by Witt, L. A.
Shane
Parking in front of Aaron’s place had always been a pain in the ass, but tonight it was one more thing to sweat bullets over. The longer it took me to find a spot to leave my car, the longer I had to wait to settle things with him. And the farther away I parked, the longer that walk of shame would be after he shut the door behind me.
I finally found a stretch of shoulder that looked legal enough to park for a little while and left my car there. It was a block and a half from his place, so I didn’t relish that inevitable walk. And it definitely felt inevitable. The fact that he’d wanted to do this here wasn’t encouraging. This wasn’t a discussion he wanted to have in public. No worrying about making a scene. No-holds-barred. Let’s have it out and be done with it without turning heads.
On his porch, I stopped for a deep, nervous breath. Tense and borderline nauseated, I rang the doorbell. Immediately, Jack started barking and thundering across the house, bringing a sad laugh out of me. I loved that dog. Was this going to be the last time I saw him?
The door opened, and I sobered. Our eyes met across the threshold, and even the dog quieted, as if he could feel exactly what I did. Aaron didn’t have to say a word. One look, and I could already feel doors slamming shut.
He stood aside and gestured for me to come in, but I didn’t remember ever feeling this unwelcome in his house. In tense silence, we moved into the kitchen. We stayed there, and somehow that made sense. This wasn’t going to be a comfortable conversation, so getting comfortable on the couch seemed out of place. Might as well stand awkwardly apart and be done with it.
I leaned against one counter. He stood against the other, arms folded across his Seahawks shirt. Any other time, I’d have playfully ribbed him to break the ice, but I bit my tongue.
From the middle of the floor, Jack watched us. His tail wagged, but then it slowed. He looked at me. Aaron. Me again.
Jesus. We’re even stressing the dog out.
I reached out to pet him. His tail wagged again, but not as enthusiastically as before, and he gave my hand a little lick. Dropping down on his haunches, he glanced at Aaron. Then back at me. His floppy ears were down, his eyes wide, and I felt terrible. His face reminded me of the twins when they’d catch their mom and me fighting, and it fucking killed me now just like it had back then. Poor thing didn’t understand.
“Hey, buddy.” Aaron pulled a dog biscuit out of a jar on the counter. He showed it to Jack, then tossed it into the living room. Jack hurried after it, and a moment later, the sounds of crunching came from the other room.
We both exhaled. At least the dog wasn’t caught in the middle now.
The silence went on, and I had a feeling it was up to me to break it.
So, hoping like hell I didn’t fuck this up, I took a deep breath. “Listen um . . . I’m sorry. For leaving.”
He held my gaze, but his expression didn’t change and he didn’t make a sound.
Okay, so apparently I wasn’t done yet. “It was a huge mistake. I . . . God, I was so fucking stupid to think I didn’t want to be with you.” I chewed my lip, trying to read him and coming up empty. “I guess it caught me off guard.”
“And it didn’t catch me off guard when you suggested the same thing in the beginning?” His voice was cold, but there was a raw undercurrent, like the walls he’d put up were as much to protect himself as they were to keep me out.
I sighed. “I know it did. And I’m sorry. I—”
“In the beginning,” he said, with frost on every word, “you told me you didn’t want to be casual together.”
Face burning with embarrassment, I nodded. “I know.”
“What the hell changed?”
I blinked. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, I thought you wanted more than a fling or a friend with benefits. But when I realized I wanted more than that too, suddenly you’re gone.” He inclined his head. “What changed? How did I get from point A to something you didn’t want?”
My heart dropped. “What? That’s what you think this is about?”
He eyed me, silently daring me to suggest otherwise.
Fuck. Holy fuck. I’d had no doubt I’d hurt him, but that? Jesus, no. “Oh my God. Aaron. That’s not it at all.” I shook my head slowly. “You’ve never been something I don’t want. Never. Not even for a second.”
His expression didn’t change. “Then . . . what happened?”
I chewed my lip as I searched for the words. Something told me this was a now or never conversation, and if I didn’t speak carefully, it would become never in a hurry.
