“Mrs. Madison assigned us our seats, and I got to sit next to Tamasin.” She swallowed and tried to catch her breath. “She’s my new best friend. But so is Dena. But Tamasin moved here all the way from Texas, and she had no one to sit with at lunch. I told her that you had been to Texas, Daddy, and that one day I wanted to go see the Elmo.”
“You mean the Alamo.” I smiled down at Lyra.
“Oh yeah, the Alamo.” She giggled.
“I think it was very nice of you to befriend her, Lyra.” I paused and looked down at her. “Your mother would be very proud to see what a kind little girl you’ve turned into.”
“Thanks, Daddy.” Lyra replied with big bright eyes. We stopped at the hostess booth; an old face greeted us.
“Hey there, strangers!”
Max’s wife, Sophia, came around the booth and hugged me. The last time I had seen her was at the funeral. It was hard to believe that it had been four months since Emilia had passed away.
“Sophia!” Lyra hugged her. “Today was my first day of school.”
“It was?” Sophia squatted down. Her slick black hair had been pulled away from her face. “I think that means dessert is on us.” Sophia winked at Lyra. “Come on, I’ll get you two situated in a booth and I’ll let Max know you’re here. I know he’ll want to say hi.”
“Thank you,” I said, and Sophia rubbed my arms.
Lyra eagerly sipped on her milkshake after she was done with her meal, her eyes were still wide from the size of the glass Sophia had placed in front of her. I sat back, watching her drink it and waiting for the brain freeze to kick in.
“Too fast! Too fast!” Lyra pulled away and rushed her hand to her forehead. I chuckled and locked eyes with Max.
“Lyra, come sit next to me and let Max sit there.” I pulled her milkshake to my side of the table.
Max’s smile was wide on his face when he approached us. It was rare for him to leave the kitchen. He sat across and waved at Lyra. His long thick beard intimidated Lyra, and she whispered hello.
“How’s it going, West?” he asked.
“Good.” I exhaled. “Life has been good, right, Lyra?” She nodded. “I’d ask you how you guys are, but look at this place.” I paused and looked around. “It’s always so packed in here.”
“Yes, thank God. I can’t believe this all started with a food truck. I need to thank Emilia for pushing me to open up a bigger place.” He looked at Lyra when he mentioned Emilia.
“Em?” I questioned.
“Yeah.” He looked back up at me. “She always said I needed to stop hiding behind an old truck and open a place of my own.”
I smiled as I looked at Lyra. She had many reasons to be proud of her mother, too. They were both very much alike always willing to believe in a person.
Max took time out of his busy schedule and chatted with us for a bit. He asked about the band’s future, but I still had no clue. Like any artist, I couldn’t force it, and until the melody started to flow in my head, I couldn’t do anything. I had laid some track down and created new beats while Axel and the guys played around with new work, but the lyrics weren’t flowing.
I stood to say goodbye to Max. It had been nice to see him and Sophia again. It was nice to know that I could come back here and, though I missed her, the pain wouldn't be unbearable.
“I'll see you soon.” I said.
“Good to hear, man, but before you go…” He handed me a USB. “She left this for you.” A kind smile appeared on his face. “She told me it would take some time, but eventually, you would come in here. She asked that when you did I’d give this to you.”
“Thank you.” I took the drive from his hand and put it in my back pocket.
After Lyra had finished her homework and showered, I tucked her into bed and then plugged the USB into the television.
“Hi.” She had lost her hair completely, but the smile on her face was the most beautiful smile of all. “We got married last night,” she brought her hand in front of the camera, “and we’re leaving for Hawaii soon.” She paused and looked away.
“I finished chemo, and the doctors say all my scans are okay. I have to take the chemo pill for the next five years, but I get a chance at a do–over. I really thought about not doing this video. It’s kind of a contradiction that I’m shooting this video for you to watch once I’ve died even though the doctors say I’m okay.” Emilia bit her nails.
