“Oh Alice,” he said putting the book down. He sat up, his back against the headboard.
“What, what is it?”
“Nothing, nothing I’m sorry,” she said, rubbing her eyes. He put his hand on her shoulder. To comfort her, but all he wanted was to kiss her. He didn’t know why she was crying if it was even him. Maybe she felt guilty for wanting to leave him. It felt arrogant to him to assume he was the reason for her tears.
Maybe she felt guilty for wanting to leave him. Maybe she too longed to kiss him and forget had wanted another.
She lay down next to him; her arm draped across his chest.
They were silent and still for a moment. He closed his eyes and tried to slow time. Make it stretch out infinitely, thin and unrushed. That perhaps if he was still enough they could stay like this forever.
But he knew this would not happen. That docks would continue their slow unwavering beat.
Marching slowly towards a time when she would no longer be his. In knowing this, he raged in his mind. The injustice of it. His inaction repulsed him. Until he could take it no more, “I saw some photos downstairs,” he said, his voice cracking, forcing out the words.
“Of you and March Hare at that party you wanted me to pick you up from.”
“Yeah, I thought you’d say something about that,”
“What did you think I would say?”
She shrugged, still cuddled up to him.
“I guess I had wondered why you didn’t invite me. I didn’t know he was going.”
“You don't invite me to lots of things, and you always complain about the people. Would you have even come if I had asked to you?” she said all this calmly. No frustration, no anger in her voice.
“I don’t know,” he said, regretting having brought it up. He turned his head and stared out the bedroom window. He could just see half of a tree which stood at the front of the house.
The day was bright. Although he couldn’t see it, there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. The tree waved in the wind and Lepus could see a common myna bird, hanging on tight to one of the trees smaller branches.. Even though the bird was swaying uncontrollably in the air, it continued to sing, gripping on with all its tiny might. As Lepus watched it tweeting away, the image of the photo he had seen drifted into his mind. He closed his eyes and tried to visualise something else. But all he could see was their happy, excited faces. His arm behind her. Not over her shoulder, but resting behind her. Her shoulder against his chest.
Alice stared at the ceiling. Lying in Lepus’s arms. His arms were tight around her, and every once in a while she would nuzzle her face into his chest.
“What are we now? ‘Cause I still don’t even know.” Alice said.
“We can be whatever you want us to be, I don’t want this to end, but I can’t force you to be mine. What can I change? What do you expect me to do?”
Alice wriggled, “I… I don’t know, what I want… or what you should. You can’t ask me that.”
“What do you want?”
“I feel like, no matter what I do, I’m gonna lose the person closest to me in my life.”
“You don’t have to lose me.”
“You said you don’t want to be friends afterwards…”
“You want me to promise friendship, when if you leave me I won’t even be able to have to live in this house anymore. It’s filled with too manypainful memories, you can’t expect me to stay here and your friend, watching you grow, change, move on. I’ll feel like a ghost.”
“I’m just not ready for this…”
“I know… please don’t tell me that again, I understand. I still don’t see how.”
Lepus sighed, and his arms eased their grip.
A soft tune started to play in his head, as he starts to imagine living in his house without her coming over all the time. He moved there because it was on the way to her house, and her work, but now he loved it.
His life ahead, without her, plays out in his head.
Lepus sat up on the bed.
“So that’s it then, you’re ending us?”
“No… you are.” She said starting to sniffle.
§“You’ll be fine,” Lepus echoed, “You are gorgeous, strong, and brave. I love you.”
As Lepus’s arms slip from her, she crackles through tears, “and you?”
“What does that matter?”
“Why aren’t you holding me anymore?”
“I’m not going to cling to you, lie next to you, force closeness when you don’t want it. What do you want from me?”
Alice moved like lightning, walking out the door, tears streaming down her face.
“Why would I get into bed with you if I didn’t want you to hold me?”
Lepus jumped out of the bed and followed her downstairs.