After a moment, I took a breath. “The thing is, I finally got a taste of everything I missed out on in my twenties. And I guess when you said you wanted more, I understood why you’d avoided relationships for so long—I didn’t want to give up that wild stuff. But then I realized I don’t have to. I can still be crazy and have fun. I can keep doing it exactly like I’ve been doing it—with you. And even if we didn’t go out and have threesomes and whatever . . .” I struggled to hold his gaze and keep my voice steady. “I’d still have you.”
Aaron’s lips parted.
“I want to experience everything I missed when I was younger,” I went on, voice shaking despite my best efforts. “But not as much as I want you. And yeah, the truth is, the way I feel about you has changed since that second date.”
His eyebrow rose.
“That night, you were somebody I didn’t want to let go of because I’d been alone for too long. After we slept together, I just wanted more. I guess . . . I kind of wanted to freeze-frame that night because God knew how long it would be before I found someone again.” I swallowed. “But, now, I don’t want to freeze-frame a damn thing. I want to see what happens if we let this thing keep going.”
“Then why did you back off when I suggested it?” His tone offered nothing and neither did his eyes.
“Because I was scared. I’m worried sick about getting myself hurt, and about letting my kids get hurt, but also . . . screwing it up.” Staring at the floor between us, I exhaled. “When my relationships have ended, I can always tell you at least a dozen things I did to fuck them up, and I guess . . . I guess with you, I was so afraid of burning it down, I lit it on fire myself.”
“But now you’re back.”
“Yeah. And yes, I’m still fucking scared.” I met his gaze. “I was stupid to leave, and I just hope you’re willing to give me a second chance.” I paused to moisten my lips. “Because I think we can make this work. If . . . if you’re willing to give it a try with someone who has a preinstalled family.”
Aaron’s breath hitched subtly, as if he hadn’t thought about that. To my surprise, though, he relaxed. “You’re a package deal. I knew that when I told you I wanted this to be more.” His jaw tightened. “If I had an issue with your kids, I wouldn’t have suggested anything. You’re the one who vetoed anything more than sex.”
“I know. I was an idiot. But I want to take that back, and I’m hoping you’ll take me back because I . . .” I hesitated. As I stared into his eyes, looking at the man I’d quite possibly let slip through my fingers, my stomach dropped into my feet. The realization hit me, and it seemed so fucking obvious, and how the hell had I not understood until this moment just how I felt about him? Why in God’s name hadn’t I led with the words that seemed so perfect and natural and no shit, Shane: “I love you, Aaron.”
He stared at me.
“I don’t know what else to say.” My shoulders were heavy, my stomach was filled with lead, and I barely found enough air to whisper, “That’s . . . that’s all I’ve got.”
He didn’t speak for a moment, and every second that passed made that lead in my gut even heavier.
Say it, and I’ll go. Don’t drag this out.
Oh, but he wasn’t done.
“Things have changed for me since the beginning too,” he said. “I’ve . . . I mean, it’s not like I haven’t had relationships before. I’ve had plenty. Enough to know I didn’
t want to get burned again, so of course I was gonna shy away when you brought it up that early. But after we went to Seattle, I started thinking, you know, maybe I can do this. Maybe this will be the time I don’t get burned.”
I closed my eyes and lowered my gaze.
And what did I do? I burned you. God, I am so sorry . . .
He still wasn’t done, though. “So yeah, that was why I didn’t want to see you at first. Getting burned sucks. Especially after I . . . let myself get in a lot deeper than I thought I would.”
I met his eyes again. “You . . .” I swallowed. “What do you mean?”
He swallowed. “I mean I love you too, Shane.”
Before I could make sense of it or respond or drop to my knees, he crossed the space between us, cupped my neck in both hands, and kissed me more tenderly than he had in all the time we’d been seeing each other. Then, lips leaving mine just enough for him to speak, he whispered, “I was so afraid of being tied down, right up until I was cut loose.”
