After a moment, he nods. “Alright. I'd like to go back to Cole.”
I nod. Cole was safer at this point.
“You do realize that Cole is a negative factor in your life that you don't need, don't you? You're already dealing with other issues, you don't need him adding to it.”
“I know,” I say quietly.
“Then don't you think it's time to break things off with him? You don't need him, you've got me and Tate. I know you're scared to confide in Tate but you can come to me anytime about anything. No judgment, Blayre.”
He's saying all the right things. I'm just blown away that this conversation has turned out to be positive when it should have ended with me walking away after Noah became disappointed with who I really am. Instead, he's still sitting there, his brown eyes sincere when he speaks to me. He genuinely wants to help me and be here for me. I'm perfectly aware that I don't deserve any of this but yet at the same time I kind of feel like I can finally breathe a little bit more after unloading on him.
I realize Noah is waiting for me to answer his question. “I need time to think,” I say in reference to him wanting me to break it off with Cole.
Noah sighs and reaches for his cigarette while his eyes stay on me. “I guess that's all I can ask of you at this point. I have tomorrow night off as well. Will you agree to do this with me again? We haven't even approached the topic of your cutting but I think you could use the break before we delve into that.”
“I thought you were going to school to help handicapped children.”
“I am, why?”
“You seem to have a natural knack for counseling people,” I point out.
He smiles slightly. “Looks like you bring it out in me.”
“Lucky me,” I say dryly. Then I turn serious and study the bruise on his jaw. “What happened last night?”
“I got jumped leaving work. Some guy came out of nowhere in the employee parking lot and tried to work me over real good. I think he expected me to be easy pickings.”
“I saw how you handled Cole yesterday and it was pretty obvious you had some sort of training. It was stupid of him to underestimate you.”
“People tend to think that deaf people are limited with what they can do and I don't like be categorized,” he says simply.
A smirk curves my lips. “There is no category for Noah Abraham.”
“That a good thing?”
“Yeah. I think so,” I say lightly as I rise to my feet. “I have more homework to do.”
Noah stands up as well and much to my surprise, he walks over to me and pulls me into his arms for a hug. For a second I am stiff against him before I slowly relax, my arms lifting to wrap around his waist. It feels good to be held when I didn't think I'd ever experience this again. I feel his cheek rest against the top of my head for a long moment. “I'm not going anywhere,” he says quietly to me.
My eyes shut at his promise. He's learning more and more about me and yet he's still sticking around. I'm not sure how I feel about it because he still doesn't know about the robbery and I know that right there would cause him to drop me in a heartbeat.
He can never know though.
Quiet
There is a quietness in life pulling
her together
The following day I focus on school instead of searching for Cole. My conversation with Noah keeps rolling around in my mind as well. It was weird because I'd been dreading the conversation with him last night and in the end, I kind of felt good about it.
I'm still struggling with the fact that he thinks I'm a good person after years of hearing from my aunt and uncle on a daily basis that I was pure evil and a bad person. Noah saw me differently than I saw myself, that's for sure.
As Mr. Jenson hands out a new assignment, I wait patiently as my thoughts keep churning over and over in my mind. I never thought that telling Noah the truth would help me in any sort of way, but here I am...calmer today and in more control of my life. There are still some concerns over tonight's conversation because he'll learn about Julie and Steve. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that he will dredge up all the gory details, and with that, the details of why I like to cut. These are things I didn't even really allow myself to think about too much. Talking about them is for sure going to bite.
The assignment sheet floats down to my desk as the teacher passes by and I study it. I was so far behind in my classes. Today would be another day of doing homework until I had to go to bed.
All this time I'd been putting Cole first and now my grades were in serious jeopardy. There's still a part of me that longs for Cole and all that he offers but there is something new developing within me that's firmly telling me to own up to my mistakes and get it right.
I'd had no idea how much I'd allowed Cole to control everything that I did. It's ironic because right from the beginning I'd told myself I wasn't going to be a puppet and I was going to be my own person. I'd thought that I was sticking to my word but in reality, Cole had been controlling me from the start with the parties and the alcohol. He wanted sex, I gave him sex. He wanted me high, I got high with him. He wanted me to skip school, I skipped school.
How had I not seen any of this before? How had I allowed myself to sink into such a controlling relationship and think that it was my decision and not his? Or better yet, how am I going to get out? The easiest thing would be for Cole to stay mad at me for the kiss I shared with Noah, but I know it won't last long. Cole likes his control and I've allowed him to control me for a long time now.
My teeth sink into my lower lip as I pick up my pencil and gaze at the paper in front of me without really seeing the words on it. Cole and I share a deadly secret between us. I have no plans on going back on my word but would he begin to doubt me if we weren't together? I know he probably thinks dating me would be the best way to keep an eye on me and guarantee my silence, but he had to have known we wouldn't last forever, right?
***
Once again, I go home right after school and head for the kitchen table. I come up short when I see that the orange blooms I'd put in the glass yesterday are now in a nice little glass vase along with a few bright purple Irises.
