“I can’t help it,” she whispered. “I know I shouldn’t say it, I know we’re over and done, but I wish I’d appreciated you more when we were together. You were good to me, and I was horrible to you. I’m so sorry.” She started crying.
Hal rested his forehead on his fist. It was the closest she’d ever come to an apology. “Come on, don’t cry. You’re just feeling emotional because it’s Christmas Day and everything’s supposed to be perfect at Christmas. It’ll blow over.”
“But I do have feelings for you,” she said again.
“I’m the father of your kids—you’d be a robot if you didn’t,” he pointed out. “And I’ll always be fond of you. But that’s as far as it goes. You don’t love me anymore—if you ever did.”
“I did,” she protested, still crying. “I still do.”
“No, you don’t.” He was getting annoyed now. She was playing with his emotions, and that was unfair when she was sitting in their house with her partner and kids and he was alone with barely a penny to his name. “You’re feeling sorry for yourself, and that’s understandable, but you don’t love me.”
“I should have tried harder to make it work,” she continued as if she hadn’t heard him, “for the kids’ sake. They miss you so much. It’s not fair to them.”
His frustration boiled over. “It’s a bit fucking late for this, Rebecca.”
“Is it?”
“What do you mean?” he snapped.
“Is it too late? I’ve grown up a lot. I’ve changed. Is it really too late to try again, for our kids?”
He sank a hand into his hair and clutched at the short strands. “You don’t mean that.”
“It’s only ever been you. I... I only went with Charles to make you jealous.”
“Jesus Christ.”
“It’s true, Hal. You were so bloody infuriating. Come on, I’m a spoiled brat, you know that, and you never did what I wanted you to—you always fought me on everything. You never let me get my own way. But it was good for me. I know that now.”
Hal’s head hurt. “You spent all our money. Then when I tried to stop you, you cheated on me. And then you moved that bastard in—to my house, my fucking bed. I’ve had two years of hell and it’s all your fault, and now you’re fucking sorry?”
“Hal...” She started sobbing.
He hung up on her. Stared at the phone for a moment. Then threw it across the room with every ounce of strength he owned, where it smashed against the wall into a thousand pieces.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Angel was standing in the laundry room of her own cottage, folding up some clothes, when her mobile rang.
Thinking it might be Hal, she picked it up, heart thumping, and blew out a breath when she saw Lesa’s name there. She bit her lip as she fought with herself over whether to answer it, but decided it was unfair to let it go through to answerphone, and so swiped her thumb across and put it to her ear.
“Hello?”
“Angel! Oh, I’m so glad I reached you. Where the hell have you been?”
In bed, Angel thought. Having several fantastic orgasms.
“Busy,” she said. “Sorry I didn’t answer before. Merry Christmas.”
“We were worried, that’s all. Merry Christmas.”
“I’m fine, no need to worry.”
“What are you up to? I see it’s snowing up there.”
Angel went into the bedroom and looked out of the window at the garden. The green and red of the holly bushes under the window provided a gorgeous color contrast to the whiteness of the snow around them. She’d walked slowly through the six inches that had fallen the night before to get to her cottage, feeling like a child again with every step. “It is—it’s beautiful. It’s such a lovely place.”
“Are you keeping warm? Eating enough?”
She rolled her eyes and turned away. “Yes and yes. For God’s sake, I’m thirty-four, not fourteen.”
“I know. So what are you doing today?”
She looked at the case she’d placed on the bed, which was still empty, and sat rather heavily in the chair in front of the dressing table. She’d been in the cold cottage for an hour already, and was no closer to making a decision than she had before she’d walked in.
Half of her wanted to talk about Hal to someone, but equally, the reasons why she hadn’t brought it up before hadn’t changed, and she didn’t want to have to answer a thousand questions, not when she wasn’t sure of the answers herself.
“I’m not doing much,” she said, examining her fingernails. “I might go for a walk later. I like it when the tide’s in and the island’s cut off.”