“I’m sorry,” I breathed, wrapping my arms around him. “I—”
“I know.”
“And I don’t want to tie you down.” Fuck, my voice was shaking. “I don’t want to let you go either.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” Aaron kissed me again, pulling me close to him. “This is fucking terrifying for me, but . . .” He drew back enough to meet my gaze, and a cautious smile tugged at his lips. “I’ve spent my whole life running into things that scare me. Why should this be any different?”
I laughed, struggling to keep my emotions in check as relief rushed through me. “Well, I walked into your house tonight when I figured you were going to throw me out. That counts, right?”
He gave a soft laugh too, then ran his fingers through my hair. “I won’t lie—it crossed my mind. But I am seriously glad I didn’t.”
“Me too.”
He kissed me lightly. When he started to draw back, I slid a hand up into his hair and held him there, and he didn’t resist. His kiss deepened. I held him tighter, heart thumping and a whole new barrage of feelings crashing through me as my body responded to his.
Out of breath and as unsteady as I was, he touched his forehead to mine. “What do you say we take this into another room?”
I grinned. “You mean a room with a bed in it, don’t you?”
“Obviously.”
Long overdue relief and a huge wave of arousal rushed through me, and I pulled him closer. Just before our lips met, I growled, “Let’s go. Now.”
Chapter 26
Aaron
There was nothing boring about tumbling into bed with Shane. There never had been, and it sure as hell wasn’t starting tonight. Frantically kissing. Clumsily pulling clothes apart. Desperately trying to get to skin after way too long apart. If this was what settling down felt like with Shane, then I was happy to dive in headfirst and never look back.
Still half-dressed, belts jingling and flies partially unzipped, we didn’t stop kissing. Couldn’t stop kissing. Shane pinned me to the bed, holding me down like there was a chance in hell I’d try to go anywhere. Ragged breaths across my skin, fingers twitching against my scalp, body shaking against mine—he didn’t kiss me like it was the first time. He kissed me like he was scared to death it would be the last. If I’d had a single doubt about his sincerity in the kitchen—and God knew I didn’t—they would’ve all evaporated now. Nobody held on that tight if he had one foot out the door. Didn’t I know it.
I wanted him naked, but damn if touching each other and stripping off clothes didn’t require way more coordination than either of us had. I slid my hands under his waistband and pushed his jeans and boxers farther down. As I squeezed his ass cheeks, he groaned softly and rubbed his dick against mine. His clothes were still on, though, and so were mine.
“We really—” I shivered as he ran his nails over my shoulders. “Really should finish getting undressed.”
“Yeah?” He grinned playfully. “Why’s that?”
I leaned down and bit the side of his neck. “Because it’s a hell of a lot easier to leave marks when you’re naked.”
“Oh God.” It was his turn to shiver, and his nails bit into my skin. “Y-yeah. Clothes off. Good idea.”
We pulled apart—well, after a couple of tries—and finally shed the last of these stupid clothes.
“Much better,” I growled, tugging his naked body to mine, and kissed him again.
“Condom?” he murmured against my lips.
Oh fuck yes. Making out all night long would’ve been perfectly fine. Fucking each other into the mattress? Even better.
I let him go so he could reach for the nightstand, and as he came back with the condom, he asked, “Who’s wearing it?”
“Your call. Long as I don’t have to wait for—”
Shane tore the wrapper. His eyes gleamed with lust like they had the very first night and damn near every night since then.
As he put the condom and lube on, I turned around, and he wasted no time. He wasn’t gentle about it either, and I leaned back against him, eager for more. Give it to me rough, give it to me hard, just fucking give it to me now.
“Oh Jesus,” he moaned in my ear. “Needed this . . . so bad.”
“Same.” I closed my eyes, letting my head fall forward.
Panting hard, Shane slowed down, and instead of thrusts, it was long, smooth strokes, taking forever for his cock to slide almost all the way out, then as far inside as he could get.
“Make no mistake,” he whispered in my ear as he slowly fucked me, “this doesn’t mean I don’t want to watch someone fuck you.”