A slow smile forms on my lips as I set my back pack down near the table and study the vase. Noah must have gone out this morning before class to grab a vase and he'd been sweet enough to add a few more flowers to it.
“Hey,” Tate says as he ambles into the kitchen. “I'm surprised to see you home. Normally you're never home after school,” he says as he heads for the refrigerator.
“Uh, I'm taking a break from Cole.”
Tate grabs a can of soda and then wanders over, his expression hesitant. “A permanent break?” he asks causally but I spy the hint of hope in his eyes.
“I'm thinking so.”
He nods. “Good.” His eyes drop to the little vase on the table. “Those look nice. Where'd you get the vase, I haven't seen that around the house before.”
I realize he thinks I bought it and I am certainly not going to clue him in that Noah had been thoughtful enough to do it for me. I'm fully aware that Tate would still freak out if he ever knew that I'd messed around with Noah and the last thing I want is something to happen to their friendship. “I found it at the thrift shop the last time I was there. Noah said I could pick some of his flowers.”
“Looks nice. Well, I'm heading out so I'll catch you later.”
“Later!” I call to him as I head towards the refrigerator for some lemonade. Then I pause and look up at the cupboard above the refrigerator where Tate keeps the liquor. I'm not tall enough so I climb up on the counter and peer in the cupboard. There are only two other bottles of rum and tequila, which means Tate will for sure notice that the bourbon is missing the next time he's in the mood for hard liquor.
I scramble down from the cupboard and walk over to the kitchen chair and sit down. Then I pull out my cell phone and quickly text message Noah. I don't suppose you'd buy a new bottle of Jack? I'd do it but I'm
under age. Once I send off the text, I set the phone down and begin to spread out my homework.
My phone chimes two minutes later and I scan the new message.
NOAH: I'll grab some on my way home. Any special requests for dinner tonight since I have to stop at the store?
ME: Surprise me.
NOAH: See you in a couple hours.
I can't help but smile as I set the phone down. Then it slowly fades and I try to warn myself that focusing all my attention on Noah instead of Cole would not be wise. I am not looking for a replacement for Cole. Noah was offering to be here for me and to be the friend that I need and I am accepting it. We weren't going to start dating or anything of the likes. It wasn't fair to get in too deep with Noah when I am still hiding my part in the robbery. He doesn't know everything and it wasn't fair to let him think otherwise.
I slowly let out my breath and say, “Friends. Only friends,” firmly before I pick up my pen and the nearest paper.
I'm completely engrossed in my homework a while later when I hear Noah's car pull up in the garage. A little zing of excitement shoots through me and then a good healthy dose of apprehension. There's a reason for our plans tonight and it wasn't all about fun. We had serious stuff to discuss and I'm dreading it.
When Noah walks through the door, I see that he has a new bottle of bourbon in his hand and a bag full of groceries. He smiles briefly at me before he begins to put everything away, so I go back to doing my homework. You can't exactly carry on a conversation with a deaf person if their back is to you.
“Why the frown?” Noah asks from over my shoulder, making me start.
I'd lost track of time and I was currently working on my calculus homework and having some issues with a few problems. A deliciously mouthwatering scent is wafting throughout the kitchen and I see Noah has changed into a pair of shorts and a vintage tee. He's standing behind my chair and he's peering over my shoulder.
I glance at him so he can read my lips. “I'm terrible at this stuff.”
“Lucky for you, I'm not.” He moves closer and as he leans over my shoulder, I can smell the scent of his cologne. My eyes shut briefly as I remember being up close and personal with his body and his scent. The feel of his warm skin against my skin...the way he touched me...
“Blayre?”
I jump a mile in my chair and my head almost hits him in the jaw. Holy crap. I'm fantasizing about him while he's standing right there. This is ridiculous!
Noah moves back slightly and peers at me. “Where'd you go off to?”
“Wouldn't you like to know,” I retort lightly before I pick up the pen I'd dropped.
“Yeah, I would, but seeing as our fish is probably burning, I'll let you off the hook,” he says and then he points at a couple numbers on the current problem I am working on. “Right there is your problem. Try it again,” he says before he moves away and heads for the stove.
I peer at the numbers he pointed at and I go back to starting the problem over to see if I come up with something different this time. When I do, I study it and wonder if I've finally got it right.
Noah happens to walk over and take a look. “Now you've got it,” he says with an encouraging nod before heading back to what he's doing.
The next half hour I continue working on my homework while Noah makes quick little detours to check on how my calculus is coming along. When he sees something I did wrong, he keeps his tone light and points it out, then he tries to explain my error.
I'm just finishing up when Noah announces dinner is done and not to move all my homework, we could eat out on the patio. I'm up for that, so I rise to my feet and help carry plates and utensils out to the table. Once we are seated, I thank him again for another wonderful meal.
“I should probably learn to cook,” I muse as I spear some fish with my fork. “I'll starve to death once I'm on my own if I don't.”
Noah smiles. “I'll teach you. We'll start out with the simple stuff.”
“Okay.”
