by Jason Lloyd
“Danny, you’re awake!” The man sighed in relief, and he smiled. There was something vaguely familiar about him. His blue eyes, his beard, his voice. He took the knit cap off his head, and I saw his tousled brown hair. Parts of it stuck up in a playful manner. “You’re at Doylestown Hospital,” he said.
His voice triggered my memory. I looked over at him and asked, “Gimpy?”
“It’s Ethan,” he laughed. He reached over, grabbed my right hand. He lightly rubbed his thumb over the top of my bandaged hand. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
“What? Why are you here?” I asked confused, as I lifted my left arm and touched my forehead in pain.
“Be careful! Don’t pull out your IV,” Ethan said.
I placed my arm back down. “I don’t understand,” I said.
“I was walking home and I saw a man try to mug you and your friend. I helped.”
“You helped?” I asked.
“He cut you on your hand. That’s why you have a bandage on. When he pushed you, you slipped in the snow and hit your head. Not to brag or anything but I ran over and punched the guy out and then called 911,” he said with a proud smile. “The police arrested him.”
“Wait! Where’s Josh?” I panicked.
“He’s okay. Your friend and um, some Spanish woman went to get you some clothes since yours got all dirty and wet from being on the ground.”
“Who are those from?” I nodded over to the flowers.
Ethan released my hand, got up, and grabbed the card that accompanied the flowers. He handed it to me.
I read it aloud, “Feel better soon, Love Mother.” I knew right away the handwriting was Rosie’s. I should have known they were from my mother. It was a huge bouquet of red roses, my mother’s favorite. No doubt, she had Rosie buy them for me and fill out the card. I knew she wasn’t going to rush home from her holiday.
“They're really pretty,” Ethan said.
“Yeah.” I handed the card back to him. “How long have you been here?”
“About seventeen or eighteen hours. It’s around eight in the evening now.”
“Awe, why did you stick around for that long?” I asked.
“They wouldn’t let anyone in to see you for a while. Your friend Josh and that woman…”
“Rosie, she’s my mother’s housekeeper.”
“Right. Well, I waited with them for a while until they could get in to see you. Josh wanted to go home, get cleaned up and change. He thought you would like some fresh clothes to go home in, so Rosie took him. I told them I would watch over you until they got back.” Ethan’s blue eyes were warm and caring. I fell for them instantly, even though they did not recognize me yet. He barely knew who I was, but in that short period, I knew exactly who he was, and I felt my heart skip as he looked at me.
A nurse came in and checked me out. She said a doctor would be in soon, and I’d probably be released in the morning. They wanted to keep me overnight because of the bump on my head. Josh and Rosie returned, and everyone sat with me for a bit until a nurse came in and said the visiting hours were over. Josh and Rosie left, but Ethan snuck back in.
“You’re gonna get caught,” I said.
“I don’t want to leave you yet.”
“You should go home and get some rest,” I insisted.
“I’m fine. I slept in the waiting room for a while before they let us in. Can I ask you something?”
“You kinda saved my life, so I think at this point you can ask me anything.”
“I heard you tell the mugger that you needed to get something out of your wallet first. What did you have to get?” Ethan asked.
“Oh shit! My wallet! Where’s my wallet?” I panicked.
Ethan reached into his side pants’ pocket, pulled out my wallet, and handed it to me. “I grabbed it after you dropped it.” He smiled at me.
“Thank you. I opened it up and behind all my platinum credit cards—I pulled out a picture. I handed it to him. It’s my father and me. It’s the only picture I have of us together.” The picture was old and slightly worn from being in my wallet for years. My father is dressed in a navy sports jacket holding the baby version of myself at the hospital. I had just been born.
Ethan handed the picture back to me and held my hand. We talked for hours. Another nurse busted him. Ethan’s boy-next-door good looks and boyish charm convinced her to let him stay. This was the night I think we both fell for each other. There was something in his smile and his eyes that captured me. For the first time, I wanted to be caught. I wanted to let him in.