Lesa didn’t say anything for a moment. Then, in a rush, the words came tumbling out. “I know you’re seeing someone.”
Angel blinked. “What?”
“I’m sorry, but I was worried about you, so I rang George, and he said it’s all over the town that you’re seeing the guy in Lewin’s Lane.”
Angel inhaled sharply, indignation rising inside her. “Lesa!”
“I know you’re going to be angry with me, but I had to make sure you were okay... Sweetie, what on earth are you thinking? You went there to spend time on your own. What happened?”
Angel’s face burned. “It’s none of your business.”
“It is when I have to deal with the fall-out. George said he’s in his twenties! And he’s married! I mean, Jesus!”
“He’s thirty next month, and he’s separated. His divorce comes through next year.”
“And he has kids?”
Angel closed her eyes. “Yes. Two.”
“Sweetie...” Lesa’s disappointment hung like snowflakes in the air.
“So, what? I have to wait for a guy who’s in his late thirties but who’s never had a failed relationship? I’m hanging out for a forty-year-old virgin?”
“No, but—”
“He’s nice,” Angel interrupted. “More than nice, he’s gorgeous, and he gets me. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but after he rescued me and took me back to his—”
“Wait, what? Rescued you?”
Angel rested her forehead on her hand. Fuck. “That’s not important.”
“What happened?”
Gritting her teeth, she gave her sister brief details about being stranded by the tide, and how Hal had found her.
“He saved you,” Lesa said softly. “Oh, honey.”
“It’s not like that!” Fury replaced her indignation. “I’ve had enough of this. I don’t have to explain myself to you.”
“Look, I think Rob and I should come up there and get you. I don’t think you should be alone right now, and—”
“I don’t want you to come.”
“Angel...”
She got to her feet. “I know I’m younger than you, but I’m not a child. I’ve put you and Mum through a lot, and I’m sorry about that, and I wish I could rewind and undo everything that’s happened over the past few years, but I can’t. I’ve made many mistakes, I’m happy to admit that. But Hal isn’t one of them. It’s not just because he rescued me—I’d already survived for five hours in the cold all on my own. He makes me feel good, Lesa. I feel better today than I’ve felt for... I don’t know, years, maybe.”
“So... what is it? A holiday fling? Or is it more serious than that?”
“I don’t know. I’ve only known him a few days. And I live six hours’ drive away. But... he’s asked me to go and stay with him at night while I’m here. I’m just packing up my stuff now.” She looked down at the case on her bed, picked up a folded pair of jeans, and placed them in the case. Then she smiled.
Lesa was silent for a long moment. Angel’s natural instinct was to fill the gap, but she bit her tongue, concentrating on putting the folded clothes into the case while she waited for Lesa to speak.
“Okay,” her sister said eventually, in a soft voice. “You’re right, you’re not a child, and I shouldn’t treat you like one. I just worry, that’s all. I let you down once, and I don’t
want to do it again.”
Angel’s throat tightened. “I can’t spend the rest of my life in a glass cage. I know it’s difficult for you and Mum, but you’ve got to just let me get on with it. I’m not the same person I was back in February. I promised you I’d never do anything like that again, and I meant it. I’m okay, sis. I’m doing well. I’ve met a guy and he’s great, and I’m going to have some fun while I’m here. I’m not expecting more than that. If it turns out just to be a fling, I’m not going to try to top myself over it. My eyes are wide open, I swear. I just want some fun, and some companionship.”
It was so much more than that with Hal, but she knew she’d never be able to explain how she felt when she was with him—the way they shared a love of archaeology, their acceptance of each other’s troubled pasts. She could imagine going out on a date with some other guy and never telling him the things she’d been through, too afraid he’d think badly of her, but Hal knew every awful thing that had happened to her, every dark place she’d been, and he hadn’t backed away. And the same with her—she knew all about his failed marriage, and the problems he was having with his ex and his kids, and it hadn’t scared her off.
