by Witt, L. A.
His mother broke the lengthy silence. “I beg your pardon?”
Levi petted Link, which centered and calmed him a little, as did the big blue eyes staring back at him without implying he was a horrible person.
“His name . . .” Levi rested his hand on top of Link’s rump. “His name is Carter. And I love him.”
For a split second, he wanted to drop to his knees and lose it because he realized he did love Carter, and now he’d quite possibly lost his shot with him.
But that was followed by a surge of anger.
Because in his mother’s silence, he could hear the disgust that was likely widening her eyes and contorting her lips. He could feel the disapproval. The disappointment. And how many times in his life would that have reduced him to a prodigal son, begging for forgiveness and promising to change in order to please two people who could never be pleased? Especially not by their son living an honest, open life?
His mother took a breath. “I don’t—”
“I’m gay, Mom.” He didn’t feel the need to split hairs over his bisexuality. Whether or not she could comprehend the difference between the two, he didn’t care anymore. “I’m gay, and I’m in love with—”
“No, you are most certainly not,” she snapped. “That’s—”
“I really don’t give a damn what you think about it.” He clenched his teeth to keep from getting sick—who knew one statement could be so terrifying and so liberating at the same time?
“What? Levi, what has gotten into you?”
His hand trembled as he stroked Link’s long fur just to keep himself sane. “What’s gotten into me is I’m tired of lying to please you and Dad. It’s cost me too damned much and that stops now.” He’d never shaken this badly in his life.
“All those times you’ve looked me in the eye and promised me you were straight, you were—”
“I was lying. I was afraid of you and Dad rejecting me.”
She laughed bitterly. “And you think we’re going to accept . . . this?”
“Quite honestly, I don’t care if you do or not. I’ve made my choice, and that’s to be with Carter.” God, please . . . “What happens between me and you guys, that’s up to you, but Carter is nonnegotiable.”
“Oh. I see. Well.”
The only sound was Levi’s thumping heart and Link’s loud purring. He petted the cat to steady his hand.
“You’re serious, aren’t you?” his mother asked after a while.
“Yes.”
“I see.” She sighed heavily. “That’s a shame, Levi.”
And with that, the line went dead.
Levi dropped the phone on the desk beside the keyboard and let his face fall into his hands. He felt too many things right then—relieved, hurt, alone, sick—to even begin to deal with them. To get his thoughts in order or his emotions under control. There was just too much.
Link bumped his head against Levi’s arm.
“Hey, buddy.” Levi’s voice cracked as he scratched behind the cat’s ear. Link looked up at him with those huge blue eyes, and meowed softly.
Exhaling hard, Levi gathered the enormous cat up and buried his face against the thick fur.
And lost it.
Chapter 24
Damn Hunter Easton for refusing to allow any modifications to the story line. Gabriel Hanford was in it for the long haul. So was Max Fuhrman, at least until the seventh or eighth season. Unless someone from on high made a last minute recasting decision, Levi wasn’t going anywhere.
Which meant they couldn’t avoid each other.
Carter closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
Just focus on the script. The lines. The actions. Talk to Max Fuhrman, not Levi Pritchard.
It was an outdoor shoot again tonight, and the crew had set everything up down by the coast. The scene was relatively short, but Anna would make them run through it a million times; she wasn’t easily satisfied with nighttime lighting. One odd-looking shadow in the background, and they’d start over.
So they’d probably be here until two or three in the morning. With Levi and Carter going through their lines again and again at close quarters—sometimes staring each other down, and sometimes, God help him, touching.
Levi arrived an hour or so later, and one glance at him sent Carter’s stomach into his feet.
Levi looked like shit. He didn’t talk to anyone. He kept his eyes down, whether he was perusing the script or not. The lights and makeup were certainly at play, but Carter was sure Levi really was that pale. The dark circles under his eyes didn’t look fake, especially not with the way he kept trying to roll the visible stiffness out of his neck and shoulders.
Carter itched to ask if he was all right. Even if they’d gone their separate ways in a less than amicable manner, he still cared about him. Maybe more than he should have—Levi could go fuck himself, but Carter didn’t wish any actual ill will on him.
Anna summoned them both to the set. Carter paused, calling on every technique he’d ever learned so he could get into the character he’d been playing forever. Then he joined Levi, and they faced each other across a few feet of damp sand.
Levi-as-Max was bloody, battered and muddy, skin gleaming in the “moonlight” with sweat. He barely resembled Levi the actor at all.
Whatever helps you sleep at night, dude.
“Action!”
You can do this.
Carter forced himself to focus on Max, not Levi, as he inched across the sand until they were an arm’s-length apart. “No more games, Fuhrman.”
“Who’s playing games?” Max’s wild eyes met his. “I’ve told you everything I know.”
“Yeah?” Carter stopped, gesturing at Max’s shirt and coat. “Then explain all that.”
Max looked down at himself, touching the muddy bloodstains as if he hadn’t realized they were there at all.
“You’re one of them, aren’t you? You’re one of the wolves.”