The next thing he knew, he was standing in the doorway. Alice was holding back tears. She turned from him and pushed through the fly screen. Her flip-flops were loudly hitting the pavement.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you so upset, I don’t want it to end like this,” he said, as he followed her, but she was moving faster than him. Once he got to the gate, she was gone. She was gone, and it was over.
***
Critters
The next morning Lepus awoke early. Eager to see if either of his exciting trinkets had returned.
He raced downstairs and bounded up to the tree. He looked and looked, but there was no sign of either of them. Soon his mother was calling him and his brother to school. His brother was yelling that he had to be there early for football practice. Once he had returned home from school Lepus ran inside and bumped his bag in his room. Then went straight down to the bonsai tree.
The tree’s roots had continued to grow, feeling the dirt underneath the day which had bound them. The pot was now only just holding in the plant.
Lepus shook the small tree in frustration. As he did, it seemed to get larger and larger. The branch which had been as thin as a pencil was soon as thick as a human torso. It also had quite a bit of weight to it. Then Lepus noticed the house was getting bigger too. Still holding the ever growing branch Lepus’s feet took off from the ground. It was then that he realised the tree hadn't grown, but that Lepus had shrunk. He grabbed the branch with both hands as the ground became further and further away. Until he was swinging from the branch, no bigger than a thimble.
Lepus pulled as hard as he could to try and get on top of the branch. Being of a particularly skinny build but with few muscles. The best he was able to do was get his legs to straddle the base of the branch. Looking down his heart started pounding. If he fell he was sure that he would break his legs, if not die.
He started to shuffle himself towards the trunk of the tree. Once there he scrambled to his feet and caught a hole in the trunk. Using it to shift his weight he grabbed the trunk with all his might and panting clutching to it as hard as he could. Then lowered himself to the ground.
Once he was back on the forest-like floor, Lepus looked around. Straining his eyes to make sure there was no trace of either the Dragon or the Scorpion having returned.
He started walking towards the bush where the Scorpius had run to. All the way, he looked at the ground trying to find any footprints. Or scuttle prints as the Scorpius had six feet. He decided to see if he could catch a glimpse of his house. Or his neighbour’s house, to help get hisbearings. All he could see were the plants and bushes from his garden. All seemingly hundreds of times their normal size.
Lepus started to panic as he realised it was getting later in the afternoon. Soon the sun would be going down. Tiny and outside at night would not be a safe place. Being so small, he had not walked far from the tree. He started to hear a slight high pitched buzzing noise. Looking up he saw scores of the bugs that the dragon had been eating. They were descending upon him. To him, they were as big as lions. As vicious too. Their wings were moving so fast that they were almost invisible. Their snarling gnashing teeth as sharp as knives. Lepus ducked to the
ground as one whooshed past his head biting at him. They swarmed just above him like a terrible black blood as they poured towards the tree. Lepus rolled to get away from them. Then started scrambling as low as he could towards the row of bushes. He crouched and hobbled his way under a branch. Two or three of them had been able to take flying bites at him. From most of the bites they had drawn blood and many of the wounds were an inch long. They were all up his back and in his arms. He slumped down, cowering and watching them from the safety of the bushes. The swarm moved closer to the tree then seemed to fade upon reaching it. Lepus stood up and dusted the dirt off his clothes. Looking around under the bush he found a trail leading out to the other side of the bushes. He followed it, staying as low as he could in case the nasty bugs returned.
Moving a branch from out of his way revealed a huge opening behind the bush. Although they were small in actual terms, to Lepus, a vast open plain spread out before him with rolling hills. It was a buzz with a life, however, teeming with violence, Lepus was overwhelmed and shocked. He had not expected to stumble onto something so strange, as the battle that lay before him.
The dragon sat on a long sharp rock which was sticking out of the ground.
The Scorpius was on the other side of the field, clamping its massive talons. The dragon stood on its hind legs and let out a long roar.
