“About fourteen weeks.”
“Hmm, that’s still pretty early. Have you been to see a doctor yet?”
“I saw a doctor in Florida about a month ago when we docked after a run.”
“And the doctor said everything looked fine? The baby’s healthy?”
“Yeah,” she replied, sounding a little bit calmer with every answer.
“And you’re taking vitamins?”
“I’m trying, but I keep throwing them up.”
“That’s okay. You should start to feel a little better in a few weeks, and the baby will get whatever it needs from you regardless. You’re doing fine.” Kalli paused, looking at me, but I wasn’t about to interrupt the incredible line of questioning she had going on. “Have you told your parents yet?”
Silence.
My mind started spinning a mile a minute. My gut was telling me that Ma and Pops would never turn Halah away. They’d be shocked by her news, perhaps a little disappointed at first, but they’d never kick her out, never make her go away. But her silence had me worried. What if she’d told them and they’d blown up?
“Halah, Riot and I aren’t here to judge you, we want to help.”
“I’m afraid to tell them.”
“Why? Ma and Pops love you.”
“I’m afraid they’ll be disappointed in me,” she said, and started crying again. I didn’t know what to say to that.
“They’re probably going to be really surprised, Halah. And they might think they’re disappointed at first, but they will come around and they’ll support you no matter what. I know I’ve just met your family, but your parents are so loving and caring. There’s no way they’ll turn you away for this.”
Kalli’s eyes came up to meet mine and even she looked worried. I could see what looked like indecision in her eyes. She gave my hand a squeeze and then asked a question I hadn’t even considered.
“Is the father supporting you with everything?”
The father? For fuck’s sake, a guy had gotten my baby sister pregnant. Instantly I was enraged, which was why Kalli’s free hand found its way to my chest. My head snapped to look at her, only to see her gently shaking her head at me. Then her hand moved from my chest to my cheek, where she gave me a gentle rub. I groaned, with images of my sister, hugely pregnant, and my fist slamming into some dude’s face alternating through my brain.
“I haven’t told him.” Halah’s voice might as well have been a whisper for how quietly she said those words.
“Oh, Halah…” Kalli said, sounding both extremely sorry for Hal, but also not in agreement with her statement. I, on the other hand, was still angry that some dude had gotten my sister pregnant.
“Who is he?” I barked.
“Ri, calm down,” she answered, still upset, but the crying was tapering off. “He didn’t do anything wrong. We broke up before I found out I was pregnant. He was quitting the boat and I didn’t want a long-distance thing. It’s not like he knocked me up and then ditched me.”
“Who. Is. He?”
“His name is Jordy.”
“Jordy?” I scoffed. “What kind of a name is Jordy?”
“Riot,” Kalli whispered angrily, the space between her eyebrows crinkling as they drew together. “Be quiet. You’re not helping.” She shook her head at me and truthfully, I instantly felt a little bad about my comment. “Now, Hal, why haven’t you told him yet?”
“He took our breakup really hard. I mean, so did I. I love him. But I didn’t want a relationship where I never saw him. He was starting an art program at a really good school, and I know if I tell him, he’ll drop out and come here.”
“Damn straight he will,” I yelled, right before Kalli gave me a slap on the arm.
“Seriously, Riot? Your macho big brother routine isn’t helping.” This came from Halah.
“Don’t listen to him.”
“I’m not.”
“Hey,” I cried. “If you didn’t want me to act like your big brother, then why did you call?”
“Ugh, Riot, I needed to tell someone. I’m terrified to tell Ma and Pops, Jordy can’t know because it’ll ruin his life, and sooner or later, everyone’s going to find out because I’m going to start looking pregnant any day now. Excuse me if I was hoping my big brother could offer me some soothing words or helpful advice. For crying out loud, at least your girlfriend isn’t a complete asshole.”
