“Of course, Rob,” Kate says with a smile.
“That’s my girl!” Rob ruffles her hair.
Kate giggles. She loves it when Rob treats her like a little girl.
Late that night, alone in her bed—Rob had to go to a party she didn’t want to attend—Kate remembers the day she confirmed Rob was going to propose to her.
It was right after she came home from the disappointment that was Kuala Lumpur. Rob was on her couch yet again, and junk food was scattered around her coffee table.
Four months ago
“So... did you manage to seduce anyone in KL?” Rob asked matter-of-factly.
Kate almost choked on a Cheetos piece. And it was the Tabasco spicy one so she started coughing. She drank a whole glass of Coke.
“So did you?” Rob asked. He was facing the TV set, but Kate knew he was waiting for her to answer.
“What if I did?” Kate challenged. Her eyes were still tearing up from the coughing.
Rob shrugged. “Was it good?”
“Rob, are you seriously asking me about sex with another man?”
Rob looked at her. “Yes, we used to talk about these things before. You talk about the guys you’ve done it with, and I talk to you about girls I have done.”
Kate remembered. “Yeah, but... it’s been awhile, you know. Sorry, I’m just not used to that anymore.”
“Okay. I know there should be boundaries, which before I always crossed. So if this is crossing boundaries, I apologize.”
“Oh Rob, I’m sorry. You’re right, we used to be able to talk freely about this.”
Rob smiled. “So how was it?”
How was it? Kate thought.
“Let’s just say it was a night of good food, a magnificent view, not much in the way of conversation, but I’m sure I screwed his brains out after,” Kate said, summarizing her night with Layne accurately. “Then I left him.”
Rob stared at Kate. “Should I be worried about him?”
Should Rob be worried about Layne? What does he mean?
“I don’t know what you mean, Rob.”
“Kate, you’re turning thirty-five in a few months. By then, will this guy be someone ‘worthwhile’ that would stop you from, say, marrying me, IF I asked?”
And there it was. Out in the open. Rob’s plan. The promise. Kate knew it was coming. She had felt it for a long time. She had wanted this. She should be happy.
“And it is still a big IF, Kate, huh? Who knows what the next few months would bring? I might meet my dream girl...”
“Or I might finally meet my dream guy...”
“So should I be worried about KL guy?”
Kate shook her head. “Nope, KL guy is nothing to worry about.”
“So you really fucked him good?”
Kate blushed. “Shut up, Rob, I don’t want to talk about it.”
Rob smiled. “I’m waiting for the time you will do the same to me.”
Kate closed her eyes in embarrassment. But when she opened them, Rob was back to watching TV and eating his normal non-spicy Cheetos.
Rob was going to wait until her birthday.
A month and a half ago
In a few weeks, Kate would turn thirty-five and she knew her life would change. Rob didn’t talk about the “IF” proposal anymore, but Kate felt in her gut Rob was planning something. And she was actually happy, because she loved Rob. She had loved him for the longest time. They had their ups and downs. But the Rob of the last year or so had been a better Rob, a Rob who deserved the love she had for him. He was no longer the asshole Rob of old.
Marriage. She needed to make sure she has done everything she needed to do, before she turned thirty-five, so she could focus on building a life with Rob.
She looked at her bucket list and saw she had two more items to do:
13. I will walk along Orchard Road in Singapore.
14. I will get my happily ever after, on my own terms.
She needed to go to Singapore before her thirty-fifth birthday.
And with that thought came—and I need to see Layne one last time. I just want to be able to say my goodbyes. KL was not a good ending. She wanted a better ending for the two of them.
So she booked a flight to Singapore, and then posted a quote of a novel-in-progress she knew Layne would understand to be her invitation for him to meet her in Singapore.
She bought and wore a white dress during her meeting with Layne in Singapore, and in her own way, said her goodbyes to him.
On the flight back, she realized she had fallen head over heels in love with Layne, but she also knew there was no future for them. She had never stopped loving Rob, and so, if he did propose to her on her birthday, she would accept it.
And then she could tick Number Fourteen off her list.
Holy Tuesday
Jane is bouncing with excitement. It is the night before the five-day multi-destination road trip to the North she had planned to take with Kate. Kate has never seen her sister this animated since the time she scored a free ticket to the One Direction concert a few years ago.
“Jane, is there anything you’re not telling me?”
Jane and Kate are physical opposites. Jane is petite, barely reaching five feet in height, and she looks more like their dad while Kate looks more like their mom.
“Huh? No. I’m just glad we will have these five days together just you and I... and...,” Jane stammers.
“And?”
“It doesn’t hurt that a guy I like is part of the tour,” Jane admits reluctantly.
“Ah.” Kate wouldn’t put it past Jane to plan the whole trip because the guy was going to be there. It was okay. She knows what it feels like to do anything and everything just for a guy she likes.
“He will just be for eye candy. He won’t distract me from our quality time together.” Jane looks like a little kid with her pleading eyes.
“So what happened to Chet?” Kate had to think of Jane’s latest boyfriend’s name.
“He is still around. But—”
“But?”
“He’s not my Rob.”
