“Tess,” he continued, blissfully unaware of the turmoil raging inside her. “Yes, we started this as a plan, each of us giving the other something we needed. But we’ve bonded. We’re real friends now. And our friendship means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me.” He sighed as he admitted, “Carrie never did. She was really nice, and we had fun in bed, but I never felt anything for her, which is why I thought it fair to her to end it when I did. I was trying to spare her feelings. You understand?”
Tess only nodded.
“Sure, I wanted her then. But my Long Island Lady . . .” He quirked a grin. “I want you now. All the time. Deal or not, friends or not, you’re the most beautiful, desirable, sexy and sweet woman I’ve ever met. So don’t be jealous of her. I want you.” He lowered his head and took her mouth in a commanding kiss.
She swayed as she let herself fall into it. His hands slid up her back and into her hair, holding her to him as he plundered her mouth with deep, hot kisses. She couldn’t think straight, and she didn’t want to deal with what she was feeling. A piece of her wanted to run away from him, right there and then. But it was the end of her ovulation cycle. She needed to do what they were there to do. So she reached out and unbuttoned his shirt as they kissed, pulling the shirttails out of his pants with demand.
He pulled back to look at her, brows lifted, his gaze a silent question.
“No more talking,” she whispered. “Let’s go upstairs and get to work.”
That stopped him. He frowned, cradling her face in his hands. “Wow. Wait. We need to—”
“No. I don’t want to talk anymore.” She pulled away and headed for the stairs. It was easier to lie to him when she wasn’t looking at him, so she said as she walked, “You and your friendship mean a lot to me too, Logan. We’re good. So let’s go.”
She was halfway up the stairs when she realized he wasn’t behind her. She turned to look; he stood where she’d left him, in the middle of the living room, staring after her with a stormy, confused look on his handsome face.
“We’re fine,” she said firmly, even as her heart hammered inside her chest, making it hard to breathe. “Please join me upstairs?”
His eyes narrowed on her, pale green lasers scouring into her. Then he scrubbed his hands over his face, drew a deep breath, and started walking to join her.
Their sex wasn’t playful or fun. Intense and red-hot, the atmosphere in her dark bedroom was similar to the charged tension of makeup sex after a fight. They grabbed at each other without mercy, reckless and demanding. She dug her nails deep as they trailed over his back; he bit her and possessed her and made her scream for more. When he went to position himself over her, she brusquely turned her body, offering her back. She couldn’t do missionary position tonight. She couldn’t look into his eyes as he moved inside her . . . not with the emotions pinballing through her now. He’d be able to see how she felt about him if he looked deeply into her eyes, and she couldn’t bear the thought of it.
She glanced at him over her shoulder, signaling without words that she wanted something rougher and darker than she usually did. So intuitive, so in sync when they were in bed together, his eyes held hers for a long beat. Then, gripping her hips, he took her from behind, slamming into her hard as he went deep. She moaned loud and low, her fingers twisting into the sheets.
He took over and she gladly let him, giving herself up. Pounding into her, the sounds of their bodies slapping together and lusty groans and labored breathing took them quickly to another level they’d never hit before. He grunted over her, driving into her with mindless animal lust. She urged him on with her moans and motions . . . then she cried out his name, her head dropping down as the shouts tore from her throat. The erotic sounds sent him flying over the cliff. He dug his fingers into her hips as he groaned and bucked and shuddered and emptied himself deep inside her.
They fell to the mattress together in a tangled, sweaty heap, her hair everywhere, both of them breathing as hard as if they’d run a race. He held her close, spooning her, her back to his front as they worked to calm down.
Finally, he dropped a tender kiss on her shoulder. “There’s no way in hell you can think I don’t really want you after that.” He moved her hair aside to better expose her skin and kissed her shoulder again. His sexy voice rumbled in her ear, sending tiny shivers over her. “What Carrie said? She’s dead wrong. I don’t give a fuck about your money, and you know that. And yes, our deal is our deal, but I’m insanely attracted to you.” His hand ran down the length of her side, stopping at her hip. “Please tell me you know that?”