We fall silent for a bit as we eat and then I hear a low buzz come from Noah and he frowns, pulling out his cell phone. He glances at it briefly before sticking it back in his pocket. When his gaze lifts to mine, I look at him questioningly. “It's Marley,” he says as he reaches for his fork.
“Aren't you going to answer her?” I ask, trying not to feel jealous that another woman is text messaging him. Marley is dating a friend of Tate's and I deliberately remind myself that Noah is strictly just a friend and that I shouldn't be jealous at all.
“Nope. Not when it involves trying to set me up with one of her numerous friends.”
Okay, now I'm glad he's not answering her, but...I still couldn't have him. Not like the way I want him. I push the fish around my plate and glance at him to find he's watching me. “Why not give it a go?” I force myself to ask.
Noah's eyes narrow ever so slightly. “I'm not interested in dating any of her friends.”
“You should be.”
“Why?”
“Well, you're a good looking man. You can't be happy being alone,” I point out.
Noah sets his fork down and studies me. “Are you suggesting I go out on a date with someone else?”
“Yes, I am.” I chew on my fish while doing everything I can not to feel like I want to bang my head on a wall for starting this stupid conversation.
Noah falls silent, his brown eyes shifting to his plate for a minute before he reaches for his fork. “I already have plans with you tonight so it's not worth discussing.”
I wait until his eyes lift before I say, “We can postpone our little discussion.”
He gives me a look. “Over my dead body.”
“Well, let's not get overly dramatic,” I tease as I reach for my lemonade, secretly pleased that he clearly wasn't even going to consider ditching me.
Of course, a bit later I am wishing he would. Our meal is done and we are finishing up the lemon meringue pie he'd brought home for desert. I know the questions will begin and I'm anxious to put it off as long as possible. Noah comes back outside after getting rid of our plates and he drops into his chair, looking lazy and relaxed.
“You always wear that necklace. Why?” I ask curiously when he looks at me.
He reaches up and touches the thin gold chain that is just barely visible near the neckline of his shirt. “It was my mom's. She died when I was eight and it's one of the few things I have left from her.”
“Oh. I'm sorry,” I say quietly.
“What about you? Did you keep any personal items of your parents or does Tate have most of it?”
I stare at him. “Tate has my parents’ things?”
“And some of yours, I believe.”
My gaze shifts as I process this news. I've always wondered why I didn't have any personal effects of theirs. Not that I want them after my role in their deaths, but I always wondered where they'd gone. I just assumed my aunt and uncle had kept them all.
“Blayre?”
“Hmm?” I ask, turning my attention back to him.
“Where'd you go off to there?”
“Nowhere, it's nothing.”
Noah's gaze tells me he doesn't believe me but he lets it go. “You ready to start up where we left off yesterday?”
“No.”
He just gives me a patient look and waits.
I roll my eyes. “Fine. Yes. Start grilling me, Dr. Abraham.”
“How was school?”
“What?” The last thing I was expecting was for him to ask about school.
Noah just leans back in his chair, clasping his hands behind his head as he studies me. “I asked how school went today.”
“Okay...why?”
“Did Cole approach you?”
Ah. “Nope. He's currently mad over the kiss you and I shared, so he's ignoring me.”
Noah goes still. “Wait a minute. Is that why he went off on you here the other day? You told him we kissed?”
“He saw the way you looked at me the day he was here
after Blake's death. He didn't like it and got suspicious. I think it's a bad idea to admit we almost slept together, so I told him about the kiss because he wasn't going to give up on the subject.”
Noah's hands drop and he rubs his bruised jaw warily. “Let's not let that information get out. He's bad news and I'd hate to see how he would react.”
“You and me both.”
“Why did you begin cutting, Blayre?” Noah asks softly, switching the topic.
My entire body stiffens up and then I sigh and force myself to relax. This was part of the deal. I tell Noah the truth so that Tate doesn't learn all the shit I've gotten myself into. “You know how my parents died, right?” I ask warily.
“Yes, Tate filled me in a long time ago when he told me about his background with your aunt and uncle.”
I nod. “Well...” I bite my lip and look at Noah nervously. “You have to promise me that this will stay between you and me. You can't tell Tate under any kind of circumstances.”
Noah frowns. “I can't promise that, Blayre.”
“Then this conversation is over,” I say firmly.
“Blayre...”
“I mean it, Noah. If Tate finds out what I tell you, it'll kill him.”
He stares long and hard at me and then his expression tightens. “I'm trying to pick and choose my battles with you at this point or I risk losing you completely but I can't make blind promises.”
“Okay.” I'm relieved in a way that I am being saved from baring my soul and sharing the very things that have haunted my nightmares. I rise to my feet to leave.
“Sit down,” Noah says flatly.
My eyes widen at his tone as I freeze where I stand.
Going by his expression, he is conflicted and finally he shakes his head. “Alright. I promise,” he says reluctantly.
Slowly, I sit back down and give him a look. “You break this promise Noah, and I'll never forgive you. You are the first person I've ever had faith in or trusted and if you go back on your word...”
It would shatter me.
Unraveled (Twisted Series) Page 7
