by A Zukowski
and pink. Chris smiles and pecks the teenager’s
cheeks. Alex has gone out earlier to travel to the
competition with Coach and Devan and a few other
kids from the club.
Jess’s stepdad and mum are currently separated,
and a social worker is working with the family. Jess
receives some counselling and support. She still
struggles a little with school. She continues to go to
the youth club and she bonds with Chris, who
carries on her voluntary work after starting college.
Chris absolutely loves her voluntary work. Jess’s
mum lets her go to see Chris and Alex every now
and then. They’ve been to the cinema and gone for a
walk. Sometimes Chris cooks a simple dinner at
home when the teenager visits and they watch TV or
a film afterwards.
The community hall is packed with friends and
families of the competitors, all aspirant boxers from
different London clubs. It’s Devan’s first big match
and he’s understandably nervous. Alex and Dex
have intensified his training in the last few weeks
until they are sure that Devan is in his best possible
shape. This is a test for the whole club as though the
matches will be a testament to both Devan’s skills
and Alex’s training.
Jess and Chris don’t know what to expect but
they’re excited by the exhilarating atmosphere.
“Is someone going to bleed to death?” Jess asks
Chris.
Chris smiles. “I hope not. These are boxers not
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Roman gladiators. No, they won’t let them get to
that stage. The referee will separate the boys if they
get too heated and dangerous to each other. There
are rules!”
Jess grins, pleased to hear it.
The boxers have already been through the initial
rounds of selection, so Devan’s first match is the
quarter-final. He’s against a kid who’s about the
same size and build, but Alex recognises
straightaway that Devan’s opponent is not as
technically accomplished. Devan’s footwork is
excellent, and his hooks and punches spot on, all
thanks to his trainer. Devan soon dispatches the
other teenager. Chris almost feels sorry for the kid
who lost. The other teams are throwing glances at
them, envious of Devan’s famous coach.
Devan comes from a single-parent family. His
mum and three younger siblings are all there to
cheer him on. After Devan’s first win, Jess and Chris
and Devan’s family all hug as though they’ve known
each other forever.
The semi-final excites the crowd just as much.
After the previous match, Devan’s confidence comes
in leaps and bounds. Three rounds to determine the
winner. Devan makes good use of the short time
and knocks the opponent down twice, completely
dominating the fight.
Devan’s final is more of a challenge since his
opponent is a bigger and older boy. Alex calmly
prepares Devan for the fight and reassures him as
he talks to the youngster by the ring, whispering
into his ear. Alex and Coach put the head guard on
Devan and ensure his gloves are worn properly.
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Chris has seen boxing matches on the television,
though it’s not something that she paid attention to
before. Jess is nervous and excited at the same time.
She is so invested in Devan’s fight that, when he
gets hit during an early round of the final, she
winces and hides behind Chris, too afraid to see
what’s going on. But after a few seconds, she comes
out again because she has to see the rest of the
match.
Devan soon regains the upper hand. After more
pep talk by Alex, he changes from being defensive to
attacking. His quick footwork serves him well. He
soon starts to strike out, using his powerful right
hook with purpose and strategy to beat his older
and more experienced opponent. His entire family
jump up and down as though he has won the world
championship.
Alex has told Chris a little about Devan. Like
many other kids who go to the free classes at the
club, Devan’s mum is poor. She works part-time
and has to feed four children, so it’s not easy. Being
the oldest, Devan is most aware of the family’s
financial situation. The teenager is truly grateful for
Dex and Alex who have supported him through the
training, showing how they believe in him.
Alex has always said that training the kids is part
of giving back. When Devan wins, he must enjoy the
sensation of triumph, too.
A total of nine minutes to decide between the two
junior boxers. Chris thinks there’s something
wonderfully simple in the game of boxing, a little
like Alex Blue himself.
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~~~
Why has Annette asked her to meet up in
Hackney? The area is not her usual hangout. Chris
rushes over in a taxi in case it’s an emergency. The
café sits in the middle of a line of run-down shops: a
corner store, mobile repairs and a small beauty
salon. She walks in, braced for her mother’s usual
antics.
Chris does a double-take, almost doesn’t
recognise her mum. Annette is immaculately made
up but the pale pink blouse and pencil skirt are so
conservative that Chris wonders for a moment if
she’s looking at the wrong person.
She pecks Annette’s face and slides into the
opposite bench in the booth. “What’s up?”
Chris considers Annette intently again. Whoa.
