by Aron Lewes
As my dad's tears flow over his cheeks, mine do too. I didn't even know I could cry anymore. Apparently, my tear ducts are still intact. “I remember being eight years old and going to Florida on a family trip. You put me on your back and carried me all over the beach. I asked you why it was called a piggyback ride, but you didn't have an answer. And then you ran into the ocean and we almost got knocked over by this really huge wave. I don't know why, but that memory sticks out in my mind. I think that was the moment I realized I'd never love any man more than I love you.”
I wipe my tears and turn to Jophiel. “Don't judge,” I sniffle when I speak. “I know it's silly to talk to them, but--”
“It's not silly,” he interrupts me. “It's not silly at all, sweetheart. Sometimes it's good to pour out your heart like that.”
I get up, kiss my dad on the head, and turn in the direction of the stairs. If my mom's not in the living room, I assume she's upstairs.
“That was quite a speech for your father,” Jophiel comments as he follows me up the stairs. “It's really a shame he couldn't hear it.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “Tell me about it.”
When we enter my mom's room, I'm surprised to find her sleeping. It's almost noon. My mom never slept until it was almost noon. For as long as I was alive, she was always an early riser. Mom was always the one dragging the rest of us out of bed in the morning.
“You look like your mum,” Jophiel observes.
“You think so?” I stand at her bedside, smiling down at her. Her wild brown hair has been tamed into a braid, and her face looks pale and puffy. “People always said we looked alike, but... I don't know. I always thought she was way prettier than me.”
“She looks lovely. But so do you.”
Jophiel's compliment makes my body tense up. Guys never complimented me. Literally never. It's really weird to get my first compliment from a guy as gorgeous as Jophiel.
“Give yourself some credit, Leigh,” Jophiel continues. “You're a very pretty girl.”
“Uh... you think so?”
“Yes. Of course.”
I feel a little intoxicated by his compliments. What do I say? What am I supposed to say right now? Do I tell him he's cute? Is he just trying to be nice? I have a million questions bouncing around in my mind, but they're all swept aside as soon as my mom opens her eyes.
I've always thought she had the most beautiful eyes in the world. It's my mom's eyes that make her prettier than me. They're so green, it's like they're not of this earth. Across the street, we've got a really annoying neighbor who spends way too much time tending to his lawn. My mom's eyes are as green as his over-groomed grass.
Meanwhile, my eyes are the color of mud.
“Mom...” She looks sad, so I sit beside her and rest my cheek on her arm. “Mom, I love you so much, and I'm really sorry I won't be around anymore. It breaks my heart. There was so much more cool stuff I wanted to do with you. So much. I miss watching movies with you. We used to do that all the time, you know. I'd give up anything for another day of movies with mom.”
I start crying again, of course, so I dab my eyes with the back of my hand.
“I wonder what you'd think of Taishi,” I muse. “You used to have a thing for Asian guys, so I'm guessing you'd like him. And well... if I'm being honest, he is pretty cute. But he's also a pain in the butt.”
Maybe I shouldn't be complimenting another guy in front of Jophiel? Oh well.
“Mommy...” I start sobbing when I call her that. I haven't called her Mommy in years. “Mom, I just want you to know you were the best mom in the whole, entire world. I wanted more time with you, but I guess I'm lucky to get those seventeen years, huh? Not a lot of people are lucky enough to get that much time with the best mom in the world, right?”
When I sit up and Jophiel hands me a tissue, I have to chuckle. I'm glad I can't see myself right now. I probably look like a hot mess.
“Anyway... I guess I'm taking off...” I say, sighing as I slide from Mom's bed. She's awake now, but she still hasn't moved. I don't think she could look more depressed if she tried. “I hope I'll get to see you again... someday.”
“You will see her again,” Jophiel promises me as we head to our next destination. “And you'll be able to speak to her again. At least you have the luxury of knowing that. Your family doesn't. Unlike you, they don't know what comes after death.”
“That's true... I guess.” I pause at my sister's door. I think this will be the hardest part. When I was alive, Abby was my world, and I was Abby's world. Not being there for her has been tearing me up inside. “Still, it's really hard to leave them all behind.”