“So what if I am?” Max’s eyes flicked up. An electric shock surged through Carter. He barely heard Max add, “You’re one of us too, aren’t you?”
Carter opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn’t . . .
He couldn’t see Max.
The smears of blood and mud, the grizzled hair, the torn-up clothes—none of that did a thing to mask the man standing in front of him. Max didn’t exist. Only Levi. Where there should’ve been a sociopath with a secret, there was a gentle, soft-spoken man with cats and a boat and a thing for indie films and a slight addiction to Coke.
Carter’s chest tightened. He tried to conjure up any rage and menace he could find, but the way his throat ached, his voice would crack the second he tried to speak.
On cue, he whipped the prop gun out and pointed it at Levi’s—Max’s—chest. “Enough games, Fuhrman. Just tell . . .” Do you know how much it hurts to look at you? “Just tell me where she is.”
“Cut!”
Carter lowered the gun and put it back into its holster.
“I need less hesitation there, Carter,” Anna said. “Hanford has the upper hand in this scene.”
“I know. Sorry.” He cleared his throat, and once Anna had directed them to start, he jabbed the gun into Max’s chest and snarled, “Just tell me where she is.”
Levi stepped forward, chest pressing against the muzzle of the gun. The pressure transferred through the weapon and into Carter’s arm, pushing back as if Levi’s entire body had him pinned to an invisible wall instead of pushing that single point of contact.
Their eyes locked because the scene demanded it, but Carter couldn’t have looked anywhere else if he’d wanted to. Levi held his gaze, and as the seconds ground past, the scripted rage in his expression melted away. Carter’s heart pounded. Where did Levi end and Max begin? How many of the emotions in those dark eyes were real and how many were scripted and how fucking many was he imagining?
As the script had ordered, Levi slowly shifted his eyes downward to focus on the gun between them. Then he put his han
d—gloved, but still his hand—over Carter’s, pinning it to the revolver and the trigger, holding the gun against his own chest. And slowly, exactly as the script dictated, Levi lifted his gaze again to meet Carter’s.
There was supposed to be a beat of silence, and then Levi’s line.
Beat.
Beat.
Beat.
Carter swallowed.
Beat.
Just say the line, Levi.
Eyes still locked on his, Levi took a breath. “I love you, Carter.”
“You . . .” Carter’s heart stopped. “What?”
Levi swept his tongue across his lips. “I . . . I love you.”
He was distantly aware of the murmurs coming from behind the lights and cameras, but all he could do was stare at Levi and hear those words echoing through his mind.
“Levi, just . . .” Carter cleared his aching throat. “Just do the fucking scene.”
“Uh, guys?” Anna said.
Levi kept his gaze fixed on Carter, not even glancing in Anna’s direction. “I made a huge mistake.”
Carter couldn’t speak. Or move. Or think.
Anna coughed. “Levi? Carter?”
Levi shook his head. “I’m sorry. I . . . I can’t do this.” He pushed the gun and Carter’s arm out from the space between them, but didn’t move any closer. “I gave you up because I thought you were costing me too many important things, but I was so wrong.”
Carter struggled to find his breath. “We need to shoot this scene.”
“I know.” Levi took a half step toward him. “But I need you.”
Carter’s balance almost gave out.
Anna cleared her throat again, louder this time. “Hey, guys?”
They both turned. She eyed them, then looked straight at Levi, eyebrows knitted together. They were silent for a long moment, as if having some sort of telepathic exchange while the crew watched and Carter stood there with his heart going crazy.
Then Anna stood. “Everybody take fifteen.”
The set was instantly alive with activity. Equipment was turned off. Footsteps across sand and grass. Whispered voices.
Carter’s pulse continued to ratchet up as everyone gave them room, leaving him alone with the man who’d just simultaneously knocked his world off its axis and put it back on that axis.
“Anna.” Levi didn’t look away from Carter.
One set of footsteps halted. The rest of the activity continued until the cast and crew were out of earshot.
Levi finally broke eye contact, lowering his gaze to the damp sand beneath their feet. After a moment, he turned his head toward Anna. “You might want to call Finn. Let the studio do whatever they’re going to do.”
Carter touched Levi’s arm, the skin-to-fabric contact sending a shock through him. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.” Levi glanced at him. “Yes, I’m one hundred percent sure.” Levi turned to Anna again. Then soft footsteps told Carter that Anna was continuing after the others over the small bluff.
“Um.” Carter coughed. “You’re assuming we’re getting together after—”
“I’m not assuming anything.” Levi faced him. “I’m tired of hiding who I am, and I’m not going to do it anymore.” He swallowed hard. “Especially since it cost me the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
Carter blinked. “You’re . . .”
“My parents know.” Levi nodded in the direction the cast and crew had gone. “And now everyone does.” He met Carter’s eyes and swallowed again. “The only thing left was for you to know that I’m sorry, and I love you.”
Carter turned toward the trail of footsteps in the sand, and then back at Levi. His heart still beat out of control. He desperately wanted to grab on to Levi and hold him as long as he could, but he was terrified to hope this was real. “You could lose your job. And your family . . .”
