“I get it,” I whispered again.
I slowly bent my knees and started to fall before her.
There was no other woman in the world who could bring me to my knees. Well, my knee.
Down on my right knee, my other hand touched her waist. My left hand inched her shirt up, exposing her bare and soft skin. My right hand inched down, gently tugging at the top of her jeans.
The scar was still visible and forever would be. It was a faint line, a pink and white hue. You’d probably never notice it unless you knew it was there. There were still the faded lines from where her belly had stretched out to hold our daughter and give her what would be her only home.
My right hand inched up and touched her stomach. The soft ridge of the scar.
“I’ll never forget,” I whispered. “I can’t forget. Pictures or not. I don’t care what kind of life we try to live now… it was never supposed to end like it did.”
I looked up at Kinsley and saw the tears in her eyes.
My left hand gripped a little tighter on her waist.
I fucking wanted her. She was supposed to be forever mine. That was the deal. That was the promise.
Kinsley reached for my shoulders. Her fingers touched and pulled.
I groaned under my breath as I moved toward her perfect body. My lips pressed against the scar on her belly. Her skin was warm and soft. She smelled like a comforting flower with that first deep breath on a summer morning.
My hands slid up the sides of her body as I kissed her belly again. Her fingers were shaking as she kept them on my shoulders. The guilt. The temptation. The need. The want. It was all there for us.
I brushed the tip of my nose down and up, feeling the ridge of the scar.
She had been so scared of that scar. Rightfully so. It was forever the reminder of what we had, what we should have had, and what we lost.
When my hands inched up some more, Kinsley quickly grabbed my wrists and stopped me.
She stepped back and I moved forward to kiss again.
That kiss was left for the air as she hurried away from me.
“I have to go,” she said.
“Kins,” I called out.
She shook her head and covered her mouth.
She was already moving toward the door.
I was going to lose her again.
We were on the porch before I finally slipped a hand around her body and pulled her close. Her body slammed against mine and it felt so right.
“Wait a second,” I said.
She turned and broke away from me. “I just have to go.”
“Why?”
“I can’t…”
“Can’t what? Face it all? Realize what we had? What we fucking lost? I’m sorry you have the scar, but so do I. Mine is here.” I touched my chest. “Right fucking here. And without you, it’s worse. It’s so much worse. I love you, Kinsley.”
She let out a whimpering cry. “I just shouldn’t be here.”
“Kinsley, it’s snowing,” I said.
I hated using her full name. It felt weird coming off my tongue.
She made it down one step then stopped and paused.
It was snowing pretty good too.
“Just stay,” I said. “You came here for a reason. He knows you’re here, right?”
“No,” Kinsley said. “He doesn’t. We had a fight and he left. He said he probably wouldn’t be back until morning. Or later. That distance was good. That we needed the distance.”
“Is that how you feel too?”
“We already are distant,” she said. “Our whole relationship is based on being distant. He knows nothing about my past. I know nothing about his past. And it just works.”
“Until it doesn’t,” I said.
“Until you emailed me, Brice.”
“Which is just reality. We can’t escape each other. No matter how hard we try. If he’s not home, you shouldn’t be either. Stay here. You can have the couch or the bed. I’ll stay away from you.”
“That won’t happen,” she said. She looked back. “If we’re close…”
I walked to the steps and joined her on the first one. The snow fell around us. Gently hitting her hair. Collecting like a white cap. A few flakes were even brave enough to cling to her eyelashes.
“I love you so much,” I whispered. “And I know it’s fucking everything up in your world.”
“So stop fucking everything up,” Kinsley said.
“When it comes to you, I can’t help it. And I’m not sorry for it.”
I touched her face and leaned down for a kiss. It was so natural for me to do. My lips against hers, kissing, tasting, slowing parting her lips with mine. The warmth of her quivering tongue as I kissed her harder, reminding her what it felt like to be alive and to be truly happy.
I broke the kiss a second later though, not wanting to fuck things up even more.
“Just stay,” I said.
“No,” she said. “I have to go. Thanks for showing me the pictures.”
“Do you want them? Some of them?”
“No.”
Kinsley walked off the porch and got into her SUV. Our eyes caught each other for a second before she started the SUV and the headlights shone too brightly.
That’s when I snapped.
The last piece of my heart was broken.
I turned and darted into the cabin to get my keys. I jumped off the porch and ran to her window and stood there until she rolled it down.
“This is insane,” I said. “It’s snowing too hard.”
“I’m fine in the snow.”
“I’m following you. To make sure you get home safely.”
“Don’t,” she said.
“Bullshit. You’re not driving by yourself out there. Stop being stubborn.”
Kinsley looked at me. “This is why.”
“Why what?”
“Why I hide. This feeling.”
“What feeling is that?”
“Looking at you, Brice. Falling in love with you again. Leaving me confused.”
I leaned forward and kissed her through the window. One kiss. I pulled back and she came forward to kiss me. I went at her again, kissing her harder and faster.
