After a moment’s hesitation, I carefully climb onto the bed and lay down near him. I don't want him waking up and asking questions so I am careful not to touch him. I just want to feel close to him. He makes me feel safe, like nothing in the world can hurt me when he's near. I'll have to try to wake up early tomorrow so I can sneak back out before he knows I was ever here.
After I slowly pull the blanket up over myself, I lay there and stare at his dark ceiling as I try to sort out what to do next. Tate and Noah no longer trust me and I can't say I blame them. One of them is always around, always watching. A few weeks ago it would have driven me insane but now it's going to be a comfort. I feel safe, though I know this is only temporary.
Cole is out to get me and my life is at stake. I probably deserve to forfeit my life for all my past mistakes that have cost others their lives.
However, I am not a quitter. I've come too far to hide from the inevitable. Three months ago I might have done nothing to save myself but now I am a different person. I'm still damaged, but now I am determined to see this through.
I'm beginning to realize that the only way to beat Cole at his own game is to confess and go to the police. It's the only way to give Blake his justice. I think of Sean—Tate's friend—the one who'd lost his life that fateful night I hadn't chosen to stand up to Cole. His family deserves answers and justice. Tate deserves to know who had taken his friend's life.
I'm giving myself this last week with my brother and Noah and then Friday night I am going to the police with my confession.
I'm going to go to prison for aiding and abetting a murder.
I'm scared.
But for once in my life, I am going to do the right thing.
***
Now that I know what needs to be done, I'm feeling the intense need to revisit the scene of the crime that has thoroughly destroyed my life. I need to face it. All I've done is try to avoid it but no more. My decisions led me to this point in my life and I need to acknowledge it to myself before I go to the police on Friday.
I'm now expected home right after school each day, so on Tuesday I opt to spend my lunch hour facing one of the demons that has sunk its claws into my gut since that horrible night. Now that I know what Cole is up to, I deliberately wait until I know for sure that he's left with his girlfriend before I make my way out to my car in the school parking lot.
I climb in and brace myself for the dreaded drive as I back the car out of the parking lot. I'd woken up knowing what I felt I needed to do and I haven't been able to eat since. I'm glad because I feel nausea welling up in the pit of my stomach as I make my way closer to my destination. There is absolutely no way to describe the feelings that have been sweeping through me the past few days. Now there is this heavy weight that has settled over my chest, making it hard to breathe at times as the end of the week draws near.
The minute I turn onto that familiar street—the one that leads to the convenience store, my stomach knots up in guilt. My palms break out into a sweat against the steering wheel as I look straight ahead and keep my eyes fastened on the traffic before me. At the end of the street, I turn into the furniture store directly across from the convenience store and pull my car into a parking space. I can't bring myself to actually go to the store across the street but at least from this distance, I'll be able to see where a man had lost his life.
My eyes lift and I look at the store, a shiver sweeping through me as I remember the sounds of shouting and gunfire. They were sounds that I would never forget. Tears fill my eyes as I realize that this could have easily been avoided if I'd just said no that night.
The more I think about it, the more I wonder if Cole would have really had someone else drive that night if I'd bailed. We hadn't been dating very long and as cautious as he is, I am betting I was a last resort. He had to have known there was a chance I'd turn him in and in the end, he'd dragged me into it anyway.
He'd been desperate. My guess is he'd been fearing he'd be losing more than a finger if he didn't pay whoever was after him on time.
My lips purse as I stare miserably at the store. One stupid decision has ultimately ruined my life. I wish I could go back and change the outcome of that fateful night.
But I can't.
And now Cole wants to kill me.
A pang of betrayal flickers through me because I really had thought that Cole cared about me. I could have sworn he had. But for him to want to kill me...to actually try to kill me...
My eyes burn but I keep the tears at bay. Paige had been right from the start. Cole was a user and a manipulator. I should have listened.