Between the two of them, there were hundreds of insects of all different kinds. Ants which wore world war two helmets. Holding little rifles equipped with bayonets. There were spiders with Pickelhaube helmets and armor on their eight legs. Overhead there were all kinds of flying creatures, crashing against one another. They were falling, interlocked in melee flashes.
Colours of bright beauty, before hitting the ground. Only one rising back up with triumphant flapping. Lepus crouched to the ground, trying to make sure none of the vicious creatures saw him and attacked.
He tottered forwards and ducked down behind a rock jutting out of the ground.
Watching the battle rage on in front of him.
There were pieces of wings and insect legs littered everywhere. An enormous fat wasp floated over a group of ants, wielding a massive hammer, and swinging long arcs. When the hammer connected, it would propel the ants up into the air. Leaving them scattering them on the ground, their bodies bloodied and broken. The ants underneath shot rifles between bouts of dodging swings of the hammer. Many of their bullets hit the Armor of the terrifying creature and bounced to the ground. Each shot which found its mark caused blood to spew onto the ground, yet seemed to slow down the wasp only for a moment.
A group of ants went flying near to Lepus as a centipede ran through them. It then ran up to a slug which was beating itself against a group of ants. The centipede leaned back on then back on its legs and started hitting the slug. The slug began to bleed and with speed began to back away from the centipede. Lepus then saw the knives covered in salt, one in each of the centipede’s hands. A large canvas bag of the salt attached to the centipede was dragged close behind by its back legs.
A butterfly with vast emerald green wings swooped down from behind Lepus. Its wing brushed the top of his head. It landed in front of him and folded its wings together. One of the butterfly’s wings filled with tattered holes and tears. Something having attacked it in the air.
Seconds, after it had, landed a group of spiders surrounded it. Screeching as they each took bites at the butterfly. One by one chomping with incredible speed as the beautiful creature sunk to the ground. Lepus yelled “Stop!” at the top of his lungs, taking a step out from behind the rock.
The group of spiders turned to him in an instant as a group. There was around six of them all in armour and all with eight blank black eyes and white gnashing fangs. By now the butterfly was lying on the ground motionless. The spiders all started edging forwards towards Lepus.
“Brave boy!” one seethed. Lepus’s eyes grew large. Despite their weaponry, it hadn't crossed his mind that these strange beasts might be able to talk.
“Stupid boy!” another hissed, and they all started to chuckle in terrifying unison. Their voices were bizarre and echoed through the wooden cavern. Seeming to come from all around, not just from their mouths. They hissed every word menacingly.
Lepus looked behind him, trying not to take his eyes off the ground for too long. Seeing if there was somewhere for him to turn to. There were only the bushes to run to, which he now realised were up a relatively steep hill he had run down without thinking. He stepped backwards and his foot caught something, causing him to stumble. Once he found his balance he looked down to see that there was one of the ant’s guns at his feet. He grabbed it up without thinking and started waving it at the spiders.
They all began to laugh with gusto.
“Don’t be a foolish boy! One cackled. We know you, boy. We serve the Scorpius. Master of the golden sword! He has told us all about you. Oh yes, you are a coward. You stay inside all day. You have no friends, all day long scribbling over all those worthless equations. Your teacher hates you, do you think he cares when you do all that extra work. What are you!? You’re nothing and no one.” Lepus lowered the gun. Feeling weak and helpless.
The spiders started laughing louder and louder. They moved around him as they did, forming a full cackling circle.
***
Chapter 4
Tony & Theodor Morell
Lepus sat in the television room of his hospital ward, fevering away at his notes as usual. He was oblivious as the other patients and staff glided around him. His eyes strained. He felt almost as if he was asleep, drifting in and out as his mind raced. Concentration snapped, and he was back into reality. He looked around, and the room had emptied. The only other people awake were a frail looking Asian girl and a young man staring at the television screen. The girl lay crouched in a lounge chair. Her eyes fixated on a bible. Lepus leaned forward, curious about the boy, as he seemed enthralled with the television screen. Even though only the credits of a show were on the screen. Lepus then realised the thin adolescent was staring out a nearby window.
