“I thought so.”
“That house is crazy gorgeous—the whole back wall, from the ground floor to the top, is glass. Like a big panoramic window instead of a wall. And this is the view. She really captured it beautifully . . .” Swirls of snow, a sea of forest pines, the majesty of the mountains under a bright blue sky. And her initials, modestly small black letters in the bottom right corner. His fingers caressed them. “She sent you this?”
“It came today,” Annmarie said. “Awfully thoughtful of her.”
“Yes, it was.” He eyed a flowered card on the chair that must have been under the painting. He picked it up. “Mind if I look at this?” he asked.
“Go right ahead,” Annmarie said.
He held the small painting in one hand to read the card with the other. Tess’s handwriting was elegant and lovely, just like her.
Dearest Annmarie,
I heard you’re not feeling well, and hoped a little gift might cheer you up a bit. Forgive me for being presumptuous in assuming you’d want a piece of my work, but you asked to see it several times, so I hoped you weren’t being merely complimentary and meant what you said. (I think you must have; you’re a no-nonsense woman.) So I hope you’ll enjoy this painting. I worked on it while I was there this winter . . . while I spent time with your son. We used to sit on the couch together and talk while staring out at this view. While we did, I fell in love with him a little more each day.
And bonus, I fell in love with you too. Hoping you’ll feel that love in this gift.
xoxo
Tess
Logan felt light-headed. Like the air in the room had evaporated.
“She calls me once a week, you know,” Annmarie said. “Has since she left.”
“I didn’t know,” he managed.
“Yup. On Mondays. Just to say hi, and check on me. When I called her today to thank her for this, she sounded so sad. She hated that she didn’t know I’d gotten worse. You and I keep shielding her from it. That’s not fair. She cares about me.”
“I know she does,” he whispered roughly.
“I apologized for shielding her and promised I wouldn’t again. She thanked me and told me, in as few dignified, tactful words as possible, that you two aren’t speaking anymore. She sounded miserable.” Annmarie shivered again. “I’m too tired to argue with you about it now. That tea sounds like a good idea. Could you please?”
Logan nodded, set down the card and painting, then willed his legs to get him into the kitchen.
Tess loved him. His mother had seen it clear as day, but he hadn’t. Maybe he would have if he hadn’t had his self-absorbed head up his own ass, as his mom had pointed out the other day. He hadn’t seen anything. Nothing but his own fears and insecurities. If he hadn’t been so wrapped up in his own crap and looked at her, he likely would’ve known. And not pushed her away, and not hurt her, and . . . crap.
He leaned against the counter for a minute, head spinning. Holy hell, she loved him. He was the luckiest man on earth if that was true. He had to ask her. Damn, he had to fix things. If he even could . . . he had to try.
But first, he had to take care of his mom. As much as his heart and soul were screaming for Tess at that moment, that came first. He put up the water to boil, then called his mother’s doctor.
Tess woke up in darkness. Her insistent bladder wouldn’t let her stay asleep. She lumbered out of bed, used the restroom, then got right back into bed. The message light on her cell phone blinked at her. She turned it over, glanced at the clock—2:32 in the morning—then burrowed into her pillows and closed her eyes. Probably one of her brothers checking on her; the three of them had hovered since learning she was pregnant. They could wait until morning. She quickly fell back to sleep.
When she opened her eyes again, it was because Bubbles had hopped onto her bed to nudge her as she snuggled. Tess smiled, affectionately stroking her dog’s soft white fur as she stretched her stiff limbs and yawned. A glance at the windows showed a sunny day outside; early spring had finally arrived. The buds on the trees were an almost neon yellow-green, so bright against the blue of the sky.
Bubbles yipped and nudged her again.
“Potty time, miss?” Tess singsonged. “You gotta go?”
Bubbles barked.