***
Ironically enough, I end up running into Cole's girlfriend that afternoon in school. It is towards the end of the day and classes have already began and I am running late as usual. Nature is calling and since I'm already late, I head for the nearest restroom.
I step aside for a girl hurrying out of the bathroom before I step inside the almost deserted restroom.
That's when I see her.
Jenna's standing at the sinks, putting lipstick on as she peers in the mirror. My eyes run over her and I barely recognize her anymore. Gone was the perky cheerleader that I had once seen bouncing around in the hallways with her friends. In her place is a pretty blonde with dark circles under her eyes from long nights spent with Cole and his partying ways. Her once reserved outfits are a thing of the past and today's outfit consists of a tight little mini skirt with a belly baring shirt.
As I study her, I realize I used to be her. The bottom drops out of my stomach as it dawns on me that Cole really had controlled every aspect of my life, even to the point of what I'd worn. I'd tried to keep him from bulldozing right over me but in the end he'd always gotten what he'd wanted.
Jenna glances up and her blue eyes narrow as she studies me in the reflection of the mirror. She recognizes me as Cole's ex.
There's a chance that he may not end up locked away—not if he gets his way. I have to at least try to warn her. With that thought in mind, I walk over. “Hey,” I say.
“Are you following me?” She turns and shoots me a hostile look.
My eyebrows shoot up. Really? As if I'd waste my precious last few days of freedom following her when I had better things to do with my time. Of course I can't tell her that. “No. Like any other normal person in this school, I have to pee,” I say as I set my books on the nearest sink.
“Toilet's that way,” she says, nodding to the stalls.
“I'm aware of that.”
She eyes me for a second before she turns away and takes her time putting her lipstick in her purse as she deliberately ignores me.
“You've heard the rumors I'm sure. Why date someone that is rumored to be abusive?” I can't help but ask curiously. I wonder if there had been rumors like that about Cole when I'd first arrived, if it would have made a difference.
She stiffens up and then gives me a look. “I've heard you'll do anything for attention.”
“You think I beat myself up?” I ask with amazement.
“Of course not. Cole said you were cheating on him with a couple of other guys and one of them got carried away.” She gives me a scornful look. “I hear you like it rough.”
I'm not rising to the bait. “Cole was the one that got carried away in a temperamental rage.”
“Oh, yeah? Was he lying about the cheating?”
My silence is her answer.
“Just as I thought,” she says with a shake of her head as she saunters towards the bathroom door.
“You'll lose your friends. I'm betting you have already.” My voice has her pausing but she doesn't turn around to look at me. I continue since I seem to have her attention once again. “He'll pressure you to drink, get high and have sex. He'll start controlling what you wear and even who you talk to. Eventually, he'll get you to do something so horrible that he'll own you for life. He will destroy you,” I say quietly.
She turns and looks at me, her eyes narrowed but I catch a hint of
uncertainty in them. “Looks to me like you're still standing,” she says as her eyes sweep up my jeans and cute shirt. “You don't look destroyed to me.”
“Appearances can be deceiving, just like Cole. He will manipulate and deceive you to get what he wants. Get out while you can,” I warn her.
“Maybe, I don't want to,” she says flippantly.
“Then that is on you. I can at least say I tried to warn you, just like Paige Macmurray tried to warn me. I had to learn the hard way. I was hoping to save you from the pain he'll cause in the end.”
“Why do you care?”
“I'd be a heartless bitch not to.”
She studies me for a second before she turns and walks out of the bathroom without a backward glance.
***
Later that night I can't sleep. Once again, I have found my way into Noah's room and I lay beside him, listening to his steady breathing when the rumbling sound of distant thunder doesn't drown him out. I can't help but turn my head and study Noah in the darkness. Lightning flashes every so often so I can look upon his face. He looks so peaceful and content. I wonder if he knows I've been coming in here the past few night and then sneaking out before his alarm goes off at seven the following morning. If he's aware of it, he hasn't approached me about it and I am thankful for that. I don't like lying to him and I can't tell him what is going to happen Friday night.
