by Kara Hart
“I didn’t grow up in London,” he says.
I already feel myself losing it, but I try and remain calm until I hear everything that I can. “Everything,” I say. “Who the fuck are you? Who did I let into my house? Is your name even Walker?”
“I grew up in the north, far from the big cities, though I know them well,” he says. “My father left my mother before I was born. I never met the man. My mother was a bitter, angry woman, and I suppose it was rightfully so. I met a man named Hawk. He ran the streets of my town. He gave me food, friends, and a place to stay. He gave me a purpose and put me to work. Slowly, I began to see how things were run. I planned my escape, when I realized he was using me for his own gain. I left and never looked back. I made my own way, hoping he’d never find me again.”
“This is unbelievable. A low-level gangster? Are you really telling me that’s what you did back in England?” she cries. “You’re a liar, Walker! You’re pathological.”
“It’s the truth.” I defend myself as best I can. “Hawk found me and that’s why I left in the first place. He said all I had to do was repay my debt. Well, after six years, it became obvious that he wasn’t ever going to let me go back to you. I made a deal with someone. Edward. He got me back here.”
She sits in disbelief, weighing her options. After some time and some tears, she finally asks, “You didn’t think it would catch up with you?”
“What choice did I have? I didn’t know I had a son. I just wanted to get back to the woman I fell in love with that night,” I tell her.
“I think you should leave,” she says, standing up.
“Erica, I—”
“Just go,” she says.
I turn and move toward the door. I’ve fucked everything up. That much is clear. When I reach the door, I turn back around. “I never meant for any of this,” I say.
“Sometimes it’s not what you intend to happen,” she says. “Sometimes, it’s how it impacts the other person. I need some time. This is all just too much.”
The door closes and I’m left alone. That night, when I’m back in my apartment, I book an overnight flight to London. I’m not letting Hawk get away with this. In just a few days, he’ll be gone from this world. That’s a promise I intend to keep.
29
Erica
Renata tries to calm me down, but I’m in full hysterical mode. “It’s going to be okay,” she says. “You don’t need that bastard around. You never needed him.”
“I hate him,” I cry. “I hate everything that he stands for. He’s pathetic.”
“Let it all out,” she says, rubbing my back. “Keep it going.”
“He’s a disgusting pig. He’s deranged. I’ve never met a man who lies like he does,” I say. I wipe the tears from my face and take a deep breath. “Fuck, my emotions are never stable and it’s because of him. Everything he’s done to me has been horrible.”
“That’s what I’ve been saying,” she gives a saddened look.
“And yet, I can’t fathom being away from him,” I admit.
“Erica, don’t start with that,” she says.
“I’m serious, Ren. I can’t. I love him. I fucking love him,” I say. “And he’s so good with Aidan too. I just wish—”
“I just wish he wasn’t such a piece of shit,” she interrupts me. “I wish I could offer you some words of wisdom, but I’m not exactly the person to listen to.”
“Am I an idiot if I stay?” I ask her. “Answer me truthfully.”
“Well, that depends,” she says. “Do you think he’s telling the truth? And do you feel safe with him if he does stay?”
“I don’t know,” I mutter. “I want to say that he’s telling the truth. It’s a crazy story to try and make up on the spot. As for me and Aidan’s safety, I feel both completely safe and unsafe now. Without him, I have no one to protect us. With him, I’m putting our boy in danger.”
“You need to talk to him before he does anything rash,” she says. “Like, now. You need to decide. Make a decision and go from there. This is serious, Erica.”
“I know,” I sigh. “Boy do I know.”
When I leave Renata’s place, I’m nowhere near being close to figuring this whole thing out. I love him. I really do, even if it’s against my best interests. Not to mention, I actually believe the bastard when he tells me he wants the best for me. But his past brings demons and I want them away from me, forever.
“I’m going back to England,” he tells me. “I’m ending this.”
My heart drops and so does my body. “You’re leaving. Again,” I mutter. “Are you serious?”
“I need to see Hawk,” he says. “I need to figure all of this out. If I catch him off guard, I’ll be able to end this.”
“Then I’m coming with.” I get angry. “You’re not doing this alone. You can’t leave Aidan and me again. That’s not how this is going to work.”
“Aidan can’t come,” he says. “It’s too fucking dangerous.”
“Like you give a damn,” I spit. “Besides, I can leave him with Renata.”
“No,” he says. “This is my fight. I’m not going to let you in harm’s way. This is final.”
“Walker, damn you—”
The phone hangs up, but it’s not the final say. Hell no. I run to my room and look through a pile of clothes he left in the corner. I dig through every pocket, coming out empty handed. “Fuck,” I sigh, holding a jacket in my hand. I slip my hand in a pocket and find an address in England. “There we go.” I smile.
I dart over to my laptop and open up a list of flights. I book one for tomorrow and pack lightly. I arrange everything with Renata, though she thinks I’m out of my mind. Maybe I am crazy. But this journey is mine and I want to see it through.
I call my boss. “Jake? Hey, it’s Erica,” I say. “I quit.”
