Stellar Proportions
By
Jeanette Lynn
Smashwords Edition
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Published By :
Jeanette Lynn on Smashwords
Stellar Proportions
Copyright 2013 by
Jeanette Lynn
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
Thank You for downloading this free ebook. Although this is a free book, it remains the copyrighted property of the author and may not be reproduced, scanned, or distributed for any commercial or non-commercial use without permission from the author. If you enjoyed this book, then encourage your friends to download their own copy.
Your support and respect for the property of this author is appreciated.
This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are productions of the author's imagination and used fictitiously.
The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark ownership of all trademarks and word marks mentioned in this book.
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Warning:
This book contains material intended for mature audiences.
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Spaceport Cafe
Molilah
It was a trap! I should have known the second he said ‘lunch is on me’. Buy a gal lunch at her favorite spaceport food joint, reminisce a little, then wham! He hits you with it. That oh so teeny tiny little favor the size of an asteroid.
“No, no, no. Not gonna happen, no way, no how. Dude, you couldn’t even pay me.”
“Awwwweeee, come on, Mol, don’t be silly. Besides, it won’t be that bad.” I scoffed and took a sip of my soda.
“Oh, really, then why don’t you get one of your space bunnies to go with you? I’m sure one of them is just dying to take you up on the offer.” I chuckled inwardly, watching him cringe. I knew exactly why he wouldn’t ask one of the chick a dees that hung around the spaceport. Once one of them caught wind of how his family was, they’d go running and screaming for the nearest shuttle cab out. Then the gossip would spread like wildfire and the poor Rellian would be avoided like the plague.
“You know exactly why I wouldn’t …..or should I say couldn’t, ask one of them….I would like to get some every so often ya know. They’d think I’m as crazy as they are.”
“Oh, I don’t know… they weren’t too hard on the last one you brought…” Heh. Heh. Jaye choked on his drink, scowled fiercely, and gave me the stink eye. He leaned forward in the booth and planted his elbows on the table, as if to intimidate me. We both know it wont work, I’m immune.
“She ran from the room like she was on fire, covered from head to toe in some, unidentifiable, pink goop, mumbling something about ‘Satanic Blue Bitches’, needing Jesus, and how she ‘should have listened to her mother’!”
I couldn’t help the snorted laugh that burst from me or the half contained smirk. I tried, valiantly, to cover it up, but it was useless. Then, to make things worse, I giggled and snorted again. Not very lady like of me, but who ever said I’m a ‘lady’.
“The ‘pink goop’ was Auntie Nona’s grevnel fruit jelly salad…” I looked at him sheepishly and cleared my throat “.. and I really wasn’t going to set her on fire…it was a uhhh... joke?”
“MOl! You didn’t!” He smacked the table hard, with his mitt of a fist. The yellow Amarillan next to us jumped up, all six of his eyes bugging out of their eye stalks as he skittered away. Geesh! What a weenie. It’s not like he was actually going to do anything. I mean, Jaye can be a big ol’ drama bear sometimes, and he’s built like a giant blue brick shit house, but he wasn’t the violent type. I mean, at least not that I’ve ever seen and we’ve known each other forever. Oh yeah, and I’ve pissed him off tons of times and he’s never laid a hand on me.
“Hey! Hey!” I said in my defense, “The hot air balloon had it coming, okay.” I ticked my points off on the fingers of my left hand “…She criticized evvveeerrryyyything,” I had to draw the word out, just for effect, “from the food to the décor, she hit on anything with at least one penis, kept asking if you were ‘loaded’, and she called me your 'cute, FAT, little friend'! I am not fat, I’m ‘pleasantly plump’ …and I have a name damnit!” I looked at him indignantly, “I had to put her in her place….Obviously her place was in a shuttle cab, looking like a slicked up giant pink..”
“Wait! Nope, don’t finish that sentence, I don’t even want to know what your twisted little mind was going to say.” He paused a moment, as if in thought, then said, “I plan on eating later.”
