“Oh yeah.” He laughed. “I’m not surprised. She was a little too, well, a little too . . .”
He needed no words. I understood perfectly.
“Are we going to Criolla’s tomorrow night? I’ve been salivating at the thought since I decided to come.”
“Yeah, I think we might.” He fiddled with the toothpick held between his teeth.“I had coffee with your beau this morning again.”
“Who?” I sputtered.
“Who?” He chuckled.“Do you live in the land of denial?”
“No, I live in the land of the certifiable, and two of them are up our . . .”
“Don’t you say it.”
“I was going to say, if you would allow me to finish, kind sir, that two of them are following close behind. Plus, he’s not my beau.”
“Okay then. Well, your mother thought I should get to know him, since Amber is so set on the fact that he’s the one for her. Now, do you see why you can’t let this charade go on much longer? Someone is going to get hurt to a possibly unrecoverable degree.”
“Well, let’s not worry about that on our little walk here tonight.” I wrapped my arm around him.
“You can’t distract me. I don’t distract.”
“Well, let’s not worry her little head tonight then. I’ll try to tell her tomorrow.”
“No try. Will.”
“Okay, ‘will try,’ how’s that?”
“You’ll regret your delay.”
“I regret a lot of things, Dad. But at least this one I can partially control.”
“You think you’re in control of this?”
“Is the pope Polish?”
“Actually no, he’s not. Neither was the last one.”
“Really?”
“Do you read the paper, seeing as you work at one?”
“I like the ‘Life’ section.”
“Do you?”
“Oh yes. I love life,” I said with a smile. He smiled back. He couldn’t help it. He had a weakness for me.
“Ooh!” I heard Mom holler out. I looked back just in time to catch her walk begin to change. The woman had a bladder the size of a gnat.“Hey! Yoo-hoo!” Mother waved at us as if we couldn’t guess what her issue was. “I’ve got to go to the ladies room.”
Unfortunately for her,we had walked to the back of Seaside, where there was only new construction, and there was no place to go potty. Well, no place but one. A rather rough-looking Porta Potti wobbled atop a mound of gravel.
“Victoria, there are no restrooms around here but that,” Dad said, pointing to our discovery.
She huffed at him. “That is not an option for a lady.” This from the woman who actually had the city of Savannah build public restrooms for the parade of homes. She refused to let the women of “her” city use Porta Pottis.
Dad turned around and continued walking.“Then you’ll just have to try and hold it until we can get back to the house.”
We heard her heels clicking rather awkwardly behind us.
“Uh, Mr. Phillips.” Amber’s voice penetrated the evening. “I’m not so sure she’s going to make it.”
We turned and looked. Mother had intertwined her legs and was trying to walk as if she were playing a game of hopscotch for contortionists. “Victoria, if you’ve got to go that bad, then just hold your nose and go use that bathroom. There’s no use in making yourself miserable.”
Maggy’s leash was extended as far as it could go, trying to pull Mother along. “I’m not going in there. It’s just . . . well, it’s just wrong.”
“You have no other options,” I observed.
Her legs scrunched tighter.
“Take her!” Mother said, extending Maggy’s leash to Dad.“I cannot believe I am doing this.” She reached into her purse. Yes, she takes walks with her purse and her heels and full makeup and wet wipes and an extra pair of panties in case of an accident. Don’t ask. I think the picture painted here is clear enough. She had a bladder extension years ago. The only thing that got extended effectively was the invitation to find another bladder surgeon, because the one who had to endure her apparently got his fill of Victoria Phillips.
She pulled out a tissue and waddled over to the Porta Potti. As she closed the door behind her, I saw the winged beast slip in right behind her. Then I heard the locking of her door. Because for certain, one of the three of us was going to try to sneak a peek. I hoped she would think she was alone.
Not for long. Her scream was loud and shrill.
“Victoria, what is it?” Dad asked. The man should just take walks with Duke and leave the rest of us behind.
