by Ann Patty
Online Lovers
By Patty Ann
Published by Patty Ann at Smashwords
Copyright 2012 Patty Ann
ISBN 9781301519132
All Rights Reserved.
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
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Foreword
At the heart of every online relationship is an adrenaline rush. A thrill is knowing your certain someone waits inside a hidden email account.
Life changing promises flow free. As friendship turns into personal disclosure, doorways open. Boundaries cease to exist. Together you have co-created the perfect online contract. Nirvana indeed exists . . . at your fingertips.
Yet curiosity has a price. When expectations are met with empty promises. When commitment falls through with no return. When you decide you no longer want to be this person's secret. What do you do?
Read the real life encounters of one OnLine Lover. Follow in her footsteps towards answers hard won. Be advised that this book contains erotic adult content.
To My Readers
Are you privileged to be among a most unique blend of folks unimaginable? This social class interacts primarily in the domain of the internet world. Social networking is not new. Even this type of online pursuit is not unorthodox. And, there is one driving force. That is millions of us seek to find our soul mate online.
Since the onset of online dating services there is a whole social culture that has spawned. It is a class of distinction, much like wearing designer clothes. Online Lovers are a special breed of audience. Seeking love online comes with its gambles and payoffs. A quest can be rewarded in a variety of ways. With a casual encounter, seeking creative adventures, or perhaps to find a lifetime mate.
Online Lovers is written by a formerly naïve fifty something woman, namely me. My fingers discovered this online world much by accident, more by fate, and largely out of curiosity. Here I will openly share my ripe testimony and experiences. Why? To tell you what I took away: all my lessons learned.
Readers please entertain yourself; laugh, cry, and see yourselves inside familiar scenarios. When this book is done it is my hope that you will be given many ideas to take home and use.
All names were changed, however the events are very real. If you find yourself described in one such scenario, I would personally like to thank you for contributing to this book.
OnLine Lovers
The Online Motivation
Loneliness. Seeking a mate. Finding a cheap thrill. All are reasons why I began looking online for friendship. Curiosity and wonder that provide stolen moments of pleasure were temptations. But, the idea of looking at others secrets were intoxicating.
Craigslist (CL) is fun. Sometimes it is actually amusing. Anyone will agree, because anything goes. I've used CL since it's inception and have sworn by it. To unload things I’ve sold all sorts of perfectly good sh*t to the buying public.
CL use to be a good gig until folks started spamming, listing hoaxes, and turned into no show flakes. But, for awhile it was decent. Probably still is considering the given situation. Ask me later.
People told me about m4w, w4m, and misc. romances. So my curiosity got me to wandering. To the far left column. Occasionally I'd sneak a peak. For fun of course. Then I'd run back to the safety of the classifieds as if caught with my hand in the cookie jar. The temptation was insufferable. Then occasionally my eyes and fingers would travel back to forbidden fruit.
I would read in awe what people, both—men and women, heterosexuals, bisexuals, gay and lesbian, wanted in a mate. Everyone was seeking some—thing. Yes, they coveted love. And, here the merits of a perfect partner waited to be revealed. Inside electrons and cold, rigid displays of computers, anticipation waited. At times it was for a hook-up. In my day we called it the one-night-stand.
Others were looking for advice. A sympathetic ear. To a couple ads I began responding. I had logical opinions, plenty of life experience, so why not share a perspective. Sometimes people just want to be told what they already knew. Either way, they were grateful.
One person had a ridiculously silly poem. Since that point, this poem has been around the world and back. But at that time I had to write and ask if this person was the author. This non author was a man. We began corresponding and over several months time we grew to know each other pretty well.
What we both got was we enjoyed the attention of the opposite sex. You know how is goes. Are you married? How many kids you got? Where do you live? What do you do for fun? Blah, blah, boring. Really for the most part you want to skate right through to get to the meat of who this person is and what they can offer you.
Then there comes that day when you start the real connection: What went wrong with your last partner? Why did he or she leave? Was there infidelity? What happened in your relationships? Humans only seemed interested in the dirt. I'm no exception.
However, I crave info that goes one step beyond. I want to know: what a person learned from their relationships. It's the teacher in me. It also shows me the depth and type of character that I am conversing with. To take an event and learn a bit of something from this event shows a person has curiosity and backbone. That merits fiber.