30
Walker
I may have lost everything yesterday, but that doesn’t mean I’m coming back to work for Hawk ever again. I never want to see these putrid streets again. The ugly fucking brick, the cold rain, and all of the young lads who think they’re tough as nails – I never want to see them again. This is the final straw. This when I turn things around.
I get a room at a nearby hostel, and remain low. Erica has called me at least five times, but I’ve ignored every single one. I won’t let her near any more danger. I just want to make things right, even if that’s impossible at this point.
As I sit and plan my next move, there’s a knock on my door. Hawk, I think to myself. Who else could it be? I grab the lamp near the bed and hold it, ready to swing. Another knock.
“Who is it?” I reply.
“Edward,” he says. “I’m alone.”
I open the door, making sure the lock is still attached. “You came alone?” I peer out and when I only see him, I open the door, ready for a fight.
“You shouldn’t have come,” he says. “They’re on the hunt for you. Put the lamp down. I come in peace.”
“I had to come,” I tell him. “My family is in danger. How’d you find me?”
“I’ve been put on the task of lookout. You’re not very difficult to track down. You make too many obvious decisions,” he says. “Lucky for you, I’m in some need.”
“In need of what?” I ask him, waiting for the catch.
“Money. I have some plans for myself,” he says. “So if you help me, I’ll help you. Hawk is losing it. His only desire now is to find you and bring you to rest.”
I take some time to think about the offer and decide that it’s not a bad deal. If there’s anyone I can hire to help me, it may as well be him.
“Well, you got me home. But how can I trust you?” I ask him.
“I know some things,” he says, with a sly smile. He pulls out a pistol and hands it to me.
“What sort of things?” I ask him. “Do you know the man who’s been following me?”
“Mr. Mulligan,” he says. “But he’s the least of your worries.”
“What makes you say that?” I continue to try and put the pieces together, but the whole thing seems convoluted. Is this all part of Hawk’s plan? Did he send Edward to find me?
“Mulligan works for everyone and no one. If you offer him the right amount, he’ll be of good use,” he says. “Which is why I contacted him.”
“What do you mean?” As soon as I ask, there’s another knock on my door. I immediately point the weapon at Edward and stand up, backing away from him. “Who is that? What are you planning?”
“Put the gun down,” he says. “No one in this room needs to get hurt over nothing.” The knocking continues.
“Who is that?” I repeat.
“Why don’t you see for yourself,” he says.
I motion for him to answer the door, telling him, “Slowly. No sharp movements.”
He opens the door as slow as he can and there’s the man, Mr. Mulligan, standing in front of me. All he does is nod and sit down. “It’s you,” I mutter.
“Your woman is coming to find you,” he says. “Edward says you have a better deal for me. If that’s the case, then give me all the details you can. If not, I’ll be on my way.”
“Erica,” I say to myself. “Whatever Hawk is giving you, I’ll double it. I don’t give a fuck about money. All I care about is the safety of my family.”
“I told you,” Edward smiles. “Walker is a generous man.”
“Shove off,” I tell Edward. “I’m confused about some things still. How does Erica know where to go?”
“I can’t tell you that information. All I could dig up is a one-way flight. Your son will be staying with a friend,” Mulligan says.
“She shouldn’t be coming here. It’s too dangerous,” I say aloud.
“I have no interest in hurting you or your family,” Mulligan says. “It’s clear that Edward doesn’t either.”
“Then what’s your goal in all of this? It’s all about financial gain with you people?” I ask, turning red with fury.
“Give up the hero act, Walker,” Edward says. “This world is all about power. Who wields that power lives a free life, right? There’s hardly any dispute over that.”
“It’s a fucking rat race you’ll never be able to win,” I say, placing the pistol in my back pocket. “Once you get in, you can never get out. Trust me. Money doesn’t buy any freedom. It only makes you more of a slave to the work that gives you it.”
“This is boring,” Edward says to Mulligan. “If he doesn’t want any help, we should leave.”
“Wait,” I say. “I don’t have too many options left.”
“No, you don’t,” Mulligan laughs. “Here’s the facts. Hawk needs to go and we’re the people who can help you eradicate him forever. But he’s closed off access to him. We believe you’re the only one who can get to him now.”
“And you want to take over the business, I presume?” I eye him carefully. It’s obvious now why they’re willing to help. “Why should I pay you anything for my help?”
Mulligan sighs and closes his eyes, before peering out of half-open lids again. He looks tired. He’s aging and he knows it. He’s looking for options. We both have legs up on each other and we both need all the help we can get.
“Normally, we settle in pounds. But with this job, you will choose to forfeit that option. You’ll settle with a handshake,” he says. “But after this is all finished, I don’t ever want to hear about you again. I don’t want to see you again. After all this is done, you have to be a father to that child and live a plain and normal life. There’s no getting back in after this.”
“It’s a fucking coup,” I laugh, but no one else is laughing. “Alright, I think we have ourselves a deal.”
“Good,” Edward smiles. “Let’s go over the plan.”
