Jake withdrew with a groan. “Wait.”
Clover nodded, her heart pounding in her chest. God, she wanted him.
He moved to stand in front of her. Taking her hands in both of his, he said, “You are so beautiful. I can’t even think about you without wanting you. All of you. I’ve wanted you for so long that it’s all I can remember. It’s all I can think about. Still, I’m not sure that I’m ready for that. The thought that you might feel the same is foreign and new and I’m not sure how to trust it, how to replace years of unrequited affection. And if I’m not after all this time, how can you be?”
To Clover that sounded pretty damn close to a declaration of love and that made her heart beat even faster. She wasn’t prepared to feel so much so soon. She couldn’t get a hold on all the emotions racing through her. As soon as she’d nail down one, another would go charging past and knock her on her ass. It was like she was caught in the middle of a stampede with no clear way out.
She wanted to go back to kissing him. That way she didn’t have to think. She could just let her body feel. The rest could wait until later, when she had a moment to breathe, to really calm herself and let her thoughts settle.
“I don’t know what to say.”
Jake’s chest heaved with exertion and his gaze moved from her mouth to her eyes, then back again. “I really like you. I can’t control how my body responds to you. It’s instant and overwhelming, but I can control what I do about it. I like you too much to put myself in a situation where I might not be able to stop.”
“What if I don’t want you to stop?” Clover looked up at him through her lashes and spoke very softly. The question was honest, but made her feel vulnerable. When Jake kissed her, or even just looked at her the way he was now, she wanted so much more than just one kiss.
Jake groaned. He dropped her hand and gripped her shoulders, his fingers digging in hard. He pulled her into a kiss that was so gentle and soft that it made her wonder if he was holding on so tight because he wanted to draw her closer or hold himself back.
He pulled away just as fiercely and crushed her to his chest in a tight hug. “You can’t say things like that.”
“Why not?” She kissed his neck lightly and tasted sweat on her lips.
“Because it makes it that much harder for me to stop.”
“But I don’t understand.” She kissed him again and again, working her way up to his ear. When she got there, she whispered, “Why do you want to?”
“Because I’ve waited this long. I want more for my first time.”
Clover stopped kissing Jake and tried to digest what he’d said, what it meant, but she couldn’t quite put the pieces together. It sounded like he said he was a virgin, but that couldn’t be. He’d hinted at it earlier, but to have him say it outright added a whole new level of reality to the conversation. She didn’t know anyone Jake’s age, especially not guys, who hadn’t had sex. In fact, in her experience, they spent their time trying to have it as often as possible. This just didn’t make sense.
She pulled back slightly so she could look into his eyes. “What do you want? For your first time?”
“I’m not even sure. The fantasy has shifted too many times in the past few years for me to say.” He smiled and his face blushed red, starting at his chest and going all the way to his hair.
“Have you done...” Clover stopped. There was no good way to ask what exactly his experience was. Surely he’d done something. The more she thought about it, however, the less she wanted to know the details of his encounters.
“Sure, just not...” Jake nodded rapidly and spoke even faster.
“Is this like a God thing or something?” She cringed internally at the way she’d worded that question, but it was necessary. If he was celibate because he had a commitment to God, then that wasn’t likely to change any time soon. And she wasn’t the type of person who would try to break that kind of faith-based decision.
She held her breath while she waited for his answer. There was a time in her life when she would have been overjoyed to date a boy who wasn’t constantly pressuring her to have sex. But she wasn’t that girl anymore. Admittedly, she didn’t have a ton of past experience, but sex was one of the bells in life that a person couldn’t un-ring.
“No, it’s more a lack of opportunity.”
Clover slumped with relief. While she didn’t completely believe Jake’s answer--Come on! Look at him!--she wasn’t about to argue with him. Whatever had driven the decision in the past, it clearly wasn’t a barrier now, and that was good enough for her.
She kissed him just because she felt like she could and giggled against his lips. She kissed him again and again until her giggles gave way to a chest-deep moan. She reached the point where she was about to unbuckle his belt and open his jeans, and recognized it as the point of no return. Pulling her hands away, she ended the kiss.
Jake looked just as disoriented and confused as she felt. Clover patted his chest and said, “We should stop. For now.” They were the hardest words to say, but she managed to sound normal when she said it.
Jake sighed and pulled her into another hug. “Can’t we just sit down and eat our food and drink our beer and worry about the rest later?”
Chapter 12
Eight Years Ago
“Come on, Clover. You can do it.” R.J. sat on the branch next to Jake and encouraged his sister. Jake didn’t care if Clover never climbed the tree, but R.J. was determined to get her up there with them.
“Of course I can do it. I just don’t want to.” Clover shaded her eyes with her hand as she looked up at them. For once, she didn’t have a book with her. Jake had expected her to sit with her back against the trunk and read while he and R.J. messed around.
He had to give R.J. credit. He was only seven, but he wasn’t afraid of anything. He’d scrambled up the tree ahead of Jake. Clover didn’t look similarly impressed. She was worried about her baby brother. Or maybe she was worried about what their dad would think when he found out she’d let him climb the giant cottonwood at the back of his Aunt Tammy’s property. Either way, Clover really wanted him to come down.