Three days.
I have three days before my life is officially over.
My heart aches and as thunder rumbles again, I feel restless. It's impossible to sleep with such a burdening deadline on my horizon. After a moment of deliberation, I carefully ease out of Noah's bed and leave his room.
Instead of going to my own room, I make my way down the hall and down the stairs to the kitchen. I pause in front of the patio doors and stare out into the dark angry night. Lightning flashes and it's slightly windy, making the pouring rain splatter the doors repeatedly.
That right there is how I feel because my emotions are a turbulent mess.
Without thinking it over, I unlock the patio door and step outside. The rain drops are painful as they pelt me but I welcome it because I've punished myself so much lately that there are no more fresh places to cut. My tank and shorts stick to me like a second skin as I walk through the rain and sit down on a lounge chair. I draw my knees up to my chest and drop my head to avoid the stinging pelts against my cheeks.
Cole was avoiding me at school and I've been cautious to stay far, far away from him. But I can feel his eyes on me at times in the hallway and I know he's secretly plotting something awful. I should really go the police immediately but I can't bring myself to do it quite just yet. I have no intention of chickening out on Friday, but I just want these last few days of freedom. That, and I know I'm currently safe. Cole wouldn't try anything with my brother or Noah around and they were always close by.
Tears sting my eyes and I tighten my clasp on my knees, my shoulders hunching even more against the rain as desolation sweeps through me.
I've failed Tate in ways I never thought I would. I was the worst little sister ever and soon he was going to realize just how messed up I really am. He would never look at me the same and I'd be lucky if he even bothered to visit me in prison.
A sob rises in my throat and there's no use trying to suppress the heartache that has its grasp wrapped tightly around me, stealing my breath and any hope I might have had for this life that was mine. My shoulders shake as I sob for all my past mistakes and for the life I might have had.
It was all gone.
I feel the lounge chair dip slightly behind me and then familiar arms wrap tightly around me, a warm chest pressing against my back. My body tenses at the feel of Noah behind me before I slowly begin to relax as his closeness eases my pain. His warm hands rub up and down my legs, probably trying to warm me up since it's cold as hell out here.
His face presses close to mine and I can feel the slight hint of whiskers on his jaw. “Come inside. Please,” he says loudly in my ear.
I nod to let him know I'd heard him.
Slowly, he releases me and I warily unfold myself from the chair and stand up. I glance at him for the first time and see that he's still shirtless and his pajama pants are sopping wet. Rain drips down his face and as lightning flashes, I see his eyes are on me intently. I'd evidently woken him up when I'd come down here.
Who am I fooling? Noah has probably known since Sunday night I was sneaking into his bed but he hadn't said a word because he knew I wouldn't open up to him. I don't deserve this man.
His hand reaches out for me, waiting.
After a brief hesitation, I slip my hand in his and he tugs me back towards the house. As soon as we step in the kitchen, Noah moves around me and quickly shuts the patio door and locks it. I can't help but shiver and I glance down to see that I am dripping water all over the tile floor. I realize Noah's no longer moving and I glance up to find him just standing there, watching me.
My eyes wander over him as lightning flashes again. I love his chest. My eyes shift to the necklace he never takes off and then I study the cross over his heart. My heart aches with sadness as I finally admit to myself that I really love him. I'm head over in heels in love with someone that I can never truly have. As I let my eyes shift back to his face, I wonder how I am ever supposed to say goodbye to him.
Noah reaches out and touches the side of my face before he moves closer, his head bending down to mine. There is no hesitation on my part as I tilt my head back, anxious to feel his lips on mine. The kiss isn't a slow build like it normally is with us. It's steamy and full of want and need. I've been longing for this for so long and clearly he has been as well because he kisses me deeply, his other hand snagging in my wet hair as he holds me close.
I need him tonight.