“I had nothing to do with all the other stuff though.” I motioned with my drink towards him, “…The pink jelly, the glue in the seat, the elderly female stripper…”
Jaye cocked one, perfectly sculpted, blue brow and opened his mouth as if he was about to say something, but I cut him off.
“Hey, I had no idea her grandma was an exotic dancer…” I said, putting my hands up. “I mean… who knew an eighty five year old could move like that…or that they had services that provided.. uh, that.. and the ‘Blue Devil’ comment, obviously, wasn’t directed at me,” I stuck my thumb at myself, as I said this, and smiled at him, pleased with myself.
“Well, are you gonna help me out or not?” He tilted his head slightly to the side and gave me the most pathetic look he could manage. Which is kind of hard to do when you look like a giant, buffed up, blue body builder, with sharp canines and pointy ears. Somehow, he still managed to look plenty pathetic as he gazed at me from across the banged up little table.
“You know I can’t go by myself, I need a shield. Be my bodyguard Mol…. I won’t ask you for anything ever again, swear.” He crossed his heart over his chest and held his hand up, like he was taking an oath or something.
I groaned and put my face in my hands. I peeked at him from between my fingers. “How do you know it will even work. I mean, I could go and they could bug you anyways?”
“They won’t,” he said confidently.
“But your family knows me,” I waved my hand around at myself, then motioned at him, “Knows us,” I said.
He smirked and then full out grinned.
“Exactly, and if my cousins have gossiped half as much as I think they do, then the tales they’ve told about you and Neyenn should be enough to keep their friends at bay…even the desperate ones.”
He leaned back in the booth seat, threaded his fingers behind his head and held them there. He looked, for all the world, like he’d just found the holy grail, the bastard. He looked so smug, I was tempted to slap him... just a little... enough to wipe that stupid look off his face. He knew he had a point and he knew I was caving. Anyone who had heard about me and Jaye’s brother, and our immense dislike of each other, steered clear of us at huge events, or when we were within close proximity of one another.
They probably didn’t want to end up like Uncle Senne… bald with no eyebrows. How was I supposed to know he was going to borrow Neyenn’s shampoo.
His eyebrows did grow back…eventually.
Then there was my cousin, Breckyn. Poor guy ended up with his hand super-glued to his 'love bits'.
What Neyenn had thought I would do with the lotion, when he switched it out for the glue/lotion concoction, I will never know and I don’t want to know. I like to pretend he just assumed I would use it on my legs and get my hand stuck, ha ha. I shudder to think what else he might have thought. I shuddered, for real, just thinking about it.
It's not like I haven’t tried to get along with Neyenn. It just never works. We have never gotten along and I mean never. Our pranks on each other have gotten a li
ttle out of hand, at times... you could say. But it’s not like I started it or anything... not usually. Ok, there was that one time in high school… but he deserved it. Well, he would have, at any rate, if I had given him the chance to do something first.
“I hate weddings,” I grumbled. I was starting to back slide on my ‘no way no how’ speech and he knew it. I wouldn’t do this for him if he wasn’t my best friend. I avoid weddings at all costs. Who wants to sit there and have their mother push any and every available male at you, listing your ‘good qualities', like you’re a mammal up for auction. “Quick folks, while she’s still fertile! Look at them birthing hips! More cushion for the pushin’, I always say!” I could just picture it now. I shuddered at the mental image. No, thanks. It doesn’t help that my family and Jaye’s are really close. It means Mom has a partner in crime, Jaye‘s mom Muna. When those two get together, run for the hills.
“Is my mom gonna be there?” I asked.
“Nope,” said Jaye, blasting me with his disgustingly straight teeth in a perfect smile. I sighed dramatically. It was such a pity to have all that oozing sexiness in a man and not enjoy it. Some things were just never mean to be, though. Our relationship is firmly on the ‘friends’ shelf. He’s like my other butt cheek. We make a set, he and I, in a, strictly, platonic sense. I couldn’t and wouldn’t ever feel all tingly about him.