My scalp prickled. “Oh my God . . .”
“Say the word,” he went on, “and I am so there.” He bit the side of my neck, thrust a couple of times, and half whispered, half grunted, “Long as you’re there, I’m in.”
I moaned and rocked my hips. Right then, I couldn’t imagine sharing him with anyone, but at the same time, watching him riding someone like he was riding me right now . . . oh God. Oh my God. I wanted my hands on him. But needed to hold myself up. But wanted—
“Lemme get on my back,” I blurted out.
Shane stopped. He kissed the side of my neck, then withdrew. “Hurry.” The urgency in those whispered syllables almost did me in.
As quickly as I could when I was this uncoordinated, I turned onto my back and spread my legs. As soon as he was in me again, I dragged him down and met him halfway, and when I sank back to the pillows, we were already locked in a deep, breathless kiss. He fucked me as hard as he could in this position. Hell, he could’ve gone back to slow and easy. Or not moved at all. I didn’t care.
With a gasp, he broke the kiss, and his head fell beside mine. “Oh God . . .” A shudder threw off his rhythm. Fuck, he was losing it, wasn’t he? I was getting close myself, and feeling, seeing, hearing him start to unravel was enough to send me right to the edge. But I didn’t want to come yet. Didn’t want this to be over.
It won’t be over. I’ll come, and he’ll come, and once we catch our breath, I’ll have him again.
Because he’s here. I’m here. No one’s going anywhere.
I’m all yours, Shane.
Closing my eyes, I arched off the mattress and let go.
The most deliciously helpless moan escaped Shane’s lips, and he fucked me hard and fast as I came, and just as my orgasm was beginning to taper, he shuddered again and swore under his breath. Burying his face against my neck, he thrust harder, damn near knocking the wind out of me.
I relaxed.
He relaxed.
He pulled out but didn’t move, and I wrapped my arms around him. For a moment, we just held on. Neither of us made a sound or moved, and all I could think was, Everything’s right in the world now.
Shane released a breath. Then he kissed the side of my neck and murmured, “I love you.”
I kissed his temple and stroked his hair. “I love you too.”
And thank God I changed my mind a
bout your text.
Chapter 27
Shane
After we’d cleaned ourselves up, we returned to Aaron’s bed. He opened the door so Jack could come in, and we’d barely pulled the sheets up over us before the dog came bounding onto the mattress with us. He wasn’t satisfied at the foot of the bed either—he wriggled his way in between us and flopped down, leaning his head against Aaron’s chest.
“Sorry, buddy.” I scratched his shoulder. “This was tough for you too, wasn’t it?”
Aaron smiled faintly. “Yeah. He always knows when something’s up.”
“Aww, that’s too bad. I hate stressing them out.” I swallowed. “Kids are the same way.”
“I know.”
Our eyes met.
Absently petting Jack, he said, “How’ve they been doing lately? With . . . all of this.”
“I’ve kept it out of sight as much as I can. My daughter knows something’s up, but . . .” I sighed. “None of them have said anything, but I’m pretty sure they know.”
Aaron grimaced. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. You’re not the one who fucked up.”
“Still. We both probably could have found a better way back to this.”
I put my hand over his on Jack’s neck. “But we made it. At this point, I’m so relieved, I’m not going to split hairs over how we got here.”
He smiled. “Yeah. Same here.”
We fell quiet for a little while, but I didn’t relax. I couldn’t. Now that we’d landed here again, I was relieved. I could finally breathe. But . . .
But.
I took a deep breath and met his gaze. “If we’re really going to do this, it’s not just me.”
Aaron nodded. “I know. Your kids are part of the deal.”
“Yeah. And I . . .” I chewed my lip. “I don’t want to rush you or them into something. It’s been a long time since I’d needed to introduce them to someone I was dating.” With a quiet laugh, I added, “Hell, Leo had already met them a few times, so it was just a matter of explaining that we were seeing each other. They already liked him.”
