by Janice Lynn
Unable to sit still, James stood, paced across the deck. A baby. He and Melissa were going to have a baby, be parents.
Sweat covered his body. Nausea belted him in the gut. Any moment he expected the earth to open up and swallow him. This couldn’t be real.
“When?”
“I’m not sure. I took the test this morning.”
“Why?”
“I missed my period. Actually…” Her head lowered and, although he couldn’t see her face, he knew she’d closed her eyes “…I’ve missed three.”
Three? Dear Lord, she would be over three months pregnant.
“Why did you wait so long to check?”
Her tongue darted out, moistening her lips. “At first I thought I might have a touch of a stomach virus. It’s not uncommon to temporarily lose your period when you’ve lost weight.” She shrugged. “I guess I was in denial, too. I kept thinking I couldn’t really be.”
Other than her thinness, he hadn’t noticed her symptoms. Then again, it had been weeks since they’d sat down to a meal together or spent more than a few passing minutes in each other’s company. It was like she’d been avoiding him. A baby. Maybe she had.
His vision dimmed and he clutched his forehead. Visions of Cailee snapped in front of his eyes, taunting him, his future. She’d have been seventeen now. The same age he had been when she’d died.
“I can’t do this.”
She gave him an appalled look. “What do you mean, ‘do this’?”
“Have a baby.”
She whimpered, a half pained, half strangled cry. “I guess it’s a good thing you don’t have to do anything.”
James winced, feeling her hurt and anger but too overwhelmed with his own emotions to address hers.
“This can’t be happening.”
“Just what every woman wants to hear when she tells a man he’s going to be a dad.”
“I don’t want to be a dad,” he reminded her. “I’ve never deceived you. No babies ever. You knew that. You agreed.”
“No one is going to make you be a dad.”
“You said you wouldn’t—”
“No, I wouldn’t, but biologically I can’t change my baby’s genetics. But that doesn’t mean you have to do a thing, James. Not one blasted thing.” She shuddered. “Move to Nashville. I don’t need you.”
She didn’t need him. Or anyone else. Not normally. But looking at the anguish on her face, he suspected she needed more than she wanted to admit.
Which made his chest hurt more.
“I’m not going to leave you.” Hell, he’d never wanted to leave her to begin with. Not really. He’d just wanted her to see what she was doing to their relationship, for her to put some effort in, too. “Not like this.”
“I don’t want you to stay like this. Go and be with Kristen or whatever appeals so much about Nashville.”
He stared at her in disbelief. She thought he would walk away from a woman he’d made pregnant? Did she know him so little? And how would he ever convince her that his decision to move out had stemmed from wanting her to notice him, not some other woman?
Then again, his reaction hadn’t exactly been ecstatic and he didn’t blame her for her hurt expression.
His timing had been way off. As usual. Which was why he’d avoided relationships. Until Melissa. One look and he’d been hooked. Before he’d known it he’d wanted nothing more than to spend all his free time with her.
A whimper had his attention shooting back to her. She’d turned away from him to stare out into the night, her back straight. Too straight.
She was crying, but trying to hold it in. He started to reach for her, to wrap his arms around her, and tell her that somehow all this would be OK. He cared for her and they’d work through this. Her cell phone rang, so he cursed instead.
“Don’t answer,” he ordered when she reached for the phone clipped to her waistband.
Pulling herself together, she swiped at her eyes. “It might be a patient.”
“Which is why you shouldn’t answer. For once, make me your priority.”
“I can’t not answer. It might be an emergency.” She ignored his plea, removed her phone, and flipped it open. “Dr Conner speaking.”
James seethed. How could she answer the phone during such a significant personal conversation? Would he always rate so far beneath the needs of her patients?
What of her pregnancy? How would she take care of a baby when she couldn’t even take care of herself because of the demands Sawtooth placed upon her?
Her face paler than ever, she closed the phone.
“I’ve got to go.” Big surprise. “Mrs Barnes overdosed on the Valium I gave her. She’s being rushed by ambulance to Dekalb General.”
She started walking toward the door, but he grabbed her arm, struck again by its leanness.
“Fine,” he ground out. “Let the paramedics and the ER doctor do their job. You don’t have to be there.”
“She’s my patient.”
“You’re off duty. There are others who can take care of her.”
She stared at him a moment, then jerked her arm free. “That’s where you’re wrong. When it comes to people I care about, I’m never off duty.”
Which slapped him right at the heart of the matter. Just how much did she care for him? Because she never seemed “on duty” when it came to their relationship.
“Don’t go.”
She paused, her hand on the screen door handle.
“I need you here,” he admitted. “We need to finish our discussion.”
Her chest expanded, then fell. “I’ll be back in a few hours. We’ll talk then.”
With that, she left.
Rage filled James. How could she walk away in the middle of a conversation about their future?
Because her future was here, in Sawtooth, where everybody knew everybody and you couldn’t turn around without someone knowing what you were doing.
The barely visible view from the deck no longer impressed him. Now the dimness only offered a bleakness he refused to bear.
No way was he going to sit in this house alone tonight while she left him.