Couldn’t he have had the decency to develop at least one snaggle tooth, or a lazy eye, a third eye, one arm bigger than the other, something. But no, he was physically just too.. symmetrical.
If we were on ‘Earth I’, the planet my parents met on, he would have stuck out like a giant blue thumb. But this was ‘quadrant four’ and we were in the ‘frontier’ sector of the galaxy, anything abnormal can pass for normal here. It’s the biggest melting pot of life forms in the galaxy. It’s common to see ‘beings’ from every walk of life here, mingling, trading, just living.
“Alright I’ll go. But!” I said, holding up my hand in a ‘halt’ motion, “If anyone tries to ‘hook me up’..” I said, making air quotes with my fingers, “with one of their ‘friends’...” Big emphasis on the air quotes with the word ‘friends’, “I’m outta there. Got it?”
“Got it,” he said solemnly.
The Wedding
I should have known better. If I could kick myself in the rump, in these ridiculous heels, without puncturing a butt cheek, I would. Who wears these things all the time anyways. Torture devices, they are. My ankles are going to be killing me for a while after this.
I should have snuck my sneakers into my purse, they would have fit in there too! But Jaye rushed me out the door. He was going on and on about how, if we’re late, he’ll never hear the end of it and his cousin Tawn will never forgive him. He might have mumbled something about Auntie Nona threatening to castrate him with a rusty spoon, if he was late to her only daughter’s wedding. If I had to guess, the latter comment was the true motivator. You don’t cross Auntie Nona and come out unscathed.
So, anyways... here I am, in what equates to taffeta, silk, and chiffon hell, waiting in the 'never ending' buffet line, to stuff my face with whatever the bride and groom had decided was ‘wedding faire’. I hope they have a lot of choices for the 'more human' guests at the wedding.
I still haven’t figured out what the milky white Globbrens eat and I’m afraid to ask. They look like a short, squat, slimy version of milky white flan sliding around. They have a slit their voice emits from, that could pass for a mouth, and two beady little eyes. The ones I’ve met were pretty nice, but you have to be careful when meeting different species. One never knows if they are inviting you out to eat or to eat.
Oooh, they have those Rellian cakes Muna makes. They must have bribed her into making them. My mouth was watering as I moved my hand over to the platter. There were only two left and they were all mine! Mwahhahaha. Those cakes require maniacal laughter. Believe me, if you had tasted Muna’s Rellian cakes, you’d know what I mean. They were rich, had a chocolate filling and they had my name written all over them. I grabbed my ‘loot’ and made my way towards the next platter, cake in tow.
Out of nowhere, a big blue paw nabs my cakes up, before I can save them. Of course, it was the one being who could only be deemed as ‘the bane of my existence’. I swung around quickly, in hopes of saving my savory treats, but the big blue bastard stuffed them both in his mouth, before I could do anything.
“These are awesome,” the ‘Blue Ass’ said through a mouthful of cake. He smacked his lips and rubbed his stomach in a circular motion, making stupid ‘mmm mmm’ noises. I stood there, mouth agape, my eyes swiveling in disbelief between my now empty plate and his smarmy face. I didn’t know what I wanted to do more, scream at him or burst into tears.
“You know..” he said, in between licking the excess cake off his fingers. “Those where the best cakes I’ve had yet! Mama went all out this time.”
“I wouldn’t know,” I said through clenched teeth, my eyes narrowed at him, “A big blue idiot stole mine!”
“Really?” he said, his eyebrows winging upward in a thoughtful expression, “Huh, I didn’t know Jaye was here?”
I raised my eyebrow at that and waited, my fingers tapping the bottom of my plate impatiently. He grinned full out and I rolled my eyes at him.
“Well, you did say ‘big blue idiot’ and the only one I know is Jaye.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Jaye,” I said, defending my best friend, “Is not an idiot and any idiotic tendencies he may have developed,” I said, then sniffed disdainfully in his direction, “obviously, came from you.”
