As I drove to work, I thought about the HR representative who performed my interview. If I got lucky, I would see her again to fill out my new hire paperwork before my day really started. She had legs that would make Barbie jealous and she kept crossing and uncrossing them in my direction. At least I thought she was. It could also have been that her chair was uncomfortable. It was probably the chair, but I had missed signals before.
When I got there, I was disappointed to find my paperwork would be handled by Rick, a slightly overweight, slightly balding, very middle-aged man in a very bad mood. He wasn’t much for small talk. We filled out the necessary forms and he was all too eager to turn me over to my department supervisor.
“I’m Chase. I’ll be your direct supervisor. I am the head of Media and Communication. You are officially my assistant. Our boss is Tyler Callahan. You will see him at the meeting this afternoon. Do not speak to him unless he speaks to you first. He only speaks to underlings when he absolutely has to, otherwise we all get the trickle down from his secretary, Tina,” Chase said.
Chase appeared to be in his early forties and looked like he took good care of himself. He was clean shaven and wore a loud cologne or aftershave. He spoke quickly; he walked quickly. Judging from his brightly colored socks and vest I assumed he was gay. He confirmed my assumption as he gave me the tour.
He had the dirt on everyone and shared it. He was gay, along with two guys in the mail room on the ground floor, and one in accounting on the tenth floor. There was also a lesbian who worked on the second floor. Two women and one man were going through divorces or had just finished a divorce; all three were on the prowl. He pointed out which employees were easy, prudes, or sleeping with each other. Each floor also had two or three who were really good at their jobs and two or three who were really bad at their jobs. The thing to remember was who of the good was helpful and who of the bad was gullible.
“Last, but certainly not least, we have the eleventh floor. You will only come to the offices on the eleventh floor when requested by someone who occupies an office on the eleventh floor. So, we are just going to ride the elevator back down to the sixth floor where we belong,” Chase said.
When we reached my cubicle he started explaining the details of my job. We were a conglomerate, Sir Name, a not so witty play on words, that ran a variety of businesses in a variety of industries – all geared toward men. Each floor of the building focused on one facet within the conglomerate. The sixth floor was all things communication, writing, or media related. As his assistant, I basically did whatever task Chase or one of the officers decided to let trickle down.
“On our floor we maintain the print and web presence of all the other floors. Each team, or open office area, is basically the headquarters of the print and web presence of one company within the conglomerate. So, we have nine group office spaces you will need to learn. Make a color-coded map if you need to, but I don’t need you to go running to sports and leisure when I give you mockups for automotive and recreational. There is a big difference between athletic gloves and driving gloves,” Chase said, getting caught up in his own rant. “Sorry, my last assistant.”
“Well, I think I can at least learn my way around,” I said, offering a joke.
He chuckled a little and gave my shoulder a small pat.
“Well, that was fun, but now we’re done,” Chase said, in a singsong voice. “I think I’m going to like you.
“I think I’m going to like you, too. It was an informative tour and you seem friendly,” I replied.
“Well, look, but don’t touch. I’m taken; not that you aren’t adorable,” he said, giving me a long look up and down.
“Oh, I’m not gay,” I said.
“Really? Hmm, I couldn’t quite place you on one side of the line or the other. If you say so, though. I would have placed you as a bent otter with those hairy arms,” he said.
He shrugged and left me to familiarize myself with my desk and the programs on the computer until the meeting. I shook my head with a small chuckle to myself. I may have looked too good today.
Chapter 2
Tyler
“This information is not even meeting worthy. There are ten million better ways that I could be spending my time,” I said.
“Yes, sir, of course. Your presence is required, though. All department heads and corporate officers are required to attend any meeting where the decisions will affect more than one company within the conglomeration,” Tina replied.
“I’m well aware. The meeting topics on the docket for this afternoon are really things that we all know how the discussion and vote will go. They are the same issues that are brought up at least once per quarter, and they get the same response once per quarter,” I said, letting out a deep sigh.
Tina nodded and returned to her desk outside my office. I stood and zipped my pants. Then I went to look out the window and think for a moment. Tim, the deli delivery boy, quietly came out from under the desk and excused himself to return to his own job now that I had decided lunch was over.
The meeting this afternoon was to discuss branching a few areas of the company out into the gay market. We had no problem with this, within certain limits. A few companies wanted to target more of the effeminate men’s market. Fashion wanted to design a few lines of drag wear, men’s lingerie, and a few accessories. Health and beauty wanted to expand their product lines beyond basic grooming. One or two more had changes they wanted as well. Some of the ideas were good, and there was a market. However, Sir Name was founded on more traditional conventions.
I returned to my desk and used the intercom to request Tina return to my office.
“Yes, sir,” she said.
She had a pen and a pad ready.
“Close my tab with the deli. I think this week I would like to have Thai or Mexican at lunch. Leave a good tip; put a little extra. Schedule a private meeting for myself and Mrs. Schmidt first thing in the morning. I have a few things I would like to discuss with our CFO as long as these expansion meetings are going to be a recurring thing. Send a memo down to the mail room. Before they send up mail for the eleventh floor, they will need to pick up a few things from the supply room,” I said.