She seems ten years younger and looks much better
for it. Annette had her young, so she’s about forty-
seven or eight. It says something that Chris doesn’t
know her mother’s birth year.
“I should ask you the same. Have you shacked up
with Alex Whale and forgotten all about your old
mum?”
If Chris had been drinking, she would have
spluttered. Mum? Annette hasn’t used the word in
years. Or ever. Old mum?
“Did something drastic happen?”
Annette laughs. Her tongue is as acidic as Chris’s.
“Fuck you, Chris. I found a job. That’s what.”
Chris’s eyes widen. “Like a proper job?” There’s
hope for humanity if an ex-porn star and glamour
model like Annette can find work.
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The waitress comes along and Chris orders a
coffee. One kind. No choice of sizes, flavours and
foams. It seems that gentrification has escaped
some small corners of London after all. Chris
smirks.
Annette clears her throat. “I’m the receptionist
next door: Molly’s Hair and Beauty.” A modicum of
pride appears on her face.
There really is hope for humanity. Chris stares at
Annette with wide eyes.
“Molly’s a friend and I’m on trial. I won’t mess
up, though. I’m
not taking anything or drinking,
either. I’ve been going to AA and that ‘twelve steps’
programme since my stomach pump.” She sips tea
from a mug, swallows and gazes at Chris, who waits
for her to continue.
“When you were at the hospital, I realised I could
lose you, and you’d lose me. The two of us. It’s
always been that, hasn’t it? Men come and go, but
you’ve been there for me all along despite
everything. I can see it now. I’m a useless bitch but
I’m going to try. I really am.” Annette has her hands
on the Formica surface and she stares at them
rather than looks at her child.
Chris glances away, aghast. She’s been waiting for
this apology for a long time.
Now
that
she’s
started,
Annette
seems
determined to get it all out. “Your face when you
were in the hospital bed and we told you Alex wasn’t
there. It jolted me out of my misery. I’ve never seen
you like that. You learned to be cold and heartless,
Chris, and it was all my fault. The desperation on
your face showed that you well and truly love Alex.
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You deserve to be loved. You’re fearless, Chris. All
those times when you got roughed up and you just
bounced back. My gorgeous, pretty, funny,
incredible kid.”
Annette stops, choked by her tears. She finds a
piece of tissue and dabs at her eyes.
“The only thing you were good at was you never
questioned my gender or sexuality.” Chris’s voice is
throaty, too, overcome by the emotive bubbles
rising up. She was only bullied and misunderstood
at school, but Annette always accepted her. “The
rest of it, you fucking sucked.”
Annette nods. “I know. Deep down, you’re
beautiful, whoever you are.”
With tears falling down her face, too, Chris
mumbles, “Your make-up will run like that. Hope
you get staff discount.”
Chris has a little blue eye make-up on, but she’s
too raw to worry about a small detail like smudged
eyeliner.
Annette smiles and shakes her head. “So, are you
going to tell me what you’ve been up to? You two
moved, right?”
Chris tells her about their new apartment, smiling
widely whenever she mentions Alex’s name. She
talks about college and the youth club.
By the time Annette has to get back to work, Chris
has come to accept the fact that she is close to her
mother. They are two positives. No wonder they
always fight because they are too similar in so many
ways.
“Are you still taking clients?” Annette asks her.
“Yeah, mostly regulars when I have to. Alex is
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working three jobs. I worry about him doing too
much.”
Chris finds her packet of cigarettes, takes one out,
ready for a smoke outside. She pays the waitress for
their drinks.
Annette considers Chris’s face again before
speaking. “One of the reasons I asked you to come
today—I don’t want you to transfer the five hundred
to me every month anymore. I should be ashamed
of myself, of living off you for the past twenty years.
When Jimmy left me, he paid for the house and it’s
mine now. So, I don’t want you to worry about me. I
want you to have a new life with your man. Try not
to sell yourself if you can. I’ve got a couple of
thousands in savings. You can have it, too. It’s not
much. Get that qualification and get out while
you’re still young.”
More tears are threatening to surge, so Chris
closes her eyes to control herself. She opens them
again when she’s calm enough. “We’ll be okay, Alex
and me. We’ll look after each other. But I’m your
kid. I won’t quit you, either, no matter how much
you fucked me over.”
Annette grimaces. “I know. I’m sorry. I’ll be all
right too. Promise. That’s why I want you to think
about yourself and be happy. That’ll make me
happy, okay?”
She reaches out and shakes Chris’s loose fist
across the table. Chris looks away to hide her
feelings.
