. I wonder after all those drinks, how he’s even keeping himself upright. I don’t know what to say, or how to make any of this better for him.
As if he can read my thoughts, he turns away and shakes it off. “No biggie,” his voice cracks, “I walked out and never looked back. Not once.”
“What do you mean? You never confronted her? Or him?”
“No. I was done. Done with her. Done with both of them.”
“Liar. I saw the way you looked at her. You didn’t move on.”
“Yes, I did,” his voice rises at the end, in a sing-song manner, his eyes are red, and glassy, “And I’ll be damned if I ever allow myself to be hurt like that again.”
I don’t know if I should respond to him now or wait until he sobers up. I go with now. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve understood.”
Lucas stares down into a full glass, as if searching for answers in it. Finding none he sucks down the drink. “I-I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want you to think of him like that. The only one I want you riding is me.” His words are coming out a bit slower than before, the effect of the drinks and the night’s events are wearing on him.
Realizing Lucas’s inebriated state, I don’t respond. My heart opens and my feelings for him come gushing out. I want to wrap my arms around him and take his pain away.
“C’mon handsome,” I wink sliding out of the booth, “It’s time to go.”
“Okay,” he agrees reaching for the bill. He stumbles to his feet and pulls out his wallet.
“Hand over the keys,” I insist, with an outstretched hand.
Lucas opens his mouth, I think he’ll protest, but instead he reaches out and puts his hand on the back of the booth, steadying himself. Next, he reaches into his pocket and quietly hands the keys over.
Lucas staggers out to the car, I stay close to his side in case he wants to hold onto me for support. He doesn’t say anything, but every time I glance at him, his eyes are glued to me. Those sad, grey eyes that hold me captive.
Chapter 22
Lucas
Although my senses are skewed I realize my confession leaves me vulnerable and I don’t like it. Not one fucking bit. I feel like a circus acrobat who missed the swing, free falling with no safety net. I wait for the moment I feel myself splatter all over the floor.
I wish I could take it back, do the whole night over. I know it’s impossible. Instead I sit in the passenger seat of my own car, waiting for Olivia to spew out the “let’s be friends” speech. I can’t blame her. I deserve it.
All evening I made one mistake after another, watching them snowball. Telling her about Stacy, that’s an avalanche. Why didn’t I come up with a cover story? I could’ve let her believe I was just a spoiled rich kid having wet dreams about his stepmom.
But no. I had to go with the truth. After tonight is over she won’t want to see me again. While I tell myself it’s for the best, I have to make sure it doesn’t happen.
Chapter 23
Olivia
On the drive home Lucas’s sullen. Silent. And infinitely more attractive than he had been just a few hours earlier. I wonder what suddenly makes him so irresistible. Is it the fact that I know he comes with baggage? Full. Heavy. Baggage.
I’ve been drawn to him from the moment we met, but now I can’t deny that I feel more than a simple attraction. Much, much more. My churning emotions terrify me. I pull the car to a stop in his driveway.
“We’re here.”
Lucas looks out the window and nods.
“Do you hate me?” He asks looking down into his lap and picking at his nails.
“Of course not.” I run my hand back and forth over his thigh.
I feel a surge of heat rush through me. I need to get out of the cramped car. It’s too full of Lucas; his body, his heat, his scent. I need the cool air, or I might climb over the console and straddle him.
Before getting out and making my way around to his door Lucas opens it and stands on his own. I’m careful not to touch him. I’m too turned on to risk a simple touch. We walk across the short driveway to the front door of the small, humble, cape house Lucas calls home.
He puts his hand in his pocket searching for the keys. Reading the confusion on his face I jingle the fob in front of him.
“Looking for this?” I tease.
Lucas looks at me sheepishly and smiles.
He takes the fob from me and tries with some difficulty to place the house key in the lock of the front door. Focused completely on his struggle, Lucas doesn’t seem to notice anything else. I place my hand over his and ignore the surge of heat shooting through my fingers, through my body.
Together, we fit the key in the hole and turn it. Lucas turns to face me with a smile playing on the corner of his lips. I can’t move. I’m frozen in place as our eyes lock. Every cell in my body vibrates.
He looks awed as his hand slips behind my neck. All the times I’ve caught him staring, he never looked like this. Like I’m all he can see. Like I’m his everything.
“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.”
“Thank you,” I answer, dropping my eyes.
He lifts my chin with his pointer finger as he dips his head down and brushes his lips against mine. This sweet kiss wakes a yearning inside me. I grasp his shirt in my fingers and pull him closer. I press myself up against him.
It’s not enough. I want more as he drops his mouth and nuzzles against the nape of my neck forcing a moan of pleasure to escape from me.
Lucas turns me around and backs me up until I’m pinned against the front door. My shallow breaths come faster as his hands run down the sides of my neck. Down to my breasts where his fingertips skim over my tight nipples.
“O-liv-ia-,” he whispers my name.
My insides twist and twirl, I’m soaring from heady heights, like I’m about to jump from an airplane. Clumsily he reaches around me for the doorknob, turns the handle, and sends us stumbling inside.
I giggle righting myself and run my index finger over his bottom lip. “You’ve practiced that haven’t you?”
He takes my hands in his and gives a devilish grin, “Once or twice.”
“I bet.”
“Come with me,” he whispers, standing so close our bodies touch and his breath tickles my ear.
“I don’t think I should.”
“Come.”
He wraps his arm around the small of my back and yanks me hard against him. My heart beats so hard I feel it in my fingertips. And what the hell am I feeling between my legs? I swear I never felt this tingling before.