“Okay, Hal, calm down,” Kalli said with a soothing voice. “I think Riot is just having a hard time processing the fact that his little sister had to have sex with someone in order to get pregnant.”
I couldn’t help it if I growled a little.
“But seriously, Halah, maybe you should call Jordy and tell him what’s going on. It might be easier to tell your parents if you have a plan.”
“But I know he’ll quit school and come to me,”
I was biting my lip really hard, trying not to explain to her that dropping out of school and coming to her was exactly what he should be doing.
“That’s okay. You shouldn’t have to be going through this alone, anyway. And it sounds like you guys really love each other. It’s not fair to leave him out of the picture. He deserves to have a relationship with his baby.”
As the last words left her mouth, I heard them getting softer. And when I turned to look at her, I saw her features soften too. And then she turned and rested her head on my shoulder and I knew she was out. It was my turn to be the reasonable brother who offered only compassionate advice.
“Kalli’s right,” I agreed. “You need to call him and tell him what’s up. Odds are he’ll show up and that’s okay. It’s okay for him to change the course of his life for this, Hals. There are art schools in San Francisco. You are planning on staying in San Fran, right?”
“I can’t really imagine having a baby without Ma around,” she said softly, and that clinched it for me.
“You need to call Jordy, and he needs to be with you when you tell Ma and Pops. He needs to be there for you. And if you want, I’ll drive up when you tell them as well. Kalli and I are here for you. Whatever you need.” As I spoke I felt Kalli’s hand come to my chest, then move up my shoulder, finally coming to rest on the side of my neck, her thumb gently stroking over my throat.
“Thanks, Ri,” she said, and I could tell she was crying again.
“Don’t cry,” I said softly. “Everything will be okay. You’re gonna be a mom.” That only made her cry even harder.
After ten more minutes of trying to get my baby sister to dry up, she finally got ahold of her emotions enough to agree to call Jordy and get his ass to San Francisco. I ended the call, tossed my phone on the couch cushion next to me, then laid my hand on Kalli’s thigh.
“Well, Halah’s pregnant,” I said with mock surprise. Luckily, Kalli giggled. She giggled in between sniffles, but she giggled nonetheless. “You all right?”
“Yeah. I guess.”
“Lots of stuff happening. Heavy stuff. Stuff that makes you think about things.” I ran my hand slowly up and down her leg, trying to coax her into talking to me. I didn’t want to push her, and I knew eventually she’d open up and tell me what was going on in her brain, but I also knew that for Kalli, keeping emotions locked inside only did bad things. Things I wanted to avoid if possible.
“What would you say if I told you I wanted to call Kevin?”
God, I loved her.
“I’d say you’ve got every right to call him.”
“Do you think it’s stupid and masochistic?”
It was my turn to support her, so I turned toward her on the couch and took her hands in mine, lowered my head, and looked directly into her eyes.
“There is nothing stupid about wanting to talk to your own father. It’s natural to be curious and to want some answers. It’s not masochistic, but I’m hoping you go into it understanding that you can’t let his actions determine your worth. If he ends up being a complete jackass and doesn’t see what a great, smart, beautiful, and talente
d daughter he has, well, that’s on him, not you.”
“I’m really afraid that if I talk to him and find out he’s a terrible person, it’ll break something inside me, like the last piece of me that is still intact will crumble altogether. But I’m more afraid of finding out he’s great.”
“Baby, why would it be bad if he turns out to be great?”
“Because then I’ll know I missed out on having a great dad all these years.” She said the words and tears tumbled down her cheeks. I’d never really felt my heart break before that moment. Kalli was a grown woman. A successful, grown, sophisticated, independent woman, and the dad who abandoned her years ago could still turn her into a brokenhearted little girl. I wrapped my arms around her, pulled her to me, then lay back on the couch with her body draped over mine.
“It might not be a great experience, meeting him. And I can guarantee, even if you meet him and things do go great, it won’t fix everything either. The only thing we know for sure is that you are capable of thriving on your own, and I’ll be here to support you no matter what happens.”