“Yeah, me too. I hear you.” She glanced at the clock. It was just past eight. She’d be working from home today, so it was all right that she’d slept so late. She took herself and Bubbles through their morning routine, then went back up to her room to get her phone and check her messages. Sitting on her bed, she saw two voice mails had come in the night before. She’d fallen asleep early, around nine, so she’d missed them both. The first one was from Lisette, inviting her over for dinner on Saturday. The second one was from Logan. She felt her blood run cold as soon as he started talking. He sounded . . . wrong.
“Hi Tess, it’s me. Um . . . I’ve been . . . uh . . . shit. Shit. I don’t know what to say. There’s so much. I just . . . Well, I’ll say the rest later, but for right now, I knew you’d want to know that my mom’s in the hospital. Went in a few hours ago. She has a high fever, she’s, um . . . It’s not good. I don’t know . . .” He paused for a long moment, long enough for Tess’s heart to stutter in her chest. His voice was raw as he said, “I wish you were here with me. I wish I could just hold you. I’m scared. I’m sad. I’m upset. And I miss you like hell.”
Tess gasped and tears sprung to her eyes.
“I just needed to hear your voice. But I guess you’re not taking my calls. I don’t blame you. I was an asshole the last time we talked, and I’m really sorry for that. But . . . man, you know what, that painting is amazing. My mom loves it. That was an incredible gift. Thank you for sending her that. Um . . .” He cleared his throat, but his voice was still gravelly as he went on. “So, yeah. She’s not good. Neither one of us are, really. I, uh . . . I need you, Tess. I want you in my life. Please don’t disappear. I’m sorry for being such a jackass. Call me soon, let’s talk this out, okay? Okay. Hope you’re feeling good. Bye.”
Sniffing back her tears, Tess jumped off the bed and ran to her bathroom. She had to shower, and she had to pack. She had to get to Logan as fast as she could.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Logan stood in the cafeteria of the hospital, choking down one of the worst chocolate chip cookies he’d ever had. He hated this place. The antiseptic smell, the fluorescent lights, the air of despondency that seemed to pervade every corridor . . . He hated hospitals in general. Nothing good ever happened here.
His mom’s fever hadn’t lowered yet. The doctor said it was typical, but they hadn’t found the exact cause yet. Her white blood cell count was high, she was on antibiotics . . . It was a waiting game. At least she hadn’t had a seizure, and wasn’t in pain or out of it. She was woozy, but clear of mind.
He’d taken her to the hospital the night before, gotten her admitted, and stayed with her for a few hours before they asked him to leave for the night. He’d gone home and called Tess, to no avail. Clearly, his attempts at pushing her away had finally stuck. Miserable about that, he’d barely slept, then gone back to the hospital first thing in the morning and stayed with his mom all day, watching those cooking shows she liked so much. Truth was, he liked them too.
He glanced at the clock on the wall. Half past one. This was the first time he’d left her room. She’d insisted he go take a walk, get some fresh air, which he’d begrudgingly done . . . It was spring outside. Hints of white and green in the trees, birdsong, flowers poking their heads out . . . signs of life. Signs of life while his mom was dying. Signs of life, like the baby growing inside Tess that he’d never get to know. He’d signed away all his rights, and she was hurt and angry, not talking to him. The world was cruel sometimes. He hated the world today.
He’d gone back to the cafeteria to grab something sweet. Sugar would help. But the cookies tasted like sawdust. He was spoiled; he wanted Pistelli’s cookies, dammit.
So he left the ho
spital. They’d text him immediately if they needed him, and his mom seemed to be holding steady. Being away for less than an hour wouldn’t be a problem. He drove into downtown, got a pound of mixed cookies from Pistelli’s, then headed back to the hospital. Surely some decent cookies would not only cheer him up, but his mom too.
When he pushed open the door of his mom’s room, he almost dropped the box. Tess was sitting at his mother’s bedside. He blinked, gaping at her in disbelief.
Her big blue eyes locked with his. “Hi,” she whispered as she got to her feet.
“Hey.” She was there. Shock clobbered him. He didn’t take his eyes off hers, but managed to put the box of cookies on the tiny table.
