by Gina Dartt
“You never knew you were gay?” Nikki lifted a fingertip to trace lightly over Kate’s brow, trying to smooth out the furrow that marred it.
Kate frowned. “I never knew what ‘being gay’ meant. As much as I’ve never been physically attracted to men, I’ve never been particularly attracted to women, either...not until I met you. I was astonished to discover I was thinking of you all the time and wanting to spend all my time with you. Now, just lying here in your arms, touching you...I can’t get enough of it.” Suddenly, she pressed her body against Nikki’s, kissing along her jaw and making Nikki shiver. “I want to wrap myself completely around you and stay here forever,” she said. “I feel as though if you leave, you’ll take my skin with you, and I’ll be left completely exposed to all the elements.”
“Flayed alive,” Nikki said in a small voice. “I know how it feels. It makes you very vulnerable.”
“Yes, it does. It’s frightening...and so incredibly exhilarating.”
“It can hurt you so much,” Nikki whispered, suddenly afraid.
“I can see where it would.” Kate rose to her elbow, looking down at Nikki with dark eyes. “You speak as if you’ve experienced it. Who hurt you like that, my darling?”
Nikki was taken aback, not only by the question, but also by the endearment that was a bit old-fashioned, but that sounded extremely charming in Kate’s throaty tones. As she tasted it in her mind, she decided how to respond to the question that prodded old wounds.
“Her name was Anne,” she said finally. “I met her five years ago at the tennis club. We were friends while she lived in town, even though she worked in the city, and then suddenly I fell in love with her. It was impossible, of course, because she was straight…or at least more hetero than homo.”
“I think I understand.”
“Anyway, one thing led to another, and we started sleeping together.” Nikki faltered briefly, suddenly realizing that it no longer hurt as much to talk about that time in her life. She wondered when that had happened. Unconsciously, she entwined her fingers with Kate’s where they rested on her stomach. “When she moved back to the city, I moved too, just so I could be closer to her. I up and left my family and friends, found a job, and took the apartment next to hers, though we were practically living together...” Her hand tightened convulsively on Kate’s. “I worked so hard to be like she was, like someone she admired, but it wasn’t enough for her to love me back.”
She tried to say the words lightly, able to understand how foolish she had been, but remembering how devastated she had felt at the time, she trailed off uncertainly. “Eventually, Anne decided that she ‘wasn’t gay,’ whatever that means, and would rather be with men. After that, she didn’t want to even let on she knew me. That’s when I quit my job and moved back home, though my parents weren’t pleased with the whole situation.”
“I’m sorry.” Kate leaned down and kissed her gently. “You deserve better than that.”
Nikki shrugged. “At least they let me stay at the farm until I got myself together financially and went back to school,” she said quietly, feeling a lump form in her chest. “All I had to do was not talk about why I had moved to the city in the first place.”
“It must have been difficult to live with such restriction. To not be able to talk about how hurt you were or why.”
“I still had my friends,” Nikki said, trying to put a more positive spin on the whole situation. “They helped me a lot, listened to all my sob stories, kept me from...well, giving up on the whole thing.”
Kate’s dark eyes searched Nikki’s face. “I wish I had known you then.”
Nikki reached up and kissed her on the nose. “I wish you had, too,” she said, smiling crookedly, still trying to lighten the mood. “Because it certainly would have let me know that much better times awaited me.”
“Flatterer,” Kate said after a few seconds, apparently accepting Nikki’s desire not to talk about things she couldn’t change. Kate kissed her, which led to one more kiss, then to several more, before she finally sighed, drawing back to stretch lightly. “I’m sorry. I really do have to go home sometime today.” She gazed at Nikki, obviously trying to convey the honest regret behind her words. “It’s not because I want to, darling, but I didn’t plan to spend the night away. I’m not even sure if I turned down the heat.”
