Urk and Will were also watching the play very carefully.
They had written the script by guessing what the monsters would do when they arrived on stage – so the story would match the action and the audience would believe it was a play. So far it was working, but they still needed Rumblefart to deliver his grand finale on cue to pull the whole thing off.
‘ “The test King Rumblefart set for the princesses was to name his favourite flower,” ’ said Will, hoping Miffni and Pong Pong would fall for the bait and remind the Windbag of his gas-filled belly. ‘ “And the one who could name it would become his queen and rule his scary kingdom.” ’
Miffni and Pong Pong paused in mid hair-pull and racked their brains for the answer to the riddle – each believing that whoever answered correctly would be chosen by Rumblefart.
The audience hushed and Urk and Will held their breath.
‘STINKYPINKS!’ Miffni and Pong Pong yelled together.
At the mention of the foul blooms, Rumblefart, who was beginning to exhaust himself with so many different scare positions, suddenly remembered his grand finale. Grown-up fleshblobs were obviously immune to face frights and roars, but no one could ignore a beastly bottom-blast from a Windbag full of Stinkypinks!
‘ “When Miffni and Pong Pong gave their answer, King Rumblefart considered it very carefully,” ’ said Will, as Rumblefart turned his back on the audience and slowly bent over until his bottom was high in the air. ‘ “And he answered them in a very peculiar way …” ’
HONK! HONK! HOOOOOONK! went the enormous fart, making the stage rattle and the curtain flap. It was also very long and loud as the Windbag squeezed out all of his gas, leaving the bloated monster looking like a shrivelled pear.
Rumblefart was very pleased with the tremendous fart volume, until he glanced back into the audience to find them not only still seated, but smiling with delight at the rosy scent and applauding the amazing special effects.
‘ “Rumblefart’s favourite flowers were, of course, ROSES!” ’ said Will, as the pleasant perfume wafted back on to the stage, making the Monster Mob frown as it filled their nostrils. ‘ “So the king didn’t marry anyone and everyone went home.” ’
Urk and Will both crossed their fingers as the Monster Mob sniffed. The Pong Plot would only work if the monsters were disgusted by the sweet rosy scent, making them turn against their leader.
‘YUCK!’ they all gasped, gagging and screwing up their faces.
Miffni and Pong Pong were the first to leave. The fighting friends were so appalled by the smell that they immediately went off Rumblefart, nudging the deflated Windbag aside as they stormed through the red curtain arm in arm. Then the smaller members of the Monster Mob quickly hurried after them, embarrassed and worried for their own scary status.
Urk and Will held their breath and watched the one remaining monster, wondering what would happen next. The Pong Plot had all gone according to plan, but they had no idea what the leader would do without his mob.
Abandoned by his followers, the saggy, baggy Rumblefart stood alone in the spotlight, looking angry and confused. But where an experienced adult monster might have pounced into the audience or wrecked the school – the teenage Windbag simply huffed away in a massive sulk, his bottom lip quivering as he fought the urge to bawl like a baby.
Urk quickly flicked on some jolly music and nodded to his friend.
‘ “And they all lived HAPPILY EVER AFTER!” ’ exclaimed Will.
11
Take a Bow
As the audience cheered and clapped and whistled, Urk and Will slipped backstage to make sure the monsters were all gone. Only when they were certain the coast was clear did they take off their tree costumes.
‘I can’t believe we just got away with that!’ gasped Will.
‘I know,’ said Urk. ‘Grown-ups really don’t believe in monsters, huh?’
‘Lucky for us!’ said Will, and then frowned as something nagged at his thoughts. ‘But I’ve got a strange feeling we’ve forgotten something important.’
‘The kids barricaded in the classroom?’ Urk suggested, as they made their way down the corridor. ‘You still have to find a way of convincing them to take credit for a school play they never even saw.’
‘Yeah, maybe that’s it,’ said Will, and then stopped by a broom closet when he heard the sound of sobbing coming from inside. ‘Someone’s in there!’ he whispered to Urk. ‘Quick, you’d better hide!’
The young monster ducked into an alcove as Will lifted the latch and opened the door. Having no idea who or what he might find hiding inside, he did this very slowly and got ready to run.
‘Miss Star!’ he gasped, when he saw a familiar silhouette cowering in the darkness. But when the light flooded in from the corridor he noticed that his teacher’s head wasn’t exactly how he remembered it.
It was blobby and spotty, with two feelers drooping sadly.
‘You’re the undercover monster!’ Will gasped, waving Urk out from his hiding place. ‘I knew we’d forgotten something! It was the true identity of Rumblefart’s insider!’
