by A. S. Kelly
the baby.”
“I can imagine.”
“You’ve made her very very proud, Patrick. And
I am too. You know that for me you’re like a son,
don’t you? I know you already have a father and
that I got here when you were already a grown
boy, but I’ve always loved you like you were mine.
You and all your siblings.”
Now I can understand Carl, his words and his
feelings towards us. Now, finally, I understand
what it means to love someone, to take care of
them because you want to, and not because you
have to because of a contract or some bond of
nature.
“Carl,” I say. “Thank you.”
“Hum?”
“You’re a great father, for me and for all of us.”
“Oh, get away with you now…” He looks at me
sentimentally.
I smile at him and go back to Erin, who hasn’t
stopped crying for a second, and together with
Rain it’s like a never-ending fountain of tears.
I look at her, sitting between her mother and
mine, while they exchange personal tidbits, tips
and secrets. I look at her and I feel grateful and full
of love.
She looks at me and smiles, tilting her head and
I have to hold my heart down because I’m afraid it
might pop out of my chest.
Then my mother raises a glass and asks for
silence.
“I understood that this girl was special from the
first moment she set foot through our door. I didn’t
know anything about her, apart from how she
looks at my Patrick and how he glows when he’s
next to her; I’ve understood that she is one of a
kind. Erin, thank you for having given hope to my
son, thank you for having opened his eyes. I know
he can be a hard head at times, but he has always
been a good boy and he just needed to see his own
worth, and that’s what you’ve done, dear. You gave
him a chance and you are giving him everything he
ever needed. Erin, thank you for having brought
Patrick back home and for this splendid gift, of
this baby girl that I already love to death. Thank
you, Erin and welcome to our family,” my mother
concludes, exploding into tears while Erin stands
there and throws herself into her arms.
I watch the scene, holding in my tears and
thanking whomever it is I need to thank for this
day, for this woman and for this life.
23
Erin
“I don’t even know where to put this stuff!”
Two nights after the party Patrick organized at
his family’s house, I find myself in my apartment
with Rain, trying to organize all the gifts I got. I
was not expecting such warmth and affection,
especially because his family barely knows me,
but it was wonderful to find myself surrounded by
them and my loved ones and that they’re finally
here with me.
“That’s not all you’re going to receive,” Rain
says, smiling. “We’re just at the beginning of
everything and I’m planning on spoiling this girl
for her whole life, you know,” she adds.
“Yeah, about that,” I start, a bit uncertain. “I
was thinking this baby is going to need someone,
you know, a godmother who will always help her,
support her…”
Rain looks at me with wide open eyes.
“I don’t believe there’s anyone better than you
for this assignment. You’re the best friend I have
and the best person I know. If you feel like you’re
up to it.”
Rain jumps off the couch and hugs me.
“Are you joking? I already love her like crazy!
Thank you, thank you,” she says through her tears.
I hold her to me with sweetness. Rain can’t have
children and I know how much she suffers because
of that. She was a teacher before the accident and
always dreamed of having a family of her own
some day. I’m so sorry for her and feel
embarrassed at times talking about the baby in
front of her. I worry about hurting her. But she is
so special and sincere I know she’s happy for me
and this new life of mine.
“Have I interrupted something?” Liam pops his
head in the door.
“Honey!” Rain runs to him. “Erin just asked me
to be the godmother! Me!” And she hugs him
tightly.
Liam rests his chin on her shoulder and
whispers ‘thank you’ to me and it just breaks my
heart.
Those two love each other so completely. What
they feel for each other is infinite and I couldn’t
think of a better family to trust my daughter to if
something should happen to me.
“That’s fabulous, love,” Liam whispers in her
hair, also very moved.
“Come on, let’s go tell everybody,” she says,
breaking away from her man’s grip and heading
downstairs.
I get up too and slip on my shoes. It’s almost
opening time and thank God I work, because I
couldn’t stand to be closed up here all by myself.
As I go to the door Liam blocks me. He looks
me in the eyes a moment then hugs me. It takes me
so off-guard that I stay with my arms limp at my
side as he hugs me tighter.
“Thanks, Erin. You have no idea how much that
means to her.”
I hug him back and smile because sometimes it
really is useless to talk.
We come apart and he dries his eyes with his
sleeve and takes a breath before we head
downstairs.