“I understand.” Nikki was disappointed but aware Kate had responsibilities. That was part of why she was so attracted to her—her maturity and composure. The other women she had known seemed flighty now rather than exciting. “In the meantime, let me make you some breakfast, and we can read the Sunday paper in bed.”
Kate smiled, her eyes shading to blue at the invitation. “That sounds delightful. I don’t suppose you have any coffee.”
Nikki abruptly realized she could read Kate’s mood just from that telltale shift in pigmentation of her irises. The bluer they were, the happier she was, and Nikki laughed. “I’m afraid not. I could pop over to the convenience store across the street. They have a coffee machine.”
Kate tightened her hold. “No. I’m not sure that I’m going to let you leave this bed yet, let alone the apartment.”
“I can live with that.”
They cuddled, and after a while, Kate finally broke the comfortable silence. “What did you mean last night when you said it wasn’t the same?”
Nikki frowned, confused. “What do you mean?”
“Last night, just before we went to sleep. You mumbled something. You said ‘it wasn’t the same.’”
“What wasn’t the same?”
“I don’t know, you said it.” Kate propped her chin on her palm and regarded Nikki, seeming curious.
Nikki tried to remember what had been going through her mind last night...other than the woman in her arms.
“The gun,” she said, the thought coming to her suddenly, a jagged edge of memory that knifed into her mind. “It wasn’t the same gun in the drawer the second time. The gun we found originally had a shorter barrel and a brown grip, not a black one.”
“Are you sure?”
Nikki hesitated, an agony of indecision. “No,” she admitted finally. “Not enough to swear to it in court, but I honestly think it was a different gun.”
“Rushton must have exchanged them. It was risky, because if either of us was familiar with weapons, we’d be able to tell immediately that she’d switched them, but we couldn’t.” She frowned. “I’ll wager she also took certain papers from the file folder. Remember how I said the business wasn’t exactly on the up-and-up? Some of those papers indicated shady practices on their part. Even if she had nothing to do with the murder, she should have been afraid to be implicated in illegal behavior.”
“Yet she didn’t seem too worried when Rick took the file into evidence. She must have removed any incriminating information and left the rest for him to seize.” Nikki shook her head, feeling sick. “I think Rushton used our showing up at Edwards House to do an end run around the local police.”
“I think so as well,” Kate said. “Obviously, she’s a very clever woman. But how do we prove it?”
“Investigate further?”
Kate’s eyes grew darker, more concerned. “If we do, then we’re going to have to be more careful, as well as a little more organized. We need to dig a little deeper into what was going on with Rushton and Sam, and what exactly Mosaic Estates was doing.”
“It couldn’t be too successful, or Rushton wouldn’t have had to start selling everything. Which, in itself, sort of provides a motive for murder. What if Sam...I don’t know, cheated her in some way?”
Kate held up a finger. “Right now, we’re just guessing. We need to find more tangible information.”
Nikki leaned forward and kissed the elegant finger. “Do you really want to?” She was pleased to discover this adventurous streak in Kate.
“Of course. Even if she hadn’t made a fool of us…which really aggravates me by the way…I certainly wouldn’t let you investigate
this situation without being there to watch out for you.” Kate traced Nikki’s lips idly as she thought. “Actually, this might be the time to acknowledge that this investigation could become a little dangerous. One person has already been killed, and Rushton, if she’s involved, is already aware that we were snooping around. Are you sure you really want to pursue this venture?”
Nikki considered her words seriously. Fun was fun, but Kate had a valid point. She wasn’t necessarily worried about herself, but she couldn’t bear it if something happened to Kate. “Rick seems to be a pretty sharp guy,” she said reluctantly. “Maybe we should leave it for the professionals.”
“Maybe that would be best. Rick may be only letting her think she’s fooling him.”
Nikki drew Kate closer, shifting position and pressing her down onto the mattress as she moved over on top of her. “Besides, I think we have enough to occupy us for the foreseeable future.”