~~~~~
My reverie was interrupted by Rosie. She knocked on my bedroom door and said, “Daniel, sir, there’s a man at the door for you.”
“Who is it, Rosie?”
She hesitated slightly and then answered, “I don’t know, sir.”
“Okay, I’ll be right there.” I heard her walk away from my door.
written filth and fibs
august 16, 2014
4:45pm
I WALKED DOWN THE LARGE staircase and glided across the beige marble floor towards the front door. It was closed shut, and Rosie was nowhere in sight. Usually, Rosie would let visitors in, and they would wait in our entranceway underneath the large crystal chandelier Veronica bought in Italy. I found it odd Rosie wasn’t here. She always would take coats if needed and wait with company to see if there was anything they desired. It’s eighty degrees outside, so coats are out of the question, but she should still be here. I could see a large figure through the stained glass window on the door waiting for me. I turned the knob, opened the door and my heart stopped.
There stood Ethan Thorne, all five-foot ten-inches of him, not to mention eight delectable inches I could not see. He had on a plain white t-shirt, blue jeans, and black Nikes. He was scruffier than I remembered. His beard was thicker and needed to be groomed. Ethan’s face was white, and he looked enervated. His blue eyes met the alarmed look on my face, and he managed to form a smirk.
“That’s not happiness to see me,” Ethan said.
I didn’t want to tell him it was fear instead, so I forced a smile. I was afraid to see him because I knew there was a part of me that still loved him. I was afraid of what he had to tell me. After all, we had been through; I knew his presence brought bad news. Ethan’s a stranger to me now. We were together for three years and apart for three. He felt familiar yet foreign. I sensed a part of him was broken. He was different. The light in his blue eyes had dimmed.
“What are you doing here?” I asked. My voice was hoarse, and I felt vulnerable as if I could have withered away into nothing. I held on to the door like a life raft.
“I have to talk to you. I tried calling, and I texted you. I wasn’t sure if you had another number. Did you get my messages?” Ethan asked.
“Yeah, I got them. You can’t… I mean, what did you expect? You left. It’s been over three years!” My hands gripped onto the doorframe. I was angry.
“Can we just talk? Please, it’s important.” Ethan looked sincere. There was pain in his expression. Perhaps, this was just as hard for him too.
“I’m sorry. I’m busy.” Rejecting him was hard. I started to close the door, and just when I was about to shut it, he jammed his size twelve shoe in the door.
“Daniel!” he exclaimed. His face became ghostly white. His cerulean eyes grew big, and as he pushed the door to invade my life, I saw his hands tremble. “Someone knows!” his voice quivered.
I felt as if I was going to pass out. The secret I have kept hidden for three years was dangling there, taunting me. It had changed our lives forever, and now it’s still stalking my thoughts. I could barely keep my composure when I opened the door. I felt my whole body shake with fright.
“Can I come in?” Ethan asked. I wasn’t ready to let him in. I wasn’t ready to be alone with him. I would give in to whatever he wanted. Seeing him made me feel weak. He’s the one that left. If he wanted to talk, it needed to be on my terms.
“I’m bus
y.” I, of course, lied. I haven’t done anything all day except play with myself while I watched Damien. “Meet me at Sparkle at six,” I said firmly and closed the door. I didn’t even wait for his response. If he wanted to see me, he would show up.
As I headed back up the stairs to my bedroom, I walked by Rosie. She was dusting the banister. I shot her the evil eye and then locked myself in my room. I spent over thirty minutes lying in bed thumbing through my journal and reading old entries from when Ethan and I were together.
My therapist made me start this journal about six years ago. I don’t write in it every day. I only write when there’s something I need to vent about or something I want to remember. Some of the entries skip only days; others skip months ahead. I realized paging through it there was a lot written about Ethan and then when he was absent in my life there was a lot written about my group of friends, mainly their secrets.