“If it costs me this job, then I’ll . . .” Sighing, Levi shook his head. “I don’t know. I’ve been trying to figure that one out all day. But I got so caught up in the idea of a second chance at my career, I let myself get sucked back into the bullshit that I left Hollywood to get away from in the first place. Yeah, I want to act, but not if it means losing myself.” He took a cautious step closer, forcing all the air from Carter’s lungs. “And not if it means losing you.”
Carter’s mouth went dry. “This is . . . First we were supposed to be just friends, and then . . .”
“I think that was the best thing we could have done.”
Carter cocked his head. “What? I don’t—”
“We were friends, so it was safe. You were safe.” Levi touched Carter’s cheek, sending a shiver right through him and making his chest tighten with a million emotions. “You were my closest friend, and that’s exactly why I fell in love with you.”
A lump rose in Carter’s throat. He tried to force it back enough to speak.
Levi beat him to it, though. “I am so sorry,” he whispered, drawing Carter closer. “I never should have let you go.”
“Levi, I . . .” I want to believe this is real. “What about . . . what about your family?”
“I’ve wasted the last twenty years walking on eggshells because I knew they’d never accept me if they knew the truth. Why the fuck would I choose them over you?”
“They’re your family.”
“They don’t deserve to be.” Levi took a deep breath. “And maybe this is premature, since we haven’t known each other all that long, but I’m pretty damn sure you’re the love of my life.”
He was afraid to speak because he’d fall apart. Just . . . fall apart.
Levi touched Carter’s cheek again with a slightly unsteady hand. “I love you. And I don’t fucking care who knows as long as you know.”
“But this is your chance to have your career back.” Carter couldn’t look him in the eyes, especially as his vision blurred. “You can’t give that up for me.”
“I’m not giving it up. I’m just not giving you up, and wherever the chips fall after that . . .” He gave a taut half shrug.
Carter closed his eyes, fighting to keep his emotions even. “Levi . . .”
“If this means the rest of my career is nothing but bit roles in indie films that no one will ever see, fine. I’ve spent my whole goddamned life trying to be the person everyone else has wanted me to be.” Levi paused, as if he needed a second to collect himself. “With you, I can be me.”
Carter swallowed. “I’d never ask you to be anyone else.”
“I know. And I was an idiot for wanting to keep you a secret.” He cradled Carter’s face and pressed a tender kiss to his forehead. “I want the whole world to know I’m with you.” He pulled back, eyebrows lifting. “If you’ll have me, I mean.”
Sheer disbelief kept Carter from responding. He couldn’t speak, not without choking on the words or losing it completely.
Levi drew a ragged breath and broke eye contact. “If you don’t want to do this, I’ll understand, but I—”
Carter kissed him.
This was better than the kiss on the stage. Or the night he’d shoved Levi up against the door before they’d dragged each other down into bed. Because there was no question in the back of his mind. He didn’t have to ask himself if it was right to be pulling Levi closer. He didn’t have any doubts as he ran his fingers through Levi’s hair. He didn’t hear that nagging voice telling him to stop as he opened to Levi’s insistent tongue.
Carter broke the kiss just long enough to whisper, “I love you.”
Chapter 25
Between Carter’s whispered words and his kiss, Levi’s knees almost buckled right out from under him. In every scenario he’d played out in his head, this had seemed like the least-likely version.
But here they were. Holding on to each other, kissing each other.
I love you.
God, he did. He so did.
Levi rested his forehead against Carter’s. “The cats will be happy to know you’re coming over again.”
“It’ll be nice to see them again. I’ve missed them.”
“So you’re using me for my cats?”
Carter shrugged. “Them, your DVD collection, and your home theater.”
Levi clicked his tongue. “I should’ve known.”
They both laughed and drew each other into another long kiss.
After a moment, Carter pulled back and glanced at the bluff. “We should, um. I guess we should finish this scene.”
“Yeah. We should. I’ll, um . . .” Levi broke eye contact. “I’ll go let Anna know we’re good.” He paused. “And we are, right? We’re good?”
Carter smiled, caressing Levi’s cheek. “We’re definitely good.”
Levi kissed him gently, and then followed the trail of footsteps to the other side of the bluff. Everyone was standing around or sitting on car bumpers, sipping coffee and playing on their phones. As Levi came closer, every head turned.
Anna rose from her perch on a van’s bumper. “Everything all right?”
“Yeah.” Levi smiled. “Yeah, everything’s good.”
“Good.” Her smile was a little hesitant, though. “Okay, everybody, back to the set.” As everyone obediently headed toward the beach, she gestured at Levi. “Except you.”
Once they were alone, she locked eyes with him. “So, um. Your secret is pretty much out now.”
“I know. And if they fire me, then . . .”
“I’d like to tell you they won’t, but I can’t make any promises. Finn’s going to be pissed. The studio’s not going to be happy, either.” Three ceases formed on her forehead. “And what about your family?”
“They already know. Believe me, they’re not happy.”
Anna squeezed his arm. “But maybe you will be for once.”
Levi smiled. “Maybe, yeah.”
