“I know you’ve saved yourself. And that is your greatest treasure to give to the man you love. But had it never occurred to you that you might meet and fall in love with a man who had already been with someone else?”
“No.”That was completely honest.
“Oh, my sweet sister Savannah,” she said, rising to sit on the bed and rub my head.
I raised my hand in defense.“Do not hit me again.”
“I’m not going to hit you, crazy.” She kissed the top of my head, which had nestled itself under her arm.“He’s a good man. He has a kind heart and is a wonderfully decent guy. Not everything in life will turn out like you want it to. But not all things that seem bad at the moment are bad in the long run. Good can always be found. Especially when your motives are pure. Now, let’s walk and get a Coke.”
“I really don’t feel like that right now.”
She got off the bed, and I could see the affection in her eyes. “I’m sorry you’re so hurt. It breaks my heart to see you cry.”
“But—”
“But nothing.This is the man created for you. It’s as clear as the tiara attached to Amber’s head. So, I warn you, be careful what you reject while you’re seeking perfection.”And with that she left me with my self. My perfectly cataclysmic self.
They abandoned me for Nicole Kidman. She was playing in a new movie, and they all decided to go. Mother and Amber both stared at me with suspicion as they left. I stared at Thomas and Paige with suspicion as they left. And Dad just kissed me on the top of the head as he left.
It was all fine for two reasons. First, because it meant I could be alone. Second, because my mother had become addicted to Kernel Season’s popcorn shakers. Her favorite: parmesan and garlic. Can I just say once she starts, you don’t want the woman anywhere near you. You can smell that stuff three rows down and over.T ruth be told, for a woman who doesn’t eat anything out of a box, I was surprised she even tried it.
“This is a seasoning, Savannah, not a food product,” she claimed.
Whatever a food product is.
As all things Victoria, when she likes it, she likes it big. Or in multiples. Finds a pair of shoes she likes, buys them in every color. Finds a suit that fits perfectly, usually comes home with two. Finds a popcorn shaker that can raise the peach fuzz on a newborn and, well, let’s just say the movie theater doesn’t run out. Thus, not having to sit beside that putrid smell for two hours was reason enough to be glad.
The Adirondack chair held me perfectly. The book lying across my lap hadn’t been opened all afternoon. Who did that surprise? So this was my time. I noticed the young couple across the street but refused to let them distract me. Their parents must have gone to a movie too. They were sitting on the front porch singing to each other. I’d never heard any of the songs before, but that didn’t surprise me either. A twenty-four-year-old who loved Barry Manilow and Donny Osmond obviously didn’t get out much. Or just didn’t get out anymore. They giggled and nuzzled and made me want to throw up. I even threw a couple rocks at them to get them to shut up. They were completely oblivious. And partially hidden by the dark screen of the porch and the sumac planted in their front yard.
I gave a glance up the street, both ways, just to make sure. I even looked back in the house to make sure Maggy was in her kennel, alive. She was, and Duke was at my feet. All was okay. I could now begin. “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
I heard the sound of the little voices before I caught a glimpse of the stroller. The pair of little feet dangled and bounced in time with the bumps of the street and were followed by Adam.
I looked at my book and huffed, slamming it shut and darting down the walkway.“Hey,Adam,” I chided.
He stopped the stroller by the fence. He never said a word. Just stared at me blankly.
“I talked to Kate.” I could see the puffiness in his eyes. I had no sympathy, because I knew they were equally matched by the puffiness of my own, caused by another scoundrel.
“You did?”
“Yeah. And she told me the real reason for your separation.”
He stared at me with the most pathetic expression. I almost felt sorry for him for a moment, but my own turmoil refused it. He didn’t reply.
“Yeah, she told me all about it, and frankly, she deserves better than that,Adam. I just can’t believe you. She is one of the most beautiful and loving women I know.”
