by A Zukowski
RED
ALEX INSTRUCTS DEX as he’s being led from the
hospital. “Chris’s phone should still be in the flat.
Call Chris’s mum. Her name’s Annette. And call
Liam.”
Coach stares at the sea of officers’ black escorting
Alex away. They must have thought he would resist
arrest and become violent. Alex would never fight
the police when he knew he’d done wrong.
Dex approaches the nurses’ station again and asks
about the progress of Chris’s surgery. When they
learn that Dex is neither a relative nor close friend,
they refuse to give him further information and
suggest he contact Chris’s relatives. Without any
option, Dex goes to Alex’s flat.
Their flatmates are appalled by the incident.
Alberto refers to Paul. “That twat. We’ll chuck all
his stuff out. I don’t think he will dare to come
back.”
Dmitri frowns. “Do you need anything else for
Chris?”
Dex shakes his head. “I don’t know. The police
took Alex from the hospital to the station. He didn’t
tell me to contact his family. He asked me to come
here and find Annette and Liam. I’m not sure what
Chris might need.” Coach is a practical man and he
wants to help, but at this moment in time, he feels
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out of his depth.
Alberto says, “To be honest, we don’t know much
about Alex. He keeps himself to himself. Chris is the
one who’s closest to him, y’know? They’re like…
really good friends.”
Dmitri tuts. “Man. You can say it. They fucking
sleep together.”
Coach forces a smile. “Yeah, it’s okay. I know.
Don’t think because I’m an old man I won’t
understand these things. I didn’t know Alex liked
men since he was married and all, but I’m not
prejudiced.”
Alberto shakes his head. “No, no. I wasn’t trying
to hide their relationship or anything like that, but I
didn’t know for sure.”
“None of this ‘special friend’ bullshit. Alex is
Chris’s boyfriend,” Dmitri informs the older man.
The Italian nods. He rubs his neck and comments
with fascination on his face. “Anyhoo, I can’t believe
this kind of thing could happen in our flat. It’s like
an episode of TV drama! First the paparazzi, then a
shootout. Under our roof!”
Dmitri gives him an eye-roll. “I don’t think Dex
has the time for that shit, Al.”
Dex looks at his watch. “Sorry, but he’s right. I’m
meeting Liam and Annette at the hospital. I’d better
head back in case Chris woke up from the operation.
I’ll let you know if there’s any development. Thank
you, my friends.”
Alberto says, “I didn’t do anything. I may go to
see Chris when he’s a bit better. Text us the details,
please?”
“Okay.” Alberto and Dex exchange numbers
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before Dex shakes their hands and rushes back to
the hospital.
~~~
“The surgery was successful. He’s very lucky. The
shot went through here.”
The doctor points to a poster of the body on the
wall. The cartridge grazed the left side of their waist,
as Alex told Coach. “The bullet missed vital organs,
which is good, but he’s lost a fair amount of blood.
The wound is clean. We’ll monitor him over the next
three to five days to see how he is healing, to make
sure there’s no infection.”
Dex nods numbly. Annette starts crying with
relief. He puts his arm around her shoulder to
comfort her.
Liam asks the surgeon, “When is Chris likely to
wake up?”
The doctor glances at the clock on the wall. “I’d
say in the next hour or so. He’ll be very tired,
though, so you can’t stay long. I hope none of you
are currently ill.”
They shake their heads.
The surgeon dismisses them. “Okay, the nurses at
the recovery room will issue you with scrubs and
hats. You can have a few minutes with him.”
Annette dabs her face with a tissue. She’s as
dolled up coming to the hospital as usual, but her
concern for Chris seems genuine enough.
It feels as though they wait for hours until a nurse
comes out of the ward. “Christoph’s visitors? You
can go in now. Keep it down and please don’t touch
him for now.” She distributes the protective clothes
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and makes them all sterilise their hands.
Liam can’t believe how pale Chris looks. Tubes
and IV lines snake from their arms and under the
blanket covering their body to the humming
monitors and drips. Their eyes are closed.
Annette approaches first. “Chris darling,” she
whispers.
Chris opens their eyes, but they’re glazed, as
though they don’t know where they are yet.
Liam approaches his friend. “Chris. How are you
feeling, mate?”
Chris moves but then flinches. “Alex?”
Liam and Dex exchange looks. “Alex is not here at
the moment. It’s me, Liam. Dex and your mum are
here too. Do you want your mum?”
Chris closes their eyes again, suffering from the
lingering effects of the anaesthetic and exhaustion.
Their voice is low and weak. “Alex. I want Alex.” A
single tear falls from the corner of their eye.
