“Paula’s fine,” said Dan quietly, and Martha’s heart sank. “She’s in London, still working with AM. We’re moving to a house in Hampstead and she’s doing it up at the moment. It’s all go actually.”
Hampstead, thought Martha. He might as well have smacked her in the face. That’s where she had wanted them to live, to bring up a family and grow old together. She’d thought she was over all this but here he was, replacing her with Paula again, digging up all the pain that she thought had passed. Martha longed for Will suddenly and twisted the ring on her finger, as if it could magically summon him.
“So you and Will live here, in Edinburgh?” continued Dan.
It took Martha a moment to realise that he was looking at her, waiting for an answer “Yes, we do,” she said, coughing nervously. “We’ve bought a house here actually.”
Dan perked up and made an ‘impressed’ face. “Must be good money in ghost hunting?” he grinned. “Only kidding,” he added, and smiled softly, raising his hand in mock defence. “Seriously though, I’m glad that you’ve done so well for yourself and that you’re happy.”
Martha forced a grin back.
Dan’s face suddenly became serious. “I’m happy for both of you,” he said.
Martha was confused. He didn’t know Will from Adam – wasn’t he really overdoing the patronising bit by being happy for him?
Dan registered her furrowed brow and clarified his point. “For you and Ruby,” he said, and Martha’s blood ran suddenly cold.
“How is she?” he asked, almost shyly. “How is my daughter?”
Martha’s brain suddenly felt under attack. No, she thought. No, he cannot ask about her. He cannot even mention her name. She’s not his, at least not now she’s not. She’s mine and only mine. She scrambled for an answer desperately, or more precisely scrambled not to answer him, to take Ruby’s name out of the air, to make him forget her and leave them alone.
“Why do you want to know all of a sudden?” she asked coldly. “You’ve no right, Dan, not after what you did.”
Again, he nodded. Martha didn’t feel curious this time as to why, however. She didn’t want to know why, just knew that she wanted to go home and pick Ruby up in her arms and hold the back of her soft little neck and never let her go. Never let him get her. Every hair stood on end, her maternal instinct to protect her child in overdrive.
“I know you feel that way and I know why,” he said, again in his soft voice. “But the truth is that I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and . . .”
Martha didn’t want to hear what was coming next, wondered if there was still time to run away. She sat bolted to her chair instead.
“I’d like to . . . review . . . our custody situation, Martha. I want to see more of Ruby, to be her dad.”. He looked directly at Martha with what could only be described as pleading in his eyes.
“No,” said Martha, without a second thought, and scrabbled at her feet to find her handbag. She had to go, couldn’t be around him, had to get home and lock the doors and hide under the bed. This was worse than any bloody ghosts. He was going to try to take Ruby away – take her to bloody Paula, after everything that he’d already put her through. “No!” she said again and made to stand up.
Suddenly, Dan reached across the table and laid his hand across her hand, covering the beautiful ring that seemed so irrelevant now. “Martha, I’m sorry,” he said, in such a way that it stopped her in her tracks. There was something in his tone that brought her back to the very start, to before Paula, before Ruby, back to the beginning.
She sank back into her chair, trembling.
“I’m so so sorry for fucking things up,” he continued, speaking softly but quickly, as if to cram in all the words he wanted to say before she ran away. “So sorry for leaving you – I’m sorry for marrying you, truth be known, because if I hadn’t then none of this would ever have happened . . .”
And Ruby wouldn’t have happened, thought Martha.
“But it has and I want to make up for it. I’m older now, and wiser, and I’ve realised that I have a daughter.” He stared at Martha for a moment. “A beautiful daughter,” he stressed.
It struck Martha as strange – did he think she didn’t get the concept?
“And I want to see her, and spend time with her and get to know her. And I know that deep down you know that if I do it right, then that’s the right thing to do for her future. I know this is a shock for you, and a lot to take in, but I really want to do this the right way. I want to make sure we’re all happy with everything – I’ll do whatever it takes, Martha, but I don’t want to suddenly grow old and know that Ruby’s grown up and that I missed the greatest chance of my life.”
Martha was stunned to see a tear form in the corner of his right eye and suddenly release itself down his cheek. He made no effort to wipe it away, and continued to rest his hand on hers, grasping it. “Please let me do this,” he said. “I know it’s the last thing you want, but I know I have rights and responsibilities and I want to live up to them, to make it up to you both and be a good dad.” He released his grip on her hand.
Martha stared at him for a long time, his words flying around her head, crammed in there, fighting with each other for reason and sense. She couldn’t take it in, wanted to refuse him point blank, but at the same time it dawned on her that what he said was true. Rights and responsibilities. As much as it killed her, she knew he was correct. He had the right to see Ruby and now all of a sudden he wanted to. But what if he took her away? What if Ruby preferred him? Or preferred Paula? The thought horrified her.
“I have to go, Dan,” she said abruptly and stood, pulling her bag over her shoulder, her face filled with shock and disbelief.
Dan nodded, a lock of blonde hair falling past his eye. “I want to do this right,” he said again. Martha stared at him and then found herself nodding, before turning and walking away, unsteady on her feet as she went, desperate to get to the door of the hotel and out into the misty evening.