“Savannah, I really don’t want to talk about this today.” I could hear a break in his voice.“It’s over anyway. She’s served me with divorce papers. Think what you will, but I’ve done everything I know to do. I’ve apologized. I’ve begged. I got rid of that girl immediately. But none of it means anything to Kate. Nothing is enough.”
I thought the poor man was going to cry right there. I could feel my tone soften. “There are some hurts too hard to forgive, Adam. Some consequences that leave people unable to deal with the memories.”
“Well, you’re right. So this is how my life is going to be now, and I have to live it the best I can. But in my heart . . .” He paused, and I saw the deep pain in his eyes that even the tears couldn’t hide.“In my heart I just hope that she can forgive me and let me come home and be a husband to her again, and a father to these beautiful boys.”
You could hear the kids jabbering, oblivious to the sorrow that surrounded them.“Well, it’s just a shame it all turned out this way.Your family was perfect.”
“Nothing’s perfect,” he said. Then he pushed the stroller up the street amid the sounds of little boys being little boys. I’m sure he wished he could have avoided the severity of his growing pains. When would they learn?
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Abigail at Aquarius Spa pummeled my body into submission.
Abigail “How firm would you like your massage?” she asked.
“Beat me,” I replied.
She laughed.“Hard day?”
“Hard life.”
“You’re way too young,” she said over the recorded sounds of the ocean in the background.
“I know. All the more cruel is the world we dwell in.”
And for the next hour there was no more talking. By the time I left, every part of my body was relaxed. Too bad she couldn’t massage the furrow from my brow.
The slamming of the car trunk caught my attention. “Savannah!” Lucy hollered with a wave. “You’ve got to come meet my kids.”The one who was lugging the beach chairs from the trunk he had just slammed must have been one of the twins. Because child number three was the only boy. Or maybe he was the boyfriend of one of the girls.
The last thing in the world I felt like being today was Miss Social. I wasn’t Vicky, who could be social regardless of how she felt. Or Amber,who was never upset enough not to be social. Even through her tears she was social. But me? Not happy, not social.
“Come on,” she crooned.“I’ve told them all about you.”
I made my legs turn in the direction of her house. There was an entire village sitting on the front porch. Three children, one boyfriend, and one girlfriend. Too many names for me to remember. But they were stunning people. The twins with exotic features and captivating dark eyes. But the baby had mousy brown hair and blue eyes and seemed out of place with this lot. Her golden skin tone even more so. But she had her mother’s dimpled chin. And her smile. She was evidently theirs with a distant grandmother thrown in.
They kept me for dinner. I resisted. They insisted.
And when the smell of grilled shrimp and sizzling steaks filled the air, I realized I hadn’t had a bite to eat all day and was starving. The crew up the street at my house would have wanted details of my day. The crew on Natchez Street let me listen to the tales of their life. And what an exciting life it was.
There was a concert pianist who was a Harvard graduate, a medical school student, and the baby was the senior class president of her high school. She and I talked campus policy for an hour, and I threw in my own presid
ential expertise from my senior year of college. She was quick-witted and crazy about her dad. She patted him softly every time she passed him. Teased him throughout the dinner conversation and called him Daddy. And the feeling was mutual. He called her baby and lit up like a runway during a snowstorm every time she called his name.And Lucy watched the whole thing with the admiration of a proud mother.
She hovered over them like a mother hen, and they teased her accent, theirs being virtually nonexistent. They told me stories of how she and Manuel met and how life had treated them kindly. And when the last dish was taken to the kitchen for washing, Lucy and I were the only two left on the front porch.
“Aren’t they great?” She smiled as she gazed across the street.
“They’re wonderful. And beautiful. But I do believe that baby girl must be the milkman’s,” I said with a laugh. A strange silence passed between us. I turned to look at Lucy’s beautiful face. It had grown solemn and pensive. “I’m sorry, Lucy. I was just joking. I shouldn’t have said that. It was very thoughtless of me.”
She never turned my way and spoke with no inflection. “Actually, her father was a banker.”
