Allison's Journey

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  Taking short, quick breaths, Allison leaned against her buggy. Her heart pounded wildly as a vision from the past threatened to suffocate her. . . .

  “Mama!” Allison gasped as she watched a car slam into her mother’s buggy, thrusting it to the middle of the road before it toppled on its side with a sickening clatter.

  “Mama! Mama!” Allison rushed into the road, but someone—maybe the English man who’d driven the car—pushed her aside. She swallowed against the bitter taste of fear in her mouth. “Oh, Mama, please don’t die. You’ve got to be all right!”

  Allison struggled to bring her thoughts back to the present and had to lean over and place both hands on her knees in order to slow the rate of her heartbeat. “I remember,” she murmured. “I remember seeing Mama’s accident on that hot summer day when she pulled out of our driveway.”

  She glanced over at James and saw that the lower part of his body had been covered with a quilt. Aaron must have taken it from the back of the buggy without her realizing it.

  When Aaron and the English man joined Allison, she noticed that Aaron stood in such a way that her view of James was blocked. She wondered if Aaron was trying to shield her from seeing the extent of James’s injuries.

  “Is. . .is he dead?” Allison’s voice was little more than a gravelly croak, and the moisture on her cheeks dribbled all the way to her chin.

  “There’s a faint pulse, but it doesn’t look good,” the English man answered before Aaron could reply. “I’ve called 911 on my cell phone, and an ambulance is on its way.”

  “I. . .I need to see James. There’s something I must tell him.” Allison stepped around Aaron, but he grabbed her arm.

  “He doesn’t seem to be conscious, and there’s really nothing we can do but wait for help to arrive.”

  “Shouldn’t we get him up off the ground?”

  “That’s not a good idea,” the English man said with a shake of his head. “He’s likely got internal injuries, and from the looks of his left leg, I’d say he has at least one broken bone.”

  Allison swallowed around the lump in her throat. “I have to talk to James.”

  Aaron shook his head. “You don’t want to go over there, believe me. He’s been seriously injured, and—”

  “And it’s not a pretty sight,” the Englisher interrupted. “You’d better listen and wait in the buggy.”

  “No, I won’t! I can’t!” Allison pulled away from Aaron’s grasp.

  “Then let me go with you,” he offered.

  “I’d rather do this alone.” Without waiting for Aaron’s reply, she rushed over to James and knelt beside his mangled body. Her heart lurched at the sight of his head, twisted awkwardly to one side and covered in blood. His left leg was bent at an odd, distorted angle, and his arms were scraped and bleeding.

  “James. Can you hear me?”

  There was no response—no indication that he was even alive.

  Heavenly Father, Allison prayed, help me get through to him. Please don’t let it be too late for James. With her eyes closed, Allison quoted Jeremiah 29:13, the same verse that Aunt Mary had shared with her. “ ‘And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.’ ”

  Allison heard a muffled moan, and her eyes popped open. James’s eyes were barely slits, but at least they were open. She hoped he could see her.

  “James, have you ever asked God to forgive your sins? Have you accepted Jesus as your personal Savior?” she whispered, leaning close to his ear.

  His only response was another weak moan.

  She laid a gentle hand on James’s chest. It was the only place on his body where there was no blood showing. “If you can hear me, James, blink your eyes once.”

  His eyelids closed then opened slowly again.

  “I’m going to pray with you now. If you believe the words I say, then repeat them in your mind.”

  James closed his eyes, but the slight rise and fall of his chest let Allison know he was still breathing.

  “Dear Lord,” she prayed, “I know I’m a sinner, and I ask Your forgiveness for the wrongs I have done. I believe Jesus died for my sins, and that His blood saves me now.”

  When Allison finished the prayer, James opened his eyes and blinked once. Had she gotten through to him? Had he sought forgiveness for his sins and yielded his life to the Lord?

  Sirens blared in the distance, but Allison felt a strange sense of peace. She had done all she could for the man who lay before her. James’s life was in God’s hands.