We get down to the dining room and Rain is
there going hoarse, yelling the news to everyone as
Aaron watches her with great affection and
everyone is moved to see how much it means to
her knowing what we do.
As soon as he sees me, Patrick smiles, on
emotional overdrive too. He comes to me and
whispers to my ear: “You’re amazing, Erin” and I
shiver, feeling myself blush with embarrassment.
I chose Rain because she’s just the best person I
know, because she’s a trusted friend and because I
know that she will love the baby like her own. I
could not have chosen someone more appropriate.
The evening is just starting. It’s Thursday and
the guys’ night to perform their music, just like
every week. I clean the glasses behind the counter
while sitting on a stool. They make me sit
practically all night and do very little. I ask myself
what they keep me for, I feel so useless. They’re
all so attentive it can be overwhelming at times.
Jay adjusts the cables and sets up the guitars and
the others join him on stage, greeting the
customers who are lining up waiting for the music
to begin. By now everybody waits for Thursday
nights. The guys are famous in this village and the
people around here love them.
Patrick goes to Jay and puts his hands on his
shoulder
s and looks him in the eyes. Jay responds
in the same manner, before taking the mic and
announcing the beginning of the performance.
Patrick takes his place and gives me a wink
from a distance. I smile at him like an idiot with
dreamy eyes and my heart in my hand while Rain
sits on the other side of the counter from me.
The place goes silent as the guys start. I take out
my cell phone from my pocket to turn down the
volume and I realize I’ve got a message flashing
on the display that I haven’t read.
We have to talk. Call me.
Nate.
I’ve been ignoring him for days, since he found
out. I haven’t been able to talk about it with
Patrick with all that’s been going on and a
thousand emotions I’ve gone through in the last
twenty-four hours.
I sigh heavily, knowing that I’ll have to tell him
everything, but then the words hit me, those words
that open my eyes, pull back the curtains and let in
the daylight.
I don’t believe that anybody … Feels the way I
do about you now.
I take in my deep breaths to try to avoid the
tears. Even if it’s Liam singing my heart knows
that it’s someone else pronouncing the words.
And all the roads we have to walk are winding
… And all the lights that lead us there are
blinding.
And he’s there smiling at me backing up Liam. I
know that he doesn’t sing and says he doesn’t have
a nice voice but those few scratchy out-of-tune
words go straight to my heart, filling it with love.
There are many things that I would … Like to
say to you … But I don’t know how.
And I know that he’s not able to express himself
as well as he would like, that at times he’s not able
to open up and let me in, but now he’s talking to
me with his heart in his hand.
Because maybe … You’re gonna be the one that
saves me … And after all … You’re my
wonderwall. 9
“That boy is crazy about you,” Rain says
scooting in closer to me.
I smile shamelessly and he goes on, to tell me
I’m his anchor.
“I’m crazy about him,” I say more to myself
than Rain.
Because that’s how it is, I’m crazy and
hopelessly in love with Patrick Doyle and no, I’m
not his safety anchor or his hope.
It’s him.
He is my future. Our future.
Nobody else.
9 Wonderwall, Oasis, (What’s The Story) Morning Glory
Patrick
“Everything’s alright, Patrick. I’ll take it from
here,” Aaron says, giving me a slap on the back.
“You sure? There’s the bar to take care of yet.”
“Go on up to her.” He smiles. “I’ll take care of
this. I don’t have a life outside this place.”
I shake my head. “That’s because you haven’t
decided to come out of the closet yet.”
“What’s that you’re saying?”
“You know. Tell everyone you’re gay.”
“That story again?”
“You know that we all love you—”
“Knock it off, Patrick. I’m not gay.”
“Then why don’t you ever want to bring home a
woman?”
“Listen to who’s talking. I’ll remind you that
until a few months ago you were just like me.”
“At least I had fun though.”
“And what makes you think I don’t?”
“The fact that I’ve never seen you with anyone
and, like you said, you live for this place.”
Aaron sighs, mussing his hair. “I don’t even
have time to think about it. Before there was the
accident, then Rain’s rehabilitation. The pub, the
music that comes and goes, you guys causing
chaos.”
“Now it’s our fault?” I raise an eyebrow.
“If I don’t think of everything, who will?”
“You need to relax,” I say, putting my hand on
his shoulder. “Think about yourself a bit. We’re all
grown by now, Aaron.”
