The Plain White Room

by Oliver Phisher

  He kept his eyes closed, listening to the rain, as he drifted to sleep. He dread of the morning easing into a peaceful child’s dream.

  ***

  Chapter 2

  Milton

  Lepus stared at the fresh stitches on his left wrist. They looked so clean to him; he didn’t understand how they could be so clean looking, he searched his entire arm and not a speck of blood. Just lines and black stitches like the gaping wound was never there. Lepus turned over his wrist and found a dot of blood. He stared at it, not knowing what it was from.

  Then he realised that it had been spilt from the hypodermic needle when a nurse had taken some blood. It surprised him that they had drawn the curtains, supposing that the sedative was going to make him woozy. They shouldn’t have worried about him. Boots shuffled under the curtain and standing next to the computer console designated this bed clicked away. Lepus began to wonder what it is they were doing and tried to sit up but felt a pain in his stomach, just before passing out. He awoke soon after, with a man shaking his shoulder. The man was around sixty, dressed completely in blue. On his chest pocket, there was a gold and red insignia.

  “The paramedics” he sighed, “finally.” Behind, the elder man was a younger looking guy wearing the same uniform. He had a surfer look to him, his bleached blonde hair poking out from under his cap. On the other side of the bed, a male nurse stood with a clipboard. He was also quite young for a nurse. He smiled, but Lepus couldn’t tear his gaze away from the nurse’s piercing on his clavicle. He was a hip looking guy, though. Lepus had got him chatting while waiting for the toilet, standing in front of a mobile metal nurses’ station. Hours earlier, Lepus had snuck his way through locked doors to get to the roof. Waiting unseen and then walking through behind passing staff. Despite his lack of social graces, he wasn’t physically awkward.

  The final door to the roof had FIREDOOR written bold in red on it. Connected to an alarm which would have gone off if he had tampered with it. He decided not to go further. He knew there was no way he was getting through that door without it screaming with emergency sirens.

  There was not enough time; someone would be on the roof in seconds. Lepus sighed and looked out the window. He couldn’t see past the hospital grounds, and a dark cloud was beginning to envelop the building. It continued to get darker and darker until the window was just a shiny black slate.

  His mind blurred, and he seemed to be in the ambulance before he turned away from the window. The ambulance bumped and jolted as it drove along. The older looking paramedic watched over Lepus, no judgement in his eyes. Lepus's daydream faded, and he started concentrating on the sounds coming from nearby him. His mind cleared, and he realised he was already halfway through a conversation with the man sitting over him. The man had a wholesome and familiar demeanour which made Lepus feel like he was home.

  “I was an accountant before I got this gig, for a long time.”

  “I’m sorry, but where are we going? Which hospital?

  “Hospital… son, weren’t you listening before?” The man leaned forward, touching Lepus’s shoulder.

  “Jerry, I don’t think this one is quite all here yet,” The ambulance hit another bump. Lepus tried to calculate his odds of jumping, then tried to use the shakes to measure the speed they were going.

  Numbers that usually came so natural to him seemed hard to work out, like a piece of his brain wasn’t quite there yet. He closed his eyes and leant back into his stretcher.

  The sounds of movement and the man prattling on in the background faded out as Lepus’s mind began to wander into sleep.

  ***

  Lepus’s head throbbed, and he didn’t know why. His eyes blinked open, and he sat up in his hospital bed. His room seemed to bend and twist. He slipped out of his bed like a worm out of mud and crawled to the door. Once he was outside his room, the hallway seemed indomitable and long. The colour of the walls appeared to darken and to whisper, unseen voices cackled. They became louder and louder.

  He crouched in the confusing and seemingly endless halls, rocking back and forth. Milton approached Lepus,

  “Oi hey, come help this fella!”

  He crouched over Lepus, saying “Hey mate, you okay? Hey come help him, he’s bloody sick he is. Don’t worry mate; you’re alright, we’ll help you out.”

