by Lisa Yee
Undaunted, she let go and continued her journey, wandering through the winding labyrinth, doubling back whenever she hit a dead end.
“What’s taking you so long?” Mad Hatter asked impatiently, his voice booming over a loudspeaker.
“I’m in no hurry, J.J.,” Harley replied, careful to sound confident, even if she didn’t feel that way. The maze was so confusing. Had she already walked this way? Everything looked the same. “Or do you go by Mad Hatter?”
“Oh, you can call me Mad Hatter,” he said, letting out a long, gleeful laugh. “Although some people just call me mad!”
“I’d like to call you…when you’re in prison,” Harley quipped.
“What’s that? I can’t hear you,” Mad Hatter said. “What’s the matter, Harley? I thought you’d be better at hide-and-seek.”
Harley looked around. The maze walls were a glaring white. She wished she had sunglasses. That’s when she looked up.
“You’re pretty quiet,” Mad Hatter said. “That’s not like you. What’s the matter? Scared?”
“Scared, schmared. I’m not afraid of the likes of you,” she said, shaking the inkling of self-doubt that had crept into her brain. Harley was used to having other Supers around her, backing each other up. But this was to be a solo performance. “Focus, Harley,” she reminded herself. She thought, What would Batgirl do?
Harley fumbled around in her pocket. It was still there—the little box from her friend. She opened it and smiled. Inside was the teeny-tiny QuinnCam drone camera. Harley slipped on the ring that controlled it—and the drone. She wished Batgirl had also given her instructions. Then she noticed that when she moved her ring finger, the QuinnCam moved too. When Harley pointed the ring to the left, the camera turned left. When she pointed it to the right, it went right. And if she moved her hand up and pointed the ring skyward, that was where the camera went.
Harley looked at the ring and could see what the camera was recording on a small screen built into the ring. She had a view of the entire maze! But where was Mad Hatter? Harley rotated the ring until—at last—she found what she was looking for.
She made the little drone rise a little bit higher, out of sight. She had a feeling it might come in handy later.
He was sitting on what looked like a red velvet throne in the middle of the maze, sipping from a dainty blue teacup. Harley nimbly wove her way around, using the images from the drone camera overhead as her guide. Finally, there was only a wall between them.
“Where are you, Harley Quinn?” Mad Hatter’s voice was almost a singsong. “You’re not scared, are you? I’d think someone of your stature, of your skills, and of your presence, wouldn’t be scared of anything. Reveal yourself! I have a proposition to make!”
Harley took a step back, did a couple of sidewinders, and then ran up, up…and over the wall, landing in front of Mad Hatter. “Ta-da! Here I am! Didja miss me?” she said, looking fierce. “Now, what’s so all-fired important, before I take you in?”
Mad Hatter didn’t look surprised. In fact, he looked amused, as if he had anticipated this moment.
“Harley!” he said, clasping his hands with joy. “So glad that we can have this moment together.”
Though the maze walls had been austere white, where Mad Hatter sat looked like a cozy living room, complete with a fireplace. Harley’s stomach made a loud growling sound, reminding her she hadn’t eaten lunch.
Laid out before her was a feast of colorful carnival food. Harley’s eyes stopped at the sugar-and-cinnamon-powdered funnel cakes stacked so high they threatened to topple.
As if reading her mind, Mad Hatter said, “This is all for you. Sit, sit, Harley. Have some cake and tea, have whatever you’d like. We have so much to talk about, you and me. We are much more alike than you realize.”
Harley stood warily. Mad Hatter didn’t seem to have any bodyguards or villains at his side, and there were no weapons that she could see. What does he want? she wondered. Perhaps it really was Mirror Master who was the villain, and he had been using Mad Hatter this whole time. After all, the man sitting in front of her seemed harmless.
The funnel cakes looked delicious, and Harley was hungry. “Maybe just one bite,” she said, picking up a gold plate. The initials MH were written in the center in cursive.
Mad Hatter rubbed his hands together and encouraged Harley to pile her plate high with treats. “More! More! Take more!” he said. “More is better!”
