by Bebe Wilde
Bear glanced over his shoulder and saw all the guys watching us. He roared, “Get the fuck out of here!”
They all jumped a little and dispersed back into the living room. But they didn’t leave. Of course they didn’t.
“Willa,” Bear said, trying to calm down. “I am seriously upset at you right now.”
“Oh, get over it,” I said and rolled my eyes.
“No, I won’t,” he said. “This is very upsetting to me. How could you kiss him?”
“He kissed me,” I said evenly. “And I’ll tell you why he did it. He kissed me because he wanted to get back at you. He knew I’d tell you!”
“Why would he do that?” he asked, looking so exasperated I thought his head was about to explode.
“Because that day you went over to my old apartment to pick up my stuff, you got into a fight with him! Now he’s getting his revenge.”
“He got his revenge when he did that stupid movie!”
“Well, he’s got even more now,” I said. “I told you not to go over there that day!”
“You’re blaming me for defending you?” he asked and crossed his arms.
“It’s the truth,” I said. “You picked that fight, didn’t you?”
“No, I told you that he threw the first punch,” he said slowly. “He said some real shitty things about you and I punched him.”
“What did he say?” I asked and crossed my arms.
“Well, he didn’t really say anything about you in particular, it was more about me,” he said. “He said I looked like a total loser. And I said well, this total loser just fucked your girl.”
My mouth dropped. I started to say something but I couldn’t. I couldn’t believe he’d said that to Jed. What a terrible, terrible thing to say to someone! No wonder they beat the shit out of each other. And where did that put me in this situation? I was like a thing they were arguing over, not a person. It’s a wonder Jed had even spoken to me today! No wonder he hated Bear. No wonder. It’s a wonder he hadn’t killed him.
“Willa?” he said, calming down, as if he knew he’d crossed some line with me. “Willa?”
“I don’t know what to say to you right now,” I said, shaking my head. “But it’s no wonder he hates you.”
“He doesn’t like you too much, either.”
“Well, I can’t do anything about that now, can I?” I said. “I just can’t believe you told a man that you fucked his girlfriend.”
“You weren’t his girlfriend anymore,” he said. “You had just broken up and it looked like you were my girlfriend.”
“You’re unbelievable,” I said. “Thanks, Bear, thanks a lot!”
“For what? Defending you? Picking up your shit? Letting some asshole know we were in love?”
“No,” I said. “For being a jerk! This is why he hates me. This is why he hates you!”
“I gladly second the emotion,” he snapped. “Gladly. He’s a dick and you know it. That’s why you broke up with him.”
It was true. Jed was dick. However, now he was a rich, powerful dick and I was stuck with a loser. All because of love. And hot sex.
“How could you even go to lunch with him?” he asked.
“He was driving a Maserati,” I said. “You know how I like shiny things!”
At this, Bear just looked at me, the frustration really showing on his face. “Are you trying to kill me?” he asked again.
“No,” I said and rolled my eyes. “Listen, that’s all that happened. We didn’t have sex, so get over it. It was one kiss, that’s all. I wasn’t about to be his revenge fuck.”
He was about to reply when we hear the guys in the living room yell, “Hey, girl!” and “Hot stuff!” and “Whooo!” then some more jackasssing commotion. The next thing I knew, Quinn came in carrying two large pizzas. I wasn’t surprised. She did stuff like this all the time, mainly because I never had in any food in the house because some surfer dude was always eating it. She grinned and said, “I hope everyone is hungry!”
“Oh, Willa’s not!” Bear seethed. “She had a nice big lunch!”
“You did?” Quinn said and jerked her head at me. “What did you eat?”
I groaned. Was this my life? Really?
“Her ex-boyfriend,” Bear said.
“Wait,” Quinn said. “What?”
“Nothing,” I said and smiled at her. “Nothing, Quinn.”
“Oh, I get it,” she said and eyed us. “I’ll just see if any of the guys want some pizza.”
She left and I turned to Bear. I was getting really fed up with him. “I’m sorry but it didn’t mean anything.”
“It means everything,” he said dramatically. “You let him kiss you.”
That really got to me. The gall of this man! How dare he? He pulled shit all the time and I had to pick up the pieces. He forgot to pay water and electric bills and got stoned on a regular basis. Sure, he was sweet and he was hot and he knew how give me massive orgasms, but what else was there? I’d had enough. I had reached saturation.
“You’re really pushing your limit with me right now,” I told him.
“Maybe you’re pushing your limit with me,” he snapped back.
I eyed him. “And all that talk about having a kid? Seriously? You can’t have a kid around that!” I said and pointed into the living room. “You’re a grown man and you’re still living like some college student! You should be ashamed of yourself, Bear.”
He got what I was saying and he got it real quick, then hung his head in shame, mumbling, “Come on, don’t be like that.”