Annmarie looked from one to the other, then said to her son, “I was wondering where you went. Are those Pistelli’s cookies?”
“Yes, ma’am.” He still stared at Tess as if in a trance.
“Good boy. I’ll enjoy those.” Annmarie sighed. “Know what? I’m in the way here, but I can’t go anywhere. Why don’t you two go out in the hallway and talk?”
Logan tentatively held out a hand to Tess. She went to him without hesitation and slipped her hand into his. His heart expanded at the feel of her soft, warm skin as he closed his fingers around hers. They went out to the hallway, and as soon as the door closed behind them, she turned to hold him tight.
His arms banded around her, his eyes closed as his head dropped down to rest on top of hers, and his whole body relaxed for the first time in weeks.
“I’m so goddamn glad you’re here,” he whispered roughly against her ear.
Her fingers sorted through his hair, along his neck, his back. “I’m here, honey, I’m here,” she whispered back. “I fell asleep early last night, I didn’t get your voice mail until this morning. Once I heard it, I couldn’t get here fast enough. I asked Charles to let me use the Harrison Enterprises jet . . . It was the quickest way.”
His arms tightened around her, pressing her even closer. “Thank you for that.”
“I love you,” she said, her voice breaking. She pulled back to look into his eyes. He saw her tears, saw the raw emotions there . . . and it both broke him and saved him at the same time. “I love you, Logan. So much. I’m here for you, if you’ll let me be.”
“Oh, I’ll let you. I love you too,” he said. He reached up to hold her face with gentle hands, stroking her skin as if she were the most precious thing on earth. “I should’ve told you that a long time ago.”
She stared at him, her mouth a little O of shock, apparently as surprised by his words as he’d been at seeing her.
“I have so much to tell you,” he said. “We need to talk . . . There are so many things . . .”
“We will,” she assured him. “Not right now. But we will. I’ll be here for a few days. It’s okay.”
“No, this part can’t wait. I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m sorry I pushed you away. I’m sorry I hurt you. I was . . .” He sighed heavily. “I was messed up. But I’m clear now. I love you, I want you, I need you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Tess.” He brushed her hair back with both hands, then held her shoulders and looked right into her eyes. “I want us to be together. Really together. Not because of a deal, not because you’re pregnant, but because you’re my best friend and I’m crazy in love with you and I don’t ever want to let you go again. I want to make this work somehow. Do you think we can do that?”
“Yes.” Tears rolled down her face as she smiled at him. “Because I feel the same exact way about you, about all of that. Every wonderful word you said.”
He sealed his lips to hers, kissing her passionately. She responded in a heartbeat, kissing him back with so much warmth and affection, it melted the last of the ice that had encased his heart for years.
“I love you so much, Tess,” he said. “I’m completely, hopelessly in love with you. From the moment you got on that plane, I’ve missed you so much it actually hurt sometimes.”
“Same here,” she whispered, lifting her fingers to play in his beard. “I missed you every day. I’ve been lost without you.”
“Christ, we’ve both been so dumb.” He smiled. “It’s so damn good to see you.”
“You too.” She caressed his skin, traced the lines of his face with her fingertips, her eyes following every movement.
“How’s the baby?” he asked, locking his arms around her waist as he gazed down at her. “You’re not even showing yet. You feeling all right?”
“I’m fine, and the baby’s fine,” she said. She paused, swallowing hard. Then she looked right into his eyes and said cautiously, “Our baby is fine.”
He stopped and stared. “Your baby. I signed my rights away. I respect your wishes, Tess. I’m not trying to—”
“Do you love me?” she asked.
“More than you can imagine,” he said.
“Do you want to be with me?”
“More than I can express.”
“Well . . . you got me pregnant. You are the father. So . . . if you do want us to be together . . . we would be a family.” She looked directly into his eyes. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I’ve changed my mind, Logan. About raising the baby alone. That is . . . if I can raise this baby with you. As a couple. For us to be, like you said, really together.”
“Jesus,” he breathed. “Seriously? Are you sure?”