Kate kissed her, slipping her arms around her neck. “I think I like the sound of that,” she murmured. “What exactly did you have in mind?”
Desire sent a tiny shiver of delicious excitement through Nikki’s body as she felt the soft curves beneath her. “Maybe I’d better just show you.” She pushed her knee between Kate’s, spreading her legs and pressing into the warm hollow between them as she felt the moist heat against her upper thigh. Kate’s hips undulated slightly, and she rubbed herself against Nikki’s leg as she kissed her. “God, you feel so good,” Nikki murmured when their lips finally parted.
Kate made a small sound of agreement and rising demand. “So do you.” She spread her hands over the small of Nikki’s back, pulling her closer to increase the friction from the small movements of her hips. “I just want you so much.”
“You have me.” Nikki looked down into the bluish gray eyes, completely mesmerized by the passion in their depths as she moved slowly against her lover. “Is this enough?”
Kate gasped. “Not nearly,” she said. “Will you—”
“Shh,” Nikki murmured, shifting so that she was on her left side, freeing up her right hand. She slid it down over the soft swell of abdomen, raking through the fine patch of hair to the wetness below. “I’ve got you.”
Nikki listened to Kate groan as she rubbed her, fingertips swirling over the firm ridge that was slippery and hot, swollen with need. Nikki watched the play of emotions over Kate’s face as she fondled her, enjoying the unguarded expression of desire and pleasure in the classic features. Her lover drew up her left leg, and Nikki accepted the invitation, altering her caress to slip her fingers into the tight opening.
The slick walls closed about her, and Nikki’s eyes closed involuntarily before she forced them open again so she could watch Kate. Her head was thrown back, her mouth open as she panted for breath, the pulse beating rapidly in her throat. Nikki leaned down and brushed her lips over the fluttering pulsation as she began to slowly thrust into Kate with a steady tempo, using her thumb to resume the caress of the protruding nodule, rubbing gently back and forth over it in rhythm with her strokes. She didn’t seek out the g-spot this time, letting Kate find her own rhythm as her hips rolled firmly against her hand.
Kate began to moan in Nikki’s ear as the sensation intensified, mewling with every exhalation. Aroused by the sight and sound of Kate and delighting in the knowledge that she was the one granting her such pleasure, Nikki felt her own respiration quicken as Kate gripped her shoulder, her other arm snaking around her back and holding her tight. When she began to tremble, Nikki knew her lover was close. She increased the depth but not the speed of her thrusts, keeping them steady and firm.
“Nikki!” With a helpless cry of liberation Kate suddenly clenched tight around Nikki’s fingers. At the same moment, she slipped her hand up to the back of Nikki’s neck, pulling her head down into a demanding, open-mouthed kiss.
Nikki returned the kiss hungrily, knowing Kate needed her as close as possible in that instant of release, pushing her tongue into her mouth as deeply as she plunged her fingers one final time into her body, wanting to possess all of her as she felt the pulsations draw her even deeper.
She drew Kate close as her final ripples of pleasure seemed to slow and fade, unable to imagine any better feeling than being in this moment with the woman she loved.
Chapter Seventeen
Feeling as if her feet weren’t quite touching the ground, Kate unlocked the back door to her building and climbed the stairs, her mind and body still remembering how it felt to be with Nikki. She ached as she realized how long it would be before she would see her again and found herself counting the hours until their dinner together Monday night, the date they made before she had left Nikki’s apartment. As she opened the door to her own apartment and walked in, the sight of the woman standing by the dining room table, hands on her hips and an extremely aggravated expression on her face, brought her up short.
“Where the hell have you been all weekend?”
“What?”
“I waited up for you all last night!” Susan Carlson said, waving her hands. Short and stocky, with prematurely gray hair and green eyes sparking with Irish outrage, Susan seemed to have been honestly afraid for Kate. “I thought I’d have to call the police! I didn’t know where you were, none of your other friends have heard from you in more than a week, and your cell phone was turned off. I didn’t have the slightest clue where to start looking!”