But I was being like that. How else could I be? He needed to know that this wasn’t going to work for me much longer. “Do you always think it’s going to go your way?” I asked. “Do you always think it’s always going to be smooth sailing? It won’t, Bear. That’s life. Deal with it.”
And with that, I turned on my heel and left the house, finding my purse and my flip-flops on the way out. Then I went out to the garage and rummaged around until I found an old coffee tin. I opened the lid to check and, sure, enough, there was Bear’s “emergency” fund—almost ten-thousand dollars. Yeah, that was a lot of money to leave in an old rusted tin. Why he kept it out in the garage and in an old tin is beyond me. He’d told me about it years ago, long before I ever imagined taking it for myself. But that’s what I did. I took it and went to my car and got in. I was about to start it when I saw Cupcake waddling over. I had to smile at his loyalty. So I got out of the car, gave him some love and a couple of dog treats out of my purse, then I sent him home. As I watched him go, I felt, just for a moment, like I should go back inside and find Bear and make up. Something told me to do that and then it was immediately replaced by an overwhelming desire to leave. And, so, I left.
Jackpot!
I stayed away for over a week. Bear called my cell relentlessly, begging me to come home, telling me he’d do whatever I wanted. But what I wanted was some peace and quiet, a nice, simple life without mooching surfers eating all my food and listening in on all my conversations and stuffing my fridge with all their beer. I didn’t pick up his calls even once. And I ignored all his texts. Well, that’s not true. I didn’t actually disregard them. I read all of them. I just didn’t respond.
I have to admit, staying in a nice hotel did wonders for my psyche. Misery might have loved company but that bitch could sleep alone. For the first time in a long, long while, I reveled in not having to be aggravated about something—or someone—on a daily basis. Sure, maybe I should have been more upset at my behavior and walking out on the man I loved, but I let myself off the hook. I reassured myself that I needed a break, some time to myself, and I selfishly took it. It wasn’t like we were married or anything.
And as for Bear’s emergency fund subsidizing my mini-vacay? Did I feel bad about taking that? Yeah, I kinda did for a second, then I remembered all of the food and wine and beer I’d feed all his friends over the years and that money wouldn’t hav
e even begun to cover that cost. So, no, I didn’t feel bad about it at all.
I went out and bought some new work outfits, some new lingerie, some toiletries and some good magazines, all courtesy of Bear’s money. It was so nice just to get up, brush my teeth, shower and then get dressed without any hassle. I did miss my morning fucks with Bear, but I bought a vibrator to compensate.
It was also nice to go down to the hotel restaurant and have fresh food—scrambled eggs, crispy bacon and toast slathered in butter. Occasionally, I’d have a fruit bowl, too, and freshly squeezed orange juice. After that, it was work with Quinn, a nice lunch, then back to work. Then I was back at my room. It was so nice to come “home” to a clean place, even if it was just a hotel room, with fresh towels and a nicely made bed. I didn’t do much at night and usually just relaxed, sometimes by the pool, mostly in my room, sometimes ordering room service, sometimes a pizza or calzone from the pizza place up the street. Sometimes I didn’t even eat anything and I’d just have a glass of wine and some crackers. I could do what I wanted. I could watch what I wanted on TV. I could listen to music on my phone or watch funny videos. I could sleep on whatever side of the bed I wanted. Bear always had to sleep facing north for some reason. I have no idea why.
Quinn told me I was crazy. “I like your moves,” she said. “But you’re playing a dangerous game.”
“How’s that?”
“When word gets out that you’re gone,” she said. “There will be about a thousand surf groupies lined up at your house. I hate to tell you, but the ladies love Bear. And I mean love. He was the shit for so long, women still worship him.”
“Well, they shouldn’t,” I said dryly. “But I got news for him. If he touches even one of those skanks, I will have his balls. He’d better practice some restraint.”
“He’s a man,” she said. “And that might be too much to ask.”
“I’m doing it,” I snapped.
“You got a point, but you and I both know that it’s different with women. We know how to say no,” she said. “Besides, you two are so great together. You don’t need to let this get out of hand. Take some time and then go back to him. I know he misses you.”
“And how do you know that?”
“He calls me a hundred times a day begging me to tell him where you are,” she said. “That’s how.”
I shrugged. I missed him, too, but not being around him for a few days made me realize that it was nice just doing what I wanted to do instead of always having to yell at someone about something they’d forgotten to do or about something they shouldn’t have.
“Just keep your trap shut and don’t tell him where I’m at,” I told Quinn. “He needs to stew in his own juices for a while.”
“Fine,” she muttered.
But all good things must come to an end. About a week after my hasty departure from our house, I was awakened around midnight by a pounding on my door. Even though I was more than a little startled, I got up and peered through the peephole. At first, I didn’t know it who it was. All I saw was this handsome man with his head shaved to a burr. The guy had a bit of stubble on his face, too, and his eyes were flashing blue. Then I realized who it was. Bear! He’d shaved his head! And he had found me.
I opened the door and said quietly, “Shh! Be quiet. People are trying to sleep.”