  As Herman sat on a bale of straw inside his barn, confusing thoughts swirled in his brain like a raging tornado. Catherine had cancer but refused any kind of treatment. Short of a miracle, she was going to die. She didn’t want Allison to come home.

  He let his head fall forward into his open palms. Why, God? Why? I know Catherine hasn’t been the best sister or even such a good aunt to my kinner. But she’s always seen that we had meals on the table and kept the house clean, organized, and running smoothly so I could be about my dairy business. Even though my sister and I don’t always see eye to eye on things, I don’t want her to die.

  “Papa, what’s wrong?”

  Herman jumped at the sound of Peter’s voice. He looked up and slowly shook his head. “I took your aunt Catherine to see the doctor again today. He gave us some bad news.”

  “What kind of bad news?”

  “Your aunt’s got colon cancer.”

  Peter’s face blanched. “Ach, no!”

  “The doctor says it’s spreading to other parts of her body.” Herman’s voice shook with emotion. “The worst of it is she refuses to take any kind of treatment.”

  “But that’s lecherich! Even if treatment won’t cure her cancer, I’m sure it can give her more time.”

  Herman nodded. “That’s what I believe, too. Even though we both think your aunt’s decision is ridiculous, unless we can get her to change her mind, I’m afraid we’ll have to abide by her wishes.”

  Peter sank to the bale of straw beside Herman. “Does anyone else in the family know about this yet?”

  “So far, just you and me.” Herman released a shuddering sigh. “I’ll tell your brothers and their wives about it sometime this week, but I’m not sure what to do about Allison.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “My stubborn sister doesn’t want Allison to know.”

  “Why not?”

  Herman shrugged. “I don’t know. She wouldn’t say; just insisted I not tell Allison or ask that she come home.”

  “Isn’t Aunt Catherine going to need some help? I mean, with her not feeling well, and—”

  “There’ll come a time when she won’t be able to do much at all. I’m hoping that won’t happen until after Allison returns home.”

  “So you’re not going to tell her about Aunt Catherine’s diagnosis?”

  Herman shook his head. “Not yet, but I will when it becomes necessary.”

  “I guess all we can do right now is pray,” Peter said. “Pray that Aunt Catherine comes to her senses and agrees to take whatever treatment the doctor thinks she should have.”

  Herman nodded. “Prayer is all we have right now.”

  As Aaron watched Allison kneeling beside James’s wounded body, a pang of jealousy crept into his soul. Only moments ago, she and Aaron had been kissing. Now she was at James’s side, whispering in his ear.

  I feel bad for the poor fellow and hate being a witness to such a terrible accident. Even though I’ve never cared much for James, I find no pleasure in him getting hurt or possibly dying. Aaron hoped James’s injuries weren’t life threatening and had even been praying on his behalf. Yet he couldn’t set his feelings of rejection aside as he witnessed Allison bent over James. She obviously had strong feelings for the man.

  Aaron gritted his teeth. If it were me lying there hurt, would she care so much? He was tempted to move closer so he could hear what she was saying, but that might make things worse. If Allison did love Ja
mes, she would probably see Aaron’s coming over as interference. She needed this time to express her feelings and possibly say her last good-byes. No, Aaron would not disturb their time together, no matter how much he wanted to know what was being said.

  Blaring sirens drove his thoughts aside, and he felt relief when the ambulance and a police car approached the scene of the accident. Two paramedics rushed over to James, while a policeman headed for the English man, waiting beside his car.

  Aaron stepped forward, knowing he’d been a witness to the crash and needed to tell the police everything he’d seen.

  Just before Aaron approached the uniformed officer, he glanced over his shoulder. The paramedics had lifted James onto a stretcher, and Allison followed as they headed for the ambulance. Was she planning to go with them to the hospital?

  Aaron squeezed his eyes shut. Lord, please be with James, and if Allison’s in love with James, then give me the strength to let her go.