Anyway, this man; I'll call him “Terry”. It was very apparent to me, WE would never BE, even for a fling. He was nice enough to keep as a friend. But that was it. Eventually we met. Yes we actually did. I was on a road trip and dropped by his town. We met. Upon first meeting we didn't even shake hands. Kiss or hug? Nope. Truthfully? Terry, well, he grossed me out. He was unkempt, in poor health, and overweight. This screamed of someone who had issues.
Nonetheless I valued our friendship and I am dog loyal to those who befriend me. And I would have hugged him. Really, it's true. But Terry would have to make the first move. He didn't.
Anyway, straight up Terry pissed me off. He showed up 30 minutes. How rude is that? I lived 5 hours away. Him only 15 minutes. Red Flag. Next day it was the same. 20 minutes pass due. We weren't 'an item' and had no chance of that, so I let it pass.
I guess it is my issue that I think being that late is disrespectful. Anyway, we did have a good time. Terry showed me around town and took me to lunch. Our final good-bye was flat, emotionless. We never touched.
I continued to write my friend when I got home. I never heard from him again. Guess he figured, “What's the point?” True. But I just don't throw away friends too soon. That is also my problem.
Online Lovers we weren't. The potential was never there. Not for me anyway. Perhaps he held out hope. I guess people don't want friends unless it serves them. Especially guys hunting girls. That's okay too. I just have an issue about staying in touch with a friend. In the end Terry was probably smarter than I. Continuing a relationship that was never to be, even as friends, was pointless.
What did I learn from that encounter? That you can learn a whole lot f
rom writing someone. If you are both reasonably educated and know how to articulate words, then you'll read their storybook. Online provides an anonymous portrait of who you—or they are. Rejection is minimized. You save a bunch on dates. Why waste time if it is not to be? You can paint and control the perimeter of the type of relationship you seek. You can be incognito. The world is at your finger tips. What a smorgasbord! It's a thrill. It's an emotional high when another person wants to spend their time chatting with you. It smacks: you are special to me. And who doesn't want that elation?
There is a flip side. The human connection. As you become vested, your emotions drive you. What you say, how you say it, when, where, etc. You begin projecting who you are to this “OnLine Lover”. You paint a pretty picture and then some. Dare you get rejected. An online rejection is devastating. I know. Save that for another chapter.
An online friend can tell half-truths. Or a downright lie. They can be married, in prison, otherwise inaccessible, and say not. Without the face2face contact a person never fully knows what is fact from fiction. Body language is 90% of communication. That speaks loud. People may actually change their lives for better, or worse. Feelings hide behind email encounters. Fragile emotions, online, are just as vulnerable. People get hurt. Disillusionment results when your online lover rejects you. A human's basic instinct to breed and belong is all consuming. And it drives us forward as we open yet another online ad.
From this experience I learned that we are all seeking....life partners, friends, lovers, casual sex, group sex or other. I wanted a man's perspective. And his friendship. I got both. Yet, I didn't stop there.
I should tell you upfront, at this time I was very married. About 33 years worth. Shame on me? I didn't believe I crossed a line. Yet. I was dying inside. My marriage was dead. We got together when we were babies. He was my soul mate. I thought. And, for the rest of my life I had hoped. Turned out we had 2 marriages. The first one for about 15 years B.C. That's Before Children. Then life got hard. This is not the time and place to spill my marital woes. We all have them. Simply put we became 2 separate people walking our own paths.
In any event I found myself living life as a single because he was preoccupied with his hobby cars. Even though I pleaded, sadly there was no room for “US” anymore. Hadn't been for years. Communication was nil. I discussed. He didn't talk. Counseling? Nadda. Zilch. It was difficult, no next to impossible, to have a relationship. Our life isolated me. I needed validation. I wanted male companionship. My career and family life was full, yet I was adrift without a raft, much less a boat. I carried a happy face, but this didn't sway my world as it worsened.
And, so after Terry I continued to write a couple other men. They too lived afar. This kept me safe. One wanted to hit the hay pronto. We wrote for a bit. I wanted to know what made him tick. He had an Asian wife who he said did not like sex. How did he put it? She didn't understand the need for human fornication. Hogwash. Unless one is a Eunuch, everyone gets the biological urges. I suspected the wife made him a kept man. Didn't sound like his work life was too demanding. Or that he worked, much. In retrospect he was a playboy. Period.
Anyway, this guy said he had a long term relationship with another gal. He was looking for someone to fill her shoes. Apparently, the gal's husband got a job elsewhere, so bye-bye pussy. This person was interesting, but his language and reasoning didn't sit well with me. Too self serving. After I asked for his pic and sent him mine, we never emailed again.