“Please? It’s awesome up here. You can see everything.” R.J. pointed at their house. “I can even see Brandon getting ready to barbecue on the back deck.”
Jake looked at Clover’s house and shook his head. He could barely make out the top of the roof, let alone anyone standing on the deck. R.J. was stretching the truth just a bit.
“If I want to watch Brandon barbecue, I’ll just go home.” Clover glanced briefly in the direction R.J. had pointed, then returned her gaze to them. “Now, come on down.”
“No. I’m not coming down until you come up here.” R.J. actually pouted.
“Come on, man, we can have a water balloon fight. I still have half a package.” Jake had been saving the balloons for the Fourth of July, but Clover was starting to get pissed. He didn’t like her like that.
“No. I want Clover to climb the tree.” R.J. crossed his arms over his chest, which meant he wasn’t holding on anymore. Clover looked close to panicking.
“Okay, okay. I’ll come up.” She took off her shoes and Jake smiled. He knew she could climb trees, and the fact that she wanted to feel the bark with her feet proved it.
Clover made it to the first branch easily, then started toward the higher one where R.J. and Jake sat. She was almost there when everything went sickly wrong. Jake could see the change in her face first. Her expression went from easy confidence to confused to terrified in seconds. Then she fell backwards, her hands reaching for the tree. She hit the ground with a dull thump and her eyes closed.
Jake’s heart pounded so hard he couldn’t hear himself yelling Clover’s name. He climbed down as quickly as he could, and his grip slipped twice from trying to move too fast. R.J. beat him to the bottom by several seconds and he shook Clover. Her body was limp.
Jake yelled her name a couple more times, close enough to her ear that she would have smacked the crap
out of him had she been awake. She didn’t respond. What should he do? He inhaled and tried to calm his mind. R.J. was too young to be useful and Clover definitely needed one of them to figure this out.
“She won’t wake up.” R.J. shook Clover again.
“Stop shaking her.” Jake knew that much from watching TV. If you shake a person too much, her brain could end up completely scrambled.
“What do we do?” R.J. released his sister and grabbed Jake’s arm. His fingernails dug in.
They needed to get help and the longer Jake waited, the worse it could be for Clover. Should he send R.J.? He could probably find the house, but what if he couldn’t find his way back? That meant Jake had to go. Clover would kill him for leaving R.J. alone, but what choice did he have? One of them had to get help and one of them had to stay with Clover so she wouldn’t wake up alone.
“I’m going to run to my house,” Jake said with as much confidence as he could manage. He wanted R.J. to trust his plan even though he himself had huge doubts about it.
“I’ll go with you.” R.J. stood up and brushed off his pants.
“No. You have to stay here and take care of Clover.”
“I don’t want to. I don’t like the way she looks. It’s scaring me.” R.J. wiped his nose on the back of his hand.
“It’s scaring me, too. That’s why I need to get help, but we can’t leave her here by herself. Do you want her to wake up all alone?”
R.J. sniffled and shook his head.
“I need you to be brave. For Clover.”
“Okay.” He shook his head again, but at least he agreed.
Jake placed his shaking hands on R.J.’s shoulders. “I’m proud of you.”
And then he ran before R.J. could change his mind, Jake ran as fast as he could. When his lungs and his legs started to burn, he kept running. Clover needed him.
Chapter 13
Present Day
Jake ran his comb through his hair again, trying to get it to do anything besides just lay there the way it always did. He’d been so embarrassed when R.J. pointed out the hay in his hair yesterday, and absolutely mortified when Clover pulled out that first piece. She’d looked amused, and slightly turned on as she’d finger-combed the rest out, but he’d felt like a baboon waiting for its mom to finish grooming him, clumsy and unkempt and totally outclassed.
Clover had finally looked at him like he was something other than a little kid and he’d smelled like a barnyard and had evidence to confirm it sticking out of his hair. Still, she’d climbed in over the top of him, then left again the same way.
Then last night had happened. He couldn’t believe he’d kissed her. More than kissed her, really. If he’d been a little more confident, and a little less of a sexual idiot, he could have done a lot more. She’d been willing and he’d blown it. What kind of guy stops a hot girl like Clover just so they can talk about it?
She hadn’t seemed to mind, though. She’d sat with him, talked about his concerns, kissed him some more, and even eaten the silly sandwiches.
Jake gave up on his hair. Nothing he could do was going to persuade it to do anything beyond the normal. He spritzed himself with body spray and did a breath check. Clover had agreed to let him give her a ride again today. He wasn’t going to show up smelling like work again.
Maybe he’d get lucky and her dad would delay getting her car fixed until summer was over. He’d take whatever excuse he could get to spend time with her. He tossed a towel and his bathing suit in a bag and headed out.
His aunt Tammy exited the barn at the same time he left the house. She met him at the truck. “Headed to the pool?”
“Yep. I’m giving Clover a ride.” He tossed his bag inside the open window and jingled his keys.
“You planning to spend the afternoon swimming?” She sniffed at the end, like swimming wasn’t a good use of his time.
