I’m engaged...
It had been a crazy night, starting with her best friend Rob’s proposal. She had just arrived from Singapore, and Rob was waiting for her in her apartment with a bouquet of tulips in his hand. One look at him and Kate knew what was going to happen. She had known for a while, really.
It was the reason why she had gone to Kuala Lumpur to see if there was anything with Layne that could progress, but there wasn’t. So she arranged for Singapore as her goodbye to Layne. Maybe deep inside, she hoped it was a final chance to see if whatever she had with Layne would amount to something.
It didn’t.
She had come home, knowing she would accept Rob’s proposal, if he did get around to proposing.
Her acceptance was followed by a surprise birthday dinner-cum-engagement party with their families and close friends at a posh restaurant. Everything was planned, orchestrated, and implemented by Rob flawlessly.
I’m thirty-five and now I am engaged to be married!
Kate sneaks a peek at Rob’s sleeping face and as always, she can’t help but smile.
This is the universe telling me what I am destined for.
After being in love with her best friend for more than fifteen years, she is finally marrying him. Rob had been the center of her universe her entire adult life, up until a few years ago, when they had a falling out and she met Layne.
Rob stirs and opens his eyes. He looks at Kate tenderly, with his beautiful bedroom eyes and his hair disheveled.
“Hey, you,” Rob says with a half-smile.
“Hey,” Kate answers softly.
“Why are you still awake?”
“Can’t seem to sleep straight,” she says stupidly.
“Obviously,” Rob says. “Why?”
Kate smiles sadly. “Maybe I’m afraid if I sleep straight through to morning and wake up, I’ll discover this is all a dream.”
Rob smiles widely.
“You won’t get away that easily. This is real.”
“Why?”
“Why?!” Rob asks, his smile disappearing.
“Why now?”
Rob frowns. “Kate...”
“I mean, that promise we made a long time ago, it was just us being young and drunk and...”
“...naked, if I recall,” Rob teases.
“I’m serious, Rob.”
“Kate...”
Rob sits up on the bed and holds Kate’s face in his hands.
“I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” he says.
“But you don’t have to feel obligated because of that promise,” Kate says stubbornly.
“I don’t. I knew back then when I made that promise what I know now.”
“What?”
“You’re the one for me,” Rob says seriously. “Always have been, always will be.”
Kate frowns. “It took you more than fifteen years to realize it?”
“What can I say? I’m a stupid guy,” the half-smile is back on Rob’s face.
“But...”
“Kate, shut up.”
“I—” Kate feels Rob’s fingers on her bare thigh and she suddenly realizes she is naked under the sheets, as is he.
Rob looks into her eyes and Kate is lost in his control, as she had always been ever since the day they met...
Seventeen years ago
Back when they were still in college at the state university...
“Do you have an extra pencil?”
Kate looked up from her table at the university library where she was working on sheets of columnar paper amidst her accounting books, notebooks, and a calculator.
“Uhm... yeah,” Kate said as she rummaged through her big bag. She felt flustered because she realized it was the cute guy from her Accounting 101 class. After some groping, she finally found a pencil. Thankfully, it was sharpened.
“Here,” she said, handing over the pencil to the guy.
“Thanks. Anyone sitting here with you?” he asked, as he absently ran his long fingers through his longish hair, which was flopping over one of his beautiful eyes.
Kate shook her head. Cute guy plopped his tall and lean frame on the chair next to her and proceeded to take out his own columnar pad, books, notebooks, and calculator from his backpack. He was wearing a purple sports shirt over tight black jeans and loafers.
Kate went back to working on her assignment, painfully aware of how close she was to the cutie. She suddenly became self-conscious and smoothed over the stray strands of hair from her loose ponytail. She was wearing a Nirvana T-shirt over baggy faded jeans and a ratty pair of sneakers that used to be white. Having graduated elementary and high school from an exclusive girls’ school, and having had no boyfriend since birth, she was never comfortable in the presence of boys—what more super-cute boys?
“Shit!” the guy muttered under his breath. Kate looked up again and saw the guy shaking his calculator.
“Uhm...,” the guy started to say something. Kate took her calculator and slid it sideways to the guy.
“Thanks!”
Kate continued her work, adding the rows of figures on her columnar sheet manually. She was in the zone. When everything was balanced, she sighed. She felt something and turned toward the guy. He was staring at her.
“What?” Kate asked, suddenly self-conscious.
“You look seriously intense,” he said, smiling a sort of lazy lopsided smile that made his bedroom eyes look even sleepier.
Kate shrugged. She had always been serious and intense, especially when it came to her studies.
“I’m Rob, by the way. We’re classmates in Accounting 101 under Mrs. Kimwell.” Rob extended his hand.
“I’m Kate,” she said, taking a second or two longer to take the proffered hand and shake it. Rob’s grip was strong and firm. Kate noticed that Rob’s hand was a few shades fairer than her own, and she noticed that his hand looked more feminine and beautiful compared to hers, with her shorter fingers and her nails cut bluntly.
“Can I buy you lunch, Kate? As a thank you for the pencil and calculator.”