  Chapter 22

  Allison drew in a deep breath and tried to steady her nerves. Today was the day the men in the community had originally planned to build Uncle Ben’s new barn. Instead, they stood at the cemetery, saying good-bye to James Esh. The barn raising would have to wait another week or so.

  Allison was confident that James had heard the prayer she’d offered on his behalf, but she grieved for his family. It didn’t seem right that a young man in the prime of his life had been killed in such a senseless, tragic accident.

  She pitied Clarence and Vera Esh. James was the only one of their children who had never been baptized and joined the Amish church. Allison hoped for the chance to speak with James’s parents later on and explain how she’d been able to pray with their son. It might offer some measure of comfort if they knew James had been given the opportunity to make things right with God before he died.

  Allison glanced at her friend Katie, who stood with her folks next to James’s family. Katie’s eyes were downcast, as were the rest of the family’s. Vera Esh leaned her head on her husband’s shoulder and trembled with obvious grief.

  Allison felt moisture on her cheek and realized that she, too, was crying. She knew it was partly in sympathy for James’s family, but she also grieved for her mother’s passing. It had been hard to witness James’s tragic accident, and remembering the crash that had taken her mother’s life was nearly Allison’s undoing. Even now, as she tried to focus on the verses of scripture Bishop Frey quoted, she could picture Mama lying in the road after being tossed from her buggy when the car had smashed into it. There’d been no chance for good-byes, no opportunity to touch her dear mama one last time. Allison’s brothers Ezra and Gerald had insisted that she and Peter go up to the house while Papa waited with Mama until the ambulance arrived. Peter went willingly, but Allison remembered sobbing and begging to stay. Ezra had threatened to carry her if she didn’t cooperate, so Allison had remained in the house all afternoon, waiting for some word on her mother’s condition. Papa and her other brothers, Darin and Milton, hadn’t returned from the hospital until that evening, bringing the grim news that Mama had passed away. That’s when Allison’s world had fallen apart, and then her memory of the accident had completely shut down.

  With a determination to leave the past behind, Allison’s gaze went to Aaron, standing between Joseph and Zachary, looking very somber. Allison hoped Aaron would look her way so she could offer a nod of encouragement, but the one time he glanced in her direction, he frowned and looked quickly away.

  Ever since the evening of James’s accident, Aaron had seemed distant toward Allison, and she didn’t know why. She hadn’t been allowed to accompany James to the hospital, since she wasn’t a family member. Also, the police had wanted to ask her about the things she had witnessed. So Allison, Aaron, and the English man who’d driven the vehicle that collided with James’s buggy had taken seats in the police car to answer questions, while James had been rushed to Springfield. It wasn’t until the following morning that Allison learned James had died en route to the hospital.

  Allison hadn’t realized at first that Aaron was acting differently toward her. He’d only said a few words and seemed almost as if he were in daze when she’d joined him in the police car for questioning. She’d thought he was upset over witnessing the horrible crash. But then Joseph showed up, and Aaron suggested his brother take Allison home while he drove over to James’s house to tell his parents what had happened. Later, when Aaron came back to Uncle Ben and Aunt Mary’s to pick up Joseph, Allison had hoped they could talk. However, Aaron had said he and his brother needed to get home, and they’d left in a hurry. Aaron didn’t come around the rest of the week.

  Allison squeezed her eyes shut as a silent prayer floated through her mind. What’s gone wrong between Aaron and me? Lord, please give me the opportunity to speak with Aaron today. If it’s Your will for us to be a couple, then make things right between us again.

  Another thought popped into Allison’s mind. Maybe Aaron wasn’t upset with her at all. He might be grieving over James’s death and feeling guilty for the unkind words he’d said about James when he was alive. Not that those things weren’t true. Allison had seen for herself how wild James was, and she’d never doubted anything Aaron had said. Still, she knew it wasn’t right to talk about someone behind his back. If Aaron felt guilty, that might be the reason for his distant attitude. She prayed that was all there was to it and hoped she would have a chance to speak with Aaron after the funeral dinner. If there was any possibility of them having a permanent relationship, they needed to clear the air.