It was probably just a fling—she wasn’t lying when she said her eyes were wide open. But as the thought entered her head, and she placed another sweater in her case, she hoped it would be more.
“That’s fair enough,” Lesa said. “Well, I’ll leave you to it, then. I won’t call George again, I promise. Just... ring me if you need me, okay?”
“I will, I swear. Don’t worry about me. Have a lovely Christmas Day, and give my love to Mum, and Robbie and the kids.”
“Will do. Love you.”
“Love you too.” Angel hung up.
It took her fifteen minutes to pack some of her stuff up in the smaller case. She left behind most of her clothes, her toiletries, her books, and her iPad, promising herself she would spend time on her own. Then she put on her coat and boots, pulled the strap of her handbag over her head, picked up her case, and left the cottage.
It was difficult to wheel it through the snow, and it took her fifteen minutes to get to Hal’s cottage. But she made it eventually, and only seconds after she’d rung the bell, the door opened.
As her gaze fell on him, she could see instantly that something had happened. He looked tired, and his shoulders had slumped. But as he looked down and saw her case, his face broke into the most beautiful smile she thought she’d ever seen.
“You came,” he said softly.
“Four times this morning,” she replied, holding the handle of the case to him. “And a few more by the end of the day, I’m hoping.”
He kept staring at her, though, and his eyes glazed over.
“Hey.” She dropped the case and walked up to him. “What’s happened?”
He didn’t answer, though, just wrapped his arms around her, so tight she could barely breathe. “I didn’t think you were going to come back,” he whispered.
“I was always going to,” she said, blinking away tears of her own. “I just needed time to realize it.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Hal buried his face in Angel’s neck. She was soft and squishy in the big coat, and the fur on her hood tickled his nose, but he didn’t care. He was so relieved to see her, he was close to bawling like a two-year-old.
“Hey.” She stroked his hair and kissed his temple. “Are you okay? Do you want me to go?”
“No, God no. Come in. I’m sorry.” Swallowing hard to keep his emotion in, he carried her case into the hallway and through to the bedroom while she removed her coat and boots.
By the time he came back, she was in the living room. Since leaving that morning, she’d changed into black leggings and a pink crushed-velvet sweater, and the way her breasts moved suggested she wasn’t wearing a bra. He had a hard-on immediately, and she’d only just walked through the door.
She was looking at the carpet, and he suddenly realized she was staring at the broken phone, because he hadn’t gotten around to picking up the pieces. She looked up as he moved closer, her dark eyes wide.
“Wrong number,” he said.
Her lips twitched. “Are you okay?”
Instead of answering, he pulled her into his arms and crushed his lips to hers. He poured all his passion, all his roiling emotions, into the kiss, knowing he was going from zero to sixty in seconds, but unable to control himself.
Angel didn’t move away though, and she didn’t object, as if she recognized that this was what he needed. She just gasped and wrapped her arms around him, and returned it a hundred percent.
He walked her backward to the sofa, pushed her down and pressed her onto her back, then moved on top of her, wanting to feel her soft body beneath his, needing to have someone react to him in a genuine and unconditional way. Angel wanted him, and there was no complicated history, no manipulation beneath the need, just pure desire, crystal-clear and beautiful.
He cupped her breast, stroked down her body, pulled her thigh around his waist, throbbing with need, but her hands were on his face, and she was saying, “Hal, Hal...” and it was only then that he realized his cheeks were wet.
He sat up abruptly, moved to the end of the sofa, and sat forward, his elbows on his knees and his hands in his hair as he fought to keep his composure.
Jesus. He was a fucking mess. He half expected her to get up and walk out, disgusted at his behavior.
But she didn’t. She knelt beside him and put her arms around him, stroked his hair, and murmured, “Shhh.”
“I’m sorry,” he said hoarsely.