God, what he was doing to her. And he had no idea. She nodded and let her eyes slip closed. “I know that, Logan.”
“Okay. Good.” He kissed her neck and pulled her even tighter against him, closing one hand around her breast and one on her waist as he cradled her.
She let herself glory in how it felt to be held by him, the smell and feel of him . . . then she tried to pull away. “Gotta raise them up,” she murmured.
He let her go more slowly than usual. She swung her body around into position, lifting her legs up over the smooth curved headboard. He pushed a pillow under her hips. They lay together in silence.
She waited for him to do what he always did: go to get them both water, talk for a few minutes, then leave for the night. And it took a minute, but then he did get up from the bed and pad out quietly, and he did bring back a bottle of water for her, sitting on the bed beside her as usual.
“I’m glad we’re friends,” he said softly, gazing down at her.
“I am too,” she said. “I’m glad we can talk openly like we did tonight.”
“Same here. And I feel like . . . you heard me. You know. So that’s the end of that.” He paused, as if he were going to say more, then drank more water instead. “I better get going. I’m tired.”
“I’m exhausted. You destroyed me here. That was . . .” Her voice trailed off.
“I’m not sure what that was,” he admitted in a whisper. “But holy hell, it was intense. You’re more than a tigress, you’re a damn lion.” The corner of his mouth lifted, and he leaned down to kiss her lips. “I hope I didn’t leave bite marks. Or bruises on your hips . . . oh man. You’re gonna be marked up tomorrow. You have such pale skin . . . I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” she said firmly. “I loved it. Besides, you don’t get away with nothing. You’ll be feeling those scratches when you shower.” She couldn’t help but grin back.
“Ah shit,” he laughed. “Probably true.” He stared into her eyes. “We’re cool?”
“Totally.” Her heart squeezed as a voice whispered in her head. Liar. You’re a hot mess. Get him out before you beg him to stay. “Get home safely, okay?”
“I will, don’t worry. Always do.”
“Thanks for the flowers, and dinner.”
“My pleasure. Thanks for the ski pass. And wearing that incredible dress, and . . . everything. Tonight was . . .” He paused, seeming to search for the right words. Finally he said, “It was certainly memorable.”
She snorted out a laugh. “It was that.”
“Seriously, most of it was great. Think of the good parts.” He stroked her hair with tender fingers, making her heart ache and want more. “I’ll text you tomorrow.”
“Sounds good.”
He gave her a small smile and rose from the bed. She watched him get dressed, her mind racing and her heart in turmoil. She didn’t want him to leave. She wanted him to hold her all night as she dealt with these astonishing new realizations, these intense feelings she’d been clobbered by tonight. She wanted him, period. But she couldn’t act on it, or tell him. Ever. It was a dealbreaker and she knew it.
If she told him the whole truth, he’d leave. Because what he’d told Carrie, and Tess herself, was his truth: He didn’t do relationships. He’d been hurt too much by his ex-wife, and lost too much after Katrina. So they could be friends as long as he didn’t feel pressured for more, as long as it was the
initial deal he’d agreed to.
The last thing she could do is tell him what she’d realized tonight . . . that she was falling in love with him. And as much as his prime directive was not to be tied to anyone, hers was equally clear: She wanted a baby more than anything in the world. More than her own romantic happiness. So she wasn’t willing to jeopardize whatever this was between them. If she told him what she was feeling now, he’d run for the hills like he had when she’d first asked him to be her donor—only this time, he wouldn’t look back. Her own heart, her own feelings and desires, would have to stay on lockdown. Logan felt a bond with her, and that was great. She believed him when he said that she and their friendship were important to him. But he didn’t want to be loved, and he didn’t want anything lasting, and that wouldn’t change.
When he said good night, she pressed her lips together and said nothing, only lifting her hand to give a jaunty little wave as he left her bedroom and closed the door behind him.
Chapter Nineteen
Tess went for a long walk the next morning, trudging up the hiking path along Red Mountain. She had too much swirling inside her head and heart; clear fresh air would be a good balm for that. The sky was crystalline blue and the air frigid. Snow covered the ground, but someone had cleared the narrow hiking path. Probably Logan, she realized. He managed over half of the houses on Red Mountain. A solid, capable, steady man like him was in high demand among the high-end clients.