“Thisissogood!” Harley gushed after taking a bite. Crisp on the outside, the funnel cake was soft and warm inside. Harley made a mental note to tell Bumblebee about it. Surely it would taste even better drizzled with honey.
“Please sit, Harley,” her genial host insisted.
As Harley joined him, she set her mallet aside, making sure she could grab it if needed. Harley tried to remember what Commissioner Gordon had told his students about getting information from a criminal.
Harley watched Mad Hatter adjust his oversized top hat. It was green with a band of yellow around the base, and boasted a wide brim that didn’t detract from the fancy deep blue stitching. It tipped to one side, making Mad Hatter look slightly lopsided, and the sparkles and lights were mesmerizing. Harley recalled that Miss Martian had said something about his hat. But what?
Well, it’ll come to me, Harley thought. She’d never had a shortage of ideas.
Mad Hatter poured her a glass of iced tea. She drained it in one long swallow. She hadn’t realized how thirsty she was. Harley wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, trying to remember why she was there. Perhaps it was to Save the Day, or the world. Or maybe to unmuddle the mystery of the big bubble and unmask the true villain. Was it Mirror Master or Mad Hatter…or someone else completely? Harley was confused. She wished she was as sleuthy as the Junior Detectives. Then again, there were some things she was terribly good at, like running Harley’s Quinntessentials!
“Hey, Mr. Hatter,” Harley said, trying to focus. Her thoughts were whirling around. She got up and poked at his hat with her index finger. “That’s some amazing chapeau you got there. Chapeau—that’s French for ‘hat’!”
The smile slid off his face for a moment before he laughed and said, “Oh, Harley, you crack me up. Merci! Thank you for the French lesson.”
Both of his hands gripped the edge of his hat as he secured it tightly on his head. Luckily, Harley wasn’t wearing a hat. There was nothing he could do to her, she thought.
“Do you know who your biggest fan is?” Mad Hatter asked playfully. “Care to guess?”
“One of my viewers? Wait. I know…that lady who sends me pictures of her grandkids?”
Mad Hatter laughed good-naturedly. “No, not them. Though you do have legions of admirers. But your biggest fan? You’re looking at him! I did this all for you, Harley Quinn! The Karnival, the Green Team—it was all to get you here and for us to talk.”
“The Big Bubble?” Harley asked.
“Yes, the Big Bubble!” Mad Hatter said, puffing himself up. “Oh, Ms. Quinn, you’ve figured it out!”
“I have?” Harley was used to people saying she was funny, and that she could do the best acrobatics. But no one had ever pegged Harley Quinn as an intellectual. “You think I’m smart?” she asked, flattered.
“Of course you are,” Mad Hatter said. “You are are remarkably smart.”
Harley’s brain was on overdrive. “Okay, so as I see it, you worked with Mirror Master to duplicate the Green Team and make their mirror images rob Metropolis.”
He looked at her admiringly. “See?” Mad Hatter leaned over and tapped Harley’s forehead. “Smart thinking. But I didn’t do this just to rob Metropolis. That’s child’s play. Any common criminal can do that.”
“I—I don’t understand,” Harley sputtered. She was so confused, she stopped eating cake.
“Please, get comfortable and I’ll tell you why,” Mad Hatter said. “I have been a fan of yours ever since you started Harley’s Quinntessentials. In fact, I was one of your
very first viewers. MH234. Recognize that?”
“MH234? That’s you?” Harley exclaimed, her eyes wide. “MH234 is always the first to cheer me up when things go wrong!”
Mad Hatter beamed, wickedly delighted. “That’s me. Remember the time you crashed the Internet?” Harley nodded. How could she forget that? Everyone was mad at her. Well…almost everyone. “Do you remember what MH234 said?” he asked, wagging a finger at her.
“MH234 said, ‘You’re just getting started, Harley Quinn. Keep going. Someday you’re going to be big!’ ” she quoted. She had memorized lots of MH234’s messages.
Mad Hatter burst out laughing. Harley liked the way his eyes sparkled. “Was I right, or was I right?” he asked.
“You, sir, were right!” Harley said, biting into a treat.
“I believe in you, Harley,” Mad Hatter said sincerely. “And even more now that we’ve met. You know, we should work together.”
“How?” she asked.