“Did you not enjoy lunch today, sir? It is only Monday, and you enjoyed the deli all last week,” she asked.
“I did enjoy lunch, but I think after a week I just have a taste for something else,” I responded simply.
The truth was, I wanted something different all together. I was starting to like the idea of having home-cooked meals. Takeout just wasn’t as satisfying anymore.
Once she excused herself, it was time to make my way to the conference room for the meeting. When I arrived, most of the staff and other officers were already seated. Aside from myself, only the chief financial officer/secretary and chief executive officer/president were unaccounted for. No doubt, they were having their own lunch in his office since they were husband and wife.
As I looked around the room I saw there were a couple of new faces. Then I remembered two of the department heads had new assistants. Fashion had promoted from within, a girl whose name I could not remember. Media and Communications had hired from outside the company. The young man with Auntie Chase looked like promising material for a casting couch with me, for a position I hadn’t yet created.
Chapter 3
Miles
It was pretty easy to distinguish who was who and how they ranked by placement in the conference room. There were seats along the wall, where I stood with other assistants. We took the notes so our bosses could be as attentive as possible to the meeting. The company heads of each floor sat at one side of the table, leaving the end seat open. On the other side of the table, people in top-dollar suits began filling the seats. Their assistants were along the wall behind them, but had seats.
There was another chair slightly behind the seat at the head of the table. It was like the armed chairs that were placed at the table. Its placement appeared to be to the left of the
head of the table, but shifted slightly.
A few of the other lower-level assistants like me introduced themselves. It seemed another assistant, Marjorie, was new to these meetings. She had been with the company for two years and was now the assistant to the head of the fashion floor. She was a cute red head, tiny with large boobs. She dressed herself well though. Her pants and blouse gave the tease of a nice silhouette, but the professionalism of opaque fabrics.
“Sorry to be the last ones here, but we do pay you well for your time,” said a white-haired man entering the room.
He had on a suit that looked custom made. With the exception of his hair, there was no trace of age to him except a few lines when he smiled. The woman who entered with him sat in the seat to his left. They both looked like well-kept people around their fifties. Everything about them seemed to be an expression of sex, power, and dominance. Her figure and walk as she took her seat easily made her a contender for most attractive woman in the room. Her face showed a little age, but in the kind of years a man would want to be a part of.
“Must be the big boss,” I murmured.
Marjorie answered, “That is Mr. and Mrs. Schmidt. They are the owners of the company, and husband and wife. They have been a power couple in the business world since they got married. She is the daughter of a department store king; he was the heir to a personal fitness franchise that had three generations of history with the Hollywood elite. Their union made a lot of companies sell and merge out of fear when you and I were just babies.”
“Bigger than I thought,” I said, whistling.
I felt bad. I happened to be looking toward the head of the table and the fellow sitting to Mr. Schmidt’s right gave me a look. I couldn’t tell if his face was humored or scolding.
Once the meeting began, I took notes along with the other assistants. The meeting was about expanding portions of some companies to appeal to more feminine gay men and other parts of the LGBTQ community. Out of nine companies it seemed that four were interested in the idea; the last time this matter came up, there were only two and an additional that would follow the majority. The officers seemed to be considering the financial gains and losses per industry of each company and how the change would affect the perception of the conglomerate as a whole.
Mr. and Mrs. Schmidt seemed to have opposing ideas anyway.
“Gay men are still men, so we should appeal to them as they are,” Mr. Schmidt said, defending those who opposed the change.
“All men are still people, and people are just individuals. Every individual needs someone to appeal to their tastes and interests. I don’t see why we can’t just view this as another segment of man to market to. Our motto is, ‘Sir Name. It’s more than a name when it’s you,’” Mrs. Schmidt replied.
The meeting had a lot of back and forth to ultimately come to the conclusion that this was not the right move for the company at this time. It was very clear that this was a debate that divided the founders of the company and members of the upper staff.
As we were adjourning from the meeting, Chase came to my side to quickly point out different officers before they left the room. He made it a point to introduce me to our supervisor, Tyler Callahan.
Chapter 4
Tyler
“Miles Lowery, this is our boss, Tyler Callahan. Mr. Callahan, this is my new assistant, Miles Lowery,” said Auntie Chase.
“Good to meet you,” Miles said, extending a hand to shake mine.
“Likewise. Welcome to the company,” I said.
He had a good grip, strong hands. His smile was relaxed, but he maintained good posture as we spoke.
“What was your experience before this?” I asked.
“Well, sir, I have been waiting tables for the past few years at a restaurant not far from here. It was actually my ‘in’ for this job,” Miles replied.
“Really, how did that come about?” I asked.
I liked his cool around me. I made most of the other assistants, and floor heads, nervous. Even Chase was watching our conversation quietly with some surprise.