Kate stared at Rob and found he had the kind of eyes she could easily drown in. He smiled completely, no longer lazy and lopsided, and his eyes brightened. He is a handsome, beautiful boy, Kate thought.
“Sure,” Kate said. What the heck, she thought. No one has ever asked her out for anything in her entire life. She sure wasn’t going to pass up this opportunity, even if it was just a gratitude lunch. Plus she was working on a personal project—writing a short story, and it was a college romance, and she needed some “research” on the dating aspect.
Lunch went well, and surprisingly, Kate and Rob were inseparable ever since.
Rob’s fingers are dangerously close to where Kate knows she wouldn’t be able to resist him. Rob still stares into her eyes. Kate sighs loudly.
“Kate, I have loved you since the day we met.”
He kisses her then.
Sixteen years ago
“What do you think of Monique?” Rob asked Kate. They were in his car, going to Kate’s house. It was late in the evening, and they spent it with a few other classmates poring over a group project—a business plan for a tutorial center.
“What do you mean?” Kate asked, knowing full well what Rob meant, but just trying to delay the moment she had to answer.
“I mean is she girlfriend material?”
Kate sighed. “I don’t know what that is—girlfriend material.”
“I mean, would she make a good girlfriend for me?”
Ouch, Kate thought. Another ouch in a series of ouches with Rob since they became friends. They hit it off since that day in the library and lunch afterwards. They became very good friends, best friends, even. Everything was as Kate wished it would be. It was inevitable that she developed feelings for Rob. He was just that kind of boy. Handsome, rich, smart, surprisingly down-to-earth, fiercely protective of her. He was sweet and supportive, and he didn’t care about other people who underestimat
ed Kate. There was one hitch though. He never seemed to be without girlfriends. First there had been Joan, then Aileen, then Racquel, then that other girl from the other school. Now Monique.
Doesn’t he just rest?
“She’s your type, I guess,” Kate said.
“What’s my type?”
“Pretty, sweet, clingy...”
Rob laughed.
Rob is kissing her neck, his body covering hers, and Kate’s eyes are closed. Kate feels the familiar tingle all over her body. Only this time, there is something new. She pulls Rob’s head and stares into his eyes.
“You’re not going to take this back in the morning, right? This is for real?” Kate knows what she is saying is bordering on crazy, but she has to say it.
Rob laughs.
“I must have been very bad for you to not believe me when I say this is serious.”
Kate is silent. Inside, she is thinking, Yes, you had been very bad.
Fourteen years ago
“He’s not coming, Kate.”
“Mmm? I’m not waiting for him,” Kate said, trying hard not to cry, especially not in front of Jane.
It was Kate’s college graduation and her family threw her a party. Kate had asked Rob to attend because it was going to be a special night. It was going to be the night she would finally tell him how she really felt. She had written tons of stories inspired by her love for Rob, enough to fill several notebooks. She had decided she was going to live her own love story.
“I’m your sister, I know you, Kate, and I know you are hopelessly in love with your best friend, but he has other priorities, Kate. He’s not coming,” Jane said. Even though she was five years younger than Kate, she was mature in her outlook in life.
Kate knew what her sister was saying was true. Rob had told her during the ceremony that he might be late because he was trying to get it on with yet another girl, Stacey. He said it was his last chance because they won’t see each other again as Stacey was going to the US to pursue further studies.
“Kate, are you okay?”
Kate looked up, her eyes wet with tears. It was Anton.
“No, I’m not,” Kate said honestly. Anton had been a sometime-date for Kate, but they never took their relationship to the next level, so to speak, because Kate was never ready. And Anton knew Rob occupied a special place in Kate’s life. Everyone in the university knew.
Anton sat down beside her and let her place her head on his shoulder. He hugged her close. Kate felt her sadness ebb slowly. After a few minutes, she was okay.
“Kate! Phone call!” her mother gave Kate the wireless phone, before bustling off to refill some of the food platters.
“Thanks, Mom. Anton, excuse me for a minute.” Kate left to take the call.
“Katie? Sorry! I’m sure you’re mad!”
“Rob!”
“I’m really sorry, but well, you see, I’m with Stacey and it is fucking amazing!”
Kate felt her heart literally hurt.
“She is just... I don’t have the words. Anyway, I just wanted to check in. I have to go! Round two, you know...”
Kate didn’t move for a minute. She felt heavy. Internally, she resolved to never, ever let Rob know how much he had hurt her. Never.
She went back to Anton, and after that night, they became an item.
Rob laughed when he found out. He didn’t like Anton. He never liked anyone who pursued Kate. That confused the hell out of Kate, but maybe he just didn’t like other guys being with her because that meant her focus on him would diminish.
But Anton was solid, and he endured Rob’s presence in Kate’s life. Kate knew Anton never got along with his girlfriend’s best friend, but he always rationalized that he was in a relationship with Kate, and not with Rob. It didn’t matter that much, anyway, because Rob was with a series of women anyway. He was always preoccupied.