  The man who stood over him had only one arm. He wore a light green stockman’s coat, jeans, and steel capped boots. The sleeve of the jacket where the other arm would have been was tucked into the pocket tightly so that it didn’t move around.

  “I don’t understand; I don’t think I’m meant to be here. I… I’m confused, I thought I knew where I was, I thought –”

  “Nothin’ to be scared of here mate, not while I’m here, I’d know, I can handle myself.”

  “I think the halls are endless, are they endless?” Lepus said, shaking.

  “Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing okay? Military Police me, everyone is safe here while I’m about. I was a plain clothes copper too before that; I’ll help you back to your room,” The man said as he attempted to pull Lepus up with his one arm.

  By this point, the nurses were also, sweeping in seamlessly, as if floating, half holding Lepus up, half carrying him back to his bed. They all seemed to glow, under the florescent lights.

  “Son, the afterlife is just like life. There is certainly Heaven and Hell; it’s just that you chose where you're standing. No devil can hold you by the belt, nor God lead you by the hand. You have to make up your mind and accept the consequences. You’d be a happy man if you accept what you get, and rue no one else for what they get. Remember, we aren’t alone, we’re all here, together on our own.” Milton continued to ramble, all the way back to Lepus’s room.

  ***

  How to skin a cat, in less than twenty-nine ways

  Lepus fell scrambling out of his friend Bronagh's bed rifling for his phone.

  “What? Huh? I mean hello?” He said blinking repeatedly and raising the phone to his ear.

  “Hi,” Lepus recognised Alice’s voice immediately and his heart started pounding.

  “Oh, hey. Sorry, I was just … how are you?” He stammered.

  “I’m good, I’m good.” Alice chimed.

  “So um, this is a weird question, but were you just in Port Lincoln?” Lepus mind blurs. What an odd question, it’s a town almost walking distance, but he’s not there, or currently driving. Or even sober even. It’s too early on a Saturday morning for such strange questions.

  “No, no I’m at a friend’s house; We had some drinks last night. Just talking about what happened between you and me.”

  “Oh right, oh okay.”

  There is a long silent breaking, and Lepus’s mind started to clock over. Is she seeing him, when he isn’t there? Is she imagining seeing him, because she misses him?

  “What, you think I’m stalking you!?” he said gritting his teeth in anger.

  “What? No… no, not at all. I just…” her voice sinking, “I just saw a car that looks like yours…”

  “I miss you, but I’m not going to follow you around like a puppy. I asked for you back once; I’m not begging. It was just once, I’m not completely pathetic.”

  “I know, I don’t think you are. I just thought that I saw you, okay? I miss you too, like, well… I’ve been thinking of calling you. Seeing if you wanted to catch up. I don’t know; this isn’t easy for me either.”

  “Yeah well, you were the one that said I had to wait to hear from you this time. Just because I didn’t want to be friends, and then asked for you back after not talking to you for a month. I just needed some time. Did you expect me just to say ‘Hey yeah, let’s be friends now?’ I’d love to be your friend and watch you meets lots of new guys and date them. That sounds like real fun."

  “… I’m not dating lots of guys.”

  “Oh yeah, just one nice one, hey?” Lepus said with a dark, sarcastic tone.

  The phone went silent for far longer than Lepus would ha
ve wanted. His heart sank.

  “Alice?”

  “Just shut up, okay. I thought I saw you; I didn’t whatever. I didn’t know things would end up like this; I didn’t plan this.”

  Lepus felt his face go red and clenched his hand into a fist. He didn’t feel he had enough contol over his hand to stop it doing that, but he didn’t care. She had said nothing else and so he tried to take a breath,to compose his thoughts. But quite suddenly his lips moved

  “Is it March Hare?” he said without meaning to. He then realised that he had moved to the middle of the room. His voice had also gotten louder and louder. The sounds of tossing and turning from the next room reminded him that his friend was sleeping.

  “You didn’t plan this, but I god damn warned you didn’t I!? I told you if you loved him more just let me go. Don’t make me wait for the day when you’ll feel the same way as me if that day will never come.” Lepus said, boiling with anger but trying to keep his voice quiet.