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not.”
“Hal. Tell me what happened.”
Not moving, his hands still clutched in his hair, he let the words tumble from his lips like marbles rolling from a bag, hard and cold. He told her everything about the phone call, almost word for word, not bothering to hide his anger, and his frustration.
When he’d done, Angel sat quietly for a moment as if processing what he’d told her.
She leaned forward and rested her lips on his hair. Then she rose from the sofa and went out of the room.
He waited for the sounds of her putting on her coat and boots, but instead he heard her in the kitchen, the splash of liquid being poured into glasses, and then she came back into the room and pushed a tumbler into his hand, placing hers on the table.
“Drink this,” she said. “Go on.”
He lowered his hands from his hair and looked at the shot of whisky, and knocked it back in one go. Then he leaned back on the sofa and blew out a long, shaky breath as the heat seared through him.
“I’m so sorry,” she said.
He let his head fall back. “It’s the injustice of it. It’s been a tough time, and I’ve spent the best part of it being angry, and for her to suddenly say she misses me...” He clenched his jaw. “Saying now, after all this time, that it would be better for the kids if we were together... It’s so fucking cruel.”
He thought of his son, and his baby girl, waking up on Christmas morning and running into the bedroom. But it had been Charles who’d sat Brenna on his lap to watch her open her presents. Charles whose neck she’d flung her arms around when she saw their wonderful gifts he’d bought them. Even Jamie, who tried so hard to be loyal to his father, would have been overcome with excitement at the Lego kit. The thought hurt so much that it made his stomach burn. He was going to give himself an ulcer if he kept on like this.
“I don’t know why she would say things like that,” he said harshly. “Why now, after all this time?”
Angel tipped her head from side to side. “She probably is starting to realize what she’s lost. In the beginning, the affair would have been exciting, and the guy has money, which was what she thought she wanted. But maybe now, she understands there’s more to life, and more to a relationship, than getting your own way in everything. You’re an amazing guy, Hal, of course she misses you. And she’s going to feel guilty
when your kids say they miss their father.”
She shifted on the sofa, taking his hand in hers. “Look, if there’s even a little chance that you think you could make this work, you should think long and hard about trying again.” She bit her lip. “Maybe she’s right and she’s changed, and the things that were so hard before might not be so difficult now. If you think it’s worth it for your kids, maybe you should get back together again.” She stopped.
He looked down at their hands for a long, long time.
Then, finally, he looked back up at her. “Is it terrible that I don’t want to?”
She stared at him. “But—”
“I love my kids, and I miss them all the time. But I don’t want to go back to Rebecca. I don’t care if she has changed. I’ve changed too, and I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore where I have to fight to be loved.”
“Aw, Hal...”
“I’ve known you less than a week,” he told her, “and yet you make me feel a hundred—a thousand—times more a man than she ever did. I know it’s probably because it’s new and exciting, but when I’m with you, I feel...” He didn’t know how to put it into words. He was so full of emotion, he felt as if he was going to burst. “I don’t want to lose that feeling,” he managed to say, clenching his jaw hard.
They stared into each other’s eyes for a long while.
Angel took the glass from his hand and placed it on the coffee table. Dropping to her knees between his legs, she leaned forward and kissed him, taking her time to move her mouth across his, to tease his lips with her tongue. He let her, not fighting her, but not really returning it either, not feeling as if he deserved her affection.
But it didn’t stop her. Her lips left his, and she kissed down his neck and chest, pushing up his sweater so she could press her lips to his bare skin, travelling down over his ribs to his stomach. Then she began to unbutton his jeans.
Hal held his breath and went to say something, but she met his gaze, and the words faded away at the look in her eyes. She undid the zipper, and then pulled down the elastic of his boxer-briefs. He was already well on the way to an erection, and with a couple of firm strokes from her hand he was standing stiff and proud, jutting toward her as if desperate for her touch.
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