  Aaron tried to concentrate on the words of Bishop Frey, who stood at the head of James’s casket. But it was hard not to think about Allison and how their relationship had crumbled on the night of James’s death. Aaron had thought they were drawing closer and that she might be falling in love with him. But when he’d seen her reaction to the accident, heard the panic in her voice when she insisted on seeing James, and watched her bend over James’s body as though she was his girlfriend, he’d been hit with the realization that Allison had deep feelings for James.

  Aaron clenched his fingers as he held his hands rigidly at his sides. That’s what I get for allowing myself to fall in love with her. It was stupid to think Allison might become my wife someday. I wish I’d never gone anywhere with her now. He swallowed around the lump in his throat as a sense of despair crept into his soul, pushing cracks of doubt that threatened his confidence and caused the notion that he’d finally found the perfect woman for him to crumble. From now on, I’m going to concentrate on my work and forget about Allison loving me, for it’s obviously not meant to be. Even if Allison chose to be with me now, I’d be her second choice.

  Aaron turned his thoughts to the harness shop. He’d had a disagreement with his stepfather yesterday morning. Paul had said Aaron was careless and sometimes seemed lazy. Aaron had become angry and reminded Paul that he wasn’t his real father and didn’t have the right to tell him what to do.

  I shouldn’t have lost my temper like that, Aaron berated himself. Paul’s a good man, and I know he loves my mamm. I’m sure he cares about everyone in the family—including me. I should have apologized right away, and I’ll need to do that when we get home. Life’s too short to allow hard feelings to come between family members.

  Aaron pulled his thoughts aside and concentrated on the bishop’s final words. It wasn’t right that he’d let his mind wander during the graveside service. No matter how much of a scoundrel James Esh had been, he’d passed from this world into the next and deserved everyone’s respect during the last phase of his funeral.

  Allison kept busy during the funeral dinner, which was held at Clarence and Vera Esh’s house. She helped the women serve the meal and clean up afterward, and was pleased to see that all the strawberry pies she and Aunt Mary had made had been eaten. By the time the last dish was put away, some people had already headed for home. Allison hoped Aaron and his family were not among those that had gone already.

/>   Allison stepped onto the front porch and scanned the yard. Some of the older men sat in chairs under a leafy maple tree, a group of children played nearby, and several women had gathered in another area to visit. There was no sign of Aaron or anyone from his family, though. Maybe he was in the barn.

  Allison headed that way, kicking up dust with each step she took. It had been a humid, hot summer, and they needed rain. Inside the barn, she spotted Joseph and Katie sitting on a bale of straw next to Gabe and Melinda. She hurried over and tapped Joseph on the shoulder. “Is Aaron still here? I need to speak with him.”

  Joseph shook his head. “Sorry, but he left when our folks did. Grandpa and Grandma Raber were tired and needed to get home. I guess Aaron didn’t feel like hanging around because he followed them in his buggy. Emma, Bessie, and Zachary rode with him. Davey and I are the only ones from our family still here.”

  Allison felt a keen sense of disappointment. “I plan to take some of my faceless dolls to the gift shop at the bed-and-breakfast in Seymour on Monday morning,” she said. “Maybe I’ll drop by the harness shop and speak to him on my way into town.”

  “I’m sure Aaron will be glad to see you,” Joseph replied.

  Allison nodded, but she wasn’t so sure he would be pleased to see her. She was prepared to exit the barn when Katie said, “How’s Shadow doing?”

  “Fine. He seems right at home in Uncle Ben’s barn.”

  “That’s probably because there are plenty of mice for him to chase,” Gabe said with a snicker.

  “Won’t you sit and visit awhile?” Melinda asked, patting the bale of straw.

  “I’d better not,” Allison replied. “Aunt Mary and the rest of the family will be ready to leave soon, and I don’t want to keep them waiting.”

  “Gabe and I would like to get together with you and Aaron and go fishing again.” Melinda rubbed her protruding stomach and glanced over at Katie. “Maybe you and Joseph can join us.”