“You know where I’m staying,” she heard him say after her. “Just call me and we can set it up. I’m in town for as long as it takes. And Martha, I’m sorry.”
CHAPTER 15
Martha released the child carefully from the restraint of the car seat and lifted her gently into her arms. The tiny blonde head lolled onto her shoulder and, once there, snuggled itself closer into Martha’s neck. The sensation was overwhelming and Martha thought that her knees might buckle and was overcome with a feeling of tearfulness. She inhaled deeply, the smell filling her nostrils – a combination of baby shampoo from her daughter’s hair and the hint of open-fire smoke in the air along with that particular smell of early winter, that sharpness in the air as the first of the dark evenings settled in, still a novelty. At least she was home and Ruby was safe in her arms and once she could get inside she could sit down and talk to Will and he’d make everything fine again. Martha just wanted to lock the door of her house and never emerge.
She had driven home from the meeting with Dan in a daze, thoughts hurtling through her mind. Would this mean that she might have to move back nearer to London? Would it mean that Dan would have Ruby at weekends? That she’d only ever see her child on school nights and for half the school holidays? What would happen when Dan and Paula would take her on exotic holidays and expensive day trips? What if they turned her against Will entirely, when he had done so much for her?
Martha fumbled on her key ring for her house key, growing angrier by the second. Damn Dan! Everything up until now had been perfect – how dare he turn up like this and suddenly make Ruby into a child of a divorce? How dare he take the cosy bond that Martha and Ruby shared exclusively and break it? Make life be about choices, taking sides? Take up her time travelling between two houses when it could have been spent painting pictures, or baking, or going to the zoo? Martha paused on the top step with the key to the front door in her hand and took a deep breath, ordering herself to calm down in case she had a complete meltdown with Rub
y still in her arms.
She had been surprised to see Will’s Volvo in the driveway – normally he was never home before Martha, especially midweek. She was equally surprised to hear voices coming from the kitchen. She closed the front door behind her as quietly as she could and crossed the hallway, taking the first steps on the stairs as lightly as she could so that they wouldn’t creak and wake Ruby.
Making sure that Ruby was settled, Martha made her way quietly to the bathroom. She knew she had to go downstairs and join Will and their guest, knowing that Will would expect it of her. She checked her appearance in the mirror in case the visitor was someone important for Will – someone from the university perhaps, or someone interested in publishing some of his work. Then again, it could be another bloody ghost geek, she thought. It wouldn’t be the first time she’d come home to find Will poring over a laptop with someone from one of the city’s amateur paranormal groups, trying to pin down the precise moment that a shadow seemed to twitch or a piece of dust floated past a camera.
She became aware of the smell of food as she went downstairs – a roast by the smell of things – which would indicate that whoever was downstairs was staying for dinner. A dinner which would take some time to cook, so it looked like she was in for a late one. A slight sense of panic gripped her. She needed Will to herself – to sort things out between them first and then explain about Dan. She didn’t need him scoffing down a plate of chicken with someone who wanted to only discuss the merits of full-spectrum photography and then disappear up to his office to exchange ghost stories and analyse green, grainy digital video.
She frowned. She’d have to try to get Will on his own and tell him that something important needed to be discussed concerning Ruby. Ruby always came first to him. She knew he’d understand, even when she explained why she hadn’t mentioned to him before that Dan was in town. He’d be able to help. Make Dan go away and then leave them in peace, leave them to get back to how things were before.
Martha was deep in these thoughts as she pushed open the kitchen door and saw Will first, leaning in his habitual position against the counter top, the kitchen windows black behind him. It was in these windows that she saw someone reflected who stopped her in her tracks. Martha did a double take, gasped and turned to her left to face the man sitting at the kitchen table. Momentarily her thoughts of Dan and feelings of panic washed away and she beamed with delight at Gabriel who was holding a glass of white wine in his bejewelled hands. Martha looked at Will, who smiled at her, and then looked back at Gabriel, who winked and raised his glass slightly in a silent toast. “Hello, my love,” he said, grinning, and she grinned back as she went and leaned over him to give him a hug.
They were slightly tipsy by the time the meal of roast chicken was finally finished, hours later. In the meantime, Ruby had woken, been bathed hurriedly and put straight back to bed, exhausted. It gave the adults the chance to catch up.
“Seriously, Gabriel, you were the last person I expected to ever see sitting at the kitchen table again!” said Martha, reaching into the fridge for another bottle of wine.
“Remember, it’s a school night!” grinned Will, but without his usual note of caution in his voice. He beamed at Martha as he held up his glass for a refill and they giggled as she slopped a little over the side in pouring. He even went so far as to hold his face up for a kiss, which she returned gladly, causing Gabriel to tut in disgust.
“Get a room!” he scoffed. “Top me up first though, my dear?”