“I know.” Jophiel's hand sympathetically squeezes my shoulder. When I look down at his fingers, I momentarily forget my sorrow. God, he's even got beautiful hands.
When we enter Abby's room, I'm not surprised to see her sitting on the floor with a pile of dolls. As soon as she was old enough to speak, Abby was my constant playmate. That's the good thing about having a sister who's seven years younger than you: it gives you an excuse to play with dolls, even when you're a high schooler.
“Oh, Abby!” I fling myself on the floor beside her and capture her in my arms. “I've missed you so much! I've missed you so, so much!”
Jophiel preemptively hands me another tissue. He already knows what's coming.
“I miss everything we used to do together.” As I speak, I press my lips against my sister's silky hair. “I miss talking about my actor crushes with you. Oh! I got to see Colton Crane! If you knew that, you would just die!”
Abby's in the middle of changing her doll's outfit. As she fusses with the doll's new dress, I hear her sniffling. I wonder if Abby's been crying too?
“You were the best friend in the whole world, Abby!” I whisper into my sister's ear. “You're the best friend I'll ever have. I'll try to watch over you as much as I can, okay? I love you so much!”
Once again, I'm drying my eyes with Jophiel's tissue. I wonder what he's thinking right now. He's probably tired of my tears.
“Is there some way to let her know I'm here?” I ask him.
“No, not really... not unless you want to scare her,” Jophiel replies. “If you make enough of a ruckus, they can sometimes hear you... but I wouldn't advise it. Most humans fear what they cannot see.”
“Yeah.” My arms slide away from my sister. Even though I was hugging her with all my might, she never felt it. “Yeah, you're probably right.”
“Are you ready to go?” Jophiel suddenly asks. “I hate to sound pushy, but I have a very busy schedule, so...”
He does sound pushy. This is the first time I've seen my family since I was crushed by the truck. I feel like he could be a little more sensitive.
“Yeah...” I rise from the ground with a defeated sigh. “Let's go. To be honest, Jophiel... I don't think visiting my family was a good idea. It made me feel worse.”
“Really?” Jophiel sounds surprised.
“Yeah. It made me realize how much I've been missing out on... and how much I'll always be missing out on.” As I follow him out of the house, I can barely drag my feet. I don't think I've ever been this depressed. “It's made me even sadder than I was before. When I was distracted by my mission with Taishi, I barely--”
Speak of the devil. When the front door opens, I see Taishi Nakamura sitting on the front porch.
“Taishi!” I cry. “How long have you been out here?”
“Ever since you arrived,” Taishi replies. He's staring straight ahead, not even bothering to glance in my direction.
“You should've come inside!” I exclaim. “If you wanted to, you could've met my family.”
Taishi stands up, but he's still not making eye contact. In a low voice, he replies, “But you didn't want me there.”
“What?” I gasp. “That is so not true! Amber said I had to choose between you and Jophiel. She said I could only have one escort, so...”
“I know.” Taishi acknowledges my statement with a solem
n nod. “And you didn't choose me.”
Oh my god. Taishi is mad at me! I had no idea he wanted to be my escort. Now I feel awful. What can I possibly do to make this right?
“Taishi, I'm so--”
He cuts me off before I can finish my apology. “Let's just go,” he croaks. “We have a new mission, and I should probably warn you... it will be a difficult one.”
“Taishi, I'm so sorry!” I apologize for the dozenth time as I follow him down the hospital hallway. “Please don't be mad at me!”
Taishi ignores me and keeps walking. Ugh! He's so frustrating, he makes me want to scream.
“If I could go back, I'd pick you instead of Jophiel,” I tell him. “I would. I really would!” I'm telling the truth. If choosing Taishi could've spared me from his cold shoulder, I'd change my choice in a heartbeat.
Taishi stops walking and faces my direction. “Don't worry about it, Riley-san. I don't care as much as you think I do.”
“That's... harsh.” Tears waver in my eyes, fogging my vision. “It's nice to know you don't care about me.”