“But it got me thinking. What if I fall off a cliff or get hit by a bus? I know those are both very extreme scenarios, but when I started taping these, I had a reason for them. It was to help you heal.” She smiled and looked straight into the camera. “And that’s the only thing that matters. If you never get to see these, then that’s okay too but if you’re watching this video right this second then we know that a bus took me, or a cliff.” She shrugged. “But I’ll be in heaven knowing that I had already taped this.” She laughed at her own ridiculousness.
“So back to my original plan, you went to Max’s? That’s good. It means you’re getting out of the house and that you’re not sulking around because that’s the last thing I want. Weston, if I learned anything by going through chemo, it’s that every single day is a precious one. Every second you get to live is precious. Don’t waste them missing me. Don’t throw a perfectly beautiful day away because you wish I was there. Living your life doesn’t mean that you love me any less. That’s what I would want for you to do. Continue to go on.” She closed her eyes and inhaled.
“I love you, my husband.” She bit her lower lip and smiled. “I love the way that sounds. I love you very much, Weston. I hope time is healing your wounds and that you’re no longer in any pain.” She blew me a kiss. “Give Lyra a big hug for me. I love you always.”
The video stopped.
I pulled the USB off the television and then walked to the box I had over the mantel and added it to the collection. Unlike the other two, I would only watch this one once.
I was finally moving on.
* * *
Christmas Eve
Acceptance.
I had finally accepted that Emilia was gone.
It was the first holiday without her. She had left two videos for Lyra wishing her a Merry Christmas, one which we watched together first thing Christmas Eve morning, and then we’d spent the day baking cookies for Santa. The second video Emilia had requested that we watch after we opened the gifts Santa had left for Lyra.
Later that night, we sat in our pajamas eating s’mores as we watched “Dr. Seuss’ How The Grinch Stole Christmas!” on the television. It was something Emilia had always made for Lyra as a treat after dinner and I had continued with the tradition. The presents were wrapped and hidden in the garage, and my parents and Mama would arrive early tomorrow for presents and brunch. Leslie would be coming by as well and then we would all head to Sally and Axel’s for dinner. Everyone wanted to be together since this was the first holiday season without Emilia.
“Daddy, do you think Santa got my letter?” She curled up next to me on the couch. The side of her mouth was smudged with chocolate.
“Of course, princess.” I cleaned the side of her face and kissed her forehead. She looked like she was going to say something else, but the doorbell startled us both. I told Lyra to stay on the couch and walked over to the door. Pulling it back, I was greeted by a frantic–looking Leslie.
“Hey, Les, I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow.” Her eyes were wide, and I knew she had been crying. “Is everything okay?”
She shook her head. “I’m sorry to show up here unannounced,” she sniffled, “but I won’t be able to make it tomorrow. I need to go home.”
“Home?” I questioned. “Were you not in Chicago?”
“No, home–home.”
“Arizona?” I cocked my head to the side and pinched my eyebrows remembering where she was from.
She nodded and new tears began to pool in her eyes.
I realized I didn’t know anything about Leslie, nothing a
t all. I knew she lived in Chicago, worked in finance and met Emilia when she lived in Brazil.
“I was supposed to wait a while to give this last one to you.” Her hands trembled as she pulled a USB from her purse. “But I don’t know when I’ll be back.”
“Leslie, what’s going on?” I stepped outside, closing the door behind me.
“It’s my dad. He isn’t doing so well. I need to go home.” She leaned in and gave me a hug. “I’m sorry for showing up like this, but I really have to go. Merry Christmas, Weston.” She turned on her feet and jogged to the cab that was waiting at the curb.
“If you need anything, Les, please call!” I shouted.
She looked back at me when she reached the cab. “I will.” She slid into the cab and I watched it drive away.
This was the last USB.
“Daddy, was that Titi Leslie?”