It is fitting and the memory will last a lifetime and perhaps be one of the few bright spot I have to look back on in my life when I'm in prison. The kiss continues for a couple more seconds before I pull my lips from his and back up slightly so I can grab the hem of my wet tank and yank up and over my head. I stand before him in nothing but my wet boxers that cling to my hips and watch his reaction. He's been pulling back from me lately and I will understand if he's hesitant to take things this far.
Lightning flashes and I see that his eyes are roaming over my breasts and a wicked smile has crept across his lips. “You sure?” he asks over the rumbling thunder.
It's too dark for him to read my lips, so I nod and move forward to pull his head down for another kiss. His warm hands slide around my waist and then run up my bare back as his tongue tangles with mine. His body presses against mine, nudging me back against the cool glass of the patio window. I lean back against it and sigh into his mouth as his hands move to my breasts where his fingers brush over my nipples. My back arches as I press further into his hands. I'd love to stay like this forever and savor it but I'm not in the mood to go slow tonight. My hands move to the waistband of his pants and I push at them, anxious to feel him inside me.
Noah's hands immediately leave my breasts as he pulls back. He quickly grabs my boxer shorts and he pulls them down, right along with my panties and I kick them off. While he's kneeling before me, he presses a brief warm kiss against my lower stomach before rising to his feet. He rids himself of his pants before his hands settle around my waist and he lifts, settling me around his hips as my shoulders lean back against the glass door behind me. My legs wrap tightly around his waist and I try to shift against him, trying to get him to slide in.
Noah groans and drops his forehead down to mine instead of giving me what I want. “I don't have anything on me,” he says with frustration.
It sinks in he's referring to a condom but I want him, right here and right now. I'm on birth control and I trust him to be clean. I kiss him firmly on the mouth and push my lower body against his, letting him know we'd be fine.
His breath catches and his head pulls back to study me in the darkness. “Nod if you're
on birth control,” he says abruptly.
I quickly nod.
He lets out a relieved groan before he sinks in deep and I'm right where I need to be. My head falls back against the glass as I savor the feel of him. Noah's hands tighten around my hips and then he begins to move me up and down his length, making my breath catch.
I let my hands skim his shoulders as I watch his face with anticipation while I take over and my hips grind greedily against his. I love the way his hands are digging into my hips and the way his muscles tense and ripple with every thrust.
Better yet, every time the lightning flashes, I can see his intense expression and the way he's watching me, like he can't get enough of what I'm offering him. Rain is pelting at the glass against my back and there are little shadow drips that are dripping all over Noah's face and his naked chest as we enjoy one another. As thunder cracks behind us making the glass shake slightly, I lean forward and hold him tightly as my mouth claims his. Our embrace is tight as we ride out the storm and our pleasure.
A few minutes later we still haven't moved as we catch our breath. I'm resting against the patio glass door, my legs wrapped around Noah's hips while he's still inside me. His lips gently tease mine and I smile widely against them with satisfaction.
He chuckles lowly and tightens one arm around my waist before pulling back away from the patio door and bending down to grab our wet clothes on the floor. A surprised squeal escapes me from the sudden movement that finds me a few feet from the floor, but the rumbling thunder drowns it out. Noah straightens up, his hold firm on me as he heads out of the kitchen and towards the hallway.
My arms wrap tightly around his neck and I giggle softly as he literally carries me like a monkey up the stairs and down the hall to the bathroom. Then he gently eases me down to the floor, kissing my forehead before tossing our wet clothes in the tub and walking out to give me privacy.
After a quick wash up, I wander back into Noah's room to find that it's empty. I shrug and head for the bed. He'd be back after he was done doing whatever he was doing. I crawl naked into his bed and settle against his sheets. My mood is calm now and everything feels so right. It's not long before Noah comes back into the room. I watch as he firmly shuts his door before walking completely naked to the bed and climbing in beside me.
Unraveled (Twisted Series) Page 18