31
Erica
I can’t believe I traveled this far for one man. I’ve sacrificed my life for one man and it’s all because of one stupid night. And even though he’s lied a million and one times to me, I still want to believe it was for the best. I want to believe he was trying to keep us safe. If I can find him, maybe I can talk to this Hawk guy. Leave it to a woman to finalize a deal.
“Please don’t do this,” Renata said as I was leaving her house. “I’m begging you. Think of your son.”
But I was thinking about him. I was thinking about how happy he was playing basketball with Walker. I could it see it in his eyes. He was anticipating a new life. When I left, I felt so much heartbreak and guilt. I almost couldn’t board the damn plane. But when I thought of my own heart, I knew I had to go. It might sound selfish, but Walker is the only man to make me feel this way.
Still, no woman would venture this far for someone. I can’t rightly justify it myself. All I can say is that I’ve been through too much. A horrible divorce, a child I was forced to raise alone, and a job I’ve always hated. That’s enough to send someone over the edge. I want answers, dammit. I want a chance at a normal life with the man I fell in love with.
North Manchester is where the ticket takes me. And from what I’ve read, North Manchester is the most dangerous spot in England. I enter the streets, carefully making my way to the only hotel in the area that would accept cash without identification. I have no idea what I’m doing and I spend my time calling Walker in hopes that he might answer, and looking out the window for anything out of the ordinary.
Of course, there’s nothing to be found. From what I can tell, this city is charming. There’s a canal that runs through the area and it has all a city can offer. Then again, I’m not in the slums. I’m in the nice parts.
I eventually have to force myself to leave my room. I take a walk to the nearest pub and when I enter, it’s everything I imagined the place to be. There are loud men all around me, lots of tourists, and a football match is playing loudly on a television.
“What will it be, love?” the bartender asks me with a crooked smile.
“Guinness,” I say, feeling out of place. “Um, a pint?”
The man laughs and returns with a glass of dark liquid. I give him the amount of pounds needed and keep my head down. “Walker won’t be here,” I think to myself. “Neither will Hawk.” No, if I want to find him, I’ll have to venture further.
When I’m half finished with my beer, my phone rings and I nearly jump out of my seat to answer it. It’s Walker. “Walker,” I say. “Where are you?”
“You followed me?” he asks. “Why are you putting yourself in this kind of danger?”
“I can’t answer that question,” I admit. “I should hate you with all my heart. The hardest thing to confess right now is that I don’t. I don’t hate you, Walker. I love you, even if you’ve put me through hell and back. I don’t understand it myself. But I’ve come here to ask you to come home. Come home to your son. We’ll talk to this Hawk man together.”
I can practically hear the gears in his brain turning as I wait in silence for him to tell me I’m right and that he’s coming back, that he’s sorry for everything. But he doesn’t say that. Instead, he says, “I’m going to give you an address. If you stay there, you’ll be safe. You’re being followed, Erica. I told you not to come.”
“Followed?” I choke, glancing around to see if anyone is looking my way. “By whom?”
“Hawk. His men. They’re keeping tabs on all of us. You don’t understand. There’s war going on by proxy. There are people who want Hawk gone, but his last fight is through me. If he gets to you, he’ll have the upper hand. You need to listen to me,” he says.
“I miss you,” I find myself saying. “I want all of this to end. I’m not sorry I came here. I couldn’t bear the thought of you leaving me for good again.”
“Come to this address,” he says, giving me an address quickly. “Meet me there in an hour.”
“Okay,” I say. He hangs up the phone.
I shuffle quickly through the dimly lit streets, feeling the jet lag quickly creep up on me. I knock on a door, next to a boarded up house, and Walker opens the do
or, peering out. “Quickly,” he says, pulling me in.
“What’s going on?” I ask him. “Walker, I want to help you.”
“Come upstairs and we’ll explain everything,” he says.
“We?” I ask. He motions up the stairs and I follow him, holding onto his masculine hand. I want to be home with him. I want to feel his lips against mine. It takes every ounce of strength not to kiss his neck, or rest my head against his chest.
When we get upstairs, he opens the door and I can barely believe my eyes. “No,” I say. “You’re—”
“Mulligan,” Walker says.
“Sit down,” Mulligan says. “I’m not here to hurt you. I’m here to save your bloody life.”
The young man next to him smiles and says, “The tables are turning, love. You’re witnessing history tonight.”
The old man, Mulligan, shoots him a sharp glance, as if that statement annoys him. “We’re keeping you safe, in exchange for your boyfriend’s help,” he says. “After that, you’re both free to do whatever the hell you please.”
“Keep me safe?” I look over at Walker, who looks tired. “I’m coming with. I’m not waiting around while he goes in there and gets himself killed.”
“You’d rather get killed too?” the young man laughs. “You’re best to stay put.”
“He’s right,” Walker says. “I don’t want to lose you and you have a child who would die without you.”
“We,” I correct him. “We have a child.”
“He doesn’t know I’m his father. Not yet, at least. If something happens to me, he’ll at least forget about me. He’d never grow up the same without his mother. A child needs his mother more than anything,” he says. He avoids tearing up, by glancing out the window and breathing through his nose. “No, I won’t allow it. You’re staying here.”