I smiled smugly at him and sashayed to the next table. I added a little ‘pep to my step’ as I went, so he didn’t know how much his cake snatching ways made me want to whack him.
We're not going to Cake this!
‘Cakeless in Newmenland’, that’s what I would call myself right now. ‘Cakeless’, for obvious reasons and ‘Newmenland’, because that’s where we are, in Newmenland city, at the Newmenland hotel. I took my ‘cakeless’ bounty to the table, settling in for a grub fest.
I settled into my seat and glanced around. I have no idea who else is supposed to be sitting here and I’m not curious enough to go around reading all the little nameplates, to figure it out, so I have contended myself to waiting and seeing.
I hadn’t even gotten two bites of my Newmenland crab salad yet, (their specialty, no one makes crab salad like Newmenland), when Jaye plops, unceremoniously, down into the chair next to me, pushing at the balloon someone tied to the chair.
He crosses his arms over his chest, making the muscles bulge as if on display. The ‘big lug’ juts his lower lip out and slumps down into his chair, like a toddler who was just told he ‘couldn’t go outside to play today’.
“I don’t know why you’re pouting,” I said, “You didn’t just watch as someone ate your chocolate filled orgasm and then licked it off his stupid, fat, blue fingers.” I looked down at my plate when I realized I was clenching my fork in my hand. Apparently, I was absently massacring my crab salad and all the other yummy treats on my plate. It looked like a colorful mishmash now. Something the ‘toothless’ would be proud to call ‘dinner’. Oh, well, I wasn’t really all that hungry anyways. Jaye perked up at the words ‘chocolate’ and ‘orgasm’.
“What kinda foods have you been eating my dear?” he said and waggled his eyebrows, suggestively, at me.
“I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess you didn’t catch the part about me watching the blue toned gorilla eating it, instead of me, huh?”
Jaye adopted a thoughtful expression and then looked at me.
“Nope, sorry Mam, didn’t catch that part. So…. ‘Blue Balls’ gotcha again did he?” he asked, arching an inquiring brow in my direction. I scowled at him and hoped it singed, said brow, off.
“What do you think detective?”
“Oh, well… then I guess you’ll love me forever... when I give you this!” he said with a smil
e and a flourish, as he pulled two Rellian cakes out of a small container in his coat pocket.
“Whoo hoo!” I shouted and jumped out of my chair to give him a big ol’ kiss on the cheek. Jaye turned at the last moment and our lips touched. It lasted about a second and I don’t know who was more stunned, Jaye or me. Then I recovered and glanced behind Jaye as a movement caught my eye. It looks like Neyenn took the cake on surprised, though. He was standing there, just behind Jaye, slack jawed, eyeing us like we’d lost our minds. Neyenn’s face turned a lovely shade of purple and he walked the rest of the way to us and sat down. He eyed us both and then turned slightly, so he was just facing Jaye. He looked at him meaningfully.
“I didn’t just see what I think ,I thought, I saw, did I little brother? That wasn’t what I think, I thought it was... right?” he said with a strained expression. At least it looked strained, from what I could gleam from his side profile. I scoffed at him for a moment, offended that he would think wanting me was such an undesirable thing, and then an idea took root. Hmmmm.
“Oh, it was exactly what you think, you thought, you saw ‘Blue Balls’,” I said, running my hand slowly down Jaye’s arm. I let my fingers trail, lazily, down his ribs and under the table. Neyenn had no idea I wasn’t, really, doing anything under there, but he didn’t need to know that.
“Got a problem with it?” I asked with as innocent an expression as I could muster. Neyenn jerked and looked at me, a scowl on his face. His skin turned an even more interesting shade on the spectrum. It was like the poor Rellian had turned fuscia. Jaye acted like he was wiping his lips on his napkin to hide his laughter. Then, because he was getting down right hysterical, he turned it into a fake coughing fit. I patted his back gently in a soothing circular motion. I pasted a worried expression on my face, my brows furrowing as I slid my water glass towards him.
Stellar Proportions (Cosmic Soul Mates) Page 1