I chuckled nervously. “Manuel was never a banker.” I nudged her.
She turned and looked at me and smiled softly.“Manuel isn’t Alexandra’s father. Her father was a banker. A banker who was my boss when I was teller. A six-month affair led to Alexandra.”
I heard myself gulp. I was certain she did as well.
She laid her hand across mine on the armrest of my rocker. “The banker had an eye for women and a thousand-dollar-a-day drug habit. And I was lonely and made a terrible mistake that led to one of my greatest treasures. When I found out I was pregnant, I felt surely it was Manuel’s until she was born. And then I knew. Manuel knew too.”
She turned her gaze back across the street but left her hand atop my own. “I confirmed both of our fears, even though I stopped the affair as soon as I found out I was pregnant. By the time Alexandra was born, her birth father had lost his job at the bank and was serving two years in prison on drug charges. I told him he had a daughter. He told me he didn’t care. A year after he was released, he died of an overdose in a crack house on a borrowed sofa.”
She stopped, causing me to feel like I needed to say something. But I had absolutely nothing to say.
“When I found out I was pregnant, the news gave new life to my marriage. It was as if Manuel and I were newlyweds. And when he found out she wasn’t his, and the truth of the affair, he was completely devastated. He moved out. I did nothing but ask his forgiveness every day, begging him to come home. And one day, with no phone call and no indication that he would return, he shows up on the doorstep with his bags, and he takes me in his arms and tells me he forgives me. And from that day forward he loved Alexandra as if she were his own. And on the day we found out her father had died, he set into motion the legal efforts to adopt her.” She turned to look at me again. “And that is why Alexandra looks like the milkman,” she said with a wink.
I sat in silence for what seemed like an entire century. Finally I spoke. “I don’t know what to say, Lucy.”
“What is there to say, Savannah? I made a tremendously devastating and wrong decision. And somehow grace turned it into one of my life’s greatest blessings. All I know is I’m amazingly grateful. Had I been married to any other man, Alexandra and I would have been put out on the street to figure out life for ourselves. But instead, God gave me a man who loved me at my most unlovely moment.And he loved the little girl that came with me.”
“How could you do that to Manuel?”
She registered no shock. “Selfishness. Stupidity. All the reasons affairs happen. Because you think someone will love you better, deeper. Then you realize that anything created out of disobedience only leads to disaster. And no matter how fulfilled you may think you’ll be, you end up with a thousand other moments that leave you empty and confused and wishing you could turn life back to the place before you were tainted and used.”
“But didn’t you love Manuel?”
She laughed softly.“I loved him madly. And hated him at the same time. I thought this would make everything better.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t have married Manuel. Maybe he wasn’t the one.”
The dimple in her chin deepened as she smiled.“Oh, he was the one. But even if I thought he wasn’t, he became the one the day I married him. That’s just how it is. No excuse I wanted to apply to our marriage would have made my decision right. I’ve heard a thousand excuses out of the mouths of people who have affairs.‘He doesn’t treat me the way I should be treated,’ they say. None of that matters. I am responsible for every decision I’ve ever made. And I am responsible for the commitment I made to Manuel the day I promised to love him until death do us part. I broke that promise. It was wrong. And I have paid a heavy price for it.”
“But you seem so in love,” I asked, bewildered.
“We are in love,” she said patting my hand and looking into my eyes. “More in love than we’ve ever been before.We almost lost everything. And when people almost lose everything, they realize how much there is to lose. And neither of us ever want to know what that feels like again. That man makes me weak. He makes me better. He makes me, well, me.”
Footsteps came up behind us, and fair-skinned hands offered us two bowls of home-churned peach ice cream. Alexandra placed them in our laps and then sat on the stairs at our feet. Lucy and I ate in silence while Alexandra jabbered away, and as she talked I thought of Adam, and I saw him differently in that moment. I saw him like Lucy. When I got up to leave, they all waved goodbye from the front porch. And I noticed Alexandra waved just like her father. Her father, Manuel.