“Oh,” Kate said, slightly bemused as she hung her coat in the closet. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were coming up this weekend, or I would have been here to meet you. What are you doing here, anyway?”
“I came up for the funeral,” Susan said, still looking concerned. “What’s going on, Kate? Is something wrong?”
“No. Everything’s fine.”
Susan stared at her. “Is that a…hickey?”
Kate clapped her hand to her neck where she remembered Nikki had become a little enthusiastic earlier that afternoon. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“If I’m being ridiculous, how did you know exactly where the hickey was?”
Fearing she had turned an unflattering shade of red, Kate shut the closet door and strode into the kitchen, brushing past Susan. She was pleased to discover a pot of coffee already made and promptly poured a cup. As she sipped, she watched Susan sink onto the love seat. A book lay open on the coffee table in front of her, along with a mug and a plate next to it containing the remains of a sandwich. She had obviously made herself at home in the apartment, but since it wasn’t the first time, Kate didn’t mind. She was just disconcerted by Susan’s presence right now, particularly when she proceeded to stare at Kate as if she had never seen her before.
“I believe you actually got laid,” Susan declared finally. “That’s wonderful! Not to mention highly unusual.”
Kate couldn’t demur without lying, but this wasn’t exactly how she had wanted to broach the subject with her best friend. As Kate considered what to say, Susan retrieved her mug and watched her, obviously waiting for her to spill the beans. “So who is he? What does he do? Does he live here in town?”
Kate took a long swallow of her coffee, feeling the buzz from the caffeine settle within her as she sat down in the chair opposite the love seat. Leaning back, she glanced at Susan from beneath her lashes. She could do this gently, she decided, or she could just blurt it out. She wasn’t sure which would be better, but it seemed inevitable that she would have to share this news with her best friend. It never occurred to her to simply make something up and let Susan continue to believe she’d been with a man. “Her name is Nikki,” she said finally. “I’m in love with her.”
She supposed she should have waited until after Susan had finished swallowing. She watched as her friend choked and sputtered, spitting coffee across the room as she snatched at a napkin to cover her mouth. “What?” Susan wheezed, once she had her breath back.
Gathering her courage, Kate said, “We met a year ago. She came into the bookstore and bought a lesbian nove
l. We started talking, became friends, and a few days ago...well, things intensified a great deal.”
She was aware that if she had been telling Susan about a man, they would have immediately celebrated and shared their joy in her newfound love. Instead, she recognized a distinct fear within herself that her dearest friend would suddenly look upon her with revulsion and reject her totally. If Nikki lived with this type of fear every day, then Kate understood why she was so reserved in certain matters, why she was so careful about opening up to others.
“Are you telling me that you’re gay?” Susan’s eyes were wide.
Kate firmed her jaw. “I’m saying that I’ve fallen in love. That person happens to be female. I didn’t expect it to happen, but it did. I’m certainly not going to hide it or pretend it didn’t.”
Susan continued to stare at her, and Kate was aware of her own measured respiration as Susan digested the news. “Well,” she said finally, shaking her head as if recovering from a blow. “I won’t say this isn’t a surprise, but I guess it does explain a few things.”
“What things?”
“Why you never wanted to date after David,” Susan said, counting off the points on her fingers. “Why you never dated anybody but David in the first place. Why your marriage broke up—”
“That’s not why we divorced. He wanted children. I didn’t.”
“Isn’t that a bit of a clue as well?” Susan held up a finger, clearly attempting to slow things down a bit. “So, you’ve met this woman, and you spent last night with her. Is this an ongoing thing?”
“Last night was the first time we slept together, if that’s what you mean. But it wasn’t a one-night stand, and I fully intend to pursue a relationship with her.”
Susan shook her head. “Have you thought about what this will look like?”