“I didn't mean it like that. I do care about you.” When a tear skips down my cheek, Taishi squashes it with his thumb. I don't know why I'm crying. Maybe my emotions are still raw after seeing my family? “I only meant that I won't be sulking about it for days. I would have liked to meet your family, though.”
“Really?” Taishi spins around and starts walking again. His strides are long, so it's a struggle to keep up with him.
“Of course,” Taishi replies as he halts in front of room 617. “I always like to see where my students come from.”
“Well, you didn't miss anything major,” I assure him. “Basically, I just cried a lot.”
“I'm sorry you were sad, Leigh.” When he glances back at me, his expression is softer than usual. I'm surprised that he's actually attempting empathy.
“Yeah...”
“Jophiel was kind to you, I hope?”
“Well... he wasn't bad,” I tell him. “He seemed like he was in a rush, though. He told me to wrap it up, but I wasn't really ready to go.”
“Jophiel's like that. He's very busy.”
My gaze drops to my sandaled toes. “Yeah. That's what he told me.”
“Still... he should have been kinder to you. I would have been kinder to you.” The tiniest of smiles passes over Taishi's lips. I think that's the second time he's smiled at me. Getting Taishi Nakamura to smile will be my afterlife's greatest success. “That's another reason why you should have chosen me instead of him.”
“I know, I know.” I roll my eyes at him. “Now... who's our next charge? We're in a hospital, so I'm guessing it's not going to be good.”
“You're right. It's not good.”
When we step into the room, my heart shatters right away. There's a bald black boy tucked into the hospital bed. He's skin and bones, his face is gaunt, and the whites of his eyes are yellow. He's currently watching the cartoon version of The Grinch.
“This is Isaiah Adams. He's six years old.”
“Six? Geez.” My teeth clench at the news. “What's wrong with him?”
“Leukemia.” Taishi walks to Isaiah's bedside and sweeps a hand across the little boy's forehead. “In case you're wondering, I just brushed away his pain.”
“That was nice of you.” When I glance at the window, I see snowflakes drifting by the pane. “Wait... is it Christmas right now?”
“Indeed,” Taishi stoically replies. “It's Christmas Eve in the year 1998.”
His answer makes me gasp. “1998? What?”
“Do you remember Tesla's lesson about time being an illusion?” Taishi swaggers across the room and stands near the window. “Your perception of the present is different from Isaiah's, and every period in history is occurring simultaneously. You can affect the past, the past can affect your future, and it's--”
“You know what?” I interrupt him with a groan. “Don't even try to explain it to me. I can't wrap my mind around it. I'll just accept that we're in 1998 and I won't ask any questions.”
“Fair enough.” As Taishi moves around the room, he checks the Christmas cards that are taped all over the walls. “Anyway, as you might have guessed, we're here to grant Isaiah's wish. It could very well be his final wish.”
“Gosh. That's... sad.”
“He's weak. Very weak,” Taishi reports. “His liver is failing. His kidneys are failing. It's really a matter of time before he—”
Taishi doesn't finish his thought. The hospital door opens, and a tall, thin black woman steps into the room.
“Is that his mom?” I ask. It's a useless question. A few seconds later, I get my answer from Isaiah.
“Hi, Mom,” the boy croaks.
“Hi, baby.” Isaiah's mom sits beside him and drags a hand along his forehead. “Ooo! You feel cold! That's unusual. Were you playing in the snow, boy? You must've been outside making snow angels, huh?”
Isaiah chuckles at his mom's question. “No!”
Taishi finally stops pacing and pauses beside me. “He's cold because I touched him,” he quietly explains. “And the mom's name is Ruth, in case you were wondering.”
Glancing at the television, Ruth asks, “Oh, are you watching The Grinch?”
Isaiah gives her a slow nod. “Yeah.”
“That used to be one of my favorites when I was a kid. That, and Frosty the Snowman. I didn't really care for Scrooge, though. There is nothing fun about that old man.” Ruth leans closer to her son's face. “Honey, is your tongue blue?”
“Probably,” Isaiah sticks out his tongue and tries to see it. “I was eating a blueberry candy cane.”