“It’s the only way I’d change my mind on this. Because I want to be with you.” She blinked a few times, and he realized she was nervous about putting it out there, that she thought he might still reject her.
“I want to be with you,” he said. “I meant that.”
“Well, the thing is . . . I’m pregnant. You didn’t want kids. So . . . by any chance, has that changed? Because if not . . . I’d understand, but we’d need to come to some kind of understanding. I’m not asking you to be a father if you don’t want to be one.”
He stared at her, trying to formulate the right words. “I . . . Tess . . .”
“We’ve danced around too much,” she said. “Both of us trying to do the right thing for the other, not saying what we really feel . . . Enough of that. Look where it got us. So just say it. Tell me exactly what you want. Right now. Please.”
“I want it all,” he blurted out. “I didn’t want those things before—a relationship, kids—that’s true. I was afraid, I admit it. But when I fell in love with you, it all changed. I changed. I want everything now, because I want it all with you.” He took a shuddery breath, but didn’t break their gaze. The light in her eyes and tremulous smile on her face encouraged him to go for it. “I want to be with you, I want to marry you, I want us to raise this baby together, I want to have a family with you . . . I want all of it. But you said you wanted to do this on your own, Tess. You don’t want a partner, or a husband, or a father figure for the baby. I didn’t tell you I’d changed my mind about everything because I was respecting what you said you wanted.”
“Like you, I thought I knew what I wanted. And like you, when I fell in love with you, it changed my perspective. It changed everything.” She wiped her tears away, sniffled, and kissed him. “I want all of that too, everything you said. Everything, with you.”
They stared at each other for a long beat, smiles slowly blooming.
“We found each other,” she whispered. “We’re perfect together. We’re the Dream Team, right?”
“I didn’t have dreams anymore,” he whispered back. “But you’re my dream come true. In every way.”
Again her eyes welled. “I did have dreams. But you surpassed them all, and then some.” She smiled and kissed him softly. “Don’t you ever let me go again.”
“Not for anything in the world,” he vowed, pulling her closer.
“Okay. Then let’s do this.” She kissed him again. “Together, we can have it all.”
He gave her a gentle squeeze and murmured against her lips, “We already do.”
Epilogue
Eighteen months later
Tess Harrison Carter laughed as she watched her husband crawl around on the living room floor beside their daughter. At eleven months old, Annabel was crawling like a pro.
“C’mon, cutie!” Logan cooed to the baby. He crawled backwards, encouraging her to chase him. The sight of her gentle giant on all fours with the baby made Tess’s heart swell. “C’mon, peanut! You’re fast as lightning, you got this. C’mon, sweetie, come and get me!”
Annabel screeched joyfully and headed for him. He stopped moving when she reached him, scooped her into his arms, and dropped little kisses all over her face. She squealed and giggled, loving it.
“I think your beard must tickle her face,” Tess said from the couch.
“I’m trying not to give her beard-burn,” Logan said, “but oh my God, I want to eat her up.” He gazed lovingly into his daughter’s eyes, the same brilliant blue as her mother’s.
Tess enjoyed watching him play with Annabel, watching him respond with such light and joy. This child had saved him from drowning in grief. Tess knew it was sheer will and her love that had kept Logan from going under after his mom passed away. Looking forward to the baby’s arrival and basking in Tess’s love had kept him afloat through the late summer. But when Annabel was born a week before Thanksgiving, Logan was reminded of how much he had to live for, how blessed he was, and he turned a corner in his healing.
His family was everything. He told Tess that all the time.
“We have to leave in an hour,” Tess said, “if we’re going to make it on time to Charles and Lisette’s for his birthday dinner.”
“Okay.” Logan looked up at her. She was stretched out on the couch, wearing a plain red top and black yoga pants, her hair everywhere . . . She felt a bit worn. But he smiled a wolfish smile and said, “Hot damn, lady. You’re gorgeous, you know that?”
“Well, thanks.” Tess smiled, delighted. “So are you.”
Between You and Me Page 30