I stepped back in the house, closed the door, and shoved the drive in my pocket. “Yes, Lyra. She has to go home for some urgent issues, so she won’t be here for Christmas tomorrow.”
“Oh,” Lyra frowned.
“It’s okay, sweetie. We’ll see her soon.”
I’d decided that I wouldn’t watch Emilia’s last note until after Christmas. Leslie had said she was supposed to wait a while before giving it to me, so I figured Emilia wouldn’t want me to have it only seven months after she had passed.
My plan only lasted until three in the morning. I couldn’t sleep knowing that a few feet away in a box on my nightstand was another message from Emilia. I brought my laptop with me to bed and uploaded the video.
Emilia lay in the same bed that I was in when she recorded this video. “Hi,” she said weakly. “I stopped treatment.” She paused and her lips trembled. “I’m going to die, Weston, and I honestly don’t know how I feel. I’m scared about leaving you and Lyra, but I’m more afraid of what will happen to you both when I’m gone. I’ve tried to tell you this in person, but I never had the courage to start up the conversation.”
She brushed away a tear from her eye. “I lived a short life, but because I lived it with you, it was a life filled with happiness, love and laughter. I won’t ever regret a single moment we shared. I love you with everything that I am.” Her voice cracked. “But if you’re watching this I want you to do me one last thing for me.” She closed her eyes. “I want you to live, Weston. I want you to let go of what we had and move forward with your life.” She swallowed and tried to smile.
“I know that it doesn’t mean that you’ll forget me, but you’re young, and Lyra will need a female in her life. Weston, I’m telling you it’s okay to love again.” I shook my head not agreeing with what she was saying. There was never another person I could love again. “It will give me peace knowing that one day you’ll be happy again. So promise me, Weston. Promise me that one day, when you’re ready, you’ll open your heart to love again because love is what kept me going for all these months. It was your love, our love, the love I have for Lyra. That was the fire behind my fight. So though our love story has come to an end it doesn’t mean you can’t have another one.” She tried to smile.
“I love you, Weston. I will always love you. Even through all the universes and eternity’s I will always love you. Until I see you again…”
Emilia taught me what life was all about. She was the true definition of yellow gel. I would never forget our love story because our memories would continue to live on and on. I wouldn't dwell that this was the last video because if I’ve learned anything, it’s that destiny would bring us together in another lifetime. I couldn’t continue to mourn her death. It was okay to accept that in this lifetime we wouldn’t be together but there would be more for us in the next lifetime.
Emilia would want me to celebrate her life. Even though it was short–lived, she got to live it. She changed my life and in order to truly appreciate her life and value the meaning of her life and know that she had a purpose no matter how short that time was, I have to continue to go on with mine because if not what's the point?
All those invisible love letters that we had drawn on each other's bodies would have no value. It would signify that our love had come to an end.
That wasn’t the case. Our love was like the sun in June. You can’t see the heat, but you can feel it.
And if there was one thing I was certain of was that our love, though it was invisible to the naked eye, and you could not psychically touch it, you could feel it. And it was fucking endless.
Epilogue
Twenty years later.
You could smell the fresh cut grass in the air. The sun peeked through the branches, and there wasn’t a single cloud in the sky. The flowers Lyra had planted last fall had finally bloomed. Knowing that I could dirty my tuxedo, I threw caution to the wind and sat on top of Emilia's grave. My back rested on the granite headstone.
She had passed twenty years ago, and I still loved her very much, but coming here made it hard to move on and live my life like she had wanted me too. I'd always visit her on her birthday, on our wedding anniversary and the anniversary of her death, but today was a very special day. It was a day I knew she wanted to be a part of more than anything else.
Our little girl was getting married.
I leaned my head back, my hands running across the grass like I used to do to her skin. Closing my eyes, I envisioned her. Her long curly red hair, her soft milky skin and the freckles she had on her shoulder.
