Inside, I found a folded up card on the kitchen table.
A note from Ben.
Sorry about what happened. I lost the deal I had been working on for months. It wasn’t your fault. And you shouldn’t have taken the brunt of it. Here’s something little so you can treat yourself. I’ll be home later.
There was a gift card for fifty dollars on the table.
That’s what my feelings and my heart were worth to Ben. Making me feel like garbage and then offering a gift card so I could buy something for myself.
I slid the note and the gift card away.
All I could think about was Brice. His lips pressed to mine. The rush of those old feelings that were suddenly new.
I was a bad person… but what was happening felt too good to stop.
14
The Heat You Feel
Brice
Lucky slapped a pile of freshly cooked, greasy wings smothered in his famous killer hot sauce in front of me. My eyes watered as I took a deep breath of the amazing sauce.
“Extra cel’ry, ranch, and a cold beer,” he said. “Happy Thanksgiving.”
“No turkey?” I asked.
“Chicken and turkey are the same,” Lucky said.
I laughed. “Not sure where you went to school, Lucky, but those are different animals.”
“Shut it and eat,” he ordered.
I picked up the first wing and my mouth watered. They were as hot as hell, even for a guy like me who could handle hot sauces. The only time I ever saw Lucky smile was when someone chomped into a wing with his sauce on it. Just to see that look of terrified pain in the person’s eyes. But it was worth it.
Sometimes pain was just simply fucking worth it.
And there I was, comparing a hot wing to Kinsley.
“You going to talk to it or take a goddamn bite?” Lucky asked.
“You shut it,” I said. “It’s a holiday. I’m moving slowly.”
I bit into the wing and the burn was instant. I quickly dipped the wing into the ranch for a little relief as I went in for more. I took care of half of the dozen wings and downed the cold beer before taking a breather. My eyes were watering. My throat burned. But all in all, it wasn’t that bad of a Thanksgiving.
I had stopped by to see April and Milo earlier that day, but they were getting ready to go to April’s cousin’s house. She gave me a pity invite, but I knew my presence there would only end up causing more issues than there already were with April taking care of Milo while June was trying to fix herself.
Fucking disaster.
Lucky figured I had nothing to do and told me he was opening the bar for the regulars. Anyone could bring food and the drinks were on him… for a little while. So far it was just me, Lucky, and three other regulars who all sat at the corner of the bar and argued about hunting. Looking around, it was sort of sobering. These were all older men who had let their demons conquer their hearts and souls. I was too young to be sitting there, but I had nowhere else to go.
I knew where I wanted to be. But that wasn’t happening today. She was with someone else at her father’s house. I pictured them all sitting around the turkey, smiling, telling old stories. Kinsley dressed up beautifully, looking like a damn dream.
“You look upset,” Lucky said. “Eat your food.”
“What are you, my father?” I asked. “Newsflash, Lucky, he took off a long time ago.”
“Yeah? So did mine.”
“How about a beer?” I asked.
Lucky poured me a fresh draft and nodded. “What’s on your mind? You don’t belong here, Brice. Still haven’t put the pieces together on you.”
“Don’t bother,” I said. “And what about you? No family?”
“None that want me around,” he said. “I make my calls. I send the Christmas cards. The birthday cards. After that…”
He shrugged his shoulders.
“I’m sorry, Lucky,” I said.
“Ah, there she is,” he said, ignoring my comment.
I turned and saw another regular, Suzie, strolling through the front door. She had a grocery tote bag in each hand and paused, lowering the bags to the floor.
“Bunch of men at the bar and I’m carrying this on my own?” she called out.
“Brice, help the woman out,” Lucky said.
I shook my head as I walked toward Suzie. “What do you have here?”
“Stuffing. Corn. Fresh bread. Green bean casserole.”
“For what?”
“Dinner. I have a turkey out in my car.”
“What?”
“You’ve never had Thanksgiving here before,” Suzie said. Her hair was thinned and puffy and her face wrinkled from stress and cigarettes. Her perfume was cheap and did nothing to cover up the smell of smoke on her. She touched my face. “I always make dinner. What are you going to do, sit and eat greasy bar food?”
“That’s what I was doing. Lucky made me wings.”
“That’s so you don’t eat any of my food,” she said.
I looked over my shoulder. Lucky smiled.
“You’re a piece of work,” I said.
He patted his stomach. “This is my favorite meal of the year. And now there’s one less mouth to feed.”
“He set me up,” I said, turning back to Suzie.
“Yeah, he did,” she said. “But don’t worry, I’ll make sure you get a plate.”
“Thanks.” I lifted the bags of food off the gross bar floor.
“Brice, you don’t have anywhere to be today?”
I smiled. “No worries… I know exactly where my heart is right now.”
Kins -
So, I’m at a bar right now.