“Good to see you, too,” he said quietly, mimicking my voice, then shot me a look of hurt mixed with anger.
I motioned him in and shut the door. “Did you finally wear Quinn down?”
“No,” he said and entered the room. “She wouldn’t tell me.”
“Then how?”
“I basically drove around to all the nice hotels around here and looked for your car,” he said and sat down at the foot of the king-sized bed. “I knew you wouldn’t stay in a flop house so that made it a little easier.”
I stared at him, at his head, then at his face. God, he was so hot. How could I still find him so unbelievably attractive after all this time, after all we’d been through together? But I did. He was so handsome that it impacted my judgment. It could easily override my anger right now. I had missed him, missed having his hands on me. I wasn’t about to tell him that, though. I was still angry and hurt, too.
He caught me staring at him. “What are you looking at?”
I jerked a little at his words and said, “What the hell did you do to your hair?”
He shrugged. “I shaved it.”
Well, that was putting it mildly.
“So what?” he asked sarcastically.
“You look like you just broke out of jail,” I said.
He just stared at me. “Don’t you like it?”
Actually, I did. It made him look different; dark and dangerous. It really brought out his eyes, too. My God, he was hot. Sometimes even I couldn’t get over his hotness. “I do like it,” I said, staring at him. “But I don’t want you here.”
He seemed a little hurt at my words. “I’m not leaving, Willa, until we work this out.”
I sighed. He was right. We needed to at least talk about this. I walked over in front of him and leaned against the credenza. “So, what do you want?”
“You know what I want,” he said and looked around the room. “Nice digs.”
“It is nice,” I said and noticed he was letting his beard grow out again. Argh! “But you have to leave.”
“I’ll leave when you’re ready to leave with me,” he said.
I shook my head. “Nope. Not happening.”
“It has to happen,” he said. “Who just runs off like that? And what you did to Cupcake, leaving him like that! The little guy comes over everyday looking for you. I bought him a bag of treats but he won’t take them from me.”
Aww… I felt bad about that, I really did. I loved Cupcake. “But he’s okay, isn’t he?”
“He misses you!” he said. “People—and animals—love you! And you just bail on them when something gets tough. You should be ashamed of yourself.”
“That’s not all there is to it and you know that, Bear,” I said. “I’ve already been looking for apartments.”
“Are you serious?” he asked, his eyes widening. “Come on, Willa. We got into one fight. One fight!”
“We fight all the time,” I said. “But it’s not that, Bear.”
“Then what is it?”
I sighed. “We’re at an impasse. I’m ready to make the transition from immaturity to maturity. I’m ready to be a grownup. You’re not.”
“I’m a grownup,” he said. “I pay taxes and can buy my own beer. I can pay my own way.”
“God!” I yelled and shook my fists. “You don’t get it. You just don’t!”
“So, you’re just going to leave me,” he said. “Just like that.”
I nodded. “I guess I am.”
He stared at me long and hard, as if he was ready to get to the real reason he was here. It was no surprise when he asked, “So, did you go jump into bed with Jed or something?”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked. “I haven’t even thought about Jed since we argued about him.”
“Well, I have,” he said. “And I thought you might have moved in with him.”
“Are you serious?” I asked.
He nodded. “I am. So, I went to his house—”
“You went to his house?!”
“Yeah, he’s got one up in the Hills,” he said. “I had a friend find it on the computer. Anyway, we almost got into a fight, but then we started talking and he invited me in. He’s actually a pretty cool dude. I didn’t know that. He’s just got a major grudge with us, well mostly with me. So, we made up.”
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. I wasn’t buying any of this for one second. Bear and Jed made up? Sure they did.
“Anyway, he told me that you basically did the same thing to him,” he said. “When the going gets tough, you bail. And you did.”
I couldn’t believe it.
“So, you two girls are talking about your feeling together now? I guess pretty soon the two of you will be borrowing tampons from one another and talking about your periods,” I said. “Are you going to invite him to move in with you? Maybe you can paint each other’s nails and read gossip blogs together, too! Maybe even crochet a handkerchief to wipe away your tears.”
He stared at me, then he couldn’t help himself and he cracked up. “God, I’ve missed that smart mouth.”
“Well, I haven’t missed you.”
“You’re lying,” he said.
I was. He didn’t need to know that, though.
He stopped laughing and said, “No. We’re not going to go that far. I don’t think he’s that cool. But it’s true and you know it. Once you think things aren’t going your way, you check out.”
“If I was actually doing that,” I said slowly. “I would have left years ago, Bear. Do you remember when we had to rewire the house?”
He groaned.
“Yeah, I do, too,” I said. “I had saved up for two years to buy a new car but the house almost caught fire one day. Remember that? Remember plugging in the new toaster and it almost blew up? Oh, I do and I remember my savings going to pay to rewire the whole house. So, that was tough. That was hard. And, yet, I didn’t bail then, did I?”