Melissa grabbed her black bag off the kitchen counter where she’d set it when she’d come home. Her gaze landed on the steak and salad fixings James had left out for her. Her stomach churned.
He was leaving.
Had she somehow known this was coming when she’d ignored her symptoms week after week? When she’d confirmed her pregnancy? Had she known that she would lose James?
He hadn’t taken her news well.
Had she really expected him to? Apparently she had. Deep inside, she’d thought he’d warm to the idea. That, really, James liked kids, would make a wonderful father. She’d known he would need to get over the initial shock, but she’d hoped, expected he’d realize what a blessing her pregnancy was.
But he’d told her he was moving out before she’d told him her news.
It wasn’t the baby driving him away. It was her.
Her legs threatened to buckle. James would be packing his things and leaving. No more nights of lying in his arms. No more mornings of waking up with the pillow next to her imprinted with him. No more breathing in his musky scent. No more James.
She leaned her head against the refrigerator. She didn’t have time to dwell on this. Not right now.
Wilma Barnes and her daughters needed her.
She got her keys out and on the way to her car hit the garage door button. The door immediately ground open.
Despite knowing she had to go, her heart and body protested. She needed rest. And James.
Truth be told, she wouldn’t be sleeping even if she had stayed at home. Not with visions of his reaction playing in her head. Did he plan to stay the night? Have one for old time’s sake and then leave tomorrow? Or would he be gone when she got home?
Fighting tears and hating her hormonal state, she stuck her key in the ignition and started her car.
Her car do
or opened, causing her to jump.
“Move over. I’m driving.”
She gawked at James.
“Mrs Barnes is my patient. I can handle her.”
Not to mention that James never had anything to do with her patients.
“You’re too tired to drive to Dekalb, much less face a suicidal woman and her family. Move over.”
The stubborn set to his clean-shaven jaw said he wasn’t going to budge and unless she wanted to risk reversing over him, she’d have to scoot. She ought to put the vehicle in reverse and accelerate. Would serve him right.
But she couldn’t deny what he’d said. She was tired. Bone-weary tired, and the thought of resting for the twenty-minute drive tempted her too much to argue. She crossed over into the passenger seat and closed her eyes. Just a quick rest, then she’d feel like facing James.
Melissa woke with a start.
Immediately, her gaze went to the digital clock on the dashboard. Not lit. Because the car wasn’t running. Because there wasn’t a driver. Because the car was parked in the small gated physicians’ lot at Dekalb General.
Where was James and why hadn’t he woken her up when they’d arrived?
She opened the locked door and shifted her wrist to where the overhead light illuminated her watch. Almost eleven.
She must have been more tired than she’d thought.
Stretching, she eased from the car and rubbed her lower back. Upon standing, dizziness hit her and she grabbed hold of the roof.
Her stomach growled, reminding her of what ailed her. Because of the nausea, she hadn’t managed more than a few crackers all day. And not much more than that the day before.
Digging through her black bag, she found a pack of breath fresheners and tossed a couple in her mouth. At least her mouth would be minty clean. She locked the car and headed into the hospital.
What she saw in the waiting room surprised her.
James sat holding Lila Barnes’s hand. The woman’s nose glowed a bright red and her face was swollen from tears. She looked adoringly at James. No wonder, he was handsome as sin and oozed charm. The woman didn’t know him well enough to notice the way he held his jaw, the slow foot tap, the determined gleam in his eyes. What Lila saw was a charming doctor who listened attentively.
What Melissa saw was a man shrouded by protective walls because he refused to become attached. He comforted, but only on the surface, only when it didn’t require exposing himself.
Why hadn’t she noticed that about him before? How he kept himself closed off from his patients? Was it because of the confidence he exuded in his skills? Now she saw the truth.
James refused to open up and care about his patients as anything other than patients. He didn’t see them as people with real lives and families, just as the heart attack in bay one or the motor vehicle accident in bay two.
James kept himself closed off from her, too, but distracted her with his charm and sexual finesse. He kept her on the outside of that wall, just as he locked out the rest of the world.
When Lila and James looked up, Melissa, not willing to discuss private matters with James in front of the woman or in the middle of a hospital waiting room, offered a weak smile. “You should have woken me up when we got here.”
He stood, brushing his hand over his loose jeans that still managed to showcase his lean hips and thighs to perfection. Mercy. No wonder she stayed distracted.
“There was nothing I couldn’t handle.”
Except giving Lila his real concern. Or her.
Although he gave her his body, which she greedily took, he’d never given her a glimpse of his heart.
Unable to stop the stab of pain in her chest and not wanting James to see her disillusionment, she turned to Wilma’s daughter. “How’s your mom?”
The round-faced woman drew in a deep breath, before sending another doting glance at James. “Dr Stanley just came from checking on her and he says she’s going to be OK.”
“Checking her?” What happened to letting the paramedics and ER doctor handle it?
James’s face revealed nothing. “Dr Kirby is the staff doctor tonight. As I was here, he thought I should give her a once-over. She’ll recover fully.”
James had willingly seen one of her patients. Why? What kind of game was he playing?
She plopped into the closest chair.