I never considered myself a gossip. I can keep a secret, but clearly, I like to write them down. The biggest secret of all wasn’t in the book. I never wrote it down. It was a day I didn’t care to remember, but seeing Ethan again made me want to get it off my chest. It was his secret too, and it tied us together forever. Maybe writing it down would loosen that bind. I grabbed a pen and started to write; when I was finished, I sat there on my bed and stared at my open journal as if I were afraid to touch it, to touch the secret. My phone on my nightstand made a noise indicating I had a text, as I reached for it—the journal fell off my bed onto the floor. It was a message from Josh:
Joshua: Are we still on for tonight?
Daniel: Yeah. 8 at Sparkle. Dress like you want to get pounded.
Joshua: 8? That’s early for you.
Daniel: I need a few drinks. It’s been that kinda day.
Joshua: Should I tell the others?
Josh was of course referring to our circle of friends Nathan, Michael, and Blake. I wanted some alone time with him before the rest would arrive. I figured after meeting Ethan I could use my best friend.
Daniel: No, I’ll tell them.
Joshua: Ok, see you around 8.
I walked back over to my bed and picked the journal up off the floor. It had opened to an older entry, the first time Ethan and I had sex. The first time you have sex with someone you care about is always embedded in the back of your mind whether it was good or bad. It just so happens that the first time with Ethan was hilariously awkward.
~~~~~
We waited two weeks. The waiting thing was new to me. Usually, I couldn’t wait two hours if I were attracted to a guy. Either I’d be fucking him or he’d be fucking me or I’d be skull fucked in the bathroom stall. Sex always has been a part of my “getting to know you” procedure. But with Ethan I wanted everything to be perfect. It was the first time I would ever fuck a guy I liked and the first time I knew his full name. Occasionally I had to take a date to Starbucks the next morning because I forgot their name. Oops.
I was anxious about my first time with Ethan. I had never seen him naked. We made out a lot, I felt what he had to work with through his jeans, but it takes more than a beautiful dick to please me. What if we didn’t mesh well sexually? I already felt invested in him, and it had been only two weeks. If this “relationship” didn’t work out, it would be so hard to let him go. Sure, I could block him from Facebook, unfollow him from Twitter, ignore his phone calls and texts, but I could never un-lick his asshole. Once you toss a salad that salad is tossed. I was starting to develop strong feelings for Ethan. That ass would be entrenched in my perverted brain forever.
I planned a getaway for Ethan and me. I got us the penthouse suite at the Loews Hotel in Philadelphia for the weekend. Some dinner, drinks, and dancing would knock the nervous feeling right out of me or at least I hoped. Unfortunately, the first night we were there was a blur. After a few Grey Goose on the rocks and countless Grey Goose dirty martinis, I became drunkity-drunk-drunk, but that wasn’t the worst of it.
Ethan had put me to bed that evening when we got back to the hotel. He said I insisted on sleeping naked. In the middle of the night, I got up and tried to find the bathroom. It turns out I ended up locking myself out of the penthouse suite. I tried knocking on the door, but Ethan was asleep and couldn’t hear me. I had to walk through a fancy hotel naked, clutching my dick with my hands to cover it, all the way down to the front desk to get someone to help me back in. I was mortified. Ethan thought it was hilarious.
The next morning we managed to have sex. It started off, hot. I was in the mood to bottom, so he made my hole sloppy for about an hour. I told him that I wanted him to cum in my mouth. I never swallow, unless I’m in love, so this was a big deal for me. At the last minute, Ethan pulled out of me and yanked the condom off. He directed his swollen cock to my lips, and I got into position to receive my man’s juices. I could tell from his grunting, he was getting close, and his nipples became erect. I opened wide, and his bountiful load spilled out, but missed my mouth. His dick danced as it streamed countless ropes of cum over my eyes, with most of it landing in my left eye.
“It burns, IT BURNS!” I yelled. I tried to wipe my eye clean with my fingers, but I ended up rubbing the jizz in more.