He nods at me, a sign that the discussion is over.
I wave at him and skip up the stairs to my woman.
Shit, my woman.
I knock on the door and open it at the same time
and the view in front of me makes me weak at the
knees.
Erin is standing near the balcony. All she’s
wearing is one of my T-shirts, one that she
mooched without asking because everything, she
says, is too tight for her and mine are more
comfortable.
It’s long enough to cover her bottom, but I can
see the curve of it in polka-dot panties. Her hair
has grown a bit and is now to her shoulders but she
always wears it back, leaving it ridiculously messy.
I love this thing about her, that she can set aside
being orderly and precise and just be herself, in all
her beauty.
“Hey,” she says, turning towards me. “I didn’t
hear you come in.” She smiles at me before
turning back again. “I was just making a sandwich,
I’m starving.”
I close the door behind me and rest my back
against it.
Breathe, Patrick. Breathe.
How is it possible that this woman drives me
nuts like this? How is it possible that my heart is
pounding just looking at her in my T-shirt and I’m
getting hard just thinking about what’s under it.
I go up to her slowly and wrap her shoulders in
my arms. I place a kiss on her neck and I can feel
her shiver under my lips.
“Patrick…” she whispers in thread of a voice.
I let my hands slide down and go under the T-
shirt. I run my shaking fingers over her body,
almost afraid to touch her, to squeeze her, because
this woman is all I want in my life.
I brush her breast and she lets out a soft cry and
she lifts her head up on my shoulder. I bite her
earlobe and she says my name again, like a prayer,
in that way that causes a rush of blood to my head.
I squeeze her breasts and she rests her hands on
the kitchen worktop.
I take a few little nibbles on her neck before just
exposing her shoulder and I bite her silky soft skin.
Then I go downwards, stopping on her belly and
then I slide my hand into her panties.
She trembles loudly and it’s lucky I don’t come
like a young boy during his first sexual experience.
I brush her ever so gently and she collapses against
the worktop.
It’s so sensual and exciting, it’s driving me
insane.
I want her against this worktop. I want to take
her now, to enter her and let her know just what
the sight of her does to me. But I’m not an animal
and I’m not that kind of bastard anymore. I can’t
throw myself on her, hungry for her skin.
And so I ask her with a voice full of anxiety
that’s eating me up:
“May I?” Stopping my hand before going
further.
She nods against my shoulder and I slide her
panties down her long perfect legs. I get behind
her, letting her feel how much I want her, and I
take my erection in my hand from inside my jeans.
I let out a grunt full of repressed desire and
unbutton my jeans and kick them off.
She is panting and my breathing seems to just
stop in my chest. It’s such an inviting image and so
strong, I can’t resist, but she’s Erin and in this
moment I want to treat her better than some guy
who takes her without respect and dignity,
standing up in the kitchen.
So I try to get control and to take some deep
breaths. Then I make her turn around and look me
in the eyes before losing myself in them.
“I … can’t. Not like this,” I tell her, swallowing
every trace of my ravenous passion. “I want to
give you more than this,” I conclude, despite the
adrenalin of the moment. “I want to give you every
part of me.”
So, I take her in my arms and bring her to the
bedroom, where I take care of her. Every inch of
her body.
Some places I caress, others I kiss, letting her
feel all of the love and desire I have for her, to
have her with me in my life and in my future.
Lying on the bed, I embrace her from behind
and penetrate her slowly, and letting out a sigh that
holds everything I have for her within it. Chest
against back, skin against skin.
I squeeze her soft breast and push her hips
backwards so I can move inside of her with greater
ease.
I leave her breasts to caress her between her
legs, playing with my fingers in her folds, while
my name vibrates on her lips, sensual and exciting.
And with every thrust I feel her body quivering,
hot and inviting.
I make love with her almost all night. We
explore each other, we take one another, we take
all of our time. We talk, we laugh, we kiss and then
we take each other once again, enjoying every
moment. I have never felt a person so inside of me
before now.
We merge and remain that way.
Because we are one thing now.
All three of us.
24
Erin
“Where are we going?”
“Just a second, I want to show you something,”
Patrick says.
“Can’t it wait? I have to study, you know. It’s a
crucial moment for my thesis.”
“I promise you it’ll only take a minute.”
“Alright,” I say, getting up against my will.