Logan . . . God help her, she wasn’t just falling in love with him, she was already in love with him. She’d have to call on every trick she’d ever learned about masking her emotions in the boardroom to get through being with him in the bedroom. The easy affection and camaraderie they shared would help; she could still be playful, touch him, tease him . . . but she’d have to be careful about anything more than that seeping through. If he sensed she wanted more, he’d likely end the deal . . . like he had with Carrie.
Tess focused on visualization as she walked. She put her mental energy into thinking of her future baby. She visualized sitting on her couch back at home, cradling her baby in her arms . . . and Logan, sitting with them, smiling. Damn. Even in her mindful fantasies, he made his way into her thoughts.
When she got back to the house, her cell phone light blinked like crazy. She picked it up to see several texts waiting for her. Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge first, she drank some down before settling into the sofa. Bubbles leapt up to snuggle her feet as she scrolled through the texts.
One from Carrie. Wow. Hi Tess. I wanted to apologize for last night. I was mad at him, not you. I shouldn’t have sniped at you, and I’m really sorry.
Tess answered immediately. Hi Carrie. I understand completely. Apology accepted. Thanks for reaching out.
To Tess’s surprise, Carrie responded right away. Thank you for being gracious. When I got to work this morning, I saw you already dropped my class. I feel awful. I thought you enjoyed it.
Tess pursed her lips as she thought about it. Then she typed: Yes, I enjoyed it very much. And yes, I dropped it first thing this morning. I thought, for obvious reasons, it was the right thing to do.
Carrie didn’t answer for a minute. Then her text came in. I hope you’ll reconsider, but I understand if you don’t. Either way, I’m sorry about the rude comment. Not my best moment.
I’ll think about it, Tess responded. And again, I do appreciate your apology. We’re good.
Tess sat back, settling deeper into the plush cushions of the couch. Carrie was a good person, and she was glad they’d talked. But was it fair to rejoin her class, and maybe have either of them feel uncomfortable? Probably not. She could take another class with a different instructor.
Next text was from Logan. Good morning. Just thought I’d let you know that my back looks like I got in a fight with a wildcat and lost. Ouch. And hot damn.
Warmth unfurled low in her belly as she smiled. Raaaawwwr, she typed back.
He didn’t answer right away. Probably working.
Next text was the group text thread she had with her three brothers. Her brows lifted as she saw all three of them had piped in.
Hi Tess, Charles had started. Got an angry call from Dad. Seems you put him in his place, so hooray for you. But he said you told him you might not come home until April. That’s not true, is it?
Don’t ever believe anything the old man says, Pierce had written next. Don’t you know that yet? He’s a shit stirrer. Tess would’ve told us if she was going to stay away that long.
I don’t know, Charles said. Yes, he’s a shit stirrer, as you say. But he sounded pretty adamant about it. I had no answer for him.
Because maybe it’s true, Dane had piped in. We’ve discussed how our darling Tesstastic hasn’t been as communicative as she used to be. Maybe he wrangled that bit of news out of her when he pissed her off . . . Um, Tess? Honey? Feel free to clue us all in. Don’t make us wonder, just set us straight.
Shit, Pierce had written. You’ve got a point, big brother. Tess? What he said. Get in touch, okay?
Yes, please do, Charles wrote. So the next time Dad calls to rage about you, which will likely be every day now that he’s focused on this, I can tell him to STFU and leave you alone.
You should tell him that anyway, Pierce wrote at the end of the thread. Tess can do whatever she wants, she doesn’t have to answer to him, FFS.
“Oh my God,” Tess breathed. She quickly texted them all: I’m here, I’m here. Went for a hike on the mountain and came back to this. You sound like a pack of hens.
Cluck cluck, Dane wrote back immediately. Tell us what’s going on, please. You’re staying there until the spring? Is that actually true?
Yes, she wrote. As of now, staying until March for sure, possibly April. Don’t know yet. She held her breath, waiting for the avalanche.
