“But that wasn’t your choice to make.”
“I’m your mother,” she said, steel suddenly in her voice. “It was always my choice, just like fighting for your son now was your choice.”
“It’s not the same.”
“It is the same. I was protecting you from making a mistake that would color the rest of your life.” She reached up to touch my face, but I reared back. Again that flash of hurt in her eyes. “I know you, Harrison. If you had known about this child all those years ago, you would have insisted on doing the right thing. But then what? Would you have lived in a studio apartment in New York City? Do you really think that would have been the right thing to do with a child?”
“You never gave me the chance to make that choice.”
“Because it would have been a mistake. You made a mistake, Harrison. But it didn’t have to ruin your entire life.”
I stepped back, nearly stumbling over my own feet. I couldn’t believe what I’d heard coming out of my own mother’s mouth. I had thought I knew her, that I knew her beliefs and her thoughts and her morals. But I’d been wrong.
“His name is Jonathon Tyler Monroe, Mother. JT. And JT is not a mistake. He was never a mistake.”
I stormed away, bursting back into the corridor outside the courtroom just as the current case ended and the corridor was flooded with lawyers and litigants and observers. Some guy with a phone stuck to his ear happened to look up as I brushed past him, his eyes widening as he took in my expression. He grabbed my arm, tugging me back to stand in front of him.
“Are Harrison Philips?”
I wanted to squash him like he was a bug. That was not the moment for a reporter to approach me.
Julia came to the rescue, snatching my arm and saying, very seductively, “Come on, Thomas. They’re waiting for us over here.”
The reporter looked disappointed, then dubious, but he let it go. Finn was standing against the wall by the same consultation room I’d seen Penelope’s attorney disappear into earlier.
“They want to talk to us,” he said.
“Who?”
“Penelope Monroe and her lawyer.”
“Who’s Penelope Monroe?” Julia asked.
“The child’s sister,” Finn told her.
I barely heard any of this exchange. I was staring through the glass panel in the door, watching Penelope whisper with her lawyer. He was sitting much too close to her, his hand on her shoulder, saying something in her ear that made her shake her head sharply in the negative. And then she saw me and her expression softened just slightly even as her eyes filled with tears.
What the hell was going on now?
Chapter 17
Penelope
He was angry.
It didn’t take a mind reader to see the emotion that had taken up residence in Harrison’s broad jaw and wide green eyes. He was angry, and maybe a little hurt. I wanted to know why.
I also wanted to know who the blond woman beside him was.
Was it bad that I was irrationally jealous of a woman who might be his sister?
Harrison burst into the room, the open door allowing all the noise from the corridor to come in, too. A man followed, saying his name and snatching at his suit jacket. The woman followed, too, and I found myself taking in her expensive dress that was a little tight for the occasion and the perfect makeup that was applied with steadier hand than I would ever have.
Was this the kind of woman Harrison preferred?
“What’s going on?” Harrison demanded. “Where’s JT?”
“Not here,” Jack said, jumping to his feet and moving more toward Harrison as though he was trying to block me with his body.
“Why not? Doesn’t he have to meet with the judge in a few minutes?”
I stood, touching Jack’s arm as I did. He looked down at me, his eyebrows furrowed. “It’s okay,” I said softly. Then I focused on Harrison.
“I don’t want to put JT through this.”
Harrison’s eyebrows rose. “What happened to all that stuff last night about finishing this?” he asked, his voice raised a little on the last two words as though he was trying to imitate my voice.
I started to respond, but Harrison’s attorney moved up beside him and grabbed his arm. “I think we should talk about this before we discuss anything with them.”
“He’s right, Harry,” another voice said.
A woman, about the same height as the first, made her way up beside Harrison. She had dark hair, like his, and green eyes, also like his. This had to be the sister. Which made the other woman…she turned toward me and I saw, for the first time, that she had pale blue eyes that were so eerily like JT’s that it was a little surreal.
The birth mother.
I stepped back just slightly, barely missed smashing the top of Jack’s foot with my heel. I remembered my parents talking about her. I remembered how awed my mother was by her courage to do the right thing for her child, the reverent way in which she talked about her. And here she was, in the flesh.
She was not what I’d expected.
“Out!” Harrison suddenly bellowed. “Everyone get out of here. Now.”
Jack lay his hand on the middle of my back, leaning close to whisper in my ear.
“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.”
But Harrison was watching me and I knew that if I was ever going to trust him, now was the time.
“It’s okay.”
Arguments continued as everyone slowly filed out of the room, but Harrison never acknowledge any of them. And I…well, the only person I had to acknowledge was him. And my eyes never left his.
It was oppressively quiet when Jack finally closed the door.
“What’s going on?”
I didn’t answer right away. I’d been up most of the night, working this out in my head. I’d gone back and forth. It was what JT wanted. But JT was just a child. The promise I made my parents could be interpreted many ways. But maybe JT’s wellbeing was more important than a promise made halfheartedly years ago.