Ouch. Kate didn’t like the sound of this.
“What does that mean?”
“He’s not the guy I pine for and love with all my heart even to my detriment.”
“Ouch.” This time Kate voices it out.
“Oh, but that’s the kind of love to aspire for, Kate. Look at you finally marrying him! I want something like that.”
“Don’t,” Kate says seriously.
“Why?”
“I was miserable for most of the time that I loved him, and I thought he didn’t love me back.”
“But you have him now,” Jane insists. The end justifies the means, basically is what she is saying.
“Yes. But when I didn’t, it hurt a lot,” Kate says seriously, remembering everything she went through for Rob.
“Sorry, Kate. I remember those times. But this time you’re happy and you will have Rob for the rest of your life.”
Kate smiles. “Forever,” she says, unease in the pit of her stomach.
Kate decides to change the subject. “So tell me about Mr. Eye Candy.”
“His name is Kevin. He is one of the consultants implementing the new computer systems in our company.”
Girl talk ensues while the two complete their packing and other preparations for the trip.
3
The Trip
Holy Wednesday
“Kate, wake up. Breakfast!”
Kate opens her eyes and realizes she had slept from Manila to Pangasinan, a good four-hour road trip. The van is already empty save for her and Jane.
They are at Eye Candy’s house for breakfast and he and a friend are joining from there.
The entire group consists of the van driver, Jane and Kate, and six other tour participants, mostly people Jane knows from her office—two single girls, two single guys, and two gay friends.
Kate gets out of the van and stretches her aching limbs. She
is wearing a plain black T-shirt and dark gray sweat pants and black sneakers.
She smells the food first and her stomach growls in reply. The breakfast spread is impressive. Bacon, tapa (a local dried beef delicacy), longganiza (local sausages), daing na bangus (salted milkfish), eggs, fried rice, and hot chocolate. Kate fills her plate and starts eating, wondering where Jane is. Probably making nice with Kev, the Eye Candy.
She sits in between gay friends Terry and Ariel. They recount how amazing the musical “Les Miserables” was and proceed to regale everyone with snippets from the show.
Kate sees Jane talking to an extremely cute guy who she surmises is Kev. God, he is so much like Rob. She already knows her sister is in for a lot of heartaches.
Jane introduces the two, and Kate sees that up close he is not at all like Rob. Rob is still more handsome. More perfect.
Rob.
She misses him suddenly. He sent her an e-mail last night which was totally unlike him. He was recounting how much he would miss her in Boracay. Reading the e-mail, she was almost convinced their marriage might actually work.
Why does she still doubt? Too much past hurt probably.
She gets her phone out and makes a call.
“Hey,” Rob’s voice was deep and sexy.
“Hey,” Kate answers. “Breakfast now. Preparing for the nine-hour drive to Pagudpud.”
“Packing. Flight in a couple of hours,” Rob answers.
“I miss you,” Kate says.
“I miss you more,” Rob answers.
Silence, but a nice silence. Kate feels Rob smiling as he listens to her breathing. She smiles as she imagines him smiling.
“Kate, we have to go! Hi, Robbie!” Jane shouts into the phone.
Rob laughs. “Take care, babe. See you in a few days. Love you!”
“Love you!”
Kate smiles.
Kate boards the van and moves to the backseat where she and Jane sat but she sees Jane already seated beside Kev near the front. Jane looks up and wordlessly pleads for Kate not to object.
Kate sighs. So much for quality time. She is spending the nine-hour drive alone. Kate gets her neck pillow and her eye shades and then plugs her ears with earphones to sleep to the music. She starts nodding off to Adelle’s “Hello.”
She wakes up suddenly when the van lurches and she hits her head on the window.
“Ow!” Adelle is still singing “Hello” so she must have only dozed off for seconds. She stretches her arms toward the empty seat beside her and hits someone.
Oh shit.
Kate removes her eye shade and earphones quickly.
“Sorry!”
“No worries—“
Kate locks eyes with the person beside her.
“Kate?”
“Layne?”
Kate sees Layne’s smile first invade his eyes, and then it spread to the rest of his face, and finally his mouth. Kate suddenly focuses on Layne’s lips which she misses and she realizes she had missed the rest of Layne a lot. How long has it been since Singapore? More than a month? He underwent some slight changes--the usually impeccable hairstyle was replaced by longish wavy hair with no styling products. He was also darker than she remembered. He must have spent some time at the beach. He is wearing a form-fitting gray T-shirt and black board shorts with hot pink piping, black sneakers and hot pink socks.
Real men wear pink. At the thought Kate flashes back to the times she spent with Layne and she feels her face grow warm. Belatedly she realizes she looks a mess, having just woken up. Yeah, he has never seen me in the morning. The thought suddenly flashes in her mind.
“Oh Kate, good you’re awake! Meet Layne. He works with Kevin. Layne, my sister Kate,” Jane introduces the seatmates, completely unaware they already know each other.
“Good to meet you, Kate,” Layne says, extending his hand. He is still staring into Kate’s eyes. He tries to keep a straight face but although his mouth isn’t smiling, his eyes are.
“Likewise,” answers Kate, trying not to laugh. She matches Layne’s stare with her own.