Jesus Christ, Dane wrote. Why?
Aw man, Pierce wrote.
Fuck, Charles texted. I hate it when Dad’s right & I was in the dark. Goddammit.
Sorry, Tess wrote. It wasn’t planned initially . . . I’m playing it by ear. I’ve got a situation here that’s turned into . . . How could she tell them without telling them? She paused, then wrote, It’s on a month-to-month basis now. So I’m rolling with it as it goes.
WTF??? Dane texted. What does that even mean?
Could you be a bit less vague? Charles asked.
So, Pierce wrote. What’s his name? ;)
Tess barked out a laugh at that. Not only because he’d kind of guessed correctly, but she knew if she told him both of their parents had asked the same thing, he’d be so ticked off. I’m fine. I’m working remotely, I’m exercising every day, I’m painting and skiing and enjoying myself. That’s all anyone needs to know right now. Please respect my privacy.
None of her brothers responded to that for a full minute. She sighed.
I love you guys, she wrote. I promise, I swear, that I’m fine. And I’ll be better about answering calls or texts from now on. Okay?
Okay, Pierce said. It’s your life, Tess. Do your thing. We’re here.
Oh, fuck that! Dane wrote. I’m the only one with a million questions here?
No, Charles answered. But if she wanted to tell us what’s going on, she would. Clearly, we’re not to be privy to such information.
Stop being surly babies, Pierce wrote. It’s not about us. Leave her be. Respect her wishes.
I am! Dane shot back. But I don’t have to like it. I’m worried. And I miss my sister, and I don’t like not knowing what the hell’s going on that’s keeping her away for months at a time. There, I said it, and I’m not sorry, but I’ll stop now.
Ditto, Charles wrote.
She couldn’t help but smile, even as she rolled her eyes. I love you all, she texted. I’m a lucky girl to have such protective brothers. Thank you.
Just don’t disappear, okay? Dane wrote.
That’ll never happen, Tess answered. Besides . . . by the time I get home, I have a feeling I’ll need you
all more than ever. Just taking a break from the world right now.
I get that, Pierce wrote. Been there.Take it easy, okay Tessie?
I am, she wrote. She smiled to herself as she tucked her legs beneath her. It’s been wonderful.
The kids miss you, Charles responded. Give them a call soon, if you would?
I will, she wrote back. I promise. Which night is good?
Friday, Charles wrote. After 8:00.
Will do, Tess wrote. All of you send your wives my love, okay?
I miss my buddy, Dane wrote. That’s all. Love you, Tesstastic.
Her heart gave a squeeze as she wrote. Awww. I miss you and love you too. All of you. Talk to you soon. Xoxo
With an exhausted exhale, she dropped the phone onto the coffee table. Then she scooped Bubbles up and hugged her close as her brothers’ words pinged around in her head. She appreciated that they missed her and were concerned . . . but she wasn’t going to tell them or anyone what was going on until she was already pregnant. This was for her. This whole situation was hers and hers alone.
Another text dinged in. She picked up the phone to look. From Logan: You okay today, tigress? No bruises or anything, I hope? Was wondering. Concerned.
He was sweet. She kept her response light. Not much. Come over tomorrow night and see for yourself. Last night of this ovulation.
Yes ma’am, he wrote back. Busy at work today. Just wanted to check in. Text you tonight.
Have a good day, she wrote, adding a smiley emoji.
You too.
Logan’s ruggedly handsome face appeared in her head. She sighed. Well . . . the situation was almost hers alone. There was also this wonderful man who was doing her the favor of a lifetime, whom she’d just realized she was in love with, and couldn’t ever tell him that or he’d probably shut her out of his life. That . . . complicated things a bit.
* * *
Logan held his mother’s arm as they walked slowly into the hospital. She was having one of her bad days, drained and no appetite. He’d tried to get her to eat some lunch, but she’d shooed him away. He’d managed to beg and bully her into drinking a cup of chicken broth before they’d left her house. Now, they sat side by side in the doctor’s office, waiting for him and her latest results. Logan had a bad feeling deep in his gut.
Between You and Me Page 24