“Well, some of your staff are regulars of mine. All lower-level people, but when the position came available one of them had the idea that I join since it sort of tied to my degree and would pay better than tips. Some of the others offered to let me list them as references. Now, here I am,” he said, closing with a smile.
“Yes, here you are. How fortunate for us to be able to steal away such a likeable young man. You impressed them enough to be invited to the job, and I feel impressed as well. Chase, send him to my office before you send him home for the day. I would love to hear details about your degree and the classes you took, Miles,” I said.
“Yes, sir,” said Auntie Chase.
He looked pleased that I liked his new assistant. His assistant looked pleased that he had made a good impression on the big boss for his supervisor.
“I see you have new interests,” Claudia said, approaching me.
The last attendees of the meeting were well to the elevators by now.
“Perhaps. I know I’m done ordering takeout. I just can’t decide if it would be better to have home-cooked meals or keep a private chef,” I replied.
I joined this company right out of college as Claudia Schmidt’s protégé. Many people thought I was her young lover. Few, including Claudia and Nicholas Schmidt and my assistant, Tina, knew that I actually preferred men.
“Home-cooked meals are always best, darling, but these days you both need to know how to cook,” Claudia said, giving me the tiniest wink.
“I’ve just never been the commitment type. Most people bore me romantically after a few dates. You’re the only person who has never bored me in all my time knowing them, but you’re married and I don’t care for clam anyway,” I confessed.
“Darling, you have no idea what you are missing. I think part of the reason I haven’t bored Mr. Schmidt is because this dish likes clam and sausage. To each his own, though. That young man you were speaking with does look appetizing, so I see your dilemma,” she said seductively.
“Indeed, I’ve asked that he come to my office. I want to get a better read on him,” I said.
“Cover to cover whenever possible,” she replied. “So, is there a reason you lingered after the meeting for me or did I misread your extended stay in the conference room?”
“There’s a reason. Did you receive my message that I wanted a private meeting with you?” I asked.
“Yes, darling, but I’m afraid Nicholas won’t be able to join us at the time you’ve suggested,” she said.
“All the better. I only wanted to speak with you,” I said.
“Really?” she asked, leaning against the conference table and tapping her pen to her lower lip thoughtfully.
I nodded. There was a small pause as she continued to think.
“Walk me to my office. I’m intrigued. Let’s have our meeting now,” she said.
Chapter 5
Miles
“Well, I was going to let you leave a little early, since it’s your first day. Scratch that plan, though. We’ll talk about some of the projects I was going to have you start tomorrow. Then, in the morning you can come in already on task. You just make sure to tell Callahan that you are pleased with everything so far and that I am amazing,” Chase said.
“You got it,” I replied.
I couldn’t tell if he was serious or joking about the last part, but he did have big plans for my first few weeks. There was a lot of cleanup work from his previous assistant. It seemed this guy knew less than basic map skills. His filing was horrible and all the projects he had been working on were backed up.
“Yeah, he was pretty, but sadly, that was all. You have your work cut out for you, but I feel confident. Now, that is enough for today. Go upstairs and instill some confidence in Callahan toward us both,” Chase said.
I straightened up my desk and left myself a to-do list for the next day. I also made a list of things I wanted to remember to bring back
to work to decorate my desk space.
As the elevator opened, I found Marjorie was already inside.
“Hi, Miles. I was just about to bring you a few files, from my boss to yours,” she said.
We both gave a small laugh. She stayed in the elevator holding the files. It closed with her still inside with me.
“Thanks. I’m going to speak to Mr. Callahan at the moment, but if you leave those on my desk I can give them to Chase first thing,” I replied.
“Sure. That woks. Do you want to have drinks with some of us after work Friday?” she asked – blurted really.
“Uh, sure. It would be good to get know some of the staff,” I said.
“Cool,” she said, nodding.
I got off the elevator at the eleventh floor and she rode it back down, I assumed to the sixth floor. I greeted the staff assistant who sat at the front desk of the floor. Every floor had one. She gave me directions to Callahan’s office and buzzed his assistant to inform him of my arrival. As I reached his assistant’s desk, he stepped out of his office to greet me himself.
“Tina, this is Miles. He is Chase’s new assistant. Miles, this is my assistant, Tina. She is my girl Friday,” Mr. Callahan said.
“Rosalind Russell’s rasp always did do something for me,” I joked.
“So, did you have a good first day?” Mr. Callahan asked.
“Sure. Everyone seems nice. I think I will really enjoy working for Chase. He seems friendly and well informed,” I replied.
“Good. What was your degree, if you don’t mind me asking? I was surprised after looking over your file to see your recommendations came from a variety of departments and with a lot of different encouraging notes about your personality and service as waiter,” Mr. Callahan said.
“Oh, well I have my main bachelor’s in journalism, but while I was in high school I also took classes at the local college in my hometown. I have an associates in communication arts. I’m one of those guys who was the nerdy kid in high school. Then I had a major growth spurt right before senior year,” I said.
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