With a stretch of his limbs, he popped his eyes open to look at her. “Good morning.”
“Good morning,” she said.
He sat up and shot a quick glance at the door before he looked at her again. “Have you been up long?”
“No.” She glanced at his bare feet as he stood. Although she didn’t know why, seeing him like this made him seem so much more normal.
He flashed her one of his winning smiles. “Are you hungry?”
She met his gaze again even as her stomach rebelled. “Yes, but it’s a gamble.”
“I’ll cook light,” he promised.
She nodded and watched him walk into the small kitchen. In another life, this could have been her house, and Jack could have been her—
She put a stop to those thoughts.
“How are you doing?” he asked.
“Hanging in there.” She had to prop her head up, but she didn’t feel too bad.
He set a plate of toast and mixed fruits in front of her. “Here you go. A nice, light, unintimidating breakfast.”
“Thanks.” She bit into the toast and wished she didn’t have to chew so loudly.
He joined her, but he didn’t try to inundate her with small talk. The silence between them was comfortable, not awkward, and neither of them spoke again until they were done eating. By then, she was feeling much better.
“You’ve already started piecing together which of your memories are real and which are programmed,” he said when they returned to the living room. “Do you want me to help you sort them out?”
Ardra sat on the sofa where he had slept and swore she could still feel his body heat lingering in the cushions. The pall of other sessions seemed to fill the space, though, and she didn’t want him poking around in her mind just then.
He must have sensed her unease. “We can just talk about your memories if you’re not ready to revisit them. If that’s what you want.”
The fact that he added the last part and gave her a choice drained most of her tension. She drew a deep breath and let it out slowly before she nodded.
“You know your memories of Earth are real,” he said. “You were born there.”
“Yes. I remember my father, though when I try to picture his face, it’s kind of hazy. He died when I was pretty young. My memories of my mom are crystal clear now.” She felt a surge of anger that anyone had been able to steal those memories from her for even a minute.
“You were close with your mother.” Jack made it a statement.
“Very. It was always the two of us. When she passed, I felt alone.” She had to swallow the lump in her throat. “I couldn’t afford the taxes after that, and when the government took the house away, it was like losing my mom all over again. I still miss the place.”
“I’m sorry,” Jack said, and she knew he meant it. “Where did you go after that?”
“That’s when we moved into the first apartment on Nintu III. Dad didn’t leave until I had already gone off to school and—” Her breath left her in a rush. “That’s not right.”
“It’s normal to be confused.” Jack reached over and rubbed her hand, which she hadn’t even realized she had clenched into a fist. “You have no idea how great you’re doing just being able to recognize when the memories don’t make sense.”
“I feel like I’m losing my mind.” When she tried to remember what had really happened after her mother died, she ran into a gaping black hole.
“Don’t panic.” Jack’s voice remained steady. “I can help you uncover your true memories, if you let me.”
She was still scared to let him into her mind again, but she was even more terrified of not knowing the truth about her past. “How?”
“I won’t manipulate anything,” he promised. “I’ll only put you under enough so that we can bring your real past to the surface. Okay?”
When he gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, she nodded for him to go ahead. Now that she wasn’t on guard to fend off Jack’s influence, she found the process far less frightening. She didn’t even notice anything was happening until her heart rate had already slowed and she realized her eyelids felt heavier.
“So you were sad when they took your mother’s house away,” he said. “You had to move, so you went…”
At first, she couldn’t fill in the blank. Then the answer came to her in bits and pieces. “I went to an apartment nearby. The building was an ugly shade of pink, but I liked the flowers beneath the window. I didn’t want to leave the area, so it was only a few blocks away. I would still walk by my old house sometimes.”
“Did someone else buy it?” he asked.
“Not at first.” She could picture the front lawn and the pavers her father had put in leading up to the front door. “It took a while before another family moved in. I didn’t stop by the house after that. I didn’t want to see them change the place.”
“What did you do then?”
“I had to move again when my lease was up,” she said, remembering now how she’d had to box up her stuff. “I rented another apartment that was closer to my job. I went to work and occasionally saw a few friends. One of them invited me to a party in the city. I didn’t really want to go, but I didn’t want to stay home alone. That’s where I met—”
She pulled her hand away as she broke free of Jack’s mental influence.
“That’s enough,” she told him.
“Are you sure?” For a second, he looked like he would argue with her.
Ardra nodded and braced herself for him to push.
“All right,” he told her instead. “We’ll wait until you’re ready.”
This time, she was the one who reached out to clasp his hand.
Chapter Eleven
For weeks, Ardra struggled privately with the fragments of memory she had of that party in the city—the party where she had first met Stevin. Although she could picture him, his dark eyes fixed on her and a playful smile on his face, she couldn’t remember anything he had said to her that night. And when she fought to recollect the exact sound of his voice, she kept hearing him call her Mrs. Corvus.
That was troubling, especially when she grew closer to Jack. She didn’t talk to him about Stevin, but she did work with him to make her childhood memories clearer. When Jack kept his promise not to manipulate her, her trust in him grew.