“Ugh, babe, it hurts!” I yelled
“Hold on,” Ethan said. He got up quickly off the bed to fetch me some water so I could flush my eye out. Ethan started to walk to the suite’s bathroom, but slid on the used condom he had taken off and whacked his right eye on the back of a chair by the bed.
“Oh my god! Babe, are you okay?” I asked with one eye closed.
“Ugh, my eye,” Ethan moaned. He pulled himself up from the floor and looked over at me. His right eye was all swollen and red like he had just been punched in the face.
We both ended up being okay, but we learned that sometimes love gets in your eye… and it hurts.
~~~~~
Rosie lightly tapped on my bedroom door, “Daniel, sir, will you being staying for dinner this evening with Mrs. Veronica and the Anderson’s?”
“The Anderson family is coming over?” I asked.
“Yes, sir.”
“Michael too?”
“Yes, sir.”
Ted Anderson is our family lawyer. He dealt with all the legal things for Darling Pharmaceuticals. His wife Betty Anderson has been friends with Veronica since high school. I practically grew up with their son Michael. He was a few years older than I am and was a lawyer like his father. He studied at Harvard Law; now that his schooling was all finished, I got to spend some time with him.
“No, Rosie. Tell my mother, I had plans. I’m going out.” I looked at my watch, “Shit. I’m going to be late. Rosie, fetch my new Burberry shirt and charcoal blazer. I’m going to hop in the shower quick.”
“Yes, sir.”
I was anxious about meeting Ethan. I felt how I did on the night we planned to go to Philly. It felt like the first time all over again. I opened up my journal and glowered at the clandestine passage I had just written. I can’t tell anyone. It would ruin me, but more importantly, it would destroy him. I can’t do that to Ethan. I ripped the two pages of secrets and lies out. I hid them in a drawer in my desk that had a false bottom, right next to my pot. I’ll burn it tomorrow, I thought. I placed my journal under my mattress.
a filthy reunion
august 16, 2014
6:10pm
I, OF COURSE, WAS LATE. Jake, the bouncer at Sparkle, was standing outside at the door wearing a mesh, white tank top and ripped Levi’s. His hair was spiked straight up. He looked like the eighties sharted all over him. He held the door open for me and looked at me with such disgust. I was clearly the last person he wanted to see this evening.
“Jake, is Ethan here yet?”
“V.I.P.,” he said with an attitude.
Jake and I don’t like each other. He dated Josh for a while. The guy puts “douche” in the word “douchebag.” I may not be the nicest person all the time, but I never cheated on anyone I supposedly loved. I openly call myself a douche
bag, but Jake was the real deal.
It was a shame Jake was such an asshole because he was rather attractive. He had a pretty face, brown eyes, and supple lips. His body was built like a rugby player; toned with a bubble butt. He was also naturally smooth, very little body hair. Josh told me his dick was nice—thick. It was a shame it had been in and out of every twink within a fifteen-mile radius. Rumor has it he only liked raw sex, and creampies were his favorite thing. Josh never confirmed this rumor. I don’t think he liked talking about it.
As I walked through the door, he mumbled, “One of these days.”
I turned around. “What’s that, Jake?”
Jake awkwardly smiled and said, “Nothing.” I saw his front tooth was chipped as he smirked at me.
“I thought so. It looks like you got what you deserved. A disgruntled lover do that to you?” I asked.
“None of your fucking business!” Jake snapped.
“I’d watch your mouth if I were you, it’s already damaged. Remember what I did to you after I found out you cheated on Josh? You better keep your snaggle-toothed mouth shut and show me some respect. Remember, I can be your nightmare dressed in designer labels.”
I didn’t wait for him to respond. I turned around and walked inside. He wasn’t worth my time or energy. Karma has a way of dealing with this type of trash, and it was called STDs.
Ethan sat in a white leather high-back chair at one of the tables. He looked gorgeous. He was dressed nicely in a short-sleeved light blue polo with dark jeans. His hair was tousled just right. In the dimly lit V.I.P. Room, I could still tell how blue his eyes were and how luminous his smile was.