They shake hands, and at the physical contact, Kate feels something deep inside her come to life.
Jane frowns, feeling like she is missing something. The van lurches again and she goes back to her seat beside Kev, leaving the two new acquaintances to get to know each other better.
Kate feels Layne’s hand still holding hers. His smiling eyes look down at her hand.
“Wow,” he utters. The smile slowly leaves his eyes.
Kate blushes when she realizes what Layne has seen and the moment is gone. He lets go of her hand.
“You’re getting married?” Layne asks, his voice strange, and his eyes suddenly dark.
“Yes,” Kate admits sheepishly.
“When did this happen?” Layne asks, his voice a little bit demanding.
“Last month, February.”
A pause.
“Before or after Singapore?”
“After,” Kate whispers.
“Ah.”
Kate smiles sadly.
“Who’s the lucky guy?”
“My best friend and first love, Rob.”
“I see. I seem to remember you saying you didn’t have a boyfriend.” Layne’s voice had a hint of hurt.
Kate smiles and clasps her two hands. “He was never really my boyfriend.”
Layne nods, although he looks confused.
There is an awkward silence between them for a few minutes.
“Are you happy?” Layne asks softly.
Kate hesitates for a few beats, but she answers, “Yes.”
“Then I am happy for you.” Layne tries to smile, but the smile doesn’t reach his eyes.
Kate appreciates the effort. “Thank you. How are you?”
“I’m good,” Layne says. He breathes deeply, his eyes closed. Kate stares at his profile. She wants to run her fingers through his face and his hair, but she knows she no longer can. She realizes that if she wasn’t engaged, this would be the time for her and Layne to take their relationship to the next level.
However, without the pressure of trying to impress one another, Kate and Layne start to have a decent conversation. They talk. Like they never had a chance to talk before. Nine hours could cover a lot of ground.
Layne tells Kate about his family. He talks about his mom and his three sisters, and how his father left them, making Layne the sole breadwinner of the family. Now his sister Portia is also working while studying law part time, but his other two sisters are still in college.
Kate nods.
“No place for anyone else, I guess, right? No serious relationships?”
Layne hesitates. “None.”
Now Kate understands.
Layne tells Kate about how he found the book with the image of him on the cover, how his sister Sophia is a big fan and gushed about Kate. Layne says that’s how he found out more about her.
“Shit, so sorry to use that picture. I didn’t think it would show enough to make it a definitive picture of you. But I love that picture, one of the first photos I took I was proud of, and I liked the model.”
Layne stares at her. Kate looks away and sighs.
Kate tells Layne about her family, career and of course, Rob. She tries not to divulge too much, but she is honest about being in love with Rob since way back.
Layne is frowning for the most part.
“Don’t judge him by my story. He’s a great guy. It was my fault I loved him all those years.” Kate says, thankful she glossed over much of details that would paint Rob in an even worse light, and her in the most stupid light as well.
“Well, he did come around and realized you were worth loving and marrying,” Layne says.
“Yes,” Kate answers. “Story of my life, right? People always take too long before they realize I am worth it...” It was out of her mouth before she realizes the implication.
“Ouch,” Layne says, and he favors Kate with a sad smile.
“Sorry,�
�� Kate says back with a smile of her own.
As they talk, they go through three hotdog sandwiches, two pieces of mocha marble cake, a big bag of Cheetos, and three bottles of water. They speak in hushed tones as most in the van are sleeping or with their ears plugged with headphones.
Kate tells Layne about her writing and how before that she was a corporate slave.
“Ouch. I am a corporate slave!” Layne says.
“But you love what you’re doing, right?”
“Yes. I love dealing with people when I have projects. I get to travel.”
Kate laughs. “The first time I saw you, I called you Corporate Zombie in my mind.”
“I called you Selfie Girl.”
Kate talks about her bucket list.
“I was Number Six?”
“Yes. Sorry,” Kate says sheepishly.
“No! It was my pleasure!”
They look at each other and laugh because that just sounded so bad.
“It was mine too,” Kate answers softly. She shifts in her seat to look at Layne. “Didn’t you ever wonder why we encountered each other those times? Such a coincidence. At least three times were coincidences, right?”
“Yeah. I was just informed I was going to travel a week or so before for Sydney, Vietnam, and China. But the India and Malaysia and Singapore ones I scheduled, to see you.”
Kate lowers her eyes.
“I...”
“No need to comment Kate,” Layne says seriously. “We met, had fun. And now you’re getting married. I don’t think we need to rehash everything. I just want to say I enjoyed every moment I spent with you. I am enjoying now.”
“Me too,” Kate whispers.
They stare at each other and Kate feels a tinge of regret.
Damn you, Universe. What are you doing to me? Why now?
“You don’t like balut?” Layne laughs.
“Eeew, no way!” Kate makes a face.
“But it is just the most delicious thing in the whole world! And it is supposed to be an aphrodisiac!”
“Oh, gross! I wouldn’t fuck anyone right after I’ve watched him eating balut! The little chick, the bones, the feathers, ugh!” Kate shudders.
Kate, Finally Page 10