“She just realized she’s not alone in there,” I said, cocking my head slightly as a rather serious ruckus ensued behind those fiberglass walls.
“What’s in there?” Dad began to look a little concerned.
“A wasp went in right behind her.”
“A wasp?” Amber gasped.
“Why didn’t you tell her?” Dad asked, tossing me Maggy’s leash and walking over to open the door.
“I thought it might come out unharmed,” I hollered.
He turned and gave me that eye. That don’t-mess-with-my-woman eye.
“Jake! Jake! Get me out of here.”
“Hold on a minute,Victoria!” he said in the flustered tone he almost never used.
“It won’t open, Jake! I can’t get the door to open!”
Dad desperately jiggled the handle. But it wouldn’t budge. “Just calm down,Victoria! Just move the latch over.”
“Ahh! Get away from me, you beast! I’ll kill you and parade your squished self in front of your friends!”
“I told you the wasp has far more to worry about than Mother does!” I said, making sure he could hear me.
“Calm down,Victoria and move the latch!”
“I’m moving the latch, genius! Ahh! Get back, you little beast from the pit of hell!”The entire Porta Potti shook.
Dad wiggled the door handle while trying to hold the toilet steady.“Victoria, quit shaking the toilet, or you are going to make it fall over.”
“It’s trying to sting me, Jake!”The toilet rocked harder.
“It’s going to sting you twice if you don’t focus and move the latch!”
“I tried! It won’t move! Why don’t you come in here, Mr. Know-It-All, and see if you can get it to open!”
Wasn’t that a novel idea.
“Ahh! Get away from my bottom!”
My family was sadder than I thought. About that time I saw a blur out of the corner of my eye. It was large and loud and jerking off its three-inch heel.“I’ll save you,Miss Victoria.”And with that the beauty queen slammed her shoe down on the gravel pile, the heel popped off and flew in the air, and she caught it without even looking. In ten seconds flat she had jimmied that lock, and out fell my mother. Hair quite askew. Attire quite askew. Pearls all but choking her.
“The Princess of the South has officially been dethroned,” I announced.
No one appreciated the assessment but me.
“Oh, Amber! You precious angel!” Mother said, flinging her arms around Amber’s neck and kissing her cheeks like a European. You are so wonderful to me! You would do anything for me! Thank you, darling, thank you.”
Once Mother released Amber, Amber put her shoe back on. I’m not really sure why.
Dad made sure nothing was hurt on Mother, and I watched as the wasp flew out wiping his brow. The poor thing had probably never come so close to death.
Maggy had gone back to shaking, and Duke had lain down for a nap.
“I bet they’ll have their own television show together by the time we get home,” I said, obviously a little louder than intended, because Dad looked my way. I turned my head as if he had gone to hearing things.
“Miss Victoria, please don’t ever scare me like that again,” Amber said as she plodded home. One click. One clomp. One click. One clomp.
“Where’d you learn that heel thing anyway?” I asked.
She giggled. “Well, it’s just a little trick Miss Watermelon Spitting Seed Queen taught me years ago. There was a little issue with her boyfriend and Miss Sausage Festival Queen. Let’s just say Miss Watermelon’s shoe wasn’t the only one to meet such a fate.”
One day I’d learn not to ask.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
The sail was hardly visible from the shore. But I couldn’t help being mesmerized by the solace of it rocking gently on the water. Today the ocean was like glass. A slight breeze blew from the west. Duke and I had hit tilling time hard this morning and were resting on the Odessa Street Beach Pavilion. The “stick” architecture of the pavilion provides an open feeling that allows you to feel the wind. It was my favorite of them all. I felt secure inside, yet the air is allowed to flow through. In here, I fully enjoyed the reasons why people come to such a destination at all: the sounds and the breeze. The building’s design has almost a kaleidoscope effect when you look at it from a distance. Much like the feeling of my life right now. It’s a bunch of enjoyable colors spinning in uncontrollable directions, even though I insisted I was in complete control.