Not like that though. I’m not drinking to be stupid or anything. But… I’m at a bar for Thanksgiving. It’s totally my style of life, right? Sitting here with these old heads as they talk about life and love. Getting drunk. Someone brought a huge turkey dinner too. This could possibly be the saddest Thanksgiving of my life, yet it’s the most interesting. One I’ll never forget. That’s for sure. In a way, it makes me sad because this could be my destiny, Kins. I could sit here every year thinking of you, writing you notes or emails or whatever we end up doing here. Hell, I could end up writing to you and you’ll never see it because you tell me to leave you alone.
I’m not going to let you slip away again. You’re going to have to kick my ass out the door. I don’t want to ruin something good for you, but you could never lie to me. And what I saw proved what I was wondering. He’s not the forever kind you truly want. He’s the comfortable kind. And if you want to be comfortable, love, then buy a new mattress. But if you want true love, then you have to be scared and be willing to get hurt. And without you, I’m already hurting, so I’ve got nothing else to lose here.
I just hope I never lose you for good. But I guess I never will because I have all our pictures still. Which, by the way, Kins, if you ever want any of them, let me know.
Also to add… Happy Turkey Day.
Brice
I kept the phone close and waited for an email to come through. There was no chance of that happening though. She was at dinner with her family. And her guy or whatever Ben was to her. I couldn’t sit there and judge another man… especially when his taste in women was the same as mine. Only he was in love with the wrong woman. If he even loved her at all.
“Here, have a drink with us,” Lucky said as he presented me with a glass of clear liquid.
“What is this?” I asked, smelling it.
“Turkey piss,” he said and laughed.
I walked to the bar and Suzie started to get handsy. She was feeling the booze and holidays blues, and I was the youngest and best-looking guy at the bar.
Lucky said something in another language and we all took the shit.
I didn’t know what the hell it was, I just drank, but it was nasty. It burned worse than the hot wing sauce.
“Another!” Suzie announced.
“Not for me,” I said. “I have to drive h
ome at some point.”
They all booo’ed at me.
I was getting shown up by a bunch of older people.
I showed my hands in defeat and wandered back to my table.
To my complete surprise, there was an email from Kinsley waiting for me.
Brice -
OMG, I don’t know what to start with first. You’re alone on Turkey Day?! That’s not cool at all. I wish I’d known… not that I could have really helped. I mean, I could have had you come here. Kyle would love to see you. I know my father would have rolled his eyes and made comments all day though. And Ben… well, whatever. That doesn’t matter.
I don’t like the thought of you being alone there. Are you sure you’re okay? I know this kind of thing is exactly what you look for in life though. Something new, different, a crazy adventure. Anything to take a tradition and put your spin on it.
But a bar, Brice? Really?
What about your situation? With the little boy… Milo? You can’t spend time with him?
Hey, listen, I’m outside right now just relaxing for a bit while everyone is inside. Write back if you can.
Kins
I gritted my teeth at the email.
She was right fucking there. So close to me that I could shut my eyes and taste her lips from that stolen and forbidden kiss, yet she was miles away.
She was standing outside her father’s house, with her phone, probably chewing on her fingertips, waiting for me to respond. Yet I couldn’t call her. I couldn't send her a text message. I couldn’t just show up there either.
Well, truthfully, I could fucking do any of the above. If I really wanted to. But her heart was at stake here and that was the most precious thing in the world to me. And if she was waiting for me to respond to her right then…
Kins -
Good to hear from you. Can’t imagine sitting at your father’s dinner table. Last time I did that, I made a joke about having a beer and he threatened to shove my keys up my ass. Remember he tried to make some kind of meat sauce or something. It was disgusting. And I sat there and ate it up to impress him. He did that on purpose. To mess with me.
Ah, those were good times, huh? Things were so simple.
I’m fine where I am. I’m just watching the people, Kins. There are only about ten people here. There were four. Then someone brought food. Then more showed up. It’s not a pretty sight, but it’s a cruel sense of honesty. It shows what happens when things don’t work out. All these people could have a different path in life. But this is where they wanted it to go.
That’s me, love. I know my path, and nothing can get in that way.
As far as my situation goes, Milo is with family, where he belongs. I’m not his family and I never will be. I’m just making sure the kid is okay while things work themselves out.
Write back. I’m waiting.
Brice
“Are you going to ignore us?” Suzie asked as she stumbled into a chair.
“I’m not ignoring anyone,” I said. “Just relaxing on a holiday.”
“Playing with your phone.”
“Not playing. Writing emails.”
“Emails? What, are you working?”
Suzie was drunk. Her eyes pointed in different directions.
I had nothing to lose.
So, screw it.
I stood up. “No. I’m writing emails to the woman I love. We’ve been in love since we were teenagers. Things got dicey and we broke apart. I met up with her again, but she’s got a boyfriend now. We email each other so she doesn’t get caught. Yet I want her to get caught and I want her back where she belongs… with me.”
Suzie’s eyes went wide. “Wow.”
“And we kissed, and I can’t get the taste of her off me.” Saying all those words made me sound fucking crazy. “So, what does that make me?”
“That’s a risky bridge to cross,” Suzie said. “Someone is going to get crushed.”
“I know that,” I said. “I can’t live my life without taking this risk.”
“Even if the other guy gets hurt?”
