by T. J. Hope
“I’ll be back,” she comforted him.
“I know, still take it.”
He hugged Jamika and touched her hair. They all said their goodbyes, and Walter and Jamika were off.
Two days later, they arrived in Ft. Lauderdale. They arrived on a Sunday and a lot of the extended family was present. The first person Jamika met was her great grandmother, whom everyone called Big Momma. Big Momma was the friendliest person she’d ever met. She was short, with silky, Indian-looking hair and a round belly. She had the jolliest voice and heartiest laugh she’d ever heard.
“Me-Me, I’m Big Momma. I know you hungry, baby, come on in ‘ere and get some o’ dis real food,” she said. Me-Me, Jamika thought. She liked that. Her mother had called her Mika or Meek, but Me-Me was cuter. Big Momma made her a plate of collard greens, barbecued chicken, cornbread, candied yams, stuffing and cake. It looked and smelled delicious, but Jamika doubted she could eat it all.
She did not want Big Momma to think she didn’t like it. She looked down at the plate then up at Big Momma in awe. “Don’t worry, suga, whateva you don’t eat we can save fo’ later,” Big Momma said, as if reading her mind.
She met most of her extended family that day, but had a hard time remembering all of the names and titles. There was Uncle Paul, Uncle Sam, Auntie Tara, Auntie Maryland, Cousin Darren, Cousin Martin, Cousin Tangy, Cousin this and Cousin that. Jamika couldn’t believe she had so many relatives.
***
The summer had passed and Jamika had finally learned almost everyone. Jamika was starting kindergarten at Dillard Elementary School, which was located right behind Big Momma’s house. She could jump the backyard fence and be at the school. Big Momma bought her pretty outfits and plenty of shoes, with matching ribbons and barrettes for her hair.
Every day after school she’d come home to a different surprise snack to hold her over until dinner. She had already gained ten pounds, since her arrival. She loved living at Big Momma’s and Big Momma loved having her. They had grown a tight bond between them within the short months that they had shared. She figured that she wasn’t going home, but she was all right here. She didn’t see the bad things she did in Newark. She did however really miss her mother, Grandma, Peggy and Little Tray. She still had the flattened quarter he had given her.
About two months later, for the first time since she’d been there, she saw Big Momma get upset while on the telephone. “But, she’s fine here,” she was saying, “those people ain’t right. They ain’t even tried to find this baby or nuttin’. Well, at least let her finish out the school year,” she tried to reason with the person on the other end of the phone. “Fine, she yo child, but you’re making a big mistake.”
Jamika wondered whom she was talking to and why she was so upset. She didn’t like seeing Big Momma this way. “No! I’ll talk to her; I can’t believe this crap!” She slammed the phone down with so much force that Jamika nearly jumped out of her shoes.Big Momma noticed how startled she was and calmed herself. “Come ‘ere suga, come on o’er ‘ere and sit on my lap.” Jamika did as she was told. “Well,” she began, “you know Big Momma love havin’ you ‘round, but nuttin’ last fo-eva. Yo’ momma wantcha to go live wit’ yo’ daddy for a while.”
Jamika couldn’t believe what she was hearing, she didn’t want to leave Big Momma’s house. She was treated like a little princess there. Big Momma never gave her spankings and when she hot combed her hair, she took her time and was careful not to burn her. “But, you’ll be all by yourself, I wanna stay with you,” Jamika whined.
“You’ll be just fine, suga. Big Momma gonna stop by all the time, I promise, And, I won’t be here alone, I have John here wit’ me.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Jamika said sadly.
That weekend, Jamika helped Big Momma pack up all her clothes and toys. Then, they drove to the house where her father lived. It was an old, wooden house that stood up on bricks, with dirt in front where grass is supposed to be. When they walked in, there were people everywhere. There were four children, all girls. Two of them looked around Jamika’s age, and the other two were younger. There were five men and two women drinking beer, smoking, and watching something on television. A third woman came out of the kitchen with an oven mitt on her hand.