“You can come to see our flat if you like,” Chris
offers outside the café before they part ways. “When
you happen by, doing your shopping or whatever.
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Don’t trouble yourself.”
Annette says, cutting through Chris’s bullshit. “I’ll
come by. I’d love to visit.”
~~~
Alex remembers the smell of the hospital when he
was last here. He was so scared that Chris wasn’t
going to make it. Two partners would have died
because of him. The shock of the events with Ryan
Taylor stays with him, immersed into his
nightmares. When he got the phone call today, his
stomach sank. How many more times will he be
visiting hospitals and be scared to death for his
loved ones?
Once they find Dex’s bed, the entire area seems
too small because of the sizes and heights of Alex
and Chris. Some of Dex’s numerous relatives drift
off to leave, to give them some space, leaving
Coach’s wife Paula and their oldest son Dael.
Dex tries to sit up by himself but Paula rushes
forward to help him. He eyes Alex and Chris.
“What’s this? I’m not fucking dying.”
Alex shrugs. “Can’t we come to see you unless
you’re on the way out?”
Dex laughs; his face has gathered more lines
overnight. Alex glances over to Chris and frowns.
“I saw that,” Dex complains. “I had a little funny
turn. There’s nothing to worry about.”
Dael tuts rather loudly. “Mum found you
unconscious in the flower bed. I wouldn’t call that
nothing, Dad!”
“What did the doctors say?” Alex asks.
Dex grimaces. “They’ve run some tests. Pre-
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cautionary. They said it’s my blood pressure. I don’t
think they’ll need to keep me in for too much
longer.”
Paula interjects, “Let the doctors decide on that,
shall we?” She exchanges one of those looks with
Dex—the kind that shows a private understanding
between long-term partners. She regards Dael, too,
for a moment.
Coach clears his throat. Chris instinctively grabs
Alex’s hand and squeezes.
“I need to leave the club to you, Alex. This lot’s
been telling me to retire for the past five years. I
don’t want to, but I can’t die on the job.”
Dael hoots. “About bloody time.”
Alex swallows and gazes at Chris, who gives him a
thumb up. Alex owes Dex and the children. He will
make it work with Chris’s support.
Alex promises. “Sure, I’ll take it on. I’ll take on
the world if you ask me, Coach.”
>
~~~
Chris steps into the sunshine after their class.
They are itching to have a cigarette but they desist.
It’s not good to have traces of tobacco around
babies and toddlers. Fuck’s sake, the sacrifices for
my career.
Willpower, that’s what they need. As they’re
pondering about a new life if they ever get through
the course, a shadow appears in front of them
blocking out the slanting sun.
Chris glances up, their dirty blonde hair turns a
shade lighter.
“I’ve come to meet my boyfriend.” Alex’s beam
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spreads, so deep in affection it makes Chris
shudder.
“Who’s your boyfriend?” Chris switches their
messenger bag to their other shoulder and takes off
walking. Their facial muscles strain from trying not
to smile. They push up their black-framed glasses, a
new addition to help them read. They make Chris’s
eyes seem even bigger.
Alex follows Chris and, with his long gaits,
catches up in no time. “You’re not my girlfriend
today. Shall I call you the person I shack up with?”
He presents Chris with a single black rose. Chris
has forgotten all about Valentine’s Day—it’s not a
day Chris celebrated with anyone.
Romance. Tuts.
Chris laughs. “I don’t care. Boy and girl. I want to
be your everything.” They accept the flower and
glance at Alex sideways. Their insides melt at the
sight of the big man.
“Thank you. I love you, Alex.”
There. Chris has never said the words before and
meant them. They are walking so fast as if they are
about to break into a run after that crazy
announcement.
Alex clutches Chris’s arm and stops them from
walking. He pulls Chris into an embrace, surprising
them. “You do?”
Chris turns their palms up as if to offer themself
to Alex. “Yeah, this tingly feeling whenever you’re
around is irritating as hell. I know how fucking
ridiculous I am, and how hard it is to be around me.
If saying whatever I said a minute ago will make you
keep me, then that’s fine. If not, there’s plenty of
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fish in the sea you could love, Alexander. It’s a big
world out there and everything—”
Alex interjects, “You are my everything, Chris. I
am in love with you. I don’t need other fish in the
sea.”
Chris rewards Alex with quiet laughter.
Alex kisses them. “And everything’s going to be
hard but I’m here. Let’s do it together, yeah?”