“What do you think about love?” I asked my companion.
He raised his right eyebrow and then turned his attention back to the water.
“Ever wish you could express your love to Lucy?”
He moaned and plopped to the floor with his head on his paws, thinking of the beautiful chocolate lab that resided in the antique store up the street from Dad’s coffee shop.
“I know, old friend. Love is a crazy thing.”
He rolled over so I could pet his big, old, fat beef-eating stomach.
I obliged. “I’m not sure what to do. It’s all so crazy yet feels so different. And then there’s Amber.”
He moaned and flipped back over. I had apparently ruined the moment.
“I know, boy, but I really have to think about her. I mean, she is gaga over Joshua. I can’t just break her heart. No . . . I have to be gentle. I’ll just have to wait until the right time. There will be a right time,” I declared as if trying to convince myself.
I felt a tug on Duke’s leash. He was standing, trying to make his way down the stairs toward the ocean and a golden cocker spaniel. “You are shameless, Duke.” I tugged back. “You really need to find yourself a committed relationship. Maybe now that Maggy has arrived—”
He turned around and glared. I swear that dog is part human.
“Come on, let’s go see what merry sunshine is up to this morning.” He wouldn’t budge until I apologized.
I saw them before I reached them. My man and the mother of my godchildren. Did I just say my man again? Did I just agree to be the godmother of Amber’s children? She had detained him near Modica Market. I wondered who had crossed whose path. By the look of Amber’s attire, with her tube top and new jeans, which I would never forgive Paige for suggesting, I would say Amber had done the path crossing. I would never do such a thing. Dad sat at the small table in front of the market, watching the whole exchange.
When Amber cascaded away, Joshua sat down in the chair across from him. Mr. Modica came out the door and greeted the two gentlemen, then went back in to take care of a father who needed a breakfast fix for himself just to endure the two children that were tagging along.
“Looks like I’m having dinner with you this evening at Criolla’s,” Joshua announced to me upon my arrival. I took a seat next to him.
“You are not!”
He smirked. Dad smirked too. This was not going to be pleasant. They were both brazen. “Oh, yes, Savannah. I will be your dinner guest for the evening. Now, would you like to tell your mother and Amber after our dinner, or before?”
“I would like to—”
“I think she’s hedging,” Dad said.
“I would like to find me some hard liquor.”
“Savannah Phillips!” Joshua rebuked. “Do you have something you need to tell me before we take our relationship any farther?”
That man had just beat my father in admonishing me. Something was terribly wrong with this picture.“I said—”
“She always does this,” my father chimed in.
“I know.”They both took a sip of their coffee with the same hand, mirror images of each other. For a moment I was horrified.
“I said, let’s make sure Duke doesn’t lick her.”
Dad raised his right eyebrow. “That was one of your more pitiful attempts lately.”
“She’s not as quick on her feet as she used to be,” Joshua informed my father.
“I think she’s been distracted,” my father said.
“You think?” Joshua said, giving me a wink.
“Am I here?” I offered. A rather loud offering.
“Oh what, baby girl? Are we not giving you enough attention?”
“I don’t need attention.”
Joshua reached over and laid his hand across my own.“I can give you all the attention you need tonight at dinner with your family.”
“You cannot come to dinner with me and my family.”
“I believe I have some say in that,” Dad replied.
“It will be too ugly! The woman has declared me the godmother of your . . . your children.” I waved my arms toward Joshua. Duke gagged.That was to help me realize I still held his leash in my hand.
Dad took Duke’s leash.“Come here, boy.” Duke was grateful and sneezed in my direction. On purpose.
“She didn’t necessarily say they would be Joshua’s children,” Dad said.
Joshua laughed. “Wonder how I could be father and godfather at the same time?”
“Now, that just sounds gross.”
Joshua looked over at my Dad.“I think she should tell them tonight.”