Urk and Will stood in the hallway as Miss Star stepped into the light, looking like a regular teacher from the neck down – but with the head of a thin, female Windbag. She was mopping her three eyes with a wad of soggy tissues.
‘So you were in on it with Rumblefart!’ said Urk.
‘I didn’t want to,’ sobbed the monster teacher. ‘He’s my mean little brother who found out about the play by accident! Rumblefart threatened to tell everyone I was a horrible monster if I didn’t help him, and I didn’t want to leave the children …’
‘So you left them to the Monster Mob instead?’ accused Will.
‘No!’ she gasped. ‘I was planning to stop him, but he must have suspected something because a big brute with hair-bunches ambushed me and shut me in the broom cupboard!’
‘Tentacles or hooves?’ asked Urk.
‘Excuse me?’ asked the teacher.
‘Did she have tentacles or hooves?’ Urk repeated.
‘Er, I think she had hooves,’ frowned Miss Star.
‘That was Miffni,’ Urk confessed. ‘My mean little sister.’
‘I’ve never heard of a monster living full-time as a human,’ said Will, who had worked out that while other monsters used fleshblob suits to scare children, Miss Star was obviously using hers to educate them. And rather than being scary, she was one of his kindest teachers in the school.
‘Oh, there are a few of us around,’ said the Windbag, and then smiled as she looked back and forth between Urk and his fleshblob friend. ‘Not all monsters want to be scary, as I’m sure you both already know.’
‘Well, we got rid of Rumblefart for you,’ said Urk, quickly changing the subject. ‘And I don’t think he’ll be trying anything again, not without his Monster Mob.’
‘How did you do it?’ asked Miss Star, and seeing the strange look her student was giving her, she quickly pulled on her fleshblob mask and tidied her hair.
‘There isn’t time to explain,’ said Will, feeling more comfortable talking to his teacher with a human head. ‘All you need to know is that the parents saw a great show, with some very clever costumes and a bit of a rubbish ending.’
‘And the children?’ gasped Miss Star.
‘They’ve locked themselves in the changing room,’ said Will, scratching his head. ‘Do you think you can get them all on the stage to take a bow, and maybe tell them that it was Grant Butcher who scared them?’
‘Yes, of course,’ said the teacher. ‘And where’s Grant Butcher?’
‘You’ll probably have to search for him,’ said Urk. ‘He ran off when he saw your brother.’
‘Oh dear,’ said Miss Star, and then pulled her shoulders back and straightened her jacket. ‘It looks like I have a lot of very inventive explaining to do.’
Urk and Will nodded, and then left Miss Star to begin tying up the loose ends of the Pong Plot. As they proceeded towards the hidden
doorway in the canteen, Urk reassured Will that a monster living full-time as a fleshblob would have to be pretty good at thinking on her feet.
12
An Evening of Entertainment
‘BOO!’ said Urk, jumping from the wardrobe and dumping his rucksack on the floor. The young monster then collapsed in the beanbag next to his friend. After two evenings spent working on the Rumblefart case, he was looking forward to catching up on some TV.
‘ARGH!’ said Will. ‘What’s up?’
‘My sister is staying at Pong Pong’s for a whole week!’ Urk grinned.
‘So they’re not chasing after Rumblefart any more?’ asked Will.
‘No,’ said Urk. ‘They’ve gone back to having very long conversations about different flavours of lipgloss.’
‘Any sign of the teenage Windbag?’ asked Will.
‘No. I think he’s probably gone into hiding out of total embarrassment,’ laughed Urk, and then suddenly remembered the second Windbag. ‘But what about his sister? How did Miss Star get on after I left?’
‘My classmates thought they’d be in trouble for missing the school play, and that their parents would be disappointed,’ said Will. ‘But Miss Star whisked them on to the stage in time for a standing ovation, and afterwards I helped her track down Grant Butcher.’
‘Where was he?’ asked Urk.
‘Hiding in a tree!’ laughed Will, remembering the cardboard head peeping out from the branches. ‘Miss Star managed to coax him down, once she convinced him that there’re no such things as monsters.’
‘If only he knew!’ laughed Urk. ‘And Miss Star got to keep her job?’
‘Even better,’ said Will, reaching down the back of his beanbag and pulling out the evening paper. ‘She got such a rave review for Beauty and the Beast that the school made her head of the drama department.’
‘So I guess plays can be fun after all,’ said Will.
‘Yeah,’ said Urk, grabbing a bag of crisps and pouring out two glasses of orange squash. ‘But I’d still rather watch TV!’
‘Me too,’ agreed Will, with a chocolate bar in one hand and the remote control in the other. ‘It’s a lot less trouble!’ he sighed, as they both flopped back for a quiet evening in.
Monsterbook: Rumblefart and the Beastly Bottom Page 4