His head turned and cocked, as he noticed Lepus watching him.
“How did you get here?” he said, his voice strained.
Lepus shifted in his seat looking around, seeing if there was anyone behind him, the strange man might have been speaking to.
He was a tall, skinny young man. Around eighteen or nineteen, and his stubble was patchy and unkempt. But his eyes were a kind, dark brown. He sat upright, straight in the chair between the empty couches. This amplified his almost military stiffness. His knees were sticking out due to knowing how tall he was. So there they both sat frozen in awkwardness his question hovering unanswered.
Lepus’s anxiety began to build. As he struggled to think of a way he could respond. He just wanted to restore the status quo. Allow himself to delve back into his little world of equations and graphs.
“I don’t think we know, I … I don’t believe that we are you see.” He said a desperation in his voice.
Seeming more like he was looking past Lepus instead of at him. “I’m not complaining or anything, I just. We aren’t where we think we are, once you realise. You, don’t even realise anyway, you can’t." There was a long pause, as Lepus sat feeling like a deer in headlights.
“Do you have a guitar?” he said without warning, looking at Lepus.
“I’m trying to learn the D chord. It's difficult. I don’t think there are any guitars here.”
“Right, ah I’ll try and see if I can find one,” Lepus said trying to be empathetic. He stood up and walking away wondered if he would be able to not return without the man noticing. Was he perhaps catatonic? Was his lucidity honly fleeting?
***
Lepus sat as far from the entry in the cafeteria as he could, on the brink of his mind, the end this thesis. Soon will come the long, arduous task of editing, re-editing, and rewriting. Then the fact checking, Lepus sighed, with the weight of future tasks. It felt as though he has been at this point fo
rever, or at least since hisarrival at the hospital. So strange, how many times he seems to be having deja vu recently. How many times he could have sworn he had already written this last sentence. His pen scratched over the words; And I believe I have shown enough evidence here, that this is the case. Then, as stipulated earlier, we could improve the particle separation method currently. This would increase efficiency, and reduce costs. A man shuffled in from the other side of the room, and Lepus looked up to observe him. It seemed as though he didn’t see Lepus. Not a large man, he was young but had had an odd life, and did not have the healthiest of diets. His quiet calm nature had a certain beauty to it. He sat down at the piano, still thinking that he was alone in the cafeteria. Lepus wondered, on the edge of his seat, if he was going to play a note or two. To cause a horrible sound to resonate throughout the room. This was the first time he had seen him in the ‘Low dependency' ward. Dave’s hands launch onto the piano. They pounded and flung on only the black keys, as he played the most beautiful melody Lepus had ever heard. Lepus’s jaw loosened, as he stared as the young tubby man’s hands moving up and down the piano, still wearing his tattered track suit. Maestro played as if his fingers were not his own at all, but some gift from God removed from the rest of his being. His playing was that of an accomplished musician, with years of experience. Lepus heart started racing, his gaze fixed and unblinking. Then, in an instant, the magical song was over. There was complete silence. Dave remained motionless of a long moment. Standing, he turned. Inicially, seeing Lepus in the corner with his notebooks, Dave’s face was blank, a longing still in his eyes, as if the piano were a long lost friend. Lepus sat confused and stunned. Dave began to walk back from where he came, saying not a word. Lepus felt loneliness hanging in the air. He wasn’t sure why, because the fantastic music was gone, only having got to hear one song? Or had he sensed something in Dave he had never before. Dave had told Lepus that when he was in ‘High Dependency,' that he had been there for months. Lepus supposed that now he is finally in LD, maybe he would be leaving soon.
The Plain White Room Page 4