“I got up early and finished all my chores.” He shrugged. He’d been up since four that morning. His aunt wouldn’t find fault in the work he’d done. Jake was careful and conscientious, and he wouldn’t let his work ethic slip just to spend more time with Clover, no matter how much he may have wanted to.
“You know you can’t disturb her at work.” His aunt didn’t look convinced.
“I won’t. I’m going to swim.” He pointed to his bag. So what if he ended up spending more time watching Clover than swimming? That was true of every male patron over the age of ten, and it wasn’t something his aunt needed to know about.
“I hope you know what you are doing.” His aunt stared at him a half a beat longer, then turned and headed into the house. That was for the best since Jake had no idea how to respond.
Instead of dwelling on it, he got into his truck and drove to Clover’s house. When he pulled in, she was sitting on her front porch steps reading a book. The sight of her in her dark blue uniform swimsuit with a wrap skirt tied around her waist made him forget about everything else. All the worries and concerns that plagued him constantly--school, family, money--disappeared completely, replaced by thoughts of Clover.
He turned off the engine and got out of the truck because it seemed like the proper thing to do. He knew for sure this wasn’t a date and that she could have just as easily borrowed one of her dad’s cars. God knew that man had enough of them. Instead, she’d chosen to ride with him in his beat up old Ford with its faded green paint and missing tailgate. In return, he wanted to show her the proper amount of respect. For her, it would never be enough to pull up and simply honk the horn to announce his arrival.
She looked up from her book and smiled, something she never used to do. When Clover read, she was gone to the world. It had afforded him more than his fair share of time to simply sit and watch her without being noticed. She placed her bookmark, then closed the book completely and put it in her bag. Clover Watson just gave up a book for him. This was a moment he would long remember.
He stood at the bottom of the steps, fidgeting enough for his feet to crunch against the gravel. He knew he shouldn’t feel this awkward around her after the time they’d spent together yesterday, especially after the things they’d said and done. Knowing that, however, didn’t do anything to dissolve the tension in his throat. “Hey.”
Clover came down the stairs and stopped on the bottom step so that they stood eye to eye. She kissed him gently on the lips, with a great deal more intimacy than he expected. He let his eyes slide shut as he brought his hands up to cup her face. The brush of her hair against his fingertips was soft and light and made him itch to run his fingers through it. As he was about to deepen the kiss, he heard the front door open, and then Clover pulled away. She left her hand pressed against his chest and offered him a small smile. “Hey to you.”
Jake stared at her. Being this near her overwhelmed him at a very base level. He couldn’t help but take a moment to enjoy it. The sound of someone clearing his throat on the steps ultimately drew Jake’s attention. He looked up to see Clover’s dad standing there with his arms crossed and a disapproving look on his face. Brandon stood in the open door with a bemused smile. He tipped his head toward Jake, then stepped back into the house.
“Clover?” Her dad said her name as a question.
Clover patted Jake’s chest once, then turned toward her dad. “Dad, you remember Jake Feldman, Tammy’s nephew. He’s giving me a ride to work today.”
“Is that so?” He directed the question at Jake.
Jake climbed the stairs and held out his hand. “Yes sir, if that’s all right with you.”
Mr. Watson had a firm grip and it caught Jake slightly off guard. He’d expected the soft hand of an accountant, and it was, but his hold on Jake’s as they shook hands conveyed a message of strength and conviction. He expressed, without a word, that Jake should think twice before messing around with his daughter.
“That’s very neighborly of you. Thank you, Jake.” Mr. Watson gave one last final squeeze before he let go. Jake wanted to shake his hand out to relieve the residual pr
essure, but knew that would be seen as a sign of weakness, so he didn’t. He did cringe and whimper a little on the inside though.
“Anytime, sir.” For all the time Jake had spent at Clover and R.J.’s place when they were kids, he could count the number of encounters he’d had with Mr. Watson on both hands. That made this one doubly important and intimidating.
“We should get going.” Clover kissed her dad on the cheek. Then she took Jake’s hand in hers and led him away from her dad. She looked over her shoulder on the way to the truck to say, “Bye, Dad.”
When they were safely in the truck and headed down the road, Jake forced himself to relax. “Holy crap. I had no idea how intimidating your dad could be.”
Clover laughed and kissed his cheek. She’d claimed the middle of the seat like it was hers and that made the scary dad moment totally worth it.
“And to make it worse, Brandon was laughing at me.” Jake still didn’t know what that was about.
“No, Brandon was laughing at Dad. He thinks it’s hysterical when he gets all huffy like that.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t think it was funny.”
“You weren’t supposed to.” Clover released his hand and palmed his thigh. When she spoke again, her hand was considerably higher and her voice considerably lower. “You were supposed to be warned off of thinking lustful thoughts about his only daughter. Did it work?”
She fingered his inseam so close to the crotch that his voice raised a full octave when he responded. “Not at all.” It was embarrassing how easily she affected him, but he loved it just the same.
His Aunt Tammy was right to worry. He had no idea how he was going to let Clover work for the hours she was on shift and he was left with nothing to do but stare and think about all the wonderful things they could be doing together.
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