It was fucking stupid. Kissing through a window. Stealing kisses. Fighting for her, knowing she felt guilty for it.
I tried to open the door and she pulled it shut.
“I have to go. I have to fucking go.”
Before the window was up, she put the SUV into reverse and started to move.
She backed away as the snow fell hard. Really hard.
I could never live with myself if something bad happened to her as she tried to get away from me.
I had to follow her home.
Just to make sure she got there safely.
“I love you,” I whispered to the falling snow as she started to turn.
That’s when I ran for my truck.
The roads were shit. I tried to keep as close to Kinsley as I could, but I didn’t want to get too close and put her in harm’s way. My only intention was to see her pull into her driveway and then I’d be gone. I’d keep going and wait to see how long it would take for her to email me or talk to me again.
The bullshit of this game was getting old fast, but I understood it all. She was with another man and had made promises to him that weren’t going to be easily broken. On top of that, she was paying him to use the building that housed her veterinarian practice. She was tied to him in all the wrong ways.
Whatever.
I’d sell everything I owned and give it all to her to build the veterinarian practice she dreamed off. A big office for all the animals that needed her. A chance to have a bigger vehicle so she could travel to anyone who needed her services. That’s what she was meant for.
Not this pretend life.
I gripped the wheel tighter as visibility dropped.
She took all the necessary turns to guide herself home, taking me to some place that was new to me. I knew for su
re that I’d have to use my phone to get back to my cabin. And even then, the ride was going to be a bitch.
I just needed to know she was okay. That she was somewhere safe. Warm. Where she could avoid the dangerous roads and weather.
Kinsley turned left and I followed. She quickly put on her right turn signal and I saw her pull into a driveway. Through the falling snow, I saw the house. Everything about it was the opposite of the Kinsley I knew. It was big. It was fake. It was just a regular house hidden amongst all the others.
She lived in a cul-de-sac, the perfect kind of place for her to just simply hide. I pulled my truck all the way around so my driver’s side faced the house.
The door to the SUV opened and Kinsley climbed out.
I went against my judgement and put the truck into park and got out.
Before I could say a word, the porch light flicked on.
Kinsley looked at me, the snow gently hitting her, making her look even more beautiful than she already was.
The front door to the house opened and out walked Ben.
There was this moment where he looked right at me and then at Kinsley.
I stood there, holding the door to my truck, without a clue for the moment what I should do next.
Ben walked from the porch, wearing a long black jacket. Something fancy and probably expensive. He looked like he’d just got out of a long meeting at a boardroom.
Kinsley turned and looked at me. Her right hand lifted for a split second at me, even though we were too far apart for that to mean anything.
“I was making sure she got home safe,” I called out, needing to break the ice.
I wasn’t sure how this guy would react to Kinsley in this kind of situation.
When Ben got to Kinsley, he paused and touched her shoulder. He said something to her and she nodded. He stepped forward and pressed at her back, wanting her to go forward into the house.
I moved from my truck, not liking the way he touched her.
“She’s okay,” Ben said. “As you can see. This is our home.”
“I see that,” I said. “I didn’t exactly get to say goodbye.”
“I’ll pass the message along. Brice, is it?”
“You know my fucking name, man,” I said. “Don’t play that game.”
“What game? I met you one time. For about a minute. Maybe I’m not good with names.”
“Something tells me you get paid to remember names,” I said.
Ben grinned. He had an asshole look to himself. Perfect hair. Clean-cut face with a jawline carved out of stone. I stood maybe an inch or two taller than him, yet he had no worries as he closed the distance between us.
“You’re from her past, right?” he asked. “An old friend?”
“Yeah. An old friend. I’ve known Kinsley longer than you can imagine.”
Ben nodded. “That’s good. I don’t mind that.”
“You shouldn’t.”
“What I do mind is some stranger following her home,” he said. “Scoping out my house.”
“Seriously? I wanted to make sure she got home. The weather is shit. The roads are shit.”
“She has a well-equipped vehicle,” he said.
He was talking to me as though I was a kid. Like he was some corporate slime ball. Yet I couldn’t help but grin, knowing what I did about Kinsley. A world in her heart that this guy would never understand and never explore.
“Before you get yourself all twisted up here,” I said. “I had some pictures she wanted to see. She said you were on business. I guess she didn’t want to be alone.”
Ben moved toward me quickly. With aggression. For all I knew, he was going to throw a punch right there in the middle of the street.
Instead, he stopped with just inches to spare. The smell of his pricey cologne hit my nose.
“Pictures,” he said. “That’s nice. Now let me explain the rest of this ordeal. You’re going to go the fuck home and stay there. And you’re going to stay the fuck away from Kinsley. It’s better to leave the past behind us all. Don’t you agree?”
I smirked. I had this guy on the edge already and he didn’t even know where my lips had just been.
That’s when the guilt hit me.
Ben’s eyes were on fire. Because he loved her. He loved Kinsley and he was worried about losing her. And I was just some asshole kissing her? Dropping to one knee to gently kiss the scar from the C-section that resulted in us leaving the hospital with an empty car seat.