He had offered her a slice of freedom in the midst of her captivity. She was grateful for that, but her attraction to him was due to so much more. He was smart and attentive, and he balanced strength with compassion. It was hard not to like him.
“I’m surprised you’re not married,” she confessed.
They had just shared lunch together, and Ardra could tell by the way his eyebrows shot up that she had caught him off-guard.
“I guess your job probably gets in the way,” she teased him. “You don’t meet a lot of free people in your line of work.”
“Very funny.” He smiled, but his expression turned serious almost as quickly. “To be honest, what I am has been more of an obstacle to a serious relationship than what I do. Even my fellow Roimirans sometimes get nervous around a high-level precept like myself.”
She hadn’t thought of that. “It’s because you’re a mind-reader. They’re probably worried you’ll discover all of their secrets. You have to admit your power is pretty scary.”
Jack sighed. “Half the galaxy thinks we precepts are monsters. We’re not.”
“Of course not.” Ardra hated that she’d hurt his feelings, though she had only spoken the truth. “I didn’t say you were scary, but your abilities are.”
“I know why you think so,” he told her, “but they’re not always.” He cocked his head at her. “Will you let me show you?”
Although she wasn’t sure what he had in mind, she couldn’t refuse. Not when she had just finished telling him she wasn’t afraid of him. She let him take her hand and felt as if she were falling into his gaze when she looked into his eyes.
“What are you going to show
me?” she asked.
“Something beautiful. See?” Even as Jack said that last word, he was already transporting her to another world.
It was nighttime, but there was enough milky light for her to see the small stream meandering through the grass not far away. She was standing on a wraparound porch in back of a wooden house, and she recognized the place from a previous glimpse she’d had of Jack’s memories.
“Your home?” she asked.
“Yes. This is where I grew up on Edalus.” He gave her a smile as he opened the screen door and held out his hand. “Let me show you.”
Ardra took his hand and let him lead her outside. It still struck her as strange that his hand felt so solid and warm when she knew he and everything else around her were nothing but a mental projection. She did a double take when she looked up at the night sky.
“I know these stars.” She had seen them in a dream—the dream she’d had while sleeping in a ditch during her escape.
“I shared them with you,” Jack told her. “I even taught you the names of the constellations.”
“You left something out,” she said.
While the stars were brilliant, they weren’t the main source of light. Looking up, she saw two moons fixed within the speckled sea of black, one smaller than the other.
He shrugged. “You were dreaming you were back on the mother planet. If I had shown you twin moons, you might have tried to wake up.”
“Why share this with me now?” She turned to look at him instead of the sky.
“I’ve seen so many of your memories,” he pointed out. “It seemed only fair to share some of mine in return.”
“Thank you.”
She continued to stare at him, and her body warmed as he took a step closer. He leaned in until she swore she could see the stars reflected in his pupils. Before his lips might have touched hers, though, the world around them dissolved. She found herself back at his house.
Jack was still holding her hand, so Ardra gently pulled away.
He looked disappointed for a moment, but then he smiled. “That wasn’t scary, right?”
“No,” she lied.
His mental talents were wondrous. It was the threat to her heart that she found frightening.
Ardra knew that emotional threat was increasing when she realized how much she looked forward to seeing Jack the next week. Gabriella picked her up from her holding cell as usual and led her over to Jack’s house in the morning. The guard no longer bothered to go inside with her, though the woman did wait until the front door closed behind Ardra before she left.
Ardra was surprised when she walked in and discovered Jack wasn’t alone. He stood to greet her.
“I’d like you to meet an old friend of mine,” he said, pointing to the strawberry-haired woman in the living room. “This is Terrah.”
A splinter of what might have been jealousy stabbed Ardra before she registered the way he’d phrased the introduction. This woman was only a friend. He was definitely close with her, but the feelings between them were more familial than romantic.
Terrah approached her and shook her hand. Physically, the woman didn’t seem threatening in the least, but Ardra looked into her eyes. Although she had no idea how she knew, she instantly recognized Terrah as another precept. Her heart flew into her throat.
“Are you two planning on ganging up on me?” she asked.
The flash of hurt on Jack’s face instantly made her regret her suspicion.
“Nothing like that,” he promised. “I just wanted you to meet my friend and give you someone else to talk to.”
“Oh.” Ardra was pretty sure her face was red. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” She turned to look at Terrah again. “But you are a precept, right?”
“Yes.” Terrah shot Jack a questioning look, which he seemed intent on ignoring. “I don’t do interrogations though. I’m strictly a healer. Jack mentioned that you were isolated here, and I thought you might like to have another woman to talk to. I was hoping we could take a walk and get to know each other.”
“All right.” Ardra felt completely off-balance now, but she liked the idea of going outside.
“Stay away from the road,” Jack warned his friend. “Walter will have a conniption if he sees her out there without me or a guard.”
Terrah waved over her shoulder to show she had heard him as she headed outside. Ardra followed her.