Annette gazes at Dex, who nods in support. “Alex
had to report to the police station. How are you
feeling, sweetie?”
“Why are you here?” Chris responds, their eyes
hooded. “I want Alex. Why is he with the police?”
Dex comes forward. “He’ll come to see you as
soon as he can.” He looks around to make sure the
nurses are out of earshot before whispering, “Chris,
the police will want to speak to you as soon as
you’re better. Remember you didn’t know who fired
the shot. It wasn’t Ryan. Will you do that? It’s
important.”
Chris watches Coach and forces the words out. “I
didn’t see who.”
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“No, you didn’t.”
Understanding flickers in Chris’s eyes.
A nurse knocks and comes in at that moment.
“He’ll need to rest now. You can come back later,
but I don’t think the patient is going to be very
responsive today. He’ll be better tomorrow. Why
don’t you come back then? Visiting hours for the
ward are two to nine.”
Dex goes home to change. Liam and Annette stay
on, but Chris sleeps until visiting hours are over.
~~~
“Where’s Alex?” Chris asks Liam as soon as he
arrives the next day. Chris’s eyes are more open and
alert, though their face remains pale as the hospital
bedsheet.
Liam spoke to Annette the night before. It’s
Liam’s call how much he’s going to tel
l Chris, not
that they know much about what’s going on with
Alex since his arrest. Liam leans forward to talk in a
low voice.
“Alex was arrested for assault. That’s why you
have to keep his ex-in-laws’ family happy, okay?”
He turns around to check if anyone can hear them,
just in case.
Chris shifts in bed and winces with the pain. “The
police have kept him?”
Liam sighs. “He hasn’t come back. I’ll ask Coach
to contact his family, to see if they know anything.
I’m sorry, mate.”
Chris grabs hold of Liam’s hand, their palms cold
and clammy. “Are they going to send him back to
prison?”
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Liam hurts for Chris. “I don’t know.” He squeezes
Chris’s hand. He has never seen them like this,
caring about one of their lovers with all their heart.
The hospitalised Chris has been stripped bare of
their bullshit. With their pale face and fragile limbs,
Chris looks like a frightened child lost in a busy
place.
Desperate tears fall down their face. “Please, can
you find out what has happened to him? Promise?”
Liam nods. Chris has always been there for him
when he was homeless and struggling with his
addiction. He must do everything he can for his
friend now.
~~~
Alex contacted Dex from police custody.
“They want to charge him with grievous bodily
harm,” Dex tells Liam. “Ryan wouldn’t cooperate
with the police, so they’ve got nothing on Alex. Both
Alex and Chris would have told them they didn’t
know who fired the shot.”
Liam’s brows furrow. “So, why are they keeping
Alex?”
Dex sighs. “Parole violation. He was suspected of
a serious crime and it was enough. Come on. They
know Alex beat Ryan up, and they also know Ryan
or one of his men shot Chris.”
“So, why are they harassing Alex? Don’t they have
a criminal to catch?” Liam purses his lips.
“Because they can’t bother Samuel Taylor, his son
or his men.”
Liam’s mind is musical, not legal or criminal, and
none of this makes sense to him. “What’s going to
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happen to Alex?”
“The parole board will make a decision. They
might have already. Alex only called me once after
his arrest.”
“What does that mean?”
Dex sighs. “They might send Alex back to prison.”
“What a clusterfuck!” Liam wants advice from
Coach. “What do you think I should say to Chris?”
“You know him. How is he going to react if you
tell him the truth?”
“Coach, Chris loves Alex. They always put on a
brave face, pretending they didn’t give a shit about
anyone. This is… Chris is finally showing their true
emotions. You tell me how they’re gonna be.”
~~~
Alex has been through this before, but it doesn’t
make it easier. Unlike last time, there’s no crown
court hearing, no barristers, no media circuit or the
scrutinising eyes of the families he hurt. He met
with the parole board and his probation officer in a
small office. That was all.
They explained that a fixed-term recall of twenty-
eight days was the minimum. Four long weeks.
He doesn’t care that they have revoked his
licence, but he desperately wants to stay with Chris,
to see them wake up and know they’re all right. The
sense of complete powerlessness within the legal
system only adds to his despair.
The police have been observing him.
Suicide watch.
A bench sits to one side of the holding cell, and
it’s covered by a plastic blue sheet. A washbasin
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occupies the other wall. Hard concrete floor and
discoloured tiles surround him. Alex needs his
medication, but he won’t get it until they transfer
him to prison. He has to see the doctor there, who
will no doubt treat him like the scum he is. Alex
stays on the narrow bed, his mind occupied with
thoughts of how he has endangered Chris. In his
brief call to Dex, Coach assured him that Chris
would be fine, but it doesn’t stop the all-consuming
guilt.