The house had a stench, and all the furniture was old and ripped. This was a definite change from Big Momma’s clean, orderly house. Jamika looked at all the men one by one, and wondered which one was her daddy. Then the lady who had come out of the kitchen said, “Hey, Big Momma! How ya been? Whew, you still lookin’ good.”
“Thank you, chile, you don’t look too bad yo’self.” Then they hugged.
The lady looked at Jamika and said, “This must be Lil’ Sly here. Come on over here and give yo’ grandma a big hug.” Jamika went and hugged the woman, but was very confused. How could this be her grandma? Her grandmother’s name was Marjorie and she was still in Newark with her mother. Who was this lady trying to take her Grandma Marjorie’s place?
Big Momma saw the look on Jamika’s face and commented, “This ‘ere yo’ other grandma. This yo’ daddy’s momma.” Okay, now Jamika understood. She had two grandmothers. Marjorie is her mother’s mother and this woman is her daddy’s mother. “Hi, Grandma,” Jamika said shyly.
Millie started speaking again, “Whew, you look just like your daddy, too. Got those same lips and eyes. You a little cute somethin’, ain’t chu?”
Jamika looked around and didn’t see any man that looked like he could be her daddy. Big Momma spoke again, and Jamika was certain that she could read minds. “Well, where is Sly? Felise said he’d be expectin’ us.”
Millie said, “He’s off somewhere or another, but she’ll be fine right here wit’ us ‘til he come ‘round. Y’all go get Lil’ Sly’s bags out the car.”
“My name is Jamika,” she blurted out. She hated that Lil’ Sly name. “But, you can call me Me-Me,” she said, looking at Big Momma.
Once all the bags had been brought in, Big Momma gave her a big hug, a kiss, and a slip of paper with her telephone number. She told Jamika to call her at any time if she needed anything at all. Jamika just stood at the door watching Big Momma leave.
“These here yo’ cousins, Monie, Shaquita, Peaches and the baby is Yolanda,” Millie said, pointing out each of the four girls. “Now, this ain’t Big Momma’s house, around here you pull yo’ weight. I don’t know when yo’ daddy gon’ come ‘round, so don’t be asking me no stupid ass questions. This here is your Auntie Thelma, your Uncle Lance, and your Uncle Hubert. The rest of these motherfuckas you see here ain’t important. Now, go find some room for all this shit. Big Momma must don’t know that I already got eight motherfuckas livin’ in a two-bedroom, broke down house.”
Jamika couldn’t believe how nice her Grandma Millie had been when Big Momma was there. She slowly walked into the bedroom and started to cry. She wanted to run all the way back to Big Momma’s house. Monie came in and helped her find room for her things. There were two twin beds and three dressers in the small cluttered room. Two girls slept in each bed, and Jamika would have to sleep on the floor alone.
Jamika had to start a new school, since her old school was in a different school district. Millie was doing her hair for her first day at the new school. Millie combed hard, pulled her neck, tugged her hair and wrapped her ponytails so tight; it hurt for her to close her eyes. All Jamika could do was cry. Millie was getting very frustrated, “You tender-headed too, damn ain’t this some shit! Stop crying like a little ass baby! You gon’ have to harden up around here, or these kids gon kick yo’ ass day in and day out.”
Chapter Three
The school year was coming to an end and Jamika was being promoted to the first grade. She had gotten accustomed to her edgy Grandma Millie, and her Auntie Thelma that was always gone days at a time.
Jamika had learned to fight, get by on small portions of food, and take baths two or three at a time to preserve the hot water. All of her pretty clothes and barrettes were gone; all
of her toys, broken. Most of the fighting she’d learned was from fighting other kids at school. These kids called her shoes “catheads”, and picked on her now short, nappy hair. Jamika’s skin was one of the darkest shades of brown. She was called everything from “Blacky” to “Smut”. The children didn’t do it as openly anymore, because they knew that she would fight at the drop of a hat.
She’d also become accustomed to sleeping on the floor. Although some nights, the rats would come out and she’d stand in the corner, shivering and scared to return to sleep, while the other girls would rest peacefully. Also, she knew that her Uncle Hubert could climb on top of her at any time. She would never forget the first time it happened.