“You wouldn’t know it,” Terrah said, “but Jack enjoys ruffling his superintendent from time to time. He still has a bit of the rebel in him.”
“Still?”
She smiled. “Jack is like a brother to me. I apprenticed with his mother, who is a wonderful healer, so I’ve known him since we were little more than children. Back then, he was always ready to challenge the system if he thought it would make things better. We both were. Although we’ve taken different paths, I think the two of us are still trying to change the universe in our own way.”
“I guess helping me makes him a rebel.” Ardra hadn’t looked too closely at Jack’s motives when he had offered his support.
Terrah gave her a pointed look that made her think the woman had read her mind. “You don’t really think that’s why Jack is helping you, do you? He’s passionate about his beliefs, but he’s not a zealot.”
Which meant something far more powerful was motivating him. He’d told her he was gambling something he shouldn’t, but Ardra wasn’t ready to deal with that yet.
“This isn’t easy for Jack,” Terrah said quietly. “I don’t believe in these military interrogations, and I won’t defend what he’s done to you. But I will tell you that he is a good man.”
“I believe you.” Ardra had already figured that out for herself.
“The attack on Bok-10 last year cemented his allegiance to the Roimiran cause,” Terrah continued. “Jack did an interview broadcast—part of a PR campaign to give us precepts a better image.”
Something niggled at the back of Ardra’s brain, but she kept listening.
“The Tetch used the transmission as cover to move in close to the planet and then invaded. Jack’s superintendent ordered him to evacuate since he was too valuable to lose. The man was later captured, tortured and put to death by the Tetch. Although Jack has never admitted it, I know he feels guilty about that. A large part of him wanted to stay and fight.”
“If it was a full-scale invasion, there was nothing one man could do.” Although Ardra could picture Jack wanting to play the hero. “Can precepts even fight? With their minds, I mean?”
Terrah studied her for a moment before she answered. “Not effectively. We might be able to stop a handful of soldiers, maybe put them to sleep or plant the suggestion to go elsewhere, but as you said, there’s nothing to do in the face of a whole army.”
“I don’t want anyone to die.” Ardra met her gaze. “If it was a simple matter of turning over the strike coordinates, I would, but I’m not even sure I have them.”
“You won’t know for certain until you recover all your memories.”
That was all Terrah said, and Ardra liked that the woman didn’t try to pressure her. Maybe Jack had warned her not to, or maybe it was because Terrah was a healer.
“I’m remembering more and more,” Ardra confided.
“That’s good.”
“I think I’m married.” She blurted out this revelation before she could think better of it. It was something that had been bothering her.
“You think?” Terrah looked at her, but there was no trace of mockery in her tone. “You don’t know for sure?”
“I know I was married, but then where is Stevin? Why can’t I remember?”
The healer reached over and rubbed her shoulder. “The Tetch are very good at burying memories with their programming. A traumatic experience can also have the same effect. Since you were an unwilling carrier, I think it’s safe to say you’ve suffered both.”
“I wish I knew the truth. I should know whether I’m still married or n
ot, shouldn’t I?”
For the first time, Terrah seemed to hesitate. “Yes, you should. I don’t have the details, but I can tell you Jack was able to find out that your husband is dead. I’m sorry.”
Ardra stopped walking as a sick wave of sadness washed over her. She was even more struck by what she didn’t feel.
“I should be shocked,” she said. “I should be surprised, but I’m not. I think somehow I knew that.”
“That’s a painful memory,” Terrah said, “so it’s no wonder you buried it. I’m sorry I was the one to tell you. Usually it’s healthier to let that sort of knowledge emerge on its own as you uncover your true memories. But I agree a woman should know her own marital status.”
“Thank you.” Ardra was glad Terrah had told her. She had never thought she would be a widow, especially at her age, yet with the sorrow came a strange sort of relief. Now she was free to love whomever she wanted.
They turned and started walking back toward the house, where she could see Jack waiting on the patio.
Terrah must have seen him too. “He’s worried about you,” she pointed out. “Before we join him, there is something I’d like to mention. I know your relationship with Jack is…complicated. If you’d like to try to recover your memories with someone else, I would be happy to work with you.”
“I appreciate that.” Ardra was grateful for the offer, especially since she knew Terrah had no motive but the desire to help. “I think I’ll keep working with Jack for now.”
Terrah smiled. “He’s a good choice.”
Her tone suggested she thought he was a good choice in more ways than one.
Jack watched as the two women reentered his house. Whatever they had discussed, they both looked serious, but Ardra didn’t seem upset.
“Have a nice walk?” he asked.
“Yes, we did.” Terrah gave him a stern look and switched to telepathy. “You haven’t told her she’s a precept.”
“You know I can’t do that,” he replied.
“Can’t or won’t?” She walked past him and headed for the front door. “If you want my advice, tell her how you feel about her and let her know what she really is. As a precept, the power she needs is inside her. Forget about being a hero and be a sidekick, Jack. Why don’t you give that a try?”
A Stellar Affair Page 13