“No, you two. I can’t. Just give me one more day. Give Amber this evening and then I’ll tell them. I promise. I just don’t want to crush her. She’ll be looking forward to this all day.”
“Okay,” Joshua conceded. “But I will not pretend I like her. I won’t do that to her. It would just make this whole thing worse.”
“You can’t just hold her hand or something?”
“Savannah! Have you tipped your rocker?” Dad said.“You are acting crazy.”
“Well, you would too if the girl who was one step away from becoming one with the sea was after your . . . your . . . your . . .”
“Your what, Savannah?” Joshua inquired.
“Uh, my . . . my . . . my . . .”
He and Dad leaned in with identical expressions.“Your . . . your . . . what?”
I squinted my left eye and raised my right eyebrow. “You’re my . . . well, what is it? Maybe you’re my boyfriend.”
“Ooh,I like that.” He took another sip of his coffee.“Sounded more like a question than an answer, but I’ll take it. Is that okay with you,Mr. Phillips?” He looked at my father with a newfound seriousness.
Dad smiled at him, then turned to me.“Fine by me. I’ve just been waiting for her to admit it to herself.”
I raised my eyebrow.
“Put it down, Savannah.” Dad laughed.
It descended.“Oh, well, since you two are such fond friends now,why don’t you just sit here and do what men do. Drink your coffee, read your paper, and all that stuff.” I patted Joshua on the shoulder and headed up the street.
“You’ll have to tell her eventually.” Joshua’s voice rang in the distance.
I had already stuck my earphones back in. But I heard him. Every word.
“Where’s your friend?” Lucy asked as I walked by. She was in her usual morning position, sitting and reading.
“He abandoned me for his real master.”
She chuckled.“He’s a daddy’s boy?”
“He goes wherever the path of least resistance leads,” I said, laying my hands on the edge of her fence.
“What are you doing for lunch?”
“I have no idea. I’m still trying to figure out what’s for breakfast.” I offered her a knowing smile.
Her dark eyes twinkled. “What? No lunch with the curly-headed guy?”
“Well, Lucy, Lucy . . . I must say:What are you insinuating?”
She laughed. “Not a thing. Just stating what is perfectly evident.”
“So you think we’re having lunch together today?”
“I’m just saying if you happen to be free, Manuel and I would love for you to join us. He wants to go to the oyster bar today.”
I hate oysters.“Ooh, well, I’m not quite sure what my lunch plans are, but if they do entail Mr. North, I’ll be more than glad to ask him his take on oysters. However, there is the small matter of the rest of my family’s agenda. I have a few houseguests who don’t know about my . . . status with Mr. North.”
“Is that what they call it now?”
I puckered my lips the way Paige hated. And with that I gave her a wave of my hand.“I never much liked oysters,” I offered as I left.
All I heard was her laughter.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Okay, the red or the green?” I heard Amber ask, holding up the two tops with the tags still hanging on them. Obviously Mother felt Amber needed options. “I think the green brings out the flecks of green in my eyes, don’t you?” Paige would have agreed, but no one was sure what Amber’s real eye color was.
Paige came scampering to the door when she saw me pass by. “Ooh, Savannah, come in here. What do you think Amber should wear tonight to dinner with Joshua?”
I gave her a look. The look.
Amber struck a pose in my direction.“Savannah? The red or the green?”
“The red, definitely the red,” I said, eyeing Paige again.
“Ladies, you just continually confuse me. Oh, well, I’ll just eenie, meenie, minie, moe them.”
We squinted in tandem.
“Well, ladies, Miss Victoria is taking me today to get my nails done. I would love for you to join us if you have some free time,” Amber said, leaning into her closet to hang up her tops.
Paige scanned Amber’s fingernails. Her perfectly manicured nails.“But your nails look fine.”
“Your point?” Amber asked.
“Obviously I have no point,” Paige said, shaking her head. “But I’m sorry, I can’t join you today.”
Savannah by the Sea Page 19