Jamika had been scared off the floor because a rat had interrupted her sleep by running across her arm. She was so exhausted that she took her blankets and pillow into the living room to sleep on the couch where her Auntie Thelma slept whenever she came home.
The sofa was very comfortable compared to the floor, and she had fallen into a deep, restful sleep. She woke abruptly when she felt something tugging at her nightgown. She opened her eyes to see her Uncle Hubert climbing on top of her. She looked around quickly; her Uncle Lance was on the other couch fast asleep and snoring. Hubert saw her looking around and quickly placed his hand over her mouth and whispered, “You better not say shit or I’ll snap your fuckin’ neck, you hear?”
Jamika could only nod her head yes, as her eyes filled with silent tears. He pulled down her underwear and put his finger inside of her. He wiggled it around inside of her for a while, and unzipped his pants. Jamika’s heart sped as she felt the gigantic hardness on her leg. He tried to force himself inside of her, but it wouldn’t go. Jamika began crying hysterically. He suddenly stopped and said, “Shhh, look, I stopped. You better not tell anybody or I will kill you, and nobody will know where to find you.”
Jamika took him for his word and never told anyone. It had gotten so bad that he’d sneak in the room while everyone else was asleep to climb on top of her on the floor. He’d worked at it until he was now penetrating her. He threatened her with more intense threats every time he did it. She knew that her Grandma Millie would not stop her Uncle Hubert from killing her, so she took it as another one of those things that she’d have to become accustomed to.
Jamika, Monie, Shaquita and Peaches walked to the teenage girls’ house around the corner who kept them during the summer, while Millie worked. She paid the girls’ a small fee, because she could only afford to take Yolanda, the youngest girl, to daycare. The older girls hated going to Norma and Chasity’s house. All they usually said to them was, “Sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up.” It was really hard for the girls to remain still and quiet for the entire day, but if they didn’t, they were punished.
Monie was the oldest of the girls, and took on a mother-like role, even though she was only nine years old. She said, “If they try to put us in the hole today, I’ma run and y’all better follow me.”
“Grandma will beat us if she find out we ran away,” replied Shaquita.
“I don’t care, I’ma run with you, Monie,” said Jamika.
“Please don’t leave me, I can’t run that fast,” said Peaches, the youngest of the group at only five years old.
“Yeah, we going to have to carry her,” said Jamika.
“How about, we just be good and do what they say, so that we don’t have to go,” suggested Shaquita.
“Okay,” Monie said, taking over the conversation, “everybody keep quiet and do as they are told, okay?” The other girls agreed.
The day was going fine, until one of the teenage girls popped an adult movie into the video cassette recorder. The younger girls just stared at the people doing explicit sex acts on the television. The teenage girls thought it was funny to watch the younger girls’ reaction. All Jamika could think was that this is what her Uncle Hubert does to her. Before she could stop herself, she burst out crying loudly. Norma, the older of the sisters turned the videotape off and said, “What the fuck you crying for? It’s only a movie. Forget this; get up. All of you, get the hell up, we’re going for a ride.” All of the girls started to cry then. They knew a ride in the girls’ car took them one place; the hole.
Norma and Chasity drove them to the high school that they attended. Around the back, there was a storm drain whose the cover could be lifted off easily. They would put the girls down inside the drain and put the cover back on. The girls were subjected to mice, gigantic palmetto bugs, land crabs and spiders. They were all absolutely terrified of going in the drain. “Jamika, you’re first, since you want to cry and shit. Now you have a reason to cry,” said Chasity.
As Norma went over to grab her, Monie kicked her in the knee and yelled, “Leave her alone. Run!” All the girls broke out into their fastest sprint.
As Jamika, Shaquita and Monie reached the other side of the school; they realized Peaches wasn’t with them. “Where’s Peaches?” asked Shaquita.
“Aw man, we forgot to carry her,” recalled Jamika.
“We have to go back for her,” said Monie. Although they hated to go back, they couldn’t just leave little Peaches.