“Poor thing. She’s dead on her feet,” Lila cooed in a motherly fashion, despite the fact that she was only a few years older than Melissa. Neither did the fact that Melissa was there stop them from discussing her as if she wasn’t.
“I agree.” James addressed Lila, but his eyes never left Melissa. She could feel them boring into her, like he knew she’d discovered his secret—that he hid behind walls. “I’ve talked with Dr Kirby. He’s going to arrange for a cot to be placed in whatever room your mother is assigned to on the medical floor. You and your sister can stay the night with her if you like.”
The woman praised James, making Melissa’s nausea worse.
“Now,” Lila ordered, sending a concerned look Melissa’s way, “get Dr Conner home for some rest.”
James planned to do just that.
He’d thought she’d appeared tired earlier in the evening and he’d not known the cause. Now he knew. Melissa was pregnant and that explained the fatigue etched on her face.
He felt stupid for not picking up on the signs, but for months they’d been leading separate lives, with the occasional late evening spent together and nighttime sex thrown in.
Now they were going to be parents.
James took Melissa’s hand, ignored the tingle of awareness that always came with touching her, and helped her to her feet. He placed a guiding hand in the small of her back.
“I’m fine,” she protested. “Just tired.”
Which was his line from earlier, when he hadn’t been fine at all but contemplating shaking up her world so she’d notice him. If he’d only known.
Not that he hadn’t been tired, too. He’d been without sleep more hours than he cared to consider. But he’d spoken out of frustration. Frustration he still felt.
How were they going to bring a baby into the world and provide a happy home when Melissa valued his presence in her life so little? When a baby was the last thing he wanted and the one thing in life he feared most?
He assisted a tight-lipped Melissa into her car and was ten minutes into the drive before he glanced toward her. Her eyes were closed, but she wasn’t asleep.
She looked vulnerable. Which made him want to go and slay dragons on her behalf. Crazy. Melissa preferred slaying her own dragons.
But she didn’t look capable of swatting away a kitten, much less slaying a dragon.
“We’re getting married.” James wasn’t quite sure where the comment had come from and it couldn’t have surprised Melissa any more than it had him.
Her eyes opened and she rolled her head toward him. “Married?”
“As soon as it can be arranged. My parents will want to fly in from Boston.” Now that the idea had formed, his mind raced ahead. Whether he’d meant to become a father or not, Melissa was pregnant with his baby and he took his responsibilities seriously. A baby changed everything. She’d have to make concessions whether she wanted to or not. “You can start looking for someone to buy your practice.”
“Buy my practice?” Her head jerked up. “I’m not selling my practice.”
James shot a quick look at her then returned his gaze to the road. “You’ll want to stay home after the baby arrives.”
“No, I won’t.” She shook her head.
She wanted to keep practicing? What was he saying? This was Melissa. Of course she’d want to keep practicing. Medicine was in her blood, but her practice took too much of her time.
“I can get you on at the hospital. We’ll hire a nanny to help with the baby.” They’d make it work. And he’d somehow deal with his worst fear, having a baby. “Two weeks? Maybe three? However long it takes to apply for a license
and throw a quick ceremony together. We can be married within a month.”
“Earlier tonight you were moving out of my house so you could be with another woman.” Melissa squinted at him. “Now you’re proposing?”
CHAPTER THREE
THE next morning Melissa went through the motions of her day, wondering how she could fault James for being detached when she was so removed from everything.
Removed? No, that wasn’t the right word. Overwhelmed was more like it.
“If you don’t tell me what’s going on, I’m going to scream.” Debbie shut Melissa’s office door and leaned against it. “I’ve tried to ignore your ghastly appearance in the hope you’ll tell me, but you just keep holding it in. And don’t even think for a minute that I didn’t hear you being sick this morning.”
Melissa touched her face. Did she look that bad? She couldn’t remember doing more that morning than brushing her teeth. Perhaps she should have taken time for makeup, but she’d wanted to go to Dekalb General before coming in to the office.
James had been sitting at the kitchen bar, working on a glass of orange juice and reviewing a stack of papers, probably things to do with the new school semester. He’d watched her pour a glass of juice and force her way through it and a piece of toast.
“Will you be here tonight?” she’d asked.
“Yes. We need to talk.” He’d insisted she go to bed when they’d gotten home the night before and, for the first time ever, he’d slept in the guest room. “If our relationship means anything to you, you’ll prove it by coming home so we can spend the evening discussing our future. Can you be here by six?”
Knowing he was right, that they had many things to work out between them, she’d nodded.
“Hello.” Debbie snapped her fingers in front of Melissa’s face. “Earth to Dr Melissa Conner.”
Melissa blinked. “Sorry.”
Debbie crossed her arms. “I’m not letting you out of this office until you tell me what gives.”
“I’m pregnant.”
Debbie smiled in an I-knew-it sort of way. She clasped her hands together and wiggled excitedly. “Omigosh. This is fabulous. What does James say?”
Melissa sighed, knowing she couldn’t keep this bottled inside her any longer. She needed to talk and Debbie was her best friend. “Right before I broke the news he announced he’s moving to Nashville.”