It took her a moment to gather her thoughts and stop the tears that silently fell down her face.
“I wish I didn’t have to talk to him on the phone. I wish I could meet him somewhere, see him face-to-face.”
I inwardly groaned. I wanted to protect her as much as I could, and that was easier if they spoke on the phone first. It would be easier to take her phone and hang up on him than to pull her out of a restaurant.
“What about Skype?” I offered. That seemed like a good compromise.
“That will be awkward don’t you think?”
“We used to Skype all the time.”
“That was different,” she said, her shy smile crossing her face. I smiled back because she had a point. The appeal with Skype for Kalli and me was that we could see each other, all of each other if needed.
“Point made.” I took in a deep breath and then blew it out, knowing my next words would seal the deal. “I don’t know if you noticed, but the phone number on that card has a San Diego area code.”
Her eyes went wide. “You think he lives in San Diego?”
I pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, then slid my hand up to cup the back of her neck. “I think it’s worth a shot to find out.”
“So, you think I should call him?”
“If you want to meet him, then yeah, I think you should call him, babe.”
“Okay,” she whispered, but didn’t move off me, keeping her eyes on mine. I put pressure on the back of her neck, bringing her mouth to mine. I kissed her and felt her relax into me, her hands sliding up my chest and up into my hair. When the tip of her tongue traced the seam of my lips, I groaned, opening for her. I loved being in control, loved having hold of her and taking what I wanted, all the while knowing I was going to give her exactly what she needed in the process. But when Kalli initiated, when she took the lead and let me know what she needed, that was sexy as hell too.
So I was following her lead. Kissing her, stroking my hand through her hair, letting my hand roam over her body, but not taking it any further. This particular moment wasn’t about sex for her, and I could tell. It was about a connection. Her kiss wasn’t telling me she wanted me, it was telling me she was glad I was hers, that she was grateful for us.
“I love you,” she whispered against my lips.
“I love you too, baby.”
She rested her head on my chest and we let our breathing return to normal, let our heart rates settle.
“You feel like going to San Diego soon?” she asked after a few minutes.
“Babe, he wants to meet you, he comes to LA.”
“Right. Okay,” she said, pushing out a breath, trying to build up her courage.
“Do you want to wait? You don’t have to call him now.”
“I feel like I should just get it over with.”
I could understand that. “Whenever you’re ready.”
She pushed off me and reached for her cell phone on the coffee table. Then she dialed the number from memory, which made my chest feel tight. She’d stared at that card enough to memorize his phone number. She took in a deep breath and then hit Send, and then the speaker button.
I took her free hand in mine, and brought it up to my lips, kissing her knuckles, watching her facial expression alternate between worried and scared. It started to ring and I felt her tense, and after three rings, I could hardly feel my fingers anymore because she was squeezing them so hard.
But then there was a click on the line and I heard Kevin’s voice say, “Hello?” He sounded hopeful, as if he saw the phone number and was wishing it were hers.
Kalli was frozen, mouth open, prepared to say something, but nothing came out. With wide eyes she turned to me, eyes welling with tears.
“Is this Kevin?” I asked, gently rubbing my thumb over her hand, trying to bring her back.
“This is.” His voice turned harder, hearing mine. He obviously didn’t want to talk to me.
“This is Riot, Kalli’s boyfriend. She’s here, listening, and we have a few questions.”
“Kalli’s there? She can hear me?” All hardness was gone from his voice again, and the hope was back. His voice was soft and warm, and I would have bet money he had tears in his eyes, exactly like Kalli.
“She’s here, and yes, she can hear you.”
“Kalli…,” her father said, obviously overcome by emotion. “God, baby doll, I’ve wanted to talk to you so many times throughout the years.”