I wasn’t sure what I was going to do until I went to wake JT and found him sitting on the edge of his bed, dressed in the suit I’d bought him for the funeral—which was several inches too small everywhere—chewing the cuticles from his fingers.
I couldn’t put him through this.
I sank down into one of the chairs, suddenly more exhausted than I think I’d ever been.
“Jack drew up a paper that says we acknowledge that the adoption was never legal. But by signing the paper, you agree to allow me visitation with JT a couple of times a year.”
Harrison made a sound that could have been a groan, but was more like a swallowed sigh.
“Why?”
“Because you were right. We shouldn’t be putting JT through all of this.”
“So you’re just going to let me walk away with him?”
And then I groaned. Pain tore through me so quickly that I couldn’t hold it all in. Tears fell, staining the papers Jack and I had argued over all morning. I couldn’t stop them, couldn’t brush them away fast enough to get ahead.
“Why are you doing this?” he demanded again.
I looked up, looked at Harrison through a sheen of tears.
“Because I finally did the one thing that we both should have done from the beginning. I asked JT what he wanted.”
“And this is it?”
“He wants to know you. He wants to know the life he might have had if his birth mother hadn’t given him up.”
Harrison looked away for a brief moment, that tendon jumping in his jaw again. I wanted to go to him, wanted to touch him. I wanted to make the tension go away, wanted to make him forget about all the anger and the hurt and the pain we’d dished out on one another since this began. But I couldn’t. It wasn’t my place.
I stood and pushed the papers toward him.
“That’s for you and your lawyer. I’ve already signed it.”
I started to move past him, eager to go home a
nd hide under my covers for a day or two or ten. I half hoped that Harrison would stop me from leaving the room. But he just watched me, his expression unreadable. I walked out of the room and found Jack waiting at the elevators. The corridor was quiet again, only the two women who were there with Harrison, his lawyer, and another, older woman all sitting together on a low bench. They looked up expectantly when I walked out, but I didn’t know them. I didn’t know what to say to them.
I joined Jack at the elevator. I thought my knees might give out on me, but I managed to stay on my feet until we got to the parking lot.
“You okay?” Jack asked.
I shook my head. But there was really nothing to say, was there? It was over.
I turned to get into my car when a man suddenly appeared beside me.
“Are you a friend of Harrison Philips?”
“Excuse me?”
The man held a digital recorder near my mouth. “Could you tell me why Harrison Philips was appearing in family court today?”
“That’s none of your business,” Jack said, trying to move between me and the obnoxious stranger.
“Is it true he has an illegitimate child?”
“Leave!” Jack demanded, shoving the guy’s shoulder.
“I will find out,” the man insisted. “And that will be big news. Your face will be all over the tabloids by morning.”
I sighed.
That would be just my luck.
And then my cellphone rang.
“Penny? It’s Nick.”
“What’s up?” I asked, hoping that nothing had gone wrong at the bakery. That was all I needed on top of everything else.
“It’s JT. We’re at the hospital.” He hesitated a beat. “It’s bad, Penny.”
I didn’t even stop to hear the rest. I jumped into the car and sped off, my only thought a prayer.
Please, God, please.
Chapter 18
Harrison
“What’s going on?”
Anger was burning in my chest, but it was anger directed at my mother, not Penelope. I didn’t want her to think I was angry with her. In fact, I just wanted this day to be over.
I was still reeling from the revelations my mother had made. Hell, I was still reeling from the fact that Libby had her here without talking to me. Like this day wasn’t stressful enough. Today the judge would speak to my son and decide if he should live with me or his sister, Penelope. And, as desperately as I wanted a relationship with the child that was taken from me without my knowledge, I didn’t want to hurt Penelope.
And now she was standing in front of me, her face puffy and blotchy from all the tears she’d been shedding.
Why did this have to be so hard on everyone? Why wouldn’t she take me up on my attempts to work this out outside of court?
She sank down into one of the chairs stationed around the small conference table where she sat, exhaustion visible in every line of her beautiful face.
“Jack drew up a paper that says we acknowledge that the adoption was never legal,” she said in a soft, emotionally drained voice. “By signing the paper, you agree to allow me visitation with JT a couple of times a year.”
I tilted my head slightly, trying to wrap my mind around what she’d just said. Did she really just do a three-sixty?
“Why?”
“Because you were right. We shouldn’t be putting JT through all of this.”
“So you’re just going to let me walk away with him?”
She groaned, nearly doubling over with the hurt that flashed through her eyes. It killed me to see it, killed me to know I was the cause of all that pain. It ripped through my own anger, my own fears and hurt. It tore everything away and left me feeling raw inside.
She was really sacrificing her own desires to do the right thing. I have never known anyone else who was so willing to do that.
No one.
“Why are you doing this?” I demanded again, needing to know she was doing this for the right reasons.
She looked up, tears making her beautiful eyes look like sparkling jewels.
“Because I finally did the one thing that we both should have done from the beginning: I asked JT what he wanted.”
“And this is it?”