"I miss you. I'm sorry I haven't visited you in a while." I nodded, remembering what her face looked like, her dark brown eyes that looked deep into my soul, her tiny button nose and how soft her lips were when I kissed them. "Lyra’s getting married today. She found herself a really nice guy, Mason Robinson.” I paused. “He comes from a good family, he has his head on straight, and he treats her like a queen."
I smiled as I remembered the day Mason came to my office to ask for Lyra's hand in marriage. My music career had stopped after I'd become a single father, but I’d opened my own recording label. It was how I kept my passion going. I would never stop creating music because, like Emilia had said, my music lived inside of me, and I could never let it go, just like I could never let her go.
“Mason was so nervous when he asked for her hand in marriage. When he first asked, I immediately said no in my head. She was my baby girl, and there was no man good enough for her. But as Mason continued with his spiel, I realized that the way he talked about Lyra reminded me of how I felt about you. I think you would really like him.”
Lyra had followed her heritage, deciding to study at the University of Edinburg where she majored in music. Mason met Lyra in a study group when he was a senior and she was a freshman. When she returned home after she graduated to work with a music executive in Los Angeles, he’d followed her.
"I think you'd approve. She's really happy when she’s with him." I tugged on the grass. "You didn’t leave me a video on what to do today. I need to know what to say to her and what to do when I know she is missing you. I found the envelope and the bracelet that had been sitting on top of the box you kept your wedding dress in, but you didn’t leave anything for me. Em, what do I say to her? I know how much she wants you here." I closed my eyes and felt my skin warm from the sun.
"I hope I made you proud. She truly is a beautiful young lady. She has your smile. Actually, she looks so much like you, Em. She really is a younger version of you. Even her stubbornness is yours." I paused and cleared my throat. “I wish you were here. I love you. I will always love you.”
I ran my hand over the grass and started to draw. My yellow gel.
Leaving Emilia’s grave with an invisible love letter etched to the ground, I walked over to my car. Grace, my wife, sat inside my car waiting for me. When Lyra insisted that I get back out there, I’d decided to give dating another go, and we met through mutual friends. We had been married for the past five–years. She understood that I had lost my one great love because she lost her true love as well. We balanced one another, and we
loved each other very much.
But she would never be my yellow gel.
* * *
I carried the small box Emilia had left along with an envelope for Lyra. Today was harder for me than most days because not only was my little girl getting married, but I desperately missed her mother.
I gently tapped on the bridal suite door and opened it. Her maid of honor, Ava, pulled the door back and gave me a kind smile. She and Lyra had met in grade school and remained friends throughout the years. “Mr. Carter,” she greeted me with a hug. “She's all ready and waiting for you.”
“Thank you.” I cleared my throat. “Do you think you could give us a minute, Ava?” Ava nodded and shut the door behind her.
Lyra stood in front of a full–length mirror, her nervous hands slid up and down her white dress. “You look breathtaking,” I said, walking up behind her. “Like a real life princess.”
“Dad.” Her eyes met mine through the mirror.
“You remind me so much of your mother.” She turned to face me, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.
“Oh, Daddy, I wish she was here,” she cried, wrapping her small arms around my neck like she had done since she was a little girl.
“Hey.” I pulled away and lifted her chin up towards me. I dug into my suit jacket for a handkerchief and handed it to her. “No crying today. Your mother left you this.” I handed Lyra the envelope and the jewelry box Emilia had left for her many years ago.
“Oh, wow,” she cried when she opened the box. “It’s beautiful.” Inside was a diamond bracelet with sapphire accents around the diamond. “It’s beautiful.” She handed the box back to me holding the bracelet in a fist over her heart.
“Your grandfather gave this to your grandmother the day she had your mom.” My voice was hoarse as I tried to speak. “Your mother wanted you to have this on your wedding day so, when you walk down the aisle, a piece of her will be with you every step of the way,” I said, clasping it shut.
Endless Love Letter (Love Letter Duet Book 2) Page 20