After a time or two it doesn't take much to know exactly who you are attracted to, or not. There is an online feel for the “game”. The words your significant other picks to use in his/her ad are tip offs. Perhaps their sense of humor relates well with you. Maybe it's their flirting style. Our online encounters mirror who we want- or need to meet at that time in our dating speculation.
For instance, there was a very nice guy that I had a long term chat with. Married forever like me. But, sex with his wife was missionary, lights out, under cover. Endlessly boring. He was seeking a fun ride. Our emails were playful, amusing, and honest. He was seeking to recover his soul mate. 10 years prior he found her. Lost his heart, but made a choice to remain loyal to his family. I offered to meet him (as friends) as I drove through his town on occasion. Never would hear from him, until much later. Some men like the thrill of the hunt. The titillation of the attention. They dream. They don't DO.
Oh, and there was that cowboy from the outback. Said he liked to get- and give oral. Whoa there. Had to check him out. He serenaded me morning and night for a week or two. Then I sent my picture and the coyote call stopped. Most guys don't like short hair. They have no idea what they are missing. Or they get a picture in their head straight up about how someone should look. Never no mind.
There may have been others. Can't remember. Probably not as I'm a loyal dog that likes to mate for life. Anyway, why complicate things. I had a marriage to get out of and I didn't need to add another human to that stress. Or did I?
The Surprise
After a few email entertainments, one night I again found myself perusing CL classifieds. The m4w and Misc. Romance section. I was far from home, looking in another state. Distance was a safety net.
I crossed a title “Looking for a friend and a lover”. Nothing to unusual about that. So I looked inside. The wording was short and sweet and much like other ads that I read. This person sounded more (than less?) sincere. Don't know why but I sent a note in response. My note read:
Hi! I'm in same situation. Where in E. Oregon are you? Tell me more about yourself.
Within a day I got back a note from “John Carter”. I sent back another short note.....
Hi John,
What does NSA - mean? Sometimes I don't get these acronyms!
Wow, blankity-blank is way out of my range of travel :-(
Well, good luck to you...if you want to chat on here that's fine too.
Ann
To this day I'll never know why I added on that last line, ...if you want to chat on here that's fine too. Obviously, it was an invitation to keep our conversation going. Probably I was prompted from beyond this 3D world. Intuition is like that.
John and I started our friendship out on great terms. He—his emails was not worded like the others. There was a genuine quality. John was sincere, honest, and forthcoming about himself, his life, and world. He did not play games. He was nice, totally decent. Even sent me pictures right off, as I held back in caution. I had found a true pen pal to correspond with.
For the next month I looked forward to my In box. Almost daily there were notes from John. I love to write and began crafting John extensive notes about my life. There is one thing great about email and that is you can detect the intelligence and education level in how well someone writes. John and I were on par. John was an excellent writer. Over the months that followed, I saw his world painted by his words.
As we weaved our way through the niceties of childhood, family and marriages John and I found parallels inside our lives. We were both born in Seattle, and moved away at approximately the same time even though John is 5 years older. Our Catholic heritage now turned spiritual coincided.
Both roots although blended ran back to Ireland. We both wear glasses. Me far sided with a left eyeball that is lopsided. John was near sided with a misshapen right eyeball. Over the course of our friendship discovery after discovery became uncanny.
From our spiritual to our political views to our philosophies around living in harmony with nature we unfolded many facets of how alike we were. It was not that either of us were desperate to belong. We were both mature adults that had lead independent, yet very married lives. Neither of us were indebted to the other to continue our conversations, but we did. We had set the groundwork for a relationship that was honest, open, fun and endearing.
The natural outcome to writing someone that becomes a dear friend is disclosure. Extreme disclosure. When two humans establish and declare their affinity for one another they reach a c
ertain crossroads. Trust is a given. Kinship is an outcome. A dedication of loyalty that goes beyond time and space remains. Almost a rule of conduct, this code is unwritten. This is what separates just friends and lovers. And this is what happened to us.
I don't know the exact moment I realized that I was falling for John. But there were several turning points. Once we both opened up about our marriages, our conversations took a turn.. We learned incredible things about each others lives.
I had men friends in my life, but nothing like this. John felt likewise. Here was someone that understood me and my perspective. It was validating. Within months no subject was off limits. None. It was incredible to 'talk' to someone and be appreciated and listened to. John responded with like-kind letters.