“Oh! Blueberry sounds good!” his mom exclaims. “I don't really care for the peppermint ones. They make my eyes water.”
Isaiah's sneer suggests he's not a huge fan of the flavor.
And they're both crazy, by the way. I love mint. Mint tea. Mint chocolate ice cream. Mint cookies. Mint is my thing.
Jophiel even smells like mint, and it kills me.
“I brought you a little gift,” Ruth says. “I'm bringing the rest of your presents tomorrow, but I thought I'd let you open one right now.”
Isaiah's big, brown eyes are brightened by the prospect of a gift. Both of his arms are tucked under a blanket, but he frees them to reach for the brightly colored package.
“I hope you like it,” Ruth says as her son's fingers obliterate the wrapping paper. “Your sister helped me pick it out.”
When Isaiah unwraps the stuffed panda, it's love at first sight. He hugs the bear and kisses its nose.
“Do you like it?” Ruth asks, even though the answer is obvious. Isaiah's arm is coiled around the bear's fuzzy body.
“Uh-huh. I like it a lot.”
“Good, baby. I'm glad.” Ruth leans down, brushing a kiss across his forehead. “I've got a lot more for you tomorrow. Are you excited?”
Resting his cheek against the panda bear, Isaiah softly replies, “Uh huh.”
“You don't sound too excited, though,” his mom notes. “Is there anything Mom can do to give you a little more Christmas spirit?” She lowers her voice and whispers, “If you want, I can sneak in some sugar cookies. May and I made them last night. They're frosted, and they're shaped like candy canes and Christmas trees.”
With a solemn shake of his head, Isaiah replies, “No thanks.”
“Are you sure? I even made them with those special sprinkles you like.”
“I'm sure.” Isaiah's answer is accompanied by a telling sigh. His sadness is obvious—not that I blame him. Who would want to be sick on Christmas?
“I love you, baby,” Ruth says. “You know that, right?”
“Yeah.” Isaiah sheepishly stares at his stuffed bear. Love seems to be an awkward topic for most boys, but his mom is expecting a reply, so he quietly mumbles, “I love you too.”
While Isaiah chats with his mom, I glance in Taishi's direction. His arms are crossed, his jaw is tight, and unless I'm
mistaken, his eyes are glistening. Like me, he's finding this difficult to watch.
“What can I do to cheer you up, honey?” Ruth asks. “Is there anything I can do? Anything at all?”
“Well...” Isaiah takes a moment to chew on his lip. “I'd kind of like to meet Santa Claus.”
As soon as the words are out of his mouth, Taishi leans toward me and whispers, “And there you have it.”
My brow furrows at his cryptic words. “And there you have... what?”
“Our next mission, Riley-san.” He bows his head in the direction of the sad little boy. “We're going to find Santa Claus.”
“Look, Taishi!” As I spin around, my pride is revealed by a massive grin. “Look! I finally manifested new clothes to wear!”
Until this moment, I'd been stuck in the clothes I died in. I must have been inspired by the snowflakes, because my t-shirt's been swapped for a woolly gray sweater. I manifested a really nice coat too. It's a hunter green peacoat with big, gold buttons.
Taishi always teased me about my inability to manifest, so I'm expecting some serious praise. But the only answer I get is an apathetic, “Good.”
“Good? Just good?” I snort. “To be honest, I think I was a little afraid to manifest new clothes, which is why it never happened. I was afraid I'd fail and end up naked... and then my original clothes would disappear... and I'd be naked for the rest of my afterlife.”
“I don't think that's ever happened to anyone, Riley-san,” Taishi tells me with a familiar roll of his eyes. “You were never in danger of losing your clothes.”
“My luck's so bad, it could have happened to me. I would've been the first permanently naked spirit.” Swirling snowflakes batter my cheeks as Taishi and I exit the hospital. I don't know what destination he has in mind, nor do I ask. I just follow him quietly. I think he prefers it when I'm quiet.
“So...” Taishi shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “Where are we going to find Santa Claus at seven o'clock at night on Christmas Eve?”
“I have no idea.” He looks a bit disappointed by my lack of an answer, so I throw out a suggestion. “The mall, maybe?”