Mad Hatter stared into her eyes. “I love your Web shows. You’re so innovative. I mean, c’mon. That dance contest? The Super Bloopers, where the super heroes mess up? The ‘Ask Harley’ segment? Brilliant. All of them!”
Harley liked what she was hearing.
“May I ask ya something, Mr. Hatter?”
“Anything, anything for you, my dear,” he answered.
“How would we work together? I’m not saying that we would, but if we did, how would that be?” she asked.
Mad Hatter set his teacup down. “When we team up you will be the top media superstar in the world! With your personality and viewership, and my skills at marketing and planning—”
“Go on,” Harley urged. This was getting interesting.
“Where is Mirror Master?” Mad Hatter suddenly asked, looking around. “He has a present for you! MIRROR MASTER!”
Harley tried not to smile. She knew Mad Hatter was in for a surprise when he found out that Mirror Master was in custody.
It was Harley Quinn who was surprised.
Mirror Master was standing in front of her. When she last saw him, he was in custody and being hauled away by The Flash toward the Lost and Found, where the Supers were guarding the criminals.
“Where have you been?” Mad Hatter asked. Harley thought she saw his eyes flicker with disapproval. When she looked again, he was greeting Mirror Master with a toothy smile. “Do you have the present for Ms. Quinn, here? That special one.”
“I do!” Mirror Master said. He held his mirror equalizer in one hand…and a hat in the other.
Harley recognized it as the one he’d tried to give her earlier: the eccentric jester-hat-of-many-colors, adorned with jingly-jangly bells.
“For you, my dear Ms. Quinn,” Mad Hatter said, bowing to her. He took the hat from Mirror Master and held it high above Harley’s head, as if about to crown her.
She looked nervously at Mirror Master. His jaw was tight. He kept his mirror equalizer aimed right at her. Harley’s mallet lay on the ground. She reached for it, but Mirror Master kicked it out of reach and held up his equalizer.
Mad Hatter had a delighted look on his face. “Oh, pshaw! We won’t need that,” he said to Mirror Master. “Put that thing away. Harley’s on our team now, or at least she will be soon!”
Harley gripped the side of the chair as Mad Hatter slowly lowered the hat on her head, making sure it was on tight. “Now, that’s better,” he said, grinning. “You look great!”
Harley’s eyes glazed over. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Finally she said, “It. Fits. Great. We are a great fit, too.”
“Oh, Harley!” Mad Hatter crowed. “Think of the two of us together. What a team we’d make! Hatter and Harley!”
“Harley and Hatter,” she began to correct him.
He chuckled good-naturedly. “You are right. You’re the star! It should be Harley and Hatter! One has to be flexible about these things, you know.”
Harley cocked her head. She was getting signals from the hat. Warm, fuzzy signals. They were telling her things. “Okay!” she shouted, then calmed down. “Okay, Mr. Hatter. Working with you will be like a dream.”
Mad Hatter whispered to Mirror Master, “My mind-control hats work every time! But hats can only go so far. And it’s so much work to get people to wear them. However, with this girl, well…”
He turned to Harley. “I’m your biggest fan. Harley’s Quinntessentials has the built-in audience to get me started on the road to fame and fortune—my fame and my fortune. Now I can mind-control the masses when they tune in. Everyone will be watching you, and that means they’ll be seeing me, too. Everyone. Everywhere! And when they do, I’ll rob them blind, and they will love me for it!”
Harley nodded slowly. “Mind-control the masses!” she repeated robotically. “How?”
Mad Hatter poured himself more tea. He dropped several lumps of sugar into it and stirred slowly. “Simple,” he explained. “This is the new wave of crime. No more robbing banks and stores. That’s so old-school—plus, it can get messy. With Hatter and Harley, we will just tell everyone to send us their money and gems and jewels, and whatever we want! And they will because they will have no choice once they’re tuned in to us. I’m going to mesmerize them via mass media!”
Harley’s head was buzzing.
“I am so glad you came to your senses, my dear,” Mad Hatter was saying. “Even if I did have to give you a little nudge with that hat. And by the way, it looks marvelous on you. Your fans will love it. You and I are so much alike. We both want to be adored by the masses and will do anything to get what we crave: all eyes on us!”