And with that, I knew Kalli would be unavailable to talk to Kevin. Her phone dropped to her lap, her hand wrenched itself from mine, and she used both of hers to hide her face. I took the phone, but wrapped my arm around her shoulders, pulling her over to me. I could feel her shake against me, silently crying.
“Kevin, we noticed you have a San Diego area code. Is that where you live?”
“Yes, I’m in San Diego.”
“Kalli would like to meet you. So if you could come to LA, where we live, we’d appreciate it. Are you free this weekend?”
“Uh, I’m free whenever. I’ll be there whenever she needs me to be.”
I had to hold back my acidic response, literally bite my lip to make sure I didn’t tell him that she’d needed him for over twenty years and that one eager phone call wasn’t going to make up for his absence.
“This Saturday. Noon. There’s a coffee shop on the corner near her place. We’ll text you the address and meet you there.”
“I’ll be there, Kalli,” he said, obviously hoping she was still listening. He couldn’t hear her, but she was still silently crying against me. “I’m so grateful you called.”
“We’ll see you there, Kevin.”
“Okay. I’ll be there.”
I didn’t bother saying good-bye, just ended the call, dropped the phone, then wrapped both my arms around my girl. Once she knew the phone call was over, she started crying in earnest, not holding anything back.
“He used to call me baby doll,” she said between sobs. “When I was little. He called me that all the time, when he wasn’t yelling.”
I was seething. I knew it would be difficult for Kalli to talk to her father, knew it would upset her, but I was sick and tired of watching Kalli cry. I was tired of bad things happening to Kalli, tired of Kalli crying because she was hurting. I didn’t want her to hurt anymore. And the worst part was, I couldn’t take the pain away. I couldn’t fix this for her, even though I desperately wanted to. All I could do was hold her while she cried and that made me feel entirely useless.
“Kal, he’s not worth all these tears.”
“I know,” she said, and I could tell she was trying to contain her emotions. “His voice just caught me off guard, and then he called me that, and I kind of lost it.”
“Are you sure you want to see him?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know what I want.” Her eyes met mine and she looked lost. I brought her forehead to my lips, kissed he
r gently, and then laid back down, bringing her with me.
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Seriously. Saturday comes and you decide you don’t want to see him, I’ll go down there and tell him to take a hike. You’re in control here. You get to make all the decisions. You tell me what you want, what you need, and I’ll make it happen.”
“Okay,” she whispered.
“What do you need, Kal?” I needed her to give me something, I needed to take care of her, to make it better somehow.
“I just need you to hold me.”
I sighed against her. “I can do that.” So I did.
Chapter Eighteen
With Riot by My Side
Kalli
To say I was nervous would have been a drastic understatement. In fact, nervous, as a word, didn’t cover the enormity of what I was feeling that Saturday as I waited inside a coffee shop to potentially see my father twenty years after he’d walked out on me.
The entire week had been nothing short of mind-numbingly slow. I had more than enough time to think about what would happen on Saturday, more than enough time to mentally freak out about it, but by Thursday I was starting to get a grip. By Thursday, I had to. I watched Riot worry about me, worry about his sister, and I saw the toll it was taking on him. Eventually, I just had to tell myself whatever happened, happened. There wasn’t anything I could do about it, so I had to push the anxiety to the back of my mind and be present in the moment, present with Riot, okay with Riot, so that he could be okay too.
But all that went out the window on Saturday as I sat in that coffee shop. There was nothing I could say to myself, no nonsense I could slowly repeat in my mind to calm myself down. I just had to ride the wave. And it was easier with Riot by my side.
I couldn’t miss him when Kevin finally came into the coffee shop. I hadn’t seen him since my seventh birthday, but he looked exactly the same, just older. His hair was still the same blond color mine was, and his face was still the same shape as mine. He walked in and I watched as his blue eyes, which matched mine, swept the coffee shop. When they landed on me, his recognition was instantaneous. He knew me just as immediately as I knew him. So, there was that.
Never Tied Down (The Never Duet #2) Page 19