Ten years ago
Anton and Kate lasted four years. It was a good relationship. Anton was kind and loving, and he treated Kate like a princess. Kate genuinely loved Anton, but they never had the spark, the chemistry. Four years together and they hadn’t really consummated their relationship. It wasn’t for want of trying. They made out like crazy, but there was always something that stopped them from going all the way.
“He’s gay, Kate, that’s the only reason for it!”
“Shut up, Rob!”
“If you were my girlfriend, I’d be trying to sleep with you in our first few weeks of relationship!” Rob said, staring at Kate intently.
Kate closed her eyes. No, I will not let him do this to me again. He is just being Rob, he is just being nice.
“Maybe I just don’t excite him, like your girlfriends excite you,” Kate said sarcastically. “Or maybe, he is just a gentleman and old-school.”
“What? Waiting for marriage, for god’s sake?”
“Just leave me alone, Rob,” Kate said.
“You are obviously bothered, Kate. Why don’t you talk it out with him? Or maybe just let out all your sexual frustration in some other way.”
“Some other way?” Kate asked, confused.
“If you ask me nicely, I would help you,” Rob said with a lazy smile.
“Ugh. We are not having this conversation. I have to go.” Kate walked away.
But the damage had been done, the seed planted, the offer made.
And even when she was with Anton, making out, all she could think about was how it would feel if it was Rob in her arms.
She was screwed.
One night, Anton clearly wanted to take it further. When they got to his apartment after a romantic dinner, it was decked out with candles and flowers. Anton took out wine and put on some music. It was obvious what he wanted, and Kate told herself, at last, it was actually going to happen!
They were on the bed half out of their clothes, going further than they ever went before.
Kate closed her eyes and groaned as Anton kissed her neck, his hands exploring her body.
“Rob...,” she whispered.
Anton stopped moving. And it took a few seconds before Kate realized what just happened.
It was over right after. It was a few days later that Kate found out Anton was going to propose to her that night. If she had not uttered Rob’s name, she would have been engaged and things would probably have taken a different turn.
An hour after Anton abruptly broke up with her, Kate found herself in her tiny studio apartment, crying her eyes out, an open bottle of vodka on her bedside table.
She called Rob.
“I need you, Rob. Drop whatever the fuck you are doing and come to my apartment. Now.”
She didn’t wait for Rob’s answer. She knew he would not come. He was never there when she really needed him. She will just explain the call tomorrow. But, no, she won’t tell him what really split Anton and her up.
She threw up soon after. She was never a good drunk and could never sustain it that well. She cleaned up, took a shower, and got ready for bed.
Then there was a knock on the door.
Rob.
He came.
Kate was elated.
Their eyes locked.
“Rob, I’m asking you nicely,” Kate said softly, feeling her self-respect dying inside her.
Rob smiled. He slammed the door behind him and took Kate in his arms.
When Kate woke up in the morning, Rob had left.
She wept.
3
The Promise
It is a Sunday, and for as long as Kate has remembered, after she had moved out, she had spent Sundays at her parents’ home in Fairview, Quezon City. As soon as she started working, she had rented a place close to her place of work in Makati. With the traffic and the cost of transportation (Kate never invested in a car), and the late hours she worked, having her own place close to work was just more convenient and cost-effective. Sundays, however, were sacred. She spent the whole day at her parents’ house, and she had never skipped—even when she was travelling.
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Kate’s parents had the perfect love story—her father, Luis Borromeo, was her mother’s first and only love. Her mother, Mel Salazar, was her father’s last love, him being a self-confessed rehabilitated ladies’ man. As soon as they had met, they knew they were meant for each other and they moved heaven and earth to be together. They were never rich, by any standard, and there were times when they had to make sacrifices for their two daughters, Kate and Jane, but they provided both with a happy home, filled with love, and they were able to have them both finish school and have productive lives.
“Finally, Kate, huh? After all these years, I knew somehow, someday, you and Rob would end up together!”
Kate looks up at her mom, who walks into the dining room, where Kate is looking over swatches and bridal gown designs from magazines.
“Yeah, Mom, finally!” Kate says this with more chirpiness than usual.
“I am so happy for you!” Mel gives her daughter a hug.
“Thanks, Mom!”
“I mean, this is what you have wanted for so long, right? I guess it was all worth the wait.”
Kate stares at her mom’s eyes and she knows her mom wants to say more, but isn’t going to, unless Kate probes. Kate knows she probably doesn’t want to hear what her mom wants to say, so she stays silent.
In the past, her mother had been her staunchest supporter, but she had always cautioned her about her feelings for Rob. Kate never had to tell her mom about it, her mom just knew. Her mom had seen her at her lowest and although her mom loved Rob to death—both Mel and Luis treated Rob as the son they never had—Mel knew Rob was hurting her daughter without him meaning to.
Kate’s father was the same, except that he admonished Kate that she was suffering because she had allowed the situation to become painful. Again, Kate never had to tell her dad anything. And he doesn’t talk to her about her love life at all. But he was clear about the subject of Rob—and this coming from a man who loved Rob like the son he never had. Luis and Rob were very close, because Rob had a love-hate relationship with his own father. He told Kate that Rob was her friend and nothing more, and for her to expect more was to invite pain.
Kate, Finally Page 5