I was a piece of shit.
I was the piece of shit. Trying to take back the heart I never lost. A heart that had worked so hard to move on and away from everything that happened in the past.
There were a hundred things I could have said to Ben right there. I could have been cocky. I could have been a complete asshole, to match his attitude, but the truth was… he was just doing his job. Protecting Kinsley’s heart, as well as his own.
“Are we good here, Brice?” Ben asked.
“Yeah, we’re good. Have a good night.”
“Drive safe,” he said. “I hear the roads are shit tonight.”
He laughed and turned to walk away.
When I got back into my truck, I looked at the house one last time. It was too big. Too tall. It was the kind of house you bought to impress people because you hated yourself. Everything was too clean, too nice. No signs of real life there.
I looked at the front door and my eyes panned to the left.
I saw Kinsley in the window.
The snow had slowed enough to see that far. It was a calm and gentle snowfall now. She was inside. She was warm. She was safe.
But not for one fucking second did I believe that she was happy.
17
Everything Fake
Kinsley
There was no escaping the conversation that was going to happen. Not that I planned on running from it, but I wasn’t going to stand in the line of fire. I needed to collect my thoughts and collect myself.
Upstairs in the master bathroom I changed into pajamas. I stood without a shirt on longer than needed, staring at myself in the mirror. My eyes wouldn’t look away from the scar. I couldn’t stop seeing Brice on one knee before me, his lips kissing it. He had spent so much time doing everything to make me feel beautiful about the scar. And it wasn’t even the scar itself. I didn’t care about that. It was honestly barely visible. It was what that scar meant to me.
Ben didn’t know. That wasn’t his fault. The first time he pointed it out years ago, I was quick to tell him it was from me getting my appendix out when I was younger. The lie slid off my tongue with such ease and precision, I should have known then that my life would have come to this. Ben believed me, because why not, and now here we were.
I put my shirt on and pressed the top of my lotion bottle, depositing a chunk of yellowish cocoa butter lotion into my hand. I walked out of the bathroom as I rubbed the lotion from my hands into my arms.
Ben stood at the side of the bed, unbuttoning his shirt. He took it off and tossed it onto his nightstand. Which wasn’t his style.
“What happened to Philly?” I asked.
The guilt was bad. It was so fucking bad.
Me screaming that I was confused felt like the worst thing to say… even if it was the raw and honest truth.
“The weather, Kinsley,” Ben said. “I got about twenty minutes into my drive and Pete called to let me know a storm was coming. Nobody was going to be meeting. So, I drove back, and we had a video conference. Not as effective as in person, but it’s better than getting killed for being the asshole that drives in the snow.”
I swallowed hard. “Right. Well, I’m glad you’re home safe.”
“Are you?”
“I am.”
“He said you were looking at pictures together.”
“Yeah, we were,” I said. “It was nice.”
“Nice? You could have told me.”
“Told you…?”
“Where you were going.”
&nb
sp; “You were the one that left, Ben. I didn’t feel like sitting around here alone.”
“What about Linda?”
“I can have more than one friend.”
“You just never seemed to want to leave this house or area, Kinsley. Where did this all come from? How did you two reconnect?”
Reconnect.
That word made me shiver.
“We lost contact a long time ago,” I said. “And now…”
“I get that,” Ben said. “I’m asking how you made contact again.”
“Honestly. At the soccer field. As funny as it was, I was helping Linda and he was helping a friend.”
I saw the look on Ben’s face. If there was ever another reason to hate Linda, there it was. Because of Linda, I had met up with Brice. Which wasn’t a lie.
“And you looked at pictures,” Ben said. “Anything good?”
“Just stuff from the past. Things I haven’t seen in years. Things I forgot about.”
“Because that’s been our thing, right? We’re together to create everything new.”
“That doesn’t mean the past is gone,” I said.
“I guess not. And he felt the need to follow you home.”
“To make sure I was safe in the snow. Unless you wanted me to stay there with him.”
Ben curled his lip. I felt like he was seeing through me and through the thin story I was desperately trying to hold together.
“Or was he coming here for something else, Kinsley? And you were shocked to find me home?”
“What? No. That was not going to happen.”
At least, not here. Maybe at his place…
I was a terrible person. I was a whore. The word hit me hard and just stuck there, flashing in my mind as I tried to keep a straight face in front of Ben.
The hard part was that I did love him. I loved Ben. It wasn’t all that bad with him. I had been so eager to start my own practice and Ben was there with a solution. A plan. He didn’t force me to do anything. I wanted to have that building as my own. My heart moved faster than my mind, perhaps a residual from my life with Brice.
Did I feel stuck now? Maybe a little.
But maybe that was only because Ben and I never truly opened ourselves up to one another. This relationship had worked based on the fact that we had left our pasts behind us and solely moved forward. That time was up now. It was sink or swim.
Somebody Else (Somebody, Nobody Duet Book 1) Page 19