“He wants to know you. He wants to know the life he might have had if his birth mother hadn’t given him up.”
And there it was. The life he would have had.
But what life would he have had? Was my mother right? Would Julia and I have ended up in some impossibly tiny apartment in New York, both college drop outs, both working dead end, minimum wage jobs? Or would I have been able to convince my father that taking care of my child was the right thing to do?
Deep down, I knew my mother was right. It would have been a disaster if I had known about JT all those years ago. My father would have disowned me, he would have stopped paying for my tuition at Stanford. And I, as much as I hate the characterization, would have been lost without my father’s money. I was a spoiled rich kid who didn’t have work experience, who didn’t know how to start over with nothing. I would have been lost.
But did that give my mother the right to forge my signature on the adoption papers and refuse to tell me about my child? Was that really an act of love? Or was it an act of betrayal?
Penelope stood, pushing the papers across the table at me.
“That’s for you and your lawyer. I’ve already signed it.”
She was gone before I could say anything.
“We need to go, Harrison,” Finn, my attorney said from somewhere behind me. “The judge won’t appreciate any unnecessary delays.”
I didn’t answer, my head still trying to wrap itself around everything that had happened this morning.
“Do you know where the kid is?” Finn pushed. “His sister and her lawyer just got on the elevator. Are they going to get him?”
I picked up the papers Penelope had left and brushed past Finn. I don’t know where I was planning to go, but I needed to talk to Penelope. I needed to know more.
Why was she doing this? Why was she letting JT go? Why hadn’t she been open to negotiation sooner? Why now? Why after everything that had happened between us?
The memory of her touch was still so heavy on my mind. I was jogging in the middle of the night a few days ago, unable to sleep because of this custody battle. I came to that small Texas town to get to know my son. I hadn’t intended to get to know his sister, really hadn’t meant to sleep with her. And I definitely hadn’t meant to have her served with a custody order the morning after. And, that night, I hadn’t meant to see the light on in her bakery, or to slip inside to make sure she was alright. I was the last person she wanted to see, and I knew it even as I laid my eyes on her.
But then she came on to me. She kissed me. She asked me – with her touch, her lips, her movements – to make her forget. And I did. For a brief time, I forgot, too. I forgot that things had gone so badly between us. I forgot that we were on opposite sides of this bitter custody battle. I forgot that our love making was a temporary thing that wouldn’t happen again, that wouldn’t see a future.
When I remembered, when she pushed me away and screamed for me to leave, it was an experience I’ve never had before. And I didn’t like it.
Things were out of control. I had to do something to make everything right. I wasn’t just going to take my son and leave Penelope behind, even if that had always been the plan.
Things had changed.
I slipped into the elevator as it was about to close, Finn rushing after me as my sister, mother, and former lover all watched dumbfounded in the middle of the courthouse corridor. If I rushed, I might catch Penelope before she left. But when I stepped out into the hot morning sun, it was just in time to watch Penelope’s car speed out of the parking lot.
Her lawyer was still standing in the parking lot, his cellphone glued to his ear. I ran over, pushing his shoulder to get his attention.
“What’s going on? Where’s she going?”
/>
“She’s not running, if that’s what you think.”
It hadn’t even crossed my mind. But I figured he didn’t need to know that.
“Then where is she going in such a rush?”
The lawyer turned, glancing toward the edge of the parking lot where her car had disappeared. I could almost see the wheels turning in his mind. And then whoever he was talking to must have spoken because he cupped his mouth and said something I couldn’t quite make out. Then he disconnected the phone, sliding it into his pocket.
“What the hell is going on?” I demanded. “Where’s JT?”
The lawyer turned toward me again. “She gave you the paper, right? You’ve got what you want. Why don’t you just leave her alone?”
Because I couldn’t, but that was also none of his business.
“Something’s going on and I think I have a right to know.”
“You don’t need to know anything that isn’t related to JT.” The lawyer advanced on me, his eyes narrowing even as he took in everything about me in a glance. “Penelope is one of the kindest, most gentle people I’ve ever met. And you’ve destroyed her world, destroyed everything that mattered to her. She came home when her brother needed her, turned her whole life upside down for that boy. And in one stroke, you’ve taken all that away from her.”
“He’s my son.”
“Yes, but maybe blood isn’t everything.”
Would he have been surprised to know that I agreed with him? But this was all so complicated, and accepting the truce Penelope had offered was not the answer. I don’t know why, but it tasted bad in my mouth. I needed to see her. I needed to make sure this was really what she wanted.
I started to turn, thinking I could catch Penelope at home. But then that lawyer grabbed my shoulder and spun me around.
“You go near Penelope again, I will make sure she takes out a restraining order against you. She doesn’t need any more of your bullshit.”
It would have been amusing if he hadn’t touched me.
“I don’t know what your deal is,” I said, stepping into him to show him I wasn’t intimidated, “but you don’t want to get into this with me. I will crush you.”
JOSS: A Standalone Romance (Gray Wolf Security) Page 87