“Not to be a dick, but she only belongs with me,” I said. “Anything else is settling and that’s not a life to live. You don’t settle. You keep fighting.”
Suzie looked around and threw her right hand at me. She grabbed my shirt. “You don’t stop, Brice. Ever.”
“What?”
“Ever,” she said. Her eyes became glossy. “Because you’re right. If you don’t keep up the fight, then you settle. And this is what happens when you settle.” She nodded to the bar. “Does she love that other guy?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is he good to her?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, either way, fuck him,” Suzie said.
I saw movement on my phone as a reply to my email came through.
Kinsley had written back again.
Brice -
I haven’t thought about that horrible sauce in a long time. My father really did everything possible to chase you away from me. Funny how he thought bad food was going to do it. Maybe he was just desperate, trying to protect me. There was no stopping what was going to happen though. I think in his heart he knew that and just finally gave it all up. Then again, I haven’t mentioned your name in a while, so I don’t know what his reaction would be.
I really hope you are having a good Thanksgiving. You say that you are, but I know you love to say things to me to make me feel better about a bad situation. Is that weird to think about right now? I mean, you have no reason to worry or try and make me feel happy, right?
You mentioned about the pictures. How many do you actually have? I’m just trying to think about everything when it… you know… went bad. It would be really amazing to see some of the pictures. Just to find those true memories and remind myself that it was good. There was a time of living and being happy. Sometimes there’s a part of me that wishes that all that would go away forever. So that I could just have what I have right now and nothing else. That probably sounds really mean. Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.
Remember when holidays were amazing when you were a kid? That time of the year from October right into the beginning of January. That was the best time ever. Planning out everything from your Halloween costume to making sure you took care of all the last minute favors for Christmas. Now it’s all just a jumbled mess of feelings.
Kyle is on his way out here for a cigarette. He stills smokes and my father still hates it. They argue about it and Kyle tells him it makes him want to smoke more. They bicker at each other in a true father and son way.
You know, I’m trying to wrap my mind around this. You’re sitting somewhere alone on Thanksgiving. I’m standing here alone on Thanksgiving. And all we’re doing is hiding, waiting for someone to say or do something. What does that mean for us, Brice?
Kins
I looked to the bar and saw that Suzie was behind it now, an arm around Lucky. They were all telling loud stories, laughing louder, getting lost in the late afternoon. I thought about how much I had to drink and knew that if I was going to make it home, I needed to drink some water and give it some time.
That’s what everything in my life now seemed to come down to.
Time.
It was always about time.
Waiting years for the demons and ghosts to go away, but they never did. Now trying to tie up some loose ends that weren’t even mine to deal with, but I cared enough to take them on. And then in some fucked up way, my life and Kinsley’s life decided to cross again. Whether it was always meant to be, or it was some random shit that happened, here we were.
She was right though…
I was sitting alone, in a goddamn bar, watching people get tuned up on beer and liquor, trying to forget that their lives took a wicked turn and they never got it all back. I was the odd one out here. April and Milo were with true family. Milo was probably in a sugar coma, crashed hard. April was probably sitting at a kitchen counter, playing with her sp
oon in her coffee, dishing out all the details on June.
Kinsley was standing on the back deck of her father’s house. Trying to catch her breath, knowing everything surrounding her in her beautiful life was nothing but a lie. And while some lies were really good, like comfortable blankets to wear, they didn’t last forever. They couldn’t last forever. Eventually the heart figures out what it wants and does everything it can to get it.
“Wait for it,” Lucky called out as he put a hand to the bar to balance himself. “He looks over to his wife and says… it’s called stuffing the bird!”
Lucky broke out into a wicked laugh as everyone else cracked up with him.
Seeing them all laughing so hard made me smile, even though I had no idea what the hell Lucky had been talking about.
I had to write back to Kinsley.
As fucked up as it was, if emailing Kinsley was the one thing I had with her for the rest of my life… I’d be okay with that.
Kins -
I think we have each other figured out, love. You know damn well I’d do and say anything to make you happy. But you worrying about me when you’re with your family is kind of silly. I know the holidays are different and there are a lot of reasons for that. It’s not like what we grew up watching on TV or any of that bullshit. That’s why you have to look at exactly where you are and just shake your head. Find a way to smile.
Okay, right now, these regulars here are drunk. But they’re happy drunk. This is their moment to just forget about everything and enjoy this. There’s something amazing in that. That’s what the holidays are for, right? You forget about everything and just be in the moment.
The problem here is that the moment we both want we’re fighting off. I don’t want to be in a bar. You don’t want to be standing outside your father’s house. It’s the comfort you know though. It’s where you’ve settled for the moment to just catch your breath. And believe me, Kins, there is nothing wrong with that. Stopping for a second because of how much it weighs on you. I just wish I could take all that away from you. And that’s not some cheap romantic thing to get you to blush or run back into my arms. For me, if I could take it all away from you, then I’d be fulfilling my promise once and for all.
Somebody Else (Somebody, Nobody Duet Book 1) Page 16