He smiled warmly and settled back in his chair to take a congratulatory sip of tea. Mad Hatter reveled in the moment, then leaned forward and asked, “What do you say, Ms. Quinn? Shall we shake hands to seal our partnership?”
Harley stood up. She held out her hand. Mirror Master looked on from the sidelines, still aiming his equalizer at her.
“Okey-dokey, Mr. Hatter,” Harley said, extending her hand. “Let’s do this!”
Harley and Mad Hatter gripped hands and shook, but she wouldn’t let go, gripping tighter and tighter. Then Harley began to laugh. Softly at first, then louder and louder.
“What?!” Mad Hatter roared. “Mirror Master! Get Harley!”
Mirror Master raised his mirror equalizer.
“Go ahead, zap me,” Harley dared him as she tightened her grip on Mad Hatter.
Mad Hatter looked from Mirror Master to Harley, then back again. His eyes narrowed and his jaw tightened. “Zap her!” Mad Hatter demanded. “Do it now!”
“Yes, boss,” Mirror Master said, taking aim.
Harley didn’t even flinch when Mirror Master squeezed the trigger.
BOOM!
When the puff of vanilla-scented smoke cleared, colorful confetti and streamers rained down on them.
Mad Hatter was stunned.
Harley could not stop laughing.
“Oh, that’s not the real Mirror Master,” she said. “I knew when Mirror Master showed up that it couldn’t be the real thing. Batgirl and The Flash would never let him escape—so this guy had to be a fake!”
“The jester hat…,” Mad Hatter started to say.
“Ooh, you’re so smart, Mr. H!” Harley said, tapping his forehead. “Yep. That’s why I put on the hat. I also knew my friends wouldn’t allow me to fall under your mind control.”
“What?” Mad Hatter sputtered.
“Oopsie, sorry,” Harley said, not sounding sorry in the least. “I forgot to tell you something important. Something really, awfully, terribly, superly important!”
“What?” he growled.
Harley paused, then smiled. “I’ve been broadcasting our little talk—to the whole world!” She waved to the QuinnCam hovering above.
Mad Hatter finally noticed the small drone sparkling in the dark. He was speechless.
“Aren’t you gonna say anything? Congrats! You’re suddenly famous—but your fiftee
n minutes are up, in about”—she checked her watch—“in about six minutes. And now it’s my responsibility to see that you’re put away where you belong…in prison!”
Mad Hatter’s coloring went from red to white to green, and then back to its regular pale self. He cleared his throat and lowered his voice. “Listen to me, Harley. We’re a team, remember? Hatter and Harley, er…Harley and Hatter. Just put me in front of the camera and tell everyone to stare at their screens. We will have the biggest audience in the history of the world. You will be the most famous person on the planet! Everyone’s going to want to know what the two of us now have in store for them.
“Harley,” he whispered. “We can say that the little scene they just witnessed was a prank. A joke!” He forced a laugh. “Like when you did ‘Where’s Harley?’ Then we can rule the airwaves…and the world!”
Harley thought about this. She had always wanted more, more, more. More viewers, more fame, more everything. And now was her chance. Mad Hatter was handing it to her.
Harley looked directly up at the QuinnCam, took a deep breath, and said, “Hey, Harley’s Quinntessentials viewers. This is really hard for me to say. But I’ve made my decision. Thank you for watching, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.”
Mad Hatter grinned and winked at Harley. He puffed himself up, but his smile quickly turned into a look of terror. “Nooo!” he cried as Harley grabbed her mallet. With one smooth swing, she threw it at the QuinnCam camera, smashing it to pieces.
All over the Krazy Karnival and beyond, Harley’s Quinntessentials went dark.
“Now it’s just between you and me,” Harley said, staring down Mad Hatter. “Let’s leave the rest of the world out of this. You think I’d even consider teaming up with the likes of you? Uh, excuse me, but no!”
Mad Hatter stood up and wagged his finger in her face. “You want a fight, I’ll give you one!” he shouted.
“Catch me if you can!” Harley said gleefully. Then she lowered her voice. “Guide me outta here, Batgirl!”