Martha grinned back and gladly filled his glass before returning to her own. She felt light-headed with relief – firstly that Gabriel and Will were reunited, and secondly, Gabriel’s presence there meant that she didn’t have to think about Dan and the whole custody situation. It had become clear that she wasn’t going to get Will on his own that night, and anyway she didn’t want to, seeing him in such a good humour for the first time in months. There would be plenty of time tomorrow to talk through what was going to happen with Dan – he’d said he’d stay in Edinburgh for as long as it took, so let him. Let him camp out in a lonely hotel room at his own expense while waiting for an answer. As it stood, Martha realised that she held the cards and as she looked around the room at her partner, their estranged friend now returned, and the remains of an excellent meal, she decided that she was in no hurry to play them.
Martha plonked back down in her seat and picked up her glass. “To Gabriel and Will!” she said. “Reunited at last!”
Gabriel’s response was to roll his eyes and stand up unsteadily from the table, pushing behind her and forcing her to scooch her chair in to the table so far that she could barely breathe.
“Outta my way!” he said. “A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do! Lav’s upstairs, I take it? Never mind, I’ll find it myself,” and with that he was gone, listing slightly to his right as he did so.
Martha heard the bottom step squeak loudly under his foot and listened for a moment for any sounds from Ruby. She turned her head sharply, however, as she felt something a warm touch on her hand, and realised that Will had leaned across the table to cover it with his own.
“I have to thank you,” said Will softly.
Martha cocked her head to one side. “Why?” she asked.
Will nodded his head toward the ceiling. “You just brought me back to my senses a bit. I’m so sorry I was annoyed with you – if you hadn’t told me you’d seen Gabriel – it’s difficult to say, but it sort of made him real again. I know that sounds like complete nonsense but I guess I had taken an out-of-sight-out-of-mind attitude to things. I’ve been so pig-headed. Without what you said to me – well – I wouldn’t have gone and looked at the manuscript of my book. It all reminded me that – well, there’s still research there that could change everything – how people think about the paranormal – maybe prove my point that it’s an undiscovered science. He’s vital to that – the best link I have and I’ve screwed it up by being stubborn. And on top of everything . . . I’ve missed the grumpy old sod. So I phoned him up and invited him over and we’ve talked . . .”
“And I’ve explained to him that I am not a total whore!” came a voice from the doorway as Gabriel rejoined them. “I can still maintain my integrity as a medium while actually earning a reasonable keep – is that not correct, William?”
Will nodded in response. “I can see now where you’re coming from – doesn’t mean I agree with it, but who am I to argue? And maybe you’re right – maybe you being on TV could be a good thing – at any rate, you went onto that show with the best of intentions.”
“Well, now, my dear,” grinned Gabriel, taking a sip from his glass, “integrity’s all well and good but being a tour guide wasn’t going to buy me furs and diamonds, now was it?” He made an elaborate hand gesture in the air and sat sideways on his chair, crossing his legs theatrically.
Martha rolled her eyes – being tipsy made Gabriel automatically camper.
“If I’d only known what a total sham that show was going to be before I signed up for it though,” Gabriel continued, resting his chin in his hand. “I mean there are so many of those shows where they take things seriously. What’s that one – Ghosts Wanted – I mean, all they do is film the actual investigation on that one – none of these pieces to camera where someone says that, if only they’d known they were going to see something that would change their lives forever or that irrefutably proves that there’s life after death, they would have made sure to have a camera with them at that precise moment . . .” Gabriel’s words trailed off. “I’ve forgotten how I was going to end that sentence,” he said matter of factly.
Martha laughed aloud while Will grinned, looking at Gabriel affectionately.
“What I mean to say is that, much as I love being a wee bit more comfortable, I can’t wait for my contract to be up next month and get back to doing things proper. If I still can, that is.”
Will leaned back from the table and folded his arms against his chest. “Is it true then, what Mart
ha was saying?” he said, suddenly serious. “About Laurence being gone?”
Gabriel nodded. “Did she tell you about my . . . visitor? My nocturnal friend?” he asked.
Martha nodded. “I did, didn’t I, Will?” she said, eager to prove that she had kept her promise to Gabriel.
Will asked Gabriel to elaborate and Gabriel began to tell the story of what was happening in his apartment, backed up by Martha as an eyewitness to the handwriting and the fingerprints. Emboldened by wine, he told the story almost in a cavalier fashion, showing none of the fear and emotion he had displayed in front of Martha in his flat. She was glad of that. It made his story seem far more rational and believable in front of Will who was looking at it through a scientist’s eyes.
“Truth be told,” said Gabriel, “I haven’t the faintest notion what to do next. I mean, I speak to spirit – well, I normally speak to spirit, but I need my guide and for some reason he’s up and left. I don’t know if he’s ever coming back either and that scares me more than this guy coming in at night does, I think. If I don’t have Laurence, it makes me a bus tour guide and I can tell you, Mummy doesn’t like that one little bit! Not at all!”
Martha snorted. “Gabriel, you’re such a snob!” she interjected. “There’s nothing wrong –”
She was cut short by Will who had remained silent through the whole thing. “There’s one thing to do for starters,” he said, serious and sober suddenly. “We need to conduct an investigation – equipment, recordings, an overnight stay – all the usual stuff – it’s obviously the only way that we can try to get to the bottom of this.”
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