  The phone went dead.

  Lepus had stared at a photo on the fridge of a hamburger before he realised that he had walked out into his friend's kitchen. On the wall hung a picture of a burger, it was gigantic, 2 pounds, plus chips. His friend Bronagh had eaten it to win a prize. If you finished it, the meal was free, and you won a tee-shirt plus a picture of you and your burger in some hall of fame thing. The fact that she had finished it still didn’t seem possible to Lepus. Especially considering that she was less than 5 foot tall and weighed around 60 kilos. Not worth the stomach ache. The words resonated in his mind. He felt pathetic.

  “Ah… you alright there buddy?” a meek voice echoed from across the room.

  “Oh, hey, yeah sorry about that” Lepus responded trying to act casual, rubbing the back of his neck.

  “Chicks, am I right man,” Bronagh said, nodding. “Dude, I am so hungover right now, seriously.” He said shuffling towards the kitchen.

  As Bronagh rifled around in the fridge, Lepus sat on the couch, staring into space. Trying to recall every word that she had said over the phone, somehow the words muddle in his memory. A pounding feeling started to emerge just behind his forehead. Pulsating and pushing any other thought from his head other than the throbbing pain. He had never had this big a binge of drinking and the crack in his head was an unfamiliar sensation.

  Bronagh flung herself over the couch, “Did you crash in my bed? I woke up in the bathroom.” Bronagh said, followed by a gulp of juice and a burp. The silence of Lepus’s phone, not receiving a return call, beams in his head.

  “I think I stole someone’s hat last night,” Bronagh said adjusting her hips and pulling a bucket hat from under neither her.

  As Bronagh turned on the TV hours later, Lepus leant forward and sent out a text message, quivering with emotion.

  I already got you a birthday present, what should I do with it?

  He sat staring at his phone but there was no response.

  I can mail it to you if you want?

  No response.

  ***

  Bronagh stared back at Lepus. Her right hand clutching a bottle of cider the mid-afternoon

  Sun warmed Lepus's back as they sat on park benches at the campus bar. Lepus took a deep breath, his latte’s sweet, but bitter tasting steam wafting into his nostrils. Bronagh’s blonde curls peek out from the sides of her beanie. With her left hand, she raised her cigarette and took a long drag. Smoke danced around her face. Out of the corner of his eye, Lepus noticed two men walking into the bar. Almost falling over each other, while tried to hide their glances at Bronagh’s stunning features.

  “Well,” she declared, “it sounds as though you’ve made your decision.”

  “What decision?” he said crooking his head.

  “That you still want her…”

  “She… well, I mean. I don’t know. She’s better – off without me. I know that I want to do the right thing. I just am so addicted. It just hurts so much.” Lepus said looking away and trailing off.

  “What about the leaving flowers at her door?” Bronagh said spinning her hands in the air, smoke dancing through the air. Lepus shrugged.

  “I shouldn’t fight for someone out of selfishness if I know that she’s better without me.

  That if she stays with me, she’ll be miserable, and I’ll be happy. That doesn't seem like love to me. That’s possession, and greed.”

  Bronagh took a gulp of her bottle of cider and slammed it on the table, leaning forward. Her cork accent seemed to Lepus to get stronger as she commanded, “Well then. Let her go!”

  Lepus sighed, “I’ll try,” he said raising his tea to his lips.

  ***

  Humpty Dumpty

  Lepus awoke the next morning with a start. Dawn had just broken, and it was unlikely anyone was awake. He leapt down the stairs and out the front door. The glass from the jar was gone. The storm had washed away the glass and some of the toys into the drain. But the Scorpius remained, its sleek blackness shining in the fresh daylight. Lepus gathered the rest of the little figurines and pendants. He went back inside before anyone saw him gathering up the remnants of the crash. Once inside Lepus sat the Scorpius atop his bookshelf. With the rest of the jar’s surviving goods back where the jar had sat Lepus then went back downstairs, content that his little incident had gone unnoticed. Before leaving for school, he placed the dragon under a bonsai tree which he had on his desk.