I heard music coming from the amphitheater as I headed back toward the house. The sounds came from the play The Fisherman and His Wife, presented by the Seaside Repertory Theater. Families were laid out on their Seaside beach blankets from the Seaside store, while some kids rolled down the hill. Others sat in their lawn chairs, which came in all colors and styles. An older couple had chairs that looked like La-Z-Boys, while another couple’s chairs could have sung the national anthem. I smelled beer and aloe.
All had come to enjoy the first play of the summer season. And by the looks on the kids’ faces, the large marlin on stage and the animated actors and actresses had not disappointed.The lights that lit the stage illuminated most of the faces and spotlighted the American flag that flies atop the post office. The music from Bud & Alley’s could be heard in the background as well. But the spring delights fell on tired ears and failed to rally my spirit.
These ears had been through it over the last twenty-four hours. I had heard things I had no desire to hear. And now as I sat down on the grass, weary, I watched as lovers old and young held hands, and children made from bonds of love created their own entertainment. Perusing the crowd, I saw Curly Locks’s curls across the lawn. They were still and motionless. And then they got up and walked dejectedly back toward Proteus.
My heart wanted to follow. My self-righteousness held me still.
The yapping was unmistakable. The little mongrel was sporting a Tommy Hilfiger dress, and its backside was sticking out of a pentas plant, where it had apparently gone to explore and gotten hung up.
“I think bridesmaids dresses in pink are the way to go. You know, the blush shade like Julia Roberts’s character chose in Steel Magnolias.” Amber’s voice rose over the dusk and the yapping. Even the sound of the swarming locusts, which had eaten up the very threads of my heart,were drowned out by her vibrant vibrato.
“Why did you buy a wedding book?” Paige retorted.“Joshua hasn’t even asked you out on a date. You’re out of control.”
Mother was oblivious to the conversation because she was picking red petals from the pink outfit of her progeny.
“I am going to need this book someday, Paige, with someone. You are the one who thinks I got this because of Joshua. Ooh, Savannah look! Look! I just got t
his at the bookstore. What do you think? Don’t you think every girl should be prepared for the day she gets married?” She waved her new purchase in my face.
Paige jerked her from my line of sight, then jerked the book from her hand.“Because I like you,Amber, I’m going to urge you to sit down and shut that book.”
“It’s just a book about weddings,” Mother finally chimed in as she mounted the stairs, wiping off Magnolia’s pink toenails. “Every girl should dream of such, but you better be thinking in the far distant future,Amber.” Mother gave her that look.
Maybe my mother wasn’t crazy after all.
“And every girl should be saving themselves for their wedding day as well.” She eyed me on that one.
Okay, so she was crazy.
I opened the screen door to leave them all to their thoughts of wedded bliss.
“What’s wrong with our Savannah?” Amber inquired.
“She’s hormonal,” Paige responded.
“Ooh, is this the week for that monthly visitor,Mrs. Not So Friendly?”
“Sure. Whatever you say,Amber. Whatever you say.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
The first promise of morning touched my pillow. The newborn rays of sun caressed my face. I had fallen asleep lying across my bed, fully clothed. I could still hear the chatter from the front porch when I had drifted off into a fitful sleep. This morning, my head felt as if an earthquake had rattled my brain for the duration of the night. I slipped into the shower quietly. Of course, the eruption of Mount Saint Helen wouldn’t wake Paige.The smell of a man’s cologne could raise her from the dead, but the pitter-patter of my feet wouldn’t even roll her over. The water cascading over me reminded me that reality really was as bad as it seemed. But no matter how miserable I felt, I would feel far more miserable if I ever had to endure something like what Manuel had endured in his life. Or what Kate and Adam were experiencing at this very moment. No, reality may feel like the pounding of a hurricane right now, but if I could hold on, I could weather the storm and avoid a worse battering in the future.
Savannah by the Sea Page 23