The frantic fight for vengeance and Chris’s
bloodied body play in his mind all day long.
If there were something, anything, in the cell, he
might have done it. The world is clearly better off
without him. The thought of never seeing Chris’s
brilliant smile, though, is also killing him. Alex
drowns in a whirlwind of mixed emotions. In
between, he loses track of time and where he is.
The heavy door whooshes open; harsh light from
the corridor hurts him as if his brain has burst. Alex
hides his head under his hands. Where’s the fresh
blood from? It covers his knuckles. Three burly
guards charge in and grab him. Alex struggles
against them, so they hold him and press him down,
pushing his face hard against the cold concrete floor
that smells of detergent and bleach. Dazed, he sees
white spots. His nose throbs with a dull pain from
the way the guards are restraining him. They
handcuff him with his arms behind his back, cutting
into his wrists, but they would have done so ‘for his
own protection’.
Alex is exhausted from his jumbled thoughts,
from the emptiness of the cell, from the constant
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darkness that hangs around him like a millstone.
One of the policemen must have been a rookie
because another has been speaking to him as if Alex
was not there. “This one is waiting for psychiatric
assessment, but since he’s being transferred
tomorrow, he’ll be seen by the prison psych. Our job
is to keep him alive here.”
To keep him alive. Alex wishes he could feel alive,
too.
As the metal door slams and locks, Alex’s heart
sinks further. He wishes they’d been more violent,
to punish him for what he has done to Chris.
Heavy footsteps move away, but Alex can hear the
young policeman ask, “Was that Alex Whale? He
looked rough.”
“Yeah, he was recalled…”
Alex closes his eyes to shut out the mix of
expressed pity and disgust in the officers’
conversation. At least Chris can’t see me like this.
By the time Alex is transferred back to prison, he
is numbed and dazed, though nothing can take
away the pain inside. He needs to carry on. He must
get to the other end. His only worry isn’t whether
he’ll survive prison, but how Chris is doing.
A week later, the prison psychologist assesses him
as a low-suicide risk. Alex doesn’t agree with the
diagnosis, but she gives him his antidepressants.
Three weeks more, he’s a free man again.
~~~
&
nbsp; The closing of the gate behind him sounds final.
Alex remembers last time, when he was completely
hollowed out and Gary took him home and tried to
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ply him with drinks, making him more desperate for
calm and sanity. Then he met Chris that first night
when they had the incredible and elegant dance up
the stairs. Even in the dark, she was so radiant to
him that he couldn’t take his eyes off her.
Alex’s stomach knots as he steps out into fresh
air, but his apprehension eases when he sees Chris.
She’s waiting by Coach’s car, wearing a long-sleeved
plain cream and blue dress. Sharp features on her
pale face with only a hint of pink on her cheeks and
lips, she looks like a movie star—classic Hollywood
Hepburn or Kelly. Alex gazes hard at Chris because
he can see beyond the surface, beyond the way Chris
dresses. The person beneath is so pure that she’s
willing to trade her life for his. So pure that Alex
cannot match. He gasps.
Chris smiles and the clouds dissipate.
She was discharged from hospital after four days
but immobile for another ten. In the four weeks
inside, Alex managed to call Chris twice, but by the
time she was well enough to arrange a visit, he was
about to be released. Twenty-eight days have been
far too long, like a lifetime compacted into a feature
film. The emotions trapped behind bars now flood
Alex, making him shiver.
Alex grabs Chris and kisses her, closing his eyes
to inhale her unique spice and sweet jasmine. When
they part, their eyes lock and Chris smiles again.
“I missed you so much.” Alex touches her face to
make sure she’s there, that this isn’t all an illusion.
Even though twenty-eight days was finite, Alex had
worried that a mysterious force was going to keep
them apart.
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Interruptus.
Chris is there in the flesh, right in front of him.
“Missed you too. It feels like we’re on a film set.
I’m playing the gangster’s moll collecting her man
from jail.” Chris angles her head.
“Don’t say that. It’s not fucking funny. I’m no
gangster and I have no intention of committing
another crime for the rest of my life,” Alex whispers,
tears swimming in his eyes.
Coach coughs behind them.
Chris stands aside. Alex blinks to control his
feelings and gives Dex a bear hug.
“Good to see you, son.” Moments like this, he
wishes Dex was his father. “Let’s get you lovebirds
home.”