  Lepus sat staring out the classroom window. He always read and worked on equations in his own time. So when a school day came around, he found it difficult to concentrate. Bored with the pace of the class and teachers he found dull. Today they were learning about biology, insects, and plants. Things that annoyed him the most. He didn’t see the point in knowing what animals did in their spare time. Wanting instead to know about how distant stars were forged.

  “Lepus!” His teacher crackled. His name was Mr. Scrabble, and everyone called him ‘scribble’ behind his back. Even the other teachers, as he was not well liked. He was a tall old man with glasses that were magnified at the bottom. It made his eyes seem to grow huge as he looked down on students. He approached Lepus’s desk and looking down at him. Then boomed “What’s so interesting outside, Lepus? Are you seeing any of the fauna I was discussing out there, in the school yard? Hmmm!?”

  Lepus gulped, a phrase he’d read earlier that week bouncing around in his head. He wanted to scream at the foolish stuck up old man. Instead, he mustered the courage and scorned.

  “No, I was just considering a quote I read the other night. ‘All of science is either physics or stamp collecting.’"

  The class started laughing and looking at each other. Whispers of ‘what a weirdo’ permeated the room. The teacher grumbled something with a smirk then chuckled cruelly saying.

  “I think you should go to the principle and impart that little glimpse of wisdom to him.”

  Turning to the rest of the class and walking back towards the front. He barked “The rest of you turned to page one hundred and sixty-six and complete all questions. You can thank Lepus for the pop quiz we are now going to have at the end of this class. You have twenty minutes to study.”

  Lepus dragged himself out of his seat and walked out of the classroom with his head hanging low. Trudging his way to the principal's office he gritted his teeth and clenched his fist in anger. He wished ishing he could run away from school and never look back. Once when he was sent to the principal's office. The receptionist looked over her horn-rimmed glasses at him. Then pursed her wrinkled lips in disapproval. “Take a seat young man; I’ll let him know you’re here.” She looked back down at her computer and leaned into it. Glaring at the screen in concentration. Lepus took a seat in one of the four chairs which were lined up against the wall.

  There was a window adjacent which looked out over the school oval. Lepus watched the kids a year above him playing soccer and cheering. His brother was probably out there somewhere. The sports uniforms made everyone look the same from a distance.


  When Lepus returned home, he ran upstairs to check on his dragon. It was where he left it underneath the bonsai tree on his desk. He sat down on his desk chair in front of the tree and placed his chin in his hands. Studying the intricacies and painted elaborate colours of the dragon figure. It was curled up in a ball sleeping with its long snout tucked under its tail. Lepus moved in closer to it, almost getting poked in his eye by the branches of the bonsai tree.

  ‘You should have a name’ Lepus thought to himself. ‘I can’t just be calling you Dragon all the time. I’m not good with names or creating things. How about just, Dragoon. I read that that means infantry, but it sounds a lot like dragon. You don’t seem like much of a fighter’ Lepus thought he saw it move its head, nuzzling in closer to its tail. He sat up in shock, not believing what he had seen. The dragon’s tail wrapped tighter around, covering his eyes. Then without warning it recoiled and stretched its back. It pushed forwards its front legs and its lower back in the air. His claws started to extend, and he opened his mouth just a crack. Enough to let out a long deep yawn. Then it shook its head back and forth before standing on its front legs and looking a Lepus. Small spouts of smoke wafted from his nostrils.

  “Well hello,” Lepus said looking down at the little thing. It blinked at him, lowering its head almost in a bow. Then the dragon started to strut around, stretching after a long sleep. It started to chew on the ends of paper sitting on his desk. “No! Don’t do that; I need those equations!” Lepus exclaimed.

  “You must be hungry, hmm what do dragons even eat.” He said puzzled. “Maybe grass..?” he said picking the dragon up. He also grabbed the little bonsai tree up to protect the dragon from the sun.