They hurried back and before they reached the rear of the school, they could hear Peaches screaming like she was being beaten to death. When they reached the teenagers, they stopped. They did not see Peaches. They realized that Norma and Chasity had put Peaches in the drain all by herself. Usually, they would make Peaches go in with someone else since she was so young. So at least she could hold on to someone as the insects crawled across her legs and arms. Norma looked at Monie and said, “So, you kicked me. The only way Peaches comes out is if you go in and if they run; we’ll leave your ass down there and act like you got lost.”
Monie walked over to the older girls; although she hated the hole, she loved her little sister. She couldn’t stand to hear Peaches screaming from inside that dark hole. As she reached Norma, she was slapped so hard that her face turned beet red. Monie did not cry. She looked at her with a fearless expression and said, “Okay, now take my sister out.”
Peaches was crying so hard that her cries had become a yell, which would fall silent as she tried to catch her breath. They took the cover off the storm drain and reached down to pull Peaches out. Once she was out, she stood there crying and rubbing her arms and legs like a million bugs were crawling all over her.
Monie was about to jump down in the drain when Chasity said, “Take your clothes off, too.”
“Man, I’m tellin’ my grandma,” cried Jamika.
“We’ve known Ms. Millie since before y’all were born; she ain’t going to believe you. You’re next, naked, since you want to be a snitch,” Chasity said, with a voice full of hate. Damn. Here was yet another sour situation that her new, sunny South Florida home had forced her to endure.
Chapter Four
Although nearly two years had passed, the really hot, humid days still forced Jamika to take breaks from playing with her cousins. There weren’t any clouds in the sky and no breeze to penetrate the scorching day. People walked along the streets with bottled water and sports drinks, dressed in summer dresses, shorts, tank tops, t-shirts and sandals. Jamika sat on the wooden porch steps, feeling like she was frying in fish grease.
She started to hum to herself, this beautiful melody that lived in her head, while watching people pass and her cousins play. The one blessing she knew she had was her singing voice. Her singing voice is soaked with pain, and digs into the heart and soul. It was her medicine, the thing that kept her sane. She wasn’t sure where she got it from, but saw it as her ticket out of the hood.
Today was her birthday, but it felt like any other day. She thought about the happy birthdays she’d had in New Jersey and the parties her mother gave. Grandma Millie never gave any of them parties. She still thought of Little Tray and had managed to keep the flattened quarter that he had given her.
As she stood there reminiscing in her head, she saw a dark, handsome man walking up t
he street. He caught her attention because he wore long, dark jeans on such a hot day. He carried a colorful gift bag under one arm. As he got closer to the house, her cousins ran up to him. They were hugging him and jumping all over him, saying, “Uncle Sly! Uncle Sly!”
Jamika felt as if her feet were cemented to the porch. This man’s name was Sly, and her Grandma Millie always called her Lil’ Sly. Was this man her father? Her eyes grew big as walnuts as she studied the man. He had dark, smooth skin like a Hershey’s chocolate bar. She could see where she could have gotten her dark complexion. He also had full lips and the same hazel brown eyes as hers. Yes, this man must be her daddy.
He was walking over to her and her mind seemed to be stretching in a thousand directions. Where had he been all of this time? Why hadn’t he come sooner? Could she trust him to stop her Uncle Hubert from doing those things to her? Does he love her?
“Jamika, did you hear me?” the man was saying.
In the midst of her jumbled thoughts, she hadn’t realized that the man was speaking to her. “N-n-no,” she stuttered.
“I said that I bought you a gift for your birthday,” he said. As much as Jamika loved gifts, she didn’t even look down at the bag he was holding. She just looked directly into his hazel eyes that twinkled like sparkling apple cider. He looked back in her eyes that mirrored his own, and it felt like she was looking into his soul. He saw such intensity and survival in her eyes. Previously, he’d only seen her in pictures, a beautiful girl. Now, her hair was nappy and short, and her clothes mismatched and dirty. He cared about none of that—she was still his beautiful baby girl in his eyes.
“Jamika, first of all, I want to tell you that I love you, baby girl. I always have. When you came here, I had just gotten a job out of state. I needed to do some things for me, so that I could do some things for you. I tried to call, but the phone is disconnected here and I…” he